Want To Flaunt? Earn It!

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The best thing about 'Tanu Weds Manu Returns' was clearly Kusum aka Datto, the Tanu doppelganger. I absolutely loved the scene in which Tanu calls her a gawar(villager) and she retorts saying that she is not a gawar as she makes her own money and supports her family unlike Tanu whose underwear also is bought by someone else. I clapped the loudest for this scene. In my honest opinion anyone who is over the age of eighteen irrespective of sex should make their own money. I started earning very young, not because my parents couldn't afford to, but because I wanted to earn my own money. Financial independence is not only about the money. It is about the confidence and self respect that comes with it. Earning money gives you the freedom to do what you want with it. Constantly asking for money from someone else does no good to ones self confidence.

Age old customs and history has made the man as the money maker of the family while a woman worships him by providing him food and sex. In return, she gets to ask her husband for what she wants and if he is in a good mood he would buy it for her. Years have passed but still some women are stuck in that era. Earning money doesn't mean you have to earn and fend for the whole family. It means that you should atleast be in a position to take care of yourself and your basic needs financially. Yes, I used the word basic here on purpose. If a man or a woman above the age of eighteen is not able to handle his or her basic needs i.e food and clothing, then I have absolutely no respect for them. I agree that some people are still studying at that age, so let us push that age limit to twenty two. But what about the people who still depend on their parents or husbands for financial support? The thought itself is appalling.

You can always study and make money. You can have a steady job and make some extra money part time. It is the thought that counts and the push to achieve it. I make very good money and I work really hard for that, be it my regular job or my writing. My work is my worship and that is God for me. I don't believe in religions and pujas. My work gives me everything that I need today. Not only limited to money. Thankfully I make enough money where in I can take good care of myself and my family. My husband loves this independent streak in me. That day has never come where I had to ask him or anybody else for money. I buy whatever I want to without having to ask him for it. Any big purchase would obviously be discussed as both of us are really thrifty and spend money only where it is needed. I shop a lot online and am an impulsive buyer when it comes to certain deals. I place an order and it is done. More often than not I end up shopping for my husband only and I am glad that I have the capacity to buy him his favorite stuff.

Financial independence is much beyond money. The self worth and confidence it gives you is something else altogether. My mother was always a working lady who worked from home most of the time. In her late forties, she ventured out and started her own business which is doing very good now. Today at the age of fifty eight, she still handles her business and is immensely respected. Probably seeing such a strong woman around me, made me hate the concept of housewives. I do not understand it at all, about how a perfectly capable woman can waste her life. I do know of some housewives or homemakers who do all that they can to make some earning out of their passions. Atleast enough to take care of themselves. Most of the bloggers I know are home makers who work out of their house by giving life to some passion of theirs. Be it gardening, cooking, painting, stitching or anything else. But others just sit at home and crib about how their husbands don't make enough money to fulfill all their desires. Such women seriously need to develop some spine and go out and learn to fend for themselves.

If the woman has an health issue or any other personal issue apart from society, in-laws etc; staying at home for unavoidable reasons make sense. Society will talk no matter what, if women want to adhere to that then no one can help them. Like I said before, it is all about the intent.

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There is this certain breed of housewives who flaunt their possessions to one another. Be it a new appliance or a piece of jewelry. These women have not earned a penny all their lives and yet that doesn't stop them from flaunting. A husband's money is not equal to the wife's money. If the wife is working then the money together is theirs, but if a housewife is talking about something that someone else bought for her, it is never hers. Depending on someone else for basic needs is such a horrible thing. I pity such women who have to sit at home and beg their husbands for money to buy something that they want. Even if it is coriander. It is such a pathetic situation to be in. You might live in an own house, drive in the biggest of cars and own the most expensive gadgets, still nothing of it belongs to you. It exists because someone else worked really hard to get it. You only get to use it, that doesn't mean it is yours. It will always belong to someone else.

The amount is not important as that of the intention. Every woman has the capacity to earn money in some way or the other. But some of them have given up on life and have decided to live all their life by piggy banking on their husbands backs. I have some friends who were working initially but after marriage voluntarily chose to be housewives as they did not want to work. Shame on them. Today they sit at home and watch TV while their husbands toil at work and earn money. These women then pester their husbands to buy them jewelry and take them out on exotic locations and later crib when they don't get it. I wonder how they feel like it. I'd rather kill myself than be in a position where I have to ask someone else for money. That too to buy my basics like lingerie, toiletries and stuff. Ewww, even the thought of it scares me.

The logic is simple. If you want to flaunt something, make sure you have earned it. My husband buys me expensive presents but I never flaunt them. It will always be something that he bought for me. The love and the intention is clear though. I flaunt the things that I buy for him. Thankfully I am in a position where I can buy him the best of things and it gives me immense pride that I can do so. Everything that I own today is what I have bought from the money I have earned. It can be the smallest of things to the biggest, it is all mine because I have made the money that went into it. I'm fiercely financially independent and my only competition is me. I strive hard to be in a position to buy better things for myself instead of waiting for my husband to bless me with something. I do not want to compare myself with other women regarding what they own. It maybe self bought, then I would respect them for it but never compare. If it is bought by the parents or the husband, I would just laugh at them. They are no way close to my league. Tomorrow if my husband and I buy a car, it would be ours as we both would have invested in it. Same with a house. Sitting at home with a remote in my hand, I would not claim to own big things.

No matter how rich I get, I will always continue to work. As long as I have the strength I will. Even if I am bed ridden I will do something. It is not about the money at all. It is a feeling of self worth. Of confidence. Of pride.

Dear men and women, if you talk nineteen to a dozen about something and are flaunting it off like there is no tomorrow, the least you can do is to make sure that you have earned the money that went behind it. Else, please get out there and see how hard it is to earn a living. A safety pin bought from your own money is much much bigger than a mansion bought for you by someone else.

A life not capable of earning is a life wasted. Without a doubt.

34 comments:

  1. The thought of sitting at home post marriage really dreaded me..It's just not me.. and I really worked hard for it to get myself a job in a small city, where working options are quite limited.. Only I know, the amount of hurdles that I had to cross while grabbing this one.. and when on the other end, I see housewives, wasting time and portraying that their lives are so perfect, really makes me pity on them..! How can someone sit idle and not do anything 24*7.. sheer waste of human resource I feel and above all be proud about it!

    I loved your take on this..

    Cheers

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    1. I am so so so proud of you, my dear Geet!

      Lots of love to you!

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    2. Lots of love to you dear lioness :*.. for everything.. :)

      Cheers

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  2. Lots of food for thought! Financial independence is very important indeed. Thanks for sharing your perspective.

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  3. Making your own money does empower you in a lot many ways. I'm aware of the breed of housewives who flaunt their hubby's money but I'm also aware of a few housewives who build the hubby's nest by helping him manage his finances better by careful spending and savings. They might have their own reasons for not making their own money but the latter kind of women still have my respect coz they do not flounder their hubby's wealth. Neverthless, i agree, every woman should earn her own money. A very strongly expressed post.

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    1. The kind you mentioned are fewer than few. And yes, they have my complete respect. Atleast they know how to manage money, that is a job too ain't it? :)

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  4. You are being harsh! I think if a couple is ok with one spouse not working, it is their decision and we are no one to judge. I also believe that contribution to the household can be intangible - like a few women take care of their children which is also a full time job. The only thing that is wrong is sitting on a sofa all day, going on a shopping spree, wasting resources and most of all, never being satisfied.

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    1. You hit the bulls eye here. Is the couple is ok with it, then fine. But most men are not okay with it at all. Considering the cost of living these days the more paychecks the better. Most men expect their wives to lend a helping hand but they do not want to. Why leave the comforts of home just for a few bucks?

      Women who are mothers is a different thing altogether. Children are a full time job and that coupled with housework will leave them with no time for anything. But what about before kids? Or after they are grown up and can tend to themselves? I have a problem with such women.

      The thing you consider the only problem is the primary problem. Wasting resources and time seems to be the hobby of some housewives.

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    2. So we agree but just have a different way of expressing our opinion :)

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    3. Oh yeah, you are way too sweet while I'm no where close to that :)

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  5. Financial independence is necessary and in these expensive times, double income adds more security. On the other hand I have also seen few of my friends leaving job after relocation of husband... and I know how much they are trying hard to do voluntary jobs and find other things to keep themselves because the Visa doesn't allow. To be frank I have never interacted with housewife of my generation who sits at home and just flaunts. Maybe I should be thankful that I know some sensible people. I have so much respect for your mom. No wonder you are so strong.

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    1. People trying to find a job have double my respect. It is the ones who do not bother to try that bothers me.

      You should be very thankful indeed. Just as I am, for having a mom like her.

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  6. Uff! Such passion in your words. Me likey. It truly is such a waste of talent and woman-power sitting at home doing nothing. Of course, if your situations - such being a mom, or health concerns or someone needing attention etc - warrant it, then by all means. But, regardless of earning or the amount you earn, I think it's a complete waste of space to be sitting at home doing nothing - men or women. Even if you chose to do it. If you don't have need for money, at least be a philanthropist or a good human being and help someone who needs help. Ok, I'm digressing. Apologies. I'm a staunch believe in 'each one to their own' but if you choose to sit simply, despite having the opportunities - I'm just sad. for them.

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    1. Thank you Sid, it is nice to have a man's POV here.

      Apart from unavoidable circumstances, I think everyone should try to get out of home and so something for themselves. Not for others.

      Sad is not the word. I pity such people immensely.

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  7. One of the things I kept tellin my parents when they asked me what kinda girl i wanted to marry
    INDEPENDENT, INDEPENDENT, INDEPENDENT

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    1. There is something very sexy about an independent woman na?

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  8. Soumya, the very thought of sitting at home and flaunting husband's money scares the shit out of me. As I am hunting for job and fighting my own battles, some people say why can't I go ahead sitting home and having kids. Well, it's not money but the self respect and dignity that comes along . What then is the purpose of having 2 degrees after my name ?? Everything can be done along with work be it chores at home, kids and taking care f everything. Jobless is not a state of rest but rust. I soooooo much hate this. Like your take on this. While I still respect some women who sit at home for a genuine reason.

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    1. I'm glad you are looking for a job and don't worry you will get one very soon. Till then, upgrade your skills.

      All the best! :)

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  9. Applause !! The only solace I have right now for sitting at home is that it's just a break from that breakneck speed with which I used to work. Well Soumya financial independence irrespective of hordes of money on which a lady is sitting is a must and I am having a first hand experience . by being on the both sides of the line I am with you though again, conditions applied * * :) a nice one dear :)

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    1. You used to work before, that alone is enough :)

      Thanks Kokila!

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  10. Congratulations ! Your post has been featured in Spicy Saturday section of BlogAdda. Check here - http://blog.blogadda.com/2015/08/01/spicy-saturday-picks-1st-august-2015-indian-bloggers
    Cheers :)

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  11. A housewife is still working (a lot) in the house -- cooking, taking care of kids and elders, and doing many more things. It's not that housewives sit and watch serials all day -- that's a misconception.

    If earning money becomes the goal of both the spouses, family and health are neglected (relatively speaking). You may refute this, but that's the fact. I am not saying it's wrong, working maybe the need of the time for both. But understanding what we are losing by focusing excessively on work might be an interesting angle to think about.

    Destination Infinity

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    1. I agree to your point. But I also believe that a woman can do all that and still find sometime to do something for herself. It need to be a steady salary that runs the household. Atleast something that will help take care of her basic needs.

      I disagree about the fact of health and family being neglected. That is up to each and every individual, because from where I see it is the people who stay at home who are more ill than the ones who go out and work.

      Housewives sitting at home and watching serials is not a misconception. I have seen quite a number of them do this only while they have maids to take care of the house. I am not creating things from thin air and talking here, I'm talking about what I see around only.

      Nobody focuses entirely only on work. The concept is to be independent financially even by doing small things. If working meant losing out on life then nobody would bother to work.

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  12. (I think u will not post this :D ,no offense to u personally ,but I've 2 say this on bhalf of all my sisters who r housewives or even gawars...I hope u'll dare n care 2 post this .)

    Those kings who made history in the past,behind them wer those women who stayed at home & were busy raisng them,laying their foundation,making them mentally,physically,spiritually strong ..that's y they say,"Hands that rocks the cradle, rules the world." So,U c since ages it's been already proved, ladies at home r stronger enuf to provide the ryt direction to their family,knows her self-worth & confident enuf ,they don't need any1's validation & flaunt it...

    Today's ultra modern society is so full of self-respect & self-worth that they forget to respect others, for ex they perceive & treat a homemaker as if her mere existence is a big mistake bcoz she depends on that "someone else"....what we ladies at home proudly call -our life"PARTNER".

    I do ask my spouse to buy me "coriander" and wen he comes home aftr work ,he is excited to see me waiting for him ,fresh and happy and to eat yummy food made (of that coriander)exclusively by me not by any housemaid or from outside or any ready-2-eat foods.I am not spending that "someone's" money here,I AM SAVING in many ways & he is enjoying home made fresh meals ontime & he is quite healthy ...U c ,marriage is all about inter-dependence-sharing and caring -the bottomline.

    Tho I'm not a flaunting type,I wud rather flaunt wat my man bot 4 me as I am proud to show to the world ,what my man can do for me than flaunting what "I" can buy for him....However,those women who want 2 enjoy or flaunt luxuries ,wen their spouse is working hard 2 make both ends meet ,that is soo wrong!

    BTW,I didn't know,getting a job is that easy nowadays ...:P

    I think it is all abt ,doing what makes U happy & live the way U want to, without comparing or judging others ...Live and let live !

    Thx 4 reading.

    P.S.-I am an ex -Microsoft-ian & worked at 3 other reputed companies in US,now a freelancer, who works part time , stay at home & work full time..I am proud of it ,never been so much happier before as I am taking care of myself more and most importantly my family as well.BTW,I am a leo 2 (Zodiac sign) ;).


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    1. Lady, I wrote this post for the world to read, what makes you think I wouldn't publish you comment?

      Tell me, why do you a think that the hand that rocks the cradle should be that of a woman only? And if you are talking about kings and queens it looks like your thought is stuck in that century as well.

      Let me tell you this. I work full time, and more often than not in two jobs. My regular job at a big IT firm and writing. I cook fresh food for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Myself. I clean, scrub and wash the vessels and clothes at home. Myself. My husband is indeed my life partner who helps me in everything I do. I, not a housemaid. And we both are very very healthy. This is sharing and caring for me.

      If you were not the flaunting type or didn't need any validations, I don't see why you had to put out your resume here.

      You can be a Leo or anything else, as long as you are happy with yourself then it is fine. Just like how happy I am with my life of being a working wife and totally being proud of it.

      After all it is about 'Live and let live', right?

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    2. Answers 2 ur questions lady:

      1.Your "LOL Disclaimer" made me think u "may or may not" publish it.

      2.Coz no man can replace the way a woman can cradle a baby,that's the deeper lvl of connection b/n mom & baby since she gets preggy.

      Well,history is made 4 a reason darling!!

      3.O wow ..sharing & caring..Good 4 u !!

      4.I don't need ny1's validation especially urs babes,sometimes 2 prove my point 2 ppl like u(who may othrwise ask ,wat qualification do I've 2 say so),I may have 2 ,u can even say "FLAUNT" it and that I earned it ryt :P !! As a matter of fact, it's U who is flaunting how financially independent u r!!

      5.I mentioned "LEO" coz I thot u r 2 ,as ur blog is roaring with that word ...it was like saying HI5 2 u gal..but...

      6."as long as you are happy with yourself then it is fine"..NOW V R TALKING!..exactly and it applies 2 everyone even 2 those who didn't earn something & r flaunting their that "some1 else's" whoops husband's gift etc.After all, it's ther husband's that she is flaunting not her neighbors...U C wat works 4 u may not work 4 othrs,what works 4 others may not work 4 u....S s s..after all it's all abt "Live and let live " !!!

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    3. Thanks for your thoughts Manjusha!

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  13. I can completely understand what you are trying to say, Soumya. I have been on both sides of this divide. I have worked before marriage, and haven't been able to work post marriage, as we came to US and I was not able to get a work visa. Then the baby happened, and I had a full time job dealing with him and keeping up with the house. Hence the women who stay at home with kids also do have my respect, as I know how much of dedication and effort it requires. It doesn't amount to doing nothing at all. Having said that, I for one, cannot stay at home long term. I need to be out and about, and work outside of the house. I can't really explain why. It is just me. Thankfully as my son starts school this Sep, I am also going to get my work visa. So I guess it all worked out well for me. :)

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    1. Wanting to work but not being able to is such a tough situation to be in I understand. Women with kids is a different angle altogether and they have my complete respect. But what about before kids and after they are grown up? There still is enough time to work then, right?

      I'm so proud of you for wanting to work. And I'm so happy that it all worked out very well for you! :)

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  14. Inspiring! And this is exactly why I decided not to join him at his new place of work. I couldn't leave behind everything that I toiled for. When I was often told that Army wives should quit their job, I simply said the exact same words, that I do not want to beg my husband for buying my lingerie! Great post, Soumya! And congrats on the Spicy pick! :)

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    1. So so so proud of you my darling! <3

      Thank you! :)

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