Doesn't Matter

Merry Christmas everyone. May Santa leave only happiness in your stocking as he did in mine :D

You know, each time I prayed to God, I never asked anything specific. I only asked God to give me the strength to accept everything that comes my way. Of late God seriously seems to be listening. Finally my pleas are out of the spam and have made their way to the high importance list! That's the first victory.

I'm thrilled and can't wait to see what else is in store for me. I sat down to write a poem. Oh yeah, the usual love lorn stuff I write. But for the first time ever, words evaded me. I tried my best to get into the broken hearted mood to get at least a few words out, but I came out with a blank. I did manage to get a few words and all that came out were 'doesn't', 'matter'. When I tried a bit more hard, this is what I got.

I can still love you

Even if you go on hating me

I'd still wish for your happiness

Doesn't matter if you call me an enemy

I'll stand by the burning pool

Holding my shattered life all in black

I'll preen my eyes and wait for you

Doesn't matter if its takes ages for you to look back

I wanted to be the love of your life

But now call me the curse if you may

I know what I feel inside

Doesn't matter what you say

I may be like a little kid

With you I wanted to grow

I'll hold you in my heart forever

Doesn't matter if you let go

I couldn't even complete it. Usually it takes me not more than a few minutes to come out with a full fledged 7 stanza piece, but this is what I got after a coupla hours. I should be happy about it I guess. Absence of words is a shock yes, but absence of agonised words should mean a second victory right? Although I'm gonna miss the flow of words, I'm kinda glad that my blog will now have more prose. A refreshing and vital change be it.

2010 is leaving with a different me, okay not different maybe, but with a stronger me. I've made peace with everything and everyone around. I finally got back both my bestest friends and I now have a much stronger right hand and a well defined back bone. The crowd in my small world has multiplied and so has the love, care, importance and happiness. Priorities have changed and I now know the importance of family, friends and at times strangers too, whom I had taken for granted quite sometime back. It doesn't mean I have given up on love. No matter how much I change, no one can take the romantic Leo out of me. Come on, that's my birth right, ain't it? I still believe in the concept of love and continue to hope. Its just that I have come to terms with what was around me all the time. No amount of distractions can take you away from the core. At the end of the day you need to come back to it, and stand face to face.

I've been both naughty and nice this year, so Santa's been good. 2010 has left me with a lot of scars. Some that can be washed away easily, some that I want to hide, and some that I can proudly flaunt. Its taken a while, but now the mind and the heart have a better understanding of each other and finally happiness and contentment are beginning to merge.

P.S : "Whenever things look bleak, hold on to hope, even if its the weakest thread you have got. Strengthen your hopes by adding some love to it."

Tune for the day: 'Christmas is all around me' - OST, Love Actually.