Doesn't Fly too High

Apart from the two kites soaring in the sky before the beginning credentials, I don't see why this movie is called 'Kites'. Right from the title, the plot, the music, to the cast this movie is all wrong. Read on.

The Present : A wounded Hrithik, oh wait he's called 'J' in the movie, is left all wounded in a hay filled cabin in a train. The movie starts with him tumbling down the cabin. And like most cliches', before we know, someone finds him, removes the bullets from his body, and he's back on his limping feet looking for the love of his life.

The Past : Hrithik is a stunning looking dance teacher in Vegas, who also makes a living out of marrying women to get them a green card in return for money. So he's married 10 of them until now and Miss Mori turns out to be the lucky 11th. He marries her, gets her a green card and then she disappears. This part remains unexplained in the movie.

The Present : After walking miles in a desert without even a drop of water, J manages to reach the place where he saw his love for the last time. Even in the zombie state, he manages to remember that he had dropped his phone on the railway track three months ago, just before he was left there wounded. He starts hunting for the phone and as luck would have it, he finds it. Think that is too much to take? Wait, the phone has been lying around on a track for three months with trains passing all over, yet the phone remains safe and is even functional. Some phone company is beaming somewhere. On charging the phone, again with the help of someone, he finds a msg from her which says, 'I'm going. Sorry. Forget me'.

INTERVAL. This probably was the best part of the movie. No kidding.

The Past : Hrithik is teaching some sleazy moves to an even more sleazier Kangana, who by the way has no more than 10 minutes of screen presence in this movie. She plays her usual psycho character who is in love with her dance teacher. He sees her limo and jumps into her family to get insta rich. Now, where have we heard or seen that before? Kangana belongs to a mafia family where her brother and father decide to welcome their future brother/son-in-law by giving him a gun and asking him to shoot some random guy. Okay, now I'm scared of marriage. The brother btw, is getting engaged to Miss Mori aka Natasha aka Linda who is also a gold digger and who cannot speak a universal language to save her life. J sees Linda and falls in love with her knowing very well that she's getting engaged to his girlfriend's brother, but she's still his wife. Well I'm confused just as I was in the movie yesterday. J and Linda spend an evening together in Vegas, well that's where the movie is based, and are deeply in love by the time the sun sets. He doesn't understand what she says, she doesn't understand what he says; still they're in love. I wonder how they were planning on talking to each other for the rest of their lives.

The Present : J makes his way back to Vegas and for reasons best known to him he comes back to Natasha's house and thinks about the past.

The Past : Natasha's house, J and Natasha kissing. Suddenly there is a knock on the door and her beloved fiance' walks in. He's hurting her, when J decides its high time he butted in. They smash a bottle on his head, and elope in his car gifted to him by the gangster family. Well speaking about intelligence. The rest of the movie is them being chased forever, looting a bank to get some money, stealing and destroying cars, an escape in a hot air balloon, meeting her poor family and finally the love birds getting married. If the movie had ended here, it would have been much better. But Mr. Rakesh Roshan had more money to spare. They are hunted again by the scorned lover boy. J is hurt in the fight and she puts him in a train cabin filled with hay, sends him a message and scoots off in her wedding dress. All poor J can do is watch her leave him from a crack in the cabin. Noone knows where she's gone.

The Present : Okay, this is the last part of the movie. Thank God for that. J learns the truth about where she is from sources you can't imagine or would have hardly noticed initially in the movie. The movie ends in the most miserable and in the most predictable fashion. Well I'm happy that it ended and I also realise that, I've just lost 2 hours and 15 minutes of my life that I will never get back.

'Kites' or whatever is the most cliched movie I've seen. At times it felt like a classic movie from the 60's and at times it felt like the cheap stunts of a local language movie. The much hyped chemistry between Hrithik and Barbara disappoints. They both are cold and the language barrier is evident from both their faces. I honestly felt that Hrithik shared better chemistry with Kangana's brother instead.

The Cast : Hrithik is stunningly hot! His dance moves in the song 'Fire' is the only saving grace of the movie. But he's all about looks in this movie. He always over does his acting we all know that, except maybe for his 'Akbar' role. But he more than makes up for it in this one. I almost felt like I was watching the sequel of 'Main Prem Ki Diwani Hu'. Yeah, its that bad. Kangana does her usual psycho act to perfection. If she ends up a schizo in real life, please blame her producers and not her. She even matches up to Hrithik's moves in the mentioned song and hardly has more than 5 dialogues in the movie. I still don't get why she suddenly drops into Hrithik's place one night and starts cleaning it!! The much hyped Mexican beauty, Barbara Mori, is anything but beauty. She has a stunning body but much cant be said about her acting. She can't emote and is expressionless. All she does is blabber in Spanish. Boy, Spanish sure is a weird language. It sounds like soemone is hurling curses at you. She better not expect another stint in bollywood.

Boy, was the movie disappointing or what. I was really excited when I saw the first rushes. I even remember posting something about it. But as the release dates approached, I felt that it lacks lustre and I was proven right. Have seen this a million times before and yet again its packaged and displayed. Stolen bits and pieces from all possible movies. Even 'Titanic' for God's sake. I don't know why all the promotional posters show the lead couple in dancing moves. There is none in the movie. The much talked about steaming scenes were also missing. Apart from a few kissing sequences there was nothing and that too it felt like both of them were tortured into doing it. They actually should have used an Indian actress and made her character dumb or deaf. Barbara seemed like that anyway. Now that they have stolen from so many plots, they could have done this as well. Might have worked better. Anurag Basu is the hapless soul here, having being signed on to direct this one after the delightful 'Life in a Metro'. Cut yourselves some slack, stay away from this one.