Sadism


There are two kinds of people in the world. One, the ones who bear pain. Two, the ones who inflict pain.

Everyone likes to feel powerful. It kind of builds up an individual's personality. For a person to feel confident and secure, they need to exercise control on something or the other. It can be on themself or on something helpless. The gratification one derives from knowing that they have some kind of stupid, negligible power is enough to build up some amount of confidence in them.

The positive gratification is good and is very common. Knowing that you have control on your life, is an awesome feeling. Knowing that you mean at least something to some people is an accomplishment in itself. But trying to derive pleasure by forcing your power on something helpless is plainly sad. Its a psychological disorder. But the worse part is this disorder called sadism is present in every one of us. You just need to learn to suppress it. Else it spews out in all possible ways making life very unhealthy for you and for those around you. Sadism is a long existent quality. It just needs to be directed at the right ends.

Sadism is not an infectious disease that strikes a person all of a sudden. It has a long prehistory in childhood and always originates in the desperate fantasies of a child who is searching for a way out of a hopeless situation. I have always maintained that how a person is on the present day, all depends on the way they have been brought up. Their childhood. Whether they have been spoiled, loved or neglected; it all is gonna have an influence somewhere down the lane. And it need not be in good ways.

You see an insect, what do you do? Its a natural tendency to squish it. But more than half the people don't do that. Some let it go, and others hurt it and sit back to watch it die. When we were kids, it was fascinating to slowly pull out the tentacles of a dying cockroach, or it gave some kind of sadistic pleasure when you hear the crack when you step on one. But you have to grow up someday. Again, some people do, some don't.

A line in Jodi Picoult's "Nineteen Minutes" says, "Its a nice feeling to inflict pain on something/someone helpless. Until you realise that it is getting hurt". Cannot be more true. Just the thought that you have the capacity to influence someone's life is thrilling. But you just need to make sure you are directing it towards the positive end. If you cant give someone happiness, there is absolutely no need to substitute it with pain. Just let it be. Physical pain suddenly seems easily bearable when compared to the mental agony. Never make a person feel helpless or worthless. The repercussions it might have on a person's life later, will leave you shocked.

I personally don't do something knowing that it is going to hurt someone, until absolutely necessary. Heart breaks may not qualify as sadistic pleasures but it sure is a form of it and is something totally unavoidable. I'd rather lie to a person to save him from mental pain. I know I'm wrong, but I know how it feels when someone strikes on your mental strength. The mind is one hell of a dangerous thing. It can give you extreme pleasures when strong and heading towards the right way, but when the feeling of worthlessness is incepted; it kills you slowly, day by day.

I don't know why I'm writing this. I'm not the one to inflict pain and derive pleasure of it. Masochism is not my cup of tea. And again, I'm not the one to sit back and watch people manipulating my mind. I let a few people do it once, and it was a mini trip down the lane called hell. Every single person needs to build up their inner strength. Never feel inferior to anyone. At the same time, never feel superior either. Each one is gifted with something or the other. And one thing is for sure, If you can't love yourself no one else will. The more pain you bear, the more people tend to hurt. And as the old saying goes, the person who bears the pain is more at fault when compared to the ones who cause it.

Make sure its worth it

You do all you can,
Just to get it right;
Knowing well that it could go wrong,
But still cant imagine that sight.

There always is a slight hope,
Expecting things to come your way;
But the fear always holds on,
What will happen no one can say.

They say be very careful,
When you set your heart on something;
Cos you surely will get it,
Make sure it is your everything.

Its always good to be positive,
But its necessary to see the truth;
You just need to know that,
Not everything comes with ruth.

Desires are dangerous,
Can make you lose your mind;
They can completely take over you,
And envelop you like a rind.

Its not gonna be an endless wait,
You can get there bit by bit;
You just need to make sure,
It definitely was worth it.

Powerless


"When your happiness depends on what somebody else does, you're pretty much screwed". I read this line a really long time ago, but it comes to the surface now.

You feel so powerless when you watch your life taking drastic turns and you can't do anything about. You just have to sit back and watch other people make decisions for you. That's the most pathetic feeling in the world. But why do you do it? Because its hard to not "not do" it. Its really heart wrenching when what somebody else does somewhere, can influence what you do here. Its madness. It makes one weak. Its craziness. Its love. Its painful. It drains you out. But still you are perfectly willing to just sit back and watch things happen to you.

Its easy to stand quietly and watch yourself burn, rather than to see them cry. Then it seems easy to smile, even though you know you are living a lie. This is something that lasts forever. Like some bad segments of your DNA. It just grows within you, and you can't do anything about it. No matter how strong you are, there is always a weak spot in every one of us. And if hit right, the weakness takes over and all you can do is stand and watch yourself crumble day by day.

The weak spot can be anything. Family, friend, or the one you love. So the best thing would be to not let anything/anyone own you. Never let anyone so close that they begin to affect you. And not only in good ways. If your temperament and sanity depends on someone else then it means that you are completely void inside. And that's the most unhealthy thing ever.

When you have the time, its better to get out of such stupidities. Because being powerless regarding your own emotions is just the beginning to the trip down hell. If you don't understand your own 'how's' and 'why's', I don't see why anybody else would want to understand it.

Emotions are like a set of buttons among our senses. Very few people know what button is located where. Don't let anyone know where your senses are present. If people are aware of your weak spots, they will manipulate it anyhow and any number of times for it to work to their advantage. If you have no weak spots, then great. These people are probably the most luckiest people on earth. For those who do have them, hide it!

Damn Napolean

"Nature intended women to be our slaves. They are our property." - Napolean Bonaparte

If Napolean was alive, I'd have gladly shot him.

Without Love


Not everyone is so lucky,
To be in love for ever and ever;
Things are gonna last for you,
Only if you are absolutely clever.

Love sure is an awesome feeling,
Makes you want to live each day;
It shows you magic and casts spells,
Gets you past even when things don't go your way.

It brings on joy and the smiles,
It makes you laugh till you cry;
But when the cry takes over the laugh,
That's when your life is put to try.

Not everyone survives the test of time,
Some make it and some simply lose;
How you're gonna handle both,
Is something that you need to choose.

Its not easy even when love lasts,
Its is a kind of a healthy chore;
You do have support to work on it,
But you don't have to keep the score.

Love should be a part of life,
The part should not take over everything;
If you let that happen,
Then you sure are gonna be left with nothing.

Love can show you new highs,
But sometimes can make you want to throw a fit;
One thing is for sure that no matter what,
Its impossible to live without it.

Fight it out

Life's hard yeah. But whats the point in complaining. I mean like how long do you have to live to figure that out. Like anyone would be totally happy if everything went as they wanted. I'm tired of listening to people around saying "Life sucks", "Damn it, Life's screwed", "Oh boy, Life's hard". Its not like I'm leading a perfection personified life out here. I can think of umpteen instances where I myself have used the mentioned phrases. Took me a while, but I did realise that there is no point complaining or arguing. You just need to accept things that you cant avoid.

So what now if life's hard? Tell me, compared to what? If life sucks, compared to what? Death? What other form of living are we aware of anyway. I've lived through days, months and years of complaining about my life. Blamed everyone possible, screamed out to God and what not. But what happened? Nothing. Now when I look back I feel like ROFL'ing. Stupid, naive, foolish or whatever I was. I just figured out by myself that nothing in life comes easy. You need to fight for every single thing at every single step. And now its become such that, I actually look forward for the fights.

Survival was and never will be easy. Every joy can be followed by a million disappointments. That's life that's it. You just get used to it and look forward hoping that tomorrow will be better. Fate, destiny, karma - maybe. No matter what it is, you still have to live with it right. So its simple, stop cribbing and do something about it. Trust me, no one else is gonna bother about whats happening to you. Its you, you and only you and your tactics to survive.

After all everything that is worth having, is sure enough worth fighting for.

Ignorance

I liked things better when I didn't understand them. Trust me, Ignorance sure is bliss, albeit temporary.

Afterglow


This is a song by INXS. A few years ago it was just a pass by song, but now I'm totally in love with it!

Here I am,
Lost in the light of the moon,
That comes through my window;
Bathed in blue,
The walls of my memory divides,
The thorns from the roses,
It's you and the roses;

Touch me and I will follow,
In your afterglow,
Heal me from all this sorrow,
As I let you go,
I will find my way,
When I see your eyes,
Now I'm living,
In your afterglow.

Here I am,
Lost in the ashes of time,
But who wants tomorrow,
In between,
Longing to hold you again,
I'm caught in your shadow.
I'm losing control.
My mind drifts away,
We only have today;

Touch me and I will follow,
In your afterglow.
Heal me from all this sorrow,
As I let you go.
I will find my way,
I will sacrifice,
Till the blinding day,
When I see your eyes.

Bathed in blue,
The walls of my memory divides,
The thorns from the roses.
It's you who is closest.

Now I'm living,
In your afterglow.
When the veils are gone,
As I let you go,
As I let you go.

Sands of Time


Lost in the light of the moon,
I ponder over the course of my life;
At times it was all clear and smooth,
And at times I had to put up a strife.

I've lived in harmony and peace,
Not bothering to live the longest;
Of all the senses known to me,
Memory still remains the strongest.

I have never loved anyone,
So that I could be loved back;
I loved because I wanted to love,
Not to fill in something I lack.

Time heals no wounds,
It only helps it fade;
It also brings into the surface,
Things you're trying to evade.

Try to bring a smile on someone,
Give in all that you can and should;
And when you don't expect anything,
You will be rewarded in good.

Life is meant to be lived,
In summer, winter, spring or rain;
It is a tough learning process,
And it doesn't come without the pain.

The day I've lived enough,
I'll quietly go without a chime;
Leaving behind my footprints,
On the sands of time.

Mine

I have a million things,
Things that make me feel fine;
But you are the best thing,
That's ever been mine.

The Shoe Box


A man and woman had been married for more than 60 years. They had shared everything. They had talked about everything. They had kept no secrets from each other except that the little old woman had a shoe box in the top of her closet that she had cautioned her husband never to open or ask her about.

For all of these years, he had never thought about the box, but one day the little old woman got very sick and the doctor said she would not recover.

In trying to sort out their affairs, the little old man took down the shoe box and took it to his wife's bedside. She agreed that it was time that he should know what was in the box. When he opened it, he found two knitted dolls and a stack of money totaling $95,000.

He asked her about the contents.

'When we were to be married,' she said, 'my grandmother told me the secret of a happy marriage was to never argue. She told me that if I ever got angry with you, I should just keep quiet and knit a doll.'

The little old man was so moved; he had to fight back tears. Only two precious dolls were in the box. She had only been angry with him two times in all those years of living and loving. He almost burst with happiness.

'Honey,' he said, 'that explains the dolls, but what about all of this money? Where did it come from?'

'Oh,' she said, 'that's the money I made from selling the dolls.'

Pleasure


  • Dark Chocolate
  • Cappuccino from Barista
  • Rahul Bose's crooked smile
  • Adithya Bal cooking
  • Vanilla Twilight
  • Moonlight walk on my terrace
  • His smile
  • Long talks with my best friend
  • Fresh purple and blue orchids
  • Roast Chicken Sub
  • Tequila Sunrise
  • My black shoes
  • Surprises
  • His smell
  • Taylor Lautner's eyes
  • Jacob Black
  • Black
  • Stereo Love
  • Surya Namaskar
  • Perfectly fit dark blue denims
  • Inferno
  • His voice
  • Plain white shirt
  • Mom's hug
  • Jeffery Archer books
  • Zero defects
  • Garfield
  • Shining black hair
  • His touch
Ah, sheer pleasure!

People and Opinions


There is nothing like a good or bad person. People are just people. They are what they are and you just have to figure out a way to get along with them. Why they are the way they are, is something you need to find out if they mean something to you, else it better be left unsaid. No person is the same from birth to death. People change with age, responsibilities and more often than not, situations. Here, its each one to his/her own. One changes only if he/she wants to. You cannot try to change anyone. If you still are keen, well then good luck with it!

Like my friend says, every person is born the same way and is given the same resources. The way they use the resources is what makes them different. Or in my case, weird. Period.

Opinions are something common to every single being. Everyone has one about everything/everyone around. Let it be. No point in losing your sleep over someone's opinion. My best friends and I always have a difference of opinion. Still that doesn't stop us from loving one another. Each person comes with a list tagged to them. The list of their preferences and priorities. No two lists are alike. Close maybe, but definitely not an exact copy. I've learnt to accept other peoples' opinions, but I always go with mine. Even if I screw up things, I have only myself to blame. I don't have to sit and ponder about how things went wrong and who pushed me into it. Opinions and suggestions are like synonyms. Listen to them, but do what you feel like.

Darwin's theory makes sense at times; "Survival of the fittest". In this world, you need to do all you can to survive. Even if it means a battle within yourself.

Beautiful Lie


Trying to be the iron maiden,
Not letting things to matter;
But when even a tiny scratch occurs,
Everything comes down in a shatter.

I always thought that patience was the key,
I hoped happiness would someday knock;
But now that I have the key,
I can't seem to find the lock.

I refused to accept the obvious,
Have been hiding under a husk;
Before I make it to the dawn,
I seem to come across the dusk.

Its like I've been forced to grow up,
Soaking in the things I've been inflicted upon;
When the heart break and pain is over,
The innocence is usually gone.

Can't figure out whats happening and why,
It just seems like a tragic game;
But the worse thing is,
I don't know whom to blame.

I close my eyes and try to forget the agony,
Try to think of all good things to come by;
But when I wake up and see the truth,
Life just seems like a beautiful lie.

The Down of Up


Every up always has a down side. Why am I the lucky one who gets to learn such things the hardest way possible. Or is it just that you can only learn things the hard way? Whatever it is, I get to learn something new every time. But to get there, the pain and angst you need to go through is like a short trip down hell. Is it worth it? I'm not too sure.

I've changed yes. But it was a conscious decision as I wanted to better myself and not repeat the mistakes I've done in the past two years. The biggest turn off about me was my temper. My anger has driven me to do things that has turned my life upside down in the past. Obviously not in a good way. I'm a very impulsive person. But that mixed with a flaring temper is not one of the best combos. You're hurt, want to get back at someone, the anger builds up, you want to see the other person hurt, anger builds up more, you end up doing something totally illogical and irrational, the plan works, the other person is hurt beyond repair, you realise it was not worth it and finally regret and cry. Root Cause : ANGER.

My main aim was to get that out. I worked hard on it. Meditation, belief in God and yoga helped me get over it. Today I'm a very calm person almost unaffected by anything that comes my way. I'm very happy the way I am now. My friends are shocked to see me this way but they love me more now I'm sure. Its not that I cant get angry, I just don't want to. I don't let anything affect me enough to get me flared up. I stay calm and put up with anything people around me do. Kinda laid back you can say.

The downside: People take you for granted and how. They probably think that no matter how much shit you give this person, she's gonna take it. They lash out their frustrations at you and later they expect a "sorry" to make up for it. Don't care for you when they should and later expect a "Sorry, I dint realise things were so bad" to do the trick. Its fine at times but when people who actually matter to you do that, its plain agony. What to do in such situations is something I can never figure out. I do try to maintain a balance between the upside and downside but sometimes its hard to get it right.

When you decide to change, I think we need to think it through properly. Being used, and being taken for granted is probably the worst feeling ever. And when you decide to do something and lash out, the other person gets hurt and you end up with the goddamned residue, Guilt. Ah Guilt, the feeling when you see all fingers around you pointed at you. Sucks! I'll save this topic for later.

Never Look Back


Letting go of the familiar,
Has and will never be easy;
Never let anyone occupy space in your head,
When all you're getting back is something measly.

If something hurt you back then,
But can make you happy now;
Why hold yourself back,
Why make it a thing you lack?

Now nothing can be done,
About the wrongs of the past;
Why dig up a dead horse?
Why carry it till you last?

Its the present that matters,
Not whats happened or what will;
Strive to make today worth living,
Else everything will simply stand still.

If you're confused,
Its better to just not think;
Better to not to do anything,
Rather than do something stupid.

At times ignorance sure is bliss,
Its always better to not know a few things;
Cos once if that's etched in your mind,
The thought of it forever clings.

Its either here or there,
Its all about white or black;
No matter how good or bad,
Its always better to never look back.

Butterfly Wings


Life seems so bright,
Like being lit by a million fireflies;
There is light everywhere,
I can just stand and in awe stare.

Dreams coming all the way true,
I feel like its something new;
All around are colourful things,
Like a pair of butterfly wings.

As I awake from the warm cocoon,
Something pleasant awaits me;
The thought itself is so amusing,
I just cant wait to see.

The cool winter breeze,
Sweeps me of my feet;
Its only mesmerising,
And the feeling is so neat.

Now happiness seems to distract me,
I want to soak in the view;
Finally I get to feel this way,
Its been since long due.

I feel like I'm floating,
Lost in a state of trance;
Its completely enveloped me,
I want to jump up and prance.

Joy and peace are no longer just words,
Happiness now sure is mine;
With my head held up high,
I feel like I'm on cloud nine.

I


I,

-- want to be happy.
-- wants others to be happy too.
-- want to break free.
-- want to hold on.
-- want to search my soul.
-- doubt if I ever have a soul.
-- am a hopeless romantic.
-- hate conventional love stories.
-- think I'm a good person.
-- know that there is something wrong with me.
-- want to fall in love again.
-- don't want to give myself a chance to love again.
-- am a self obsessed freak.
-- care for someone more than I care about myself.
-- love to spend time with my friends.
-- also know of friends who hate me secretly.
-- can never compliment a girl on face value.
-- know that there are many girls out there who are much much better than me in all ways.
-- love to pen poetry.
-- hate the fact that my niche is poetry.
-- can never judge people right.
-- always form an opinion but never judge.
-- can never blush or act coy.
-- secretly smile when someone makes me feel good.
-- am a very simple person to understand.
-- also lead one hell of a complicated life.
-- think for hours about what has to be done.
-- am the most impulsive person I've ever met.
-- hate flattery.
-- enjoy subtle compliments.
-- hate clingy people.
-- enjoy the fact that I mean so much to someone.
-- cry each time I break a heart.
-- love the fact that so many people love me.
-- know that I act very mature.
-- also know that there is a kid hidden deep down inside me.
-- am a very practical person.
-- am also the most confused person on this planet.

F.R.I.E.N.D.S


Last years friendship day had me writing a big list with me thanking all the people whom I thought were my friends. This year I'm tempted to change the norm. I'm gonna be completely honest and only mention the 7 most important people whom I genuinely care about. These are the people whom I love and who I know will stand by me forever. They are used to my madness, they know all the pranks I have up my sleeve and they know each and every reaction of mine. In short these are the only ones who know, why I am the way I am and love me inspite of me being me! That takes a lot of guts guys, Thanks!

Since I'm reducing the population of my life to about 2% I'd rather not mention names here. I wouldn't want to be mauled or haunted you see. So here we go, Happy Friendship Day to the most important people in my life.

1. This person, for keeping me sane and insane. For being my strength and weakness. And most importantly, for being the person who taught me how to love.

2. This person, for being my backbone and my right hand. For standing by my side always, supporting me when I'm right and admonishing me when I'm wrong. This person has been the most constant part of my life and will always be.

3. This person, for being the underdog. The quiet, silent one who has one hell of a sharp memory and awesome listening skills. The only one who listens to my jabbering and puts up with it. The one who hears me out no matter how much it might hurt. And also for being the one whom I genuinely care about.

4. This one, for being my evil twin. Together we are out there to prove that great minds think alike. The same thought crosses both our minds at the same time, and one look at the other and we know what each one is thinking. We don't agree on very few concepts and respect the other for their opinion. Good or bad, life surely would have been dull without this one.

5. Next comes my partner, sweet and highly girlish; something anti me, and I guess the reason why we get along so well is because we complement each other so well. I can pour my heart out to this one and more often than not we have had the same kind of experiences. An awesome person to be with and yes, one of the most goodlooking friend I've ever had.

6. Next is the craziest friend I've ever had. This one is the the only one who gets high without any reason. Madness personified and you will never feel bored for even a second with this one around. Understands my state of mind perfectly and gives me advice that always work. Also, this one is simply here for their world famous "Wave Dance".

7. Last but not the least, the only friend who is also a blood relative. I live with this one and we hate each other. But we love each other more. The times we spend together are awesome and together we can knock down anyone. Extremely possessive of me which can get kinda annoying at times, but I know that as long as this one is around, no harm can befall me.

P.S: I've made sure not to leak out the gender or the nature of the people mentioned above. But I'm sure that who ever will read it will know who they are. And to the people who didn't make it here; sorry, but you simply were not worth it!