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Stalker Scare

Jennifer Lopez sues stalker!! This was the first news I read some days ago when I had just got up. That had me wondering that how jobless can one get. I was surprised to know that stalking is actually a profession!! Awww.... Come on. Following someone around for a living ?? How Pathetic!! Well this is acceptable only in one case, if you're a detective. Having said that I thought that I was lucky not to be a celeb. But before I knew it I had to eat my words :(. Well I'm no celebrity but yet I've had pathetic experiences with creatures who are constantly watching you, observing your every move n worse talking to you about it. Creature = Stalker.

After some research I actually found that stalkers are of more than a type. Usually its a person you know n the one whom you had rubbed the wrong way. Thats the first kind. Next is the kind who in plain simple words is a stranger. The one who monitors your every move. The one who doesnt have a face, yet knows everything about you. These guys claim to know you more than you know yourself or much better than your mom does. Third is the kind.... well you cant officially call them stalkers, but trust me they can easily pass of as one. So happily perched on the third kind are those boyfriends who follow their girlfriends around like a puppy. Hence forth known as the semi-stalker. This blog focuses on the second n third kind of stalkers/losers.

Starting with the second kind. Well after a fun day you go back home only to find a message from a strange number which says, "Looking hot today girlie!!". So after checking with near n dear ones you conclude that this message is from a stranger. Well what can you do in such a circumstance. Can ignore the entire incident. But this seems hard to do when it happens every day n every few minutes. Moreover its hard to ignore someone who actually remembers what you wore for an entire month, what shoes you matched with them, n what hairstyle you had on what day. Well I wouldnt call this funny or romantic. Its plain scary!!

Well if this had been the only case it would have been atleast tolerable. These losers actually stalk you on Orkut/Facebook. Come on guys, Get a life!! If you so badly want that girl, be a man n approach her in person. If you cant do that then better get the word "LOSER" tattooed in bold on your forehead. Some of these guys go to the extents of bad-mouthing your best friends just inorder to get a response from you. Look stalker dude, you may call them what you want. Silly, Uncle or Crazy..... For me they will always remain important n you will always remain a weird loser. Some of these pathetic kind dont give up even when they get to know that you are in a successful serious relationship. You abuse them, avoid them, ridicule them, still their so called "ego" remains boosted. Its not an achievement guys. Trust me. Better mend your ways now, or else the cops will soon be stalking you.

Lets now come to the third kind a.k.a semi-stalkers. These are those so called boyfriends who are stuck to their girlfriend's a**es morning, noon and night. You wake up, they are there. You go shopping, they follow you. You meet your friends, they are there. You want to go to a parlour, yet they are there. You know why? Cos they are patiently waiting for you about 2 centimeters away from the parlour. These are the times when you feel that you are married to that person n done for life. These guys want to know everything. Where you have been n for how long. Whom you met n why. What you wore n when.

Its not romantic, its annoying to the CORE. These guys never change. The only way to get rid of them is to simply dump them. Some girls mistake this for love when it is actually obsession. Before this obsession turns dangerous run woman run.

No matter how many kinds they are, every kind of stalker is equally dangerous. Worse thing is these guys never lose interest in you n even if they do they continue with such cheap antics just for the kick of it. Well here is to all the stalkers who had to go through so much of pain to watch my every move, Losers!! Get a life or end the present one. If not many, there will be atleast one person who will thank you for it. ME!!!

P.S:- All characters in the above blog are purely non-fictional n the resemblance to any person living or dead is truly intentional. Even though I have not mentioned names, I'm sure they know who they are.

If you guys are wondering why I havent spoken about the first kind then visit I thank my co-author, n my beloved stalkers for motivating me to write this. N btw the perfect poem I found for this blog, dedicated to all the stalkers in the world.

A pest msgd me today,
He emailed me too,
He asked if I were single,
and asked, how do you do?

He asked all kinds of questions,
wanted all the details,
of my very private life,
demanded that I tell,

Age, sex and location,
he insisted that I share,
along with exact sizes,
of my shoes and clothes I wear,

I politely said no,
refused all his requests,I
told him very sternly,
Stop this, don't be a pest,

His msg kept on poppin up,
he asked if I were wed,
by then I was quite annoyed,
by all the things he'd said,

I asked him which part of NO,
he didn't understand,
I told him I was 85,
and wore 6 wedding bands,

but all my husbands now were gone,
and I had all their money,
you want to know about,
their accidents now, honey?

I told him I fart when I walk,
the hair's gone from my head,
I keep my teeth in a jar,
at night I wet the bed,

Sometimes I wander naked,
till somebody brings me home,
you wanna get together,
so I won't be all alone?

Suddenly the msgs's stopped
so I wrote him an mail,
a little sign then popped up
that said he was offline,

I giggled and I guffawed,
I chuckled and I laughed,
I doubt it seriously,
if my stalker will come back...


  1. ok,here are my comments..

    1)hey,u forgot that part about stalkers where they try to gain attention by calling names of the stalkee's(the word exists:-) good friends:-)

    2)regarding the that was hilarious n ingenious!! u can find a job on the censor board any day:-) if u know what i mean ,though i am happy u r not:-)

    3)pass it on.. ur co author was good too..she can write a book titled "A detailed step by step analysis on the psychology of a stalker and ways to deal with him":-) the first customer would be madonna:-)

    now back to work bfore my boss starts stalking me!

  2. he he he lol... cant stop laughing..
    Trust me, i'm gonna show this particular blog to my colleagues at office.. its very true :)

  3. true indeed.. glad u enjoyed it!


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