Murderer


I was never unfaithful,
I never wanted to see you hurt.
All I wanted was,
For you to realise my worth.
How could I rejoice in
Seeing you die?
Dead I'd rather be
Than to see you cry.
You're more than a man
Your the reason why I live,
You're my heart n soul
For whom my love I'll give.
Its all in your mind
That I'm happy with someone else,
You don't see my heart bleed,
You don't see my craving eyes.
I walked away,
Cos you dint need me,
I never lied to you
My truth you couldn't see.
I know its too late,
To simplify things
To understand us better,
And our love for each other.
I see you hurt,
Cant see it anymore,
So I've locked my feelings
And left it ashore.
I just wish you happiness
And love for life,
Lucky will be the one you love,
The one who'll be your wife.
I would never give up
On something I love,
But something which is not mine,
No point of having hope.
I'm the one,
Who is dead inside,
Feelings are something
Which will never subside.
I'd rather slit myself,
Than to put a gun to your head,
Before I see a frown on you,
I'd gladly prefer to be dead.
For today, tomorrow
Or any day other
Just remember
I can never be a murderer.

Weirdo

Everyone is on this earth for a reason. Well now I am more or less sure that God put me on earth to witness all the weird sights of the world. Trust me, its true. The sights I have seen since the past two months are so weird and strange that they compel me take a second look. And it only seems to get worse with each passing day. Well, here are some of them.

  • I saw the traffic signal showing both red and green at the same time :-)
  • A lady cleaner and a male cleaner trying to makeout in the office pantry. Gross gross gross..!!! :/
  • A girl wearing cargos teamed with a salwaar kameez top. Long one mind you..! I'd rather die that do something like that.
  • A guy riding a bike wearing sun glasses. Whats so weird you ask? It was 11 pm.
  • A lady riding a scooty wearing a nightie. Both her legs were touching the ground and.... no no I cant continue. Doesnt the name tell it all? Nightie= night gown. Some people never learn.
  • A guy sitting on the roof of an underconstruction building near Mekhri circle for no apparant reason. Everyday he's there. Doing nothing, staring into blank space.
  • Vidya Balan in the top 50 hottest women list.
I'm sure there are more to follow. Why me god? Why me?

Meet the farmer

I am now totally obsessed with the game called Farmville on facebook. Its the best way to take breaks while my code compiles. Its the cutest game ever. I know that only kids play it but as my friends think that I'm still a kid I can go ahead and play it without any guilt. The game is fairly simple. You just have to buy land and grow stuff on it. You can even buy animals, trees and lotsa stuff. I'm now the proud owner of 5 cows, 2 sheep, 4 chickens, a rest house and a barrel :-). Well tress and plants too. I actually set an alarm so that I know the time my plants have to be harvested. Sighh..!! If only I could do that to wake up every morning for work. People who havent tried it, must. Its the perfect stress buster.

http://apps.facebook.com/onthefarm/

Interference


I was shopping at "Health and Glow" yesterday when a lady just approached me and snatched away the shampoo I was holding. I was taken aback. She was not a sales girl there nor a kleptomaniac. She was any regular customer like me. She then says "This shampoo is not good, try this one". Hellooooo... Who the hell are you was all I wanted to ask. The universe knows how obsessed I'm with my hair and would not change the products I use on it for a million bucks. Anyway, I'm not such a rude person, so I just smiled and told her that I've been using this since 10 years so its fine. She said a hmmmph.!! and walked away. Whats with the interfering I say??

I'm a very open person. People who are close to me are aware of everything thats happening in my life. But when some random person comes and tries to interfere I lose my cool. Some people are just born to poke their stinky noses into everyones business. Whats happening? Why you buying that? Why are you so moody? Why did you breakup with him? Why do you eat that? Blah blah blah... Some people just want to know everything thats happening in everyone else's life except theirs. Its so annoying. Okay, even if they get to know it they are not at peace. They have got to pass their judgement and make make a big issue of it. I'm running out of polite ways to tell people to mind their own business. I don't think even Pinocchio would have been this interfering.

Sometimes, people interfere because they think it is okay and have the rights to do so because they are your friends, but if you let them know that you are not comfortable with it, they may leave you alone. May... Still there is a possibility that they will continue to do so. Some people say that they interfere in my life because they love me and care for me. I say "What the F***". If I want an opinion on something, I'll ask for it. No need to go on distributing it for free. There are people who think that they're doing me good by interfering with my life - directly or indirectly. there are others who simply want to interfere, just for the heck of it. No matter how I try to be optimistic about it, it all boils down to the fact that they simply want to mess up with my life by causing me pains and troubles. There is always a remember what happened last time, so don't get into it again story. It's as if they rejoice in the misery and are thrilled that they have achieved something. There's no easy way to handle these people or their attitude. You can tell them a million times to F**** off and mind their own business but still they keep swarming around you.

Physics claims to have two types of interference, Constructive and Destructive. This kind of interference can only be noted as destructive. I have these really annoying set of Aunts who have to pass their judgement on each and everything. Why do you wear this? Why do you leave your hair, tie it up. Is she married? Is he a businessman? n so on.. Knowing a person and interfering in a persons life are two different things which are not even linked remotely. People need to know that. Respect a persons privacy, if there is something that has to be communicated, it will be done. Is this that hard to understand? There will not be a single person in this world who has not had a person interfering in their life. If there is any way to get rid of them do let me know.


Birthdays

I'll be turning 23 next month. I love the fun part of birthdays. Friends around, new clothes, yummy food, chocolate cake and of course GIFTS!!! But at the end of the day, I turn a year old. This is something which has upset me right from the day I got out of my teens. I don't know why people would like to celebrate the fact that they are growing old. Its not that I'm obsessed with growing old. Its just that I feel sad to be leaving behind my previous age. The fact that there are so many other people who have accomplished much more than me at my age, only adds to the gloom.

My birthday of 2005, my 19th one was and will be the best birthday of my entire life. The day was so special that nothing can ever come close to it. If ever I had a chance to relive one day, August 8th 2005 would surely be the one. Yeah, I was upset that I was leaving behind my teens like forever and had just stepped into the dreading twenties but that day truly belonged to me. After that birthdays don't matter much anymore. Big deal, it comes every year. If you miss one, you can always make up for it next year.

This was not the scene in schools. Kids indeed are foolish. Dressing up and distributing sweets on growing older seems so silly now. But during my school days, I would take extra pains in dressing up and looking colourful when all the others had to don their plain simple regular uniform. Distributing chocolates to everyone made me feel like a queen then. But looking back at those days, I feel so immature. Now, I wouldn't care to pay a dime to tell anyone that I'm growing old. A month before every birthday, I sit down with my diary and jot down the things I need to accomplish before my next birthday. I'm proud to say that I have done everything I wanted to do before I turned 23. Including getting an extra piercing on my ear, getting a wacky haircut and getting totally sloshed until I passed out.

Yesterday I sat up on my bed and made a list of things I need to accomplish before I turn 24.
1) I need to find a way to get a job which I love. Something towards the creative side.
2) I need to be more responsible.
3) I need to mend the lose ends in my life.
4) I have to complete the book "Gone with the wind". If I start now, probably I'll finish by then.
5) I need to get my sister settled down.
6) I need to secure my parents' future and health totally. 100% I mean.
7) I am NOT going to lose anything/anyone I love.
8) I need to meet someone famous.
9) I need to decide on the topic of my dream book that I want to write before I turn 25.
10) I need to take care of myself in such a way that I can throw migraine out of my life forever. This is something which has been a part of my list since I was 15 :-(.

So far, this is it. I'm pretty sure I can make it.

Since I share my birthday with my dad, it has always been a double celebration. Short lived happiness I call it. Once the party is over and the gifts have been opened, the only thing left is the thought that you have turned a year older. I wouldn't mind "A curious case of Soumya" in this regard :-). I don't know how my birthday is going to be this year. Last years pretty much sucked. I'm hoping for a better one this year and I hope God gives me the gift I've been asking him like forever. More on this, on 8th August..!!

Is Fair Lovely ??


After a complaint from a loyal follower of my blog that my blog is mostly about love, I've decided to divulge into other topics too. This is something I've wanted to write about for a while.

I don't know why are we making such a hue and cry about the racial attacks in Australia, when India is no less. No point in pointing out a finger towards something, when the rest of the fingers are pointing towards us (Never thought I would use the word point thrice in one sentence :P). India is said to be a very diverse country, but take a look at any matrimonial ad. I have a few here for instance.

.... Wanted Bride, Fair and beautiful. Age between 20-25, good looking and educated for Indian guy settled in Mumbai with family business.

.... Looking for Sincere Independent Christian, God fearing, fair, honest caring affectionate beautiful lady for a well settled Indian 44 yrs in Australia.

The next one is kick ass.

.... Hi mam, I am a Male, Indian Bengali living in Mumbai. I am 50+ looking young and VERY handsome, very Fair, 5'-7 tall, 67 kgs, smart, romantic, jovial, having own Industry, house cars etc, M.Com, MBA. I am also an Author, Writer & Journalist. I NEVER GOT LOVE IN MY LIFE FROM A FEMALE except from my mother and sister. I need a female life partner who is decent, fair, beautiful, caring and can give me lots of LOVE. Please write to me.

Why oh why? Everyone needs a fair bride or groom. Is one less beautiful or ill mannered just because his/her skin colour is not fair or very fair as they call it. I'm yet to come across a matrimonial ad which says wanted "dusky and beautiful bride" or "dusky and lovely girl". Apparently for many dusky doesn't sound good with beautiful and lovely. It just doesn't make any sense. No matter what century we live in, people are always going to be this shallow I guess.

India has never been a whole. People have always been categorised here. Northies for anyone who is not a South Indian. Why don't they call anyone eastie's or westie's.?? Even the very sound of it seems pathetic. Any East Indian here is a "Chinkie". Till today no one has dared enough to stop this trend. Today in Bangalore, on an average 10% of the population are East Indians. Agreed they look really great and classy, but they are more often than not looked upon as objects of sexual desire. Reason.. They are sooooo fair. They are genuinely nice people but people fail to look at anything beyond their skin colour. They way they are ogled at in Bangalore, Brigade Road in particular gives me creeps.

When colour matters so much in our country itself, why make it a big deal when its happening elsewhere too. Why do we have a fixation with fair skin? My mom's best friend visited our place last evening and went on and on about the fact that her family is going through a lot of problems. Reason she says is that her 22 year old daughter is not getting married. Reason for that she claims is that her daughter is dark skinned. And she kept cursing herself that such a daughter has come out from her womb. My mom just lost it and soon we witnessed a never ending debate. Still that lady was never ready to give up. However, I'm proud of my mom. Why such a prejudice for fair skin? Why do we have bias against black skin? Can such prejudices never be changed? Answer is no. I don't think people in our country are "open" enough to get this.

Why can’t anyone just accept their true colors? Why is fairness considered the top most priority when it comes to looking good? Indians are not fair in the first place. They are born wheatish. The colour of the skin depends on a lot of factors. Its as simple as that. We Indians have a unique blended complexion that is really attractive. Still people feel inferior due to this. The soaring increase in the sales of the so called "Fairness Creams" can vouch for it. The ads for the fairness creams are so dumbfounding. Not in a good way. A girl is sad, has no career or boyfriend uses this cream and suddenly has all the joys of the world. Or a girl who is rejected in a singing show because she's not fair, uses a cream becomes fair overnight and goes on the win the show. Speaking about waste of talent.

The most pathetic thing I saw was the sale of some fairness potion called "RoopAmrit" on national television. A well known actress was promoting it. I can bet my life that she wouldn't dare to use it even once. In this ad, a girl is shooed away from home by her parents because she is not fair. Yeah I couldn't believe it either. Then the girl somehow gets hold of this potion and becomes fair, comes back and is accepted wholeheartedly. Wonder who comes up with such concepts. These ads always emphasize upon the urgent need of getting fair and regaining our lost self-esteem. Really? Why are Indians so obsessed with the fair complexion? Why do people feel inferior if they are not fair. These ads only make you feel more inferior. For people with not so fair complexion, this is almost like getting assaulted for what they are. But on one hand, the parents, peers, family members keep reminding you of this so called ‘curse’ like my mom's friend and on the other hand these annoying TV ads try their best to subjugate one’s self-esteem!

Personally I've had such experiences of my own. Me being a South Indian am definitely not a fair skinned person. I'm proud of myself and don't even feel inferior for an inch. I've never had to give up on anything or never had to compromise on something. But there are a few people here and there who think that I'm not up to their mark, just because I'm not fair skinned. Even the best of my fiends who are guys prefer to date fair women. They love me for what I am, but their thoughts on this issue is always a debatable topic. So anyone out there who is dusky or dark need not feel bad for themselves. They are the most attractive of the lot. Agreed, Fair is pretty. But, dusky is hot, sexy and sultry. Come on, a Salma Hayek or Beyonce is always more desirable than a Nicole Kidman or Kate Winslet. Closer home, no one would prefer a Kareena Kapoor over the gorgeous Bipasha Basu.

Sometimes there is no one to blame. Maybe this entire thing started off with the "White Britishers" ruling the "Brown Indians". Maybe white skin was always considered as a sign of higher authority. I'm ashamed to say this, but some of my friends and relatives are among the ones who think so. I've had relatives telling me age old secrets to get fair. I just tell them where they can go. My parents are proud of me. Nothing to do with my skin colour, today I'm a very successful woman and have never lost out on anything just because I'm not fair.

The whole issue of Michael Jackson changing his skin colour is still under suspicion. Did he voluntarily do it or he had some problem with the pigmentation. No one knows? I say why bother. But people do. I was surprised when a relatively fair lady walked into a parlour where I was getting my haircut and wanted to bleach her skin. How much more fair does one want to get?

The most inhuman thing I've come across is this tag line of a fairness cream company.

"Fairness=Beauty=Success
Dark skin=Ugliness=Failure"

Whoever came up with this is surely a shallow person. When we thought that it couldn't get worse than this, came the fairness creams for men. With Shahrukh and John endorsing such stuff, I've completely lost respect for them. I've never liked Aishwarya, but her take on not endorsing fairness creams just bowled me over. This is called a woman of substance. If being gay can be considered unnatural what is using all these creams or bleaches called?

Any girl or guy who is not fair skinned just think the way I do. "I'm not fair and that makes me all the more special".

Come Back

When did this happen,
What did I do?
I was so lively,
What did you turn me into?
What have i done,
Why do you make my heart bleed?
Why don't you understand,
You're all that I need.
I see nothing,
Nor can I feel anything
I don't know,
What you want to say
These mixed feelings,
Are killing me everyday.
Why am I lonely,
why do I cry?
Why cant I move on,
Why cant I try?
You left me,
With a void in my life
You could have as well as,
Pierced me with a knife.
Hurt you are,
That I know
Comeback to me,
My love I'll show..
You are incomplete
And so am I,
I love you
I don't deny
Then why go through this,
Agony and pain
Please honey, now
Don't drive me insane
You're my true love,
My sunshine and my soul
Without you in my life
I can never be whole.
Lets put our broken hearts
Together forever
We'll stay happy and
Part we'll never
So stop hurting yourself
And come back to me
We'll show the world,
What true love can be..

Best relationship Quote

My fixation for quotes continues. This is the best one I've come across in a long time.

"For a relationship to evolve, it has to go through many endings".

The Power of ONE

1. You have only one life to live.
2. In school, only the first rank mattered. Even if you came second, you were a loser.
3. You have only one set of parents.
4. You fall in love only once.
5. Only the first person who wins the race is considered the winner.
6. No amount of money can match the joy, you're first pay check gave you.
7. You can never forget your first kiss.
8. You can never forget the first fight you had with your loved one.
9. Nothing can replace your first bike or first mobile phone.
10. You can never forget the first time you were caught doing something wrong.

The Gay Debate

We cannot legalise unnatural things. Thats what the Kerala Government says about legalising homosexuality. Its just a matter of saying that we are in the 21st century. Because more than 60% of our country's population is still living in the 18th century. How can love be unnatural? Whatever the sexes are, its love after all. Why dont these people get that. The government just needs a tiny thing to make a drama about. Its just a matter of ones choice. We live in a democratic country, and everyone has the right to take their own decision. No one can stop anyone from that. Categorising them only makes it worse. The government is not going to lose anything by legalising the act. When marriages are legal why cant gay marriages be too? The whole concept of marriage is celebrating the love of two people by uniting them forever. Why isnt this the norm when homosexuals decide to get married to celebrate their love? What so ever happened to the "Everyone is equal" slogan they shouted out from the roof tops. I guess this only applied when our beloved Dr. Ambedkar was around.

One more thing I dont understand is that why are homosexuals and transsexuals being put in the same category. Is'nt one well educated enough to actually understand this? The whole concept is being blown out of proportion. Every one has a right to love, whomever they want. Irrespective of caste, sex or creed. The government has no right to put a bar on this. Stating population implosion as an excuse is equally pathetic. India is well enough crowded already. "We two, ours two" has already been changed to "We too, ours one". Yet the government states this as one of the reasons. Speaking about contradiction..!!

Homosexuals have the most wonderful opportunity to adopt a child and create a family. Millions of orphans will get a home. But when the same sex marriages are not being legalised, let alone legalising adoption by them. I dont know what these people are thinking. I can only say that it will take long, really long for our country to equal the western countries.

I See You

I see you when I open my eyes,
There is no place where you are'nt there..
Even when I close my eyes,
I see you..

When I read the letters you wrote,
Its a combination of feelings..
Amidst the blurness of my tears,
I see you..

I can still feel the songs,
That you endlessly sang for me..
When I listen to anyone singing,
I see you..

Walking in a crowd,
Missing you..
When I look by my side,
I see you..

The thought of you,
Brings a smile on my face..
When I look up from what I am doing,
I see you..

When I see a couple walking by,
I wonder why am I alone..
When I think of my future,
I see you..

When I visit the places where we'd been,
I can feel you all around me..
I know you are no where around but,
I see you..

I can still feel your smell,
Thats the time the feelings dwell..
Everytime I breathe,
I see you..

When I wake up,
I feel you beside me..
Everytime someone puts me to sleep,
I see you..

When I'm happy,
I see you smiling by my side..
When I'm sad n noone's holding my hand,
I see you..

I dont need anything,
To remind me of you..
Because everytime I look at myself,
I see you..

I'm not insane,
Its just that I'm crazy for you..
Cos even when you're far far away,
I see you..

Confessions

Its high time I made a few confessions to the people in my life. Names are not mentioned in order to protect their identity and also to prevent them from belting me. Some are good, some are bad. But all are true. So here we go. Each confession is for a different person.

1. You are the best girl I have ever met, explains why you are my best friend.
2. I just love the way you are.
3. You are the most craziest thing that has ever happened to me.
4. You are without a doubt the most genuine person I have ever met.
5. You have the worst dressing sense in the whole wide world and no, you are not hot either.
6. You are nothing but a goddamned loser.
7. You're lucky that you look good, because the moment you open your mouth I feel like stuffing it with my shoe.
8. You are the most boring person ever. Even a dead body would be cheerful compared to you.
9. You are one of my best friends, but I sincerely hope that you were a better human being too.
10. You are too sweet to understand things around you. I wish people would stop taking advantage of you.
11. You need to have an ambition in life dude. Life is'nt that easy going too.
12. You need to know when to stop talking. Just see the faces of the people around you. That may help.
13. If there is one person I could kill and get away with, it would surely be you.
14. I hate you, you sly, manipulative b***h.
15. You are the most ugliest creation of God.
16. You are too good to be burdened by your past. Let it go dear. You deserve something much better.
17. I shall always be with you.
18. I can never feel and love anyone the way I felt for you and loved you.
19. I know you love me a lot, but I'm sorry I just cant feel a thing for you.
20. You think you are God's gift to womanhood. I've got a message for you dude, you definitely are not.
21. You look very much like the ET in the movie ET. Unfortunately not in a very good way.
22. You are the perfect example of the worlds best things come in small packages.
23. I just love fighting with you. No hard feelings, its simply fun.
24. You and your family deserve to be buried alive. One thing I would not feel bad for.
25. I cant believe marriage can change anyone so much that you forget your friends and relatives.
26. Stop living off your dad's money.
27. We are related, so stop hitting on me.
28. You are not royalty, so stop expecting to be treated like one.
29. You look really amazing after your weight loss. I'm proud of you.
30. You are a very proud and irritating woman. I hate to be your friend.
31. You betrayed me when I banked upon you. You deserve to have a painful death.
32. You are really pretty.
33. You are my best critic.
34. You are the reason why woman are considered the weaker sex.
35. I hate you.
36. You struck gold big time. You dont deserve it though.
37. Your husband looks much better than you. I pity him.
38. May you have a great life ahead.
39. You will always be a part of my prayers.
40. You were too young to get married. Worse, you were too young to become a mother.
41. You are fat and ugly. Noone even looks at you. Stop flattering yourself. And no, your neighbour doesnt have a crush on you.
42. If there was an award for the worst status messages, you would win hands down.

Thats all the people I can remember at the moment. If more, there will be another post.

:-)

Something just made my day today, n I'm very happy. Thanks :-)