Just saw Kaminey for the second time. Shahid Kapoor rocks. Period.
Its been more than a year since you even gave me a single moment of joy. You kept throwing obstacles at me and I like a fool, tried hard to overcome everything thinking that someday all this will stop. You sent me away from my parents, friends, sister and my love. I still accepted it and went away to Chennai. It was just 4 months and you made me feel like it was a lifetime sentence I was serving for absolutely no fault of mine. When I thought that was it, you take away my project for which I had toiled day in and day out. I thought, this too shall pass and was trying to move on. Just when I was there, you take away from me the person whom I'd loved the most in the world. That was enough to kill me. I prayed my lungs out to you to not take him away from me but you did, leaving me in the lurch. Not once did you realise what would I do without him. Not once did you think of me, or him. Here we are, unhappy and struggling to cope up with life while you're sitting back and watching us die every single moment.
Not a single moment of joy in 13 months. I've had enough. Everytime I tried to put an end to all this, you gave me the strength to move on. But why is it that I don't find the strength anymore? I've been piled upon by miseries and I don't see a way out. You kept on taking away every moment of joy from me and all I could do was sit and watch. I see that person all hurt and bruised in front of me, yet you don't do anything nor let us have a new life together. How long have you planned this misery for me? Haven't I been through enough. Now, I'm getting tired of all this. I've seen and handled more than enough for my 23 years. Not anymore please. I don't know when I may succumb to all this.
Every single thing in my life is torn apart. Not a single thing in life is in place. Whatever I did was with good intentions only. I did everything I could to get him back, but you dint let it be portrayed that way. Just when I had started to put back the broken pieces of my heart together, you give me such a jolt that leaves me shattered. Why? Why do I have to go through this? What have I done? Are you watching me struggle or are you just oblivious to what ever is happening to me. If you have decided that this is all I'm gonna get in life then please give me the strength to handle this. I've been waiting for the day, when you will bless me with some joy, but now I don't even see the dawn of it. I don't want to be extremely happy, but please don't keep me unhappy. I am literally on the verge of losing my sanity. I cant handle this emotional turmoil anymore. Don't I deserve to be happy? Haven't I been through enough? Haven't I been hurt enough? Or have you just forgotten to mention the happiness chapter in my life? It just has an index but no chapter. Is this what my life is supposed to be?
15 months ago, I was a very happy person. I was extremely content with what all I had. Please grant me my good old days back. I've been through loads of crap. Not anymore, Just save me from this shit. I cant go on like this anymore. Just one more thing. Billions of people in the world. Why me? Why God why? Why only me?
What exactly is happiness? I still have to come across it. You achieve something. That makes you happy, but can you be happy for the rest of your life based on just one achievement? Does contentment and happiness mean the same? Why is that we always crave to be happy and still cant be? Trust me, there has not been a single time when I have been 100% happy. Maybe when the time I was in love and we were together I was the happiest. But that was not true happiness, because I was so damn happy that time that I thought if this doesn't last for a lifetime I'm gone. Something has always been there to keep the happiness incomplete.
Has there been a single person on earth who is completely happy? They maybe rich and famous, but does that make them happy? They say "Money cant buy Happiness", I totally agree with it. Maybe you see that chasing money for greed is destructive, but isn't it equally damaging to have such a powerful instrument in your hands while pretending it has no importance? Yeah money is important. It helps you get things you have craved for. I can shop away my entire month's pay in a day. Yeah, it makes me happy, but for a day or two maybe. Or maybe you can spend away to glory one night, treating your friends. It does make them happy, but do you feel the same the next day? Happiness according to me is just momentary.Well, money can help put the right conditions in place. Is it easier to be happy if you have food to eat? Whether you call that buying happiness or not, the understanding is more important than the argument. You want to lead a compromised life, then good for you.
Happiness is all a question of attitude. Study has shown that married people tend to be happier than single ones, though the singles seem to be out having all the fun. Fun is short-lived, while the security of a happy marriage is very fulfilling. This does not apply if you are unhappily married though. Singles are far happier than those trapped in unhappy marriages. So how happy are you really? While we are always told to count are blessings, we don't really do so, and even if we do, we don't put any value or price on our blessings. Having people around you, may make you happy. Having someone to go back to, knowing that no matter what happens there will always be one person for you. Yeah that maybe happiness. But there is always an inbuilt fear that, that may not last long.
It is a fact though money may not make you very happy. It is a part of happiness and one of the biggest things to survive in this world. Because though we may deny it, a majority of this world believes that money is everything and unfortunately in this era it may just be true. Money can help you afford nicer things, but it cannot make you happier. True, abject poverty can be depressing. You cannot expect to find happiness if you are struggling to make ends meet, don't have enough money for food or shelter, cannot keep warm during the winter or cool during the summer. But if you are earning enough, have a comfortable lifestyle, have a family that loves you, are healthy and intelligent, count yourself lucky. This may just be the happiness you're looking for.
If you want proof just think back to a time when you got something you wanted. Perhaps it was admission to a good college or a great job or the guy/girl you always wanted. You were on a high when you got it, and that high lasted for how long? Weeks, maybe months. Then you started coming back to earth, and a couple of years later you are once again sitting with the rest of the office gang grumbling about the bad work conditions, your boss and nasty co-workers or the fact that your better half is not able to give you enough time. It's the same with money. A sudden windfall will give you a high, but once your feet find the ground, you're back to square one. If you get rich by commuting long hours to your office, working late into the night and neglect your friends and partner, you will find that you are not that happy as a person who may make less money than you do, but who spends time with his family, goes for more vacations with them and taking life easy every now and then. Is it that easy to do it? Any person now would prefer the former to the latter. Take me for example, I love doing creative stuff. Art, fashion and writing are my passions. But where am I today. I'm a techie doing some bullshit coding day in and day out. But still, I wake up in the morning and don my best clothes and move off to do it. It wouldn't take me a second to throw away all this and start looking for something that I actually want. But no, somehow I'm content with whats happening. Its paying me enough to take care of myself and at the end of the day that's what counts. Contentment. Not happiness. Looks like I myself have answered my question put earlier.
The experience of happiness is something like , "I feel good emotionally" or "I look great today". For some its like "I'm so happy today". Well, what about the other days? People use different terms to describe what feels good for them. For someone it might be excitement, passion, adventure, fulfillment, freedom, feeling fully alive with inspiration and joy. For another it might be more peaceful, content, capable, hopeful, satisfied, and a comfortable feeling. Whatever you call it, it just feels damned good. Our natural state of being is to be happy. Atleast thats what we hope for. When you remove all the uncomfortable emotions and crappy feelings we humans experience (and they are numerous), you're left with happiness. Easier said than done. Here's a famous quote by a famous personality.
"Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.”
- Abraham Lincoln
True it is. But do people make up their minds that they are happy. Do they sit back and say that this is the most happiest I can ever get. No way.
My bookmark says, the three grand essentials of happiness are, Something to do, Someone to Love, and Something to hope for. Well if these are the necessities to be happy then I'm not even halfway there.
Some people look for happiness in pleasure. Happiness is not pleasure although they may mean the same to some and actually can appear similar. Pleasure is enjoyment of an outside stimuli. Something you look for in the outside world. You may find pleasure in buying a new car, or going on vacation, or having friends over for dinner, or having sex, or doping, and many other things. This is what you might enjoy experiencing. Pleasure requires an external stimuli for you to experience it. Without that you are back to square one. Happiness does not need anyone or anything. Happiness is a belief about oneself and the outside world. You can be doing something you normally experience as pleasurable but not be happy! Pleasure is born from the external world, happiness is born from where? Ourselves I reckon. Its all in our mind as Abe Lincoln says. I guess its up to us to give birth to it and find it. Just one question. HOW??
Tonight, I saw the age old song on Doordarshan. "Mile sur mera tumhara, toh sur bane hamara". I just love that song. I get very nostalgic each time I see it. Gone are the good old days of television. Doordarshan was and will always remain the best i guess. Karamchand, All the best, Shrimaan Shrimathi and my all time favourite Chandrakantha. God, I miss all those. Memories of all these programmes make me feel soooo old :-(. The television shows nowadays are nothing but crap. The less spoken about them the better. The only thing I see on TV these days are reality shows. Every day, every channel they are there. More often than not they are copied from the west. I used to love watching "American Idol", "The moment of truth", "Are you smarter than a fifth grader". But the Indian versions of them are total crap. I don't know why is there such a hype about the show "Sach ka Saamna", ( the Indian version of "The moment of truth" ). Honestly, I find it pretty good. People being stripped on TV for truth is a cool concept. There is a huge debate going on over it saying that it shouldn't be screened on prime time. I say Bulls&%$. They say that some questions asked by the host on the show doesn't suit certain viewers or rather children. There are questions like "Would you sleep with another man if your husband doesn't know about it?", "Have you ever asked a woman to abort your child?", "Have you ever cheated on your wife?" n so on. When the people who are participating in the show are totally aware of the ordeal they are going through why the f*** are other people interfering. When the reality of life is served on a platter, no one seems to be hungry.
The Fourth Estate only knows to question, but will never accept answers. People are ready to watch a man getting married thrice, or a woman carrying her brother-in-law's child, a lady living upto 160 years and what not. One thing I have always wondered is how all the men in Ekta Kapoor's soaps are so potent and fertile. One night with a lady and the next day she gets pregnant. Her soaps are based in the 21st century and yet surprisingly no one has heard of condoms or artificial insemination. These soaps screened at prime time are the ones that should be banned. Children watch them, but that is not an issue. When truth behind the dark doors is revealed everyone wants to stand against it. There are a numerous ads on TV about condoms and contraceptive pills, don't children get that? Obviously they do. Then these ads should be banned as well. I don't understand the needless furore over reality shows which show the truth. Agreed shows like "Rakhi ka Swayamwar", "Is jungle se mujhe bachao" etc are all crap. But "Sach ka Saamna" is a very thought provoking show. I was really enthralled to see that Indian audience are open to such shows. But the very few percentage of people who fail to see that need to seriously grow up.
Sex, is still considered a taboo in India. Aren't we the in the land of the Kamasutra. Still people shy away from talking about it. In a poll asking whether sex education needs to be taught in schools, I was seriously surprised to see a 74% No. What are parents scared about. They are not the ones to educate their children, still they don't want them to understand it from elsewhere. Are kids supposed to just dream about what exactly is the truth? According to Indian's sex, homosexuality are all topics to be shielded away from. Daily we read articles which talk about rape, suicide, infidelity. But no one wants to take an initiative and do something about it. Reality is something everyone is aware of but wants to hide away from it.
Since I was really busy on Sunday and was unwell on Monday, I'm putting up this post today. Friendship day just passed by and I took the time to sit and think about all my friends who have contributed to my life in a small or a big way. Me being an extrovert never find it hard to make friends. As a result I end up with loads of them and I intend to maintain the bond. Friends are a very important factor in my current life and honestly they are the only ones who keep me sane :-). So here's a tribute to all my friends. Now lets talk about a few of my best friends.
1. Even though we are not friends now, you will always remain an important part of my life. We've been through every possible relationship. First strangers, then friends, then best friends and then lovers. You have maintained every possible relationship perfectly. Its been 4 and a half years since I've known you. Although we have no interactions now, it is really important for me to see you happy. You have been my heart and soul. My sole support. You have stood by me through think and thin and have always supported me. Not knowing you would mean not having seen the most beautiful person on earth. You helped me conquer all my fears, lent me a shoulder to cry on, loved me endlessly. I can never forget what all you have done for me. Its sheer bad luck and misfortune that we are now in a place where we cant see each other. I would love to clear the misunderstandings one day. If there is something I regret in life that would be losing you. You were a great boyfriend, but most importantly you were a genuine and honest friend. I miss you. If I had not met you, I wouldn't have liked you. If I had not liked you, I wouldn't have loved you. If I had not loved you, I wouldn't have missed you. But I did, I do and I will.
2. She has been the constant one on my best friend list. I have known her since 10 years now and we still share the same relationship. She has been by my side always. For good times and bad. She has stood by my side when I was right and corrected me when I wasn't. When I'm upset or when I'm happy, she is the one I call. Our shopping sprees are the best ways to pass time. We are entirely different. She is an introvert and stays calm most of the times, while I'm the talkative one who goes blabbering on and on and gets hyper soon. Patience has never been one of my virtues, but she compensates for that. Our friendship has been through many ups and downs but at the end of the day, we have always been there for each other. A true friend who puts my best interests first. Hope you have a great life ahead and yes we will remain best friends till the world ends.
3. Here comes the 6 faceted man, my lunch partner. My senior age wise but I have never felt so in the 10 months that I've known him. We share this amazing rapport which proves why we have stuff to talk about every single day. Of all my friends he's the one who is like me. May be its got to do with the Leo Leo thing. My local library for books and movies. A great person and a great friend. The best part is he is not a bit like how he looks. He may come across as naive and nerdy to some. But the truth I know. Can act "cranky" sometimes, but that only shows how much he cares for me. A very happy go lucky person and the perfect stress buster. My partner in sharing miseries of life. We can go on and on about it. Knows me pretty well by now and viceversa. He can get very critical sometimes, but he perfectly knows how to sandwich the positives with the negatives. A loyal follower of my blog, which makes him even more special to me. Its been really great knowing you. I'm sure we're gonna be talking about this at lunch tomorrow, so let me clarify things now itself. No matter how much we pull each others' leg, I mean every single word I've said here :-).
4. This guy is the most genuine person I have come across in my life. He goes out of his way to get things done for me. Can recognise what situation I am in just by listening to my voice or can guess how my day was by just looking at my face. A true friend who has always been there when I needed someone. Lives in a world of his own but makes sure I'm a part of it. It has been great knowing him.
And now to all the sweet pretty girls who form a major part of my life. Dumms, Mangu, Swe and Pree... I love you guys. Its been 7 years since we've known each other and yet every time we meet we still have the enthusiasm and fun and frolic as the first time we've met. Together we form a crazy bunch. We laugh at ourselves and at the other, but we know that no one means anything what we say. Its been great knowing you girls..
Ahem.. Now comes my beloved girls of Vodafone UK. The crazy insane lot. Eoe, Prink, Amazon, Bubble, Buffy, Bing and me. I'm not gonna reveal my nickname here :P. We are always there for each other. Be it technically, personally and in every possible way. The best team I could have ever asked for. Great friends who make office time worthwhile.
To all the friends in my life, Pj, Akshaya, and the Ramaiah Telecom batch of 2008, Harsh, Tungath, Sajith, Ayushi, Aarthy, Krithika, Ramya or the entire Chennai batch in general, A very happy friendship day. If I have missed out some names I'm sorry. But some people have been intentionally left out of here simply because they don't deserve to be here.
Happy Friendship Day all. You guys rock. Cheers...!!!