To Her


Pure fiction. Okay, think whatever you want to!

Have you ever witnessed yourself dying? Like the swarm of darkness and smoke slowly engulfing you. Like a million hands pulling you to a never ending pit while all you are trying is to have a last look behind. Finally when you strain your eyes to see the one you wanted to, you notice that that person is not alone. Worse, that person is not even looking at you. Instead all you see is two hands entwined and two lips interlocked. And then you let go. Falling back is the best thing that can happen to you after that.

So on the last day of the eventful year, I got to witness it. Well at least nothing else left now :). Heights of optimism I know, but I have nothing else to say. But I do have quite a few words for someone.

~To Her~

First of all, I don't hate you. I don't envy you. I only mindlessly admire you. Being a Leo you know, I tend to think that I'm the best. But you proved me wrong and that's the sole reason I admire you. I know there is something in you that I don't have. That I can never have. It was something else before, and now, its him. I want you to know that you are the most luckiest woman in the world, cos now you have something which I can only dream of. Which I can only see, but not touch. But you have it all. You have all that I want. You have the only thing that I have ever wanted. Okay, I guess I envy you too.

You're life is settled girl, cos you have someone precious. He's amazing. I wont say much because it will be hard for you to believe it, quite obviously considering the source. He's near perfect. Okay I can't vouch for that now because he was considered perfect when he was with me. So that is something for you to decide but I'm pretty sure you won't be disappointed. He loves wholeheartedly and now that you have captured his heart, please take care of it. He's a tad bit disorganised, so you'll have to be patient with him. He's the epitome of patience with others so I'm sure you'll have no problems with that. Not a guess, I do envy you.

He loves his food and can be quite stubborn at times. But mostly he's the most accommodating creation of God. He'll listen, even if you continue to speak for hours. He'll help you smile when that's the last thing on your mind. He'll do anything in his reach to keep the one he loves happy. Damn it, I hate you. His face speaks a lot. His eyes, his lips. Train yourself to read it. Keep him very happy, and as far away as possible from agony. The smile on his face should be plastered for life. Else, I'll have to come back to settle scores. Very clichéd I know, but I sure do mean it.

I was crawling with all my might, to reach my star. Not once did it occur to me, that you were the light coming out of it.

~ ~

And then came the pain.

The year that was


2010 is finally leaving on a good note. I'm feeling a bit lazy to write a post summarizing the whole year. So, here are just a few tit bits on the realizations this year.

I am a masochistic lioness.

Rock bottom doesn't come easy. You need to swim your way through crap to get there. Either that, or you can swim backwards to the top.

I choose change. I will be the change.

Falling in love is easy. But when the love disappears, its all about falling.

At times, things are just not meant to be.

Out of sight doesn't mean out of mind.

No matter what the intention is, fate wins anyway.

You don't destroy people you love. Or so they say.

I can love till it hurts and I can hate till the other person hurts.

I've become a tiny bit lazy this year. And vain. And selfish.

I now know that he doesn't love me.

Goodbyes don't hurt. The flashbacks do.

Patience seems to be slipping out as a virtue.

I'm no longer sponge bob. I can't soak in crap anymore.

I absolutely loathe a few people.

Reality is never pleasant.

Friends are the best things in the world. Chocolate and vodka come real close.

I can let go of anything if I want to.

Silence is my loudest cry.

I can never remain silent.

I have absolutely no regrets. What ever happened and whatever will happen, happens for a reason.

I stood alone during this year. It only made me more strong.

Today, my life makes sense.

My Mirror Talking


Mirror eyes, talking to me
Like the stars stooping low
There is a spark at my chest
As I watch my heart glow

I'm the ocean flowing free
Ripping through like a song
Mending my broken wings
I'll soon fly, it wont be long

Someday, the song will end
Somehow I'd trace the way
I'll now look carefully
I'll learn what each hour had to say

No need for a hidden cry
Loud lies can never be true
No matter what you try to hide
The mirror can always see through you

Thunder storms deafen me
The rain is here after the wait
With the pour comes the hope
That tiny drops can change my fate

You were the solid paper
To my dreams of molten ink
Your boat reached the shore
While mine was meant to sink

But she held on and fought the wind
Thus she learnt how to sail
She let out a long cry
It was of joy and not a wail

The mirror screams but never lies
May hide things you don't want to show
Facade after facade, blocking the view
No matter what, the heart does know

The face in the mirror understands
I can't make love out of nothing
The very fact that you still exist
Makes my everyday worth something

P.S: I know I said no more poetry, but this one is a non heart broken one. I always keep my word.

Love makes the Difference


Its all very clear. Every single moment, every single word, every single kiss and every single touch. No matter how many days or years pass, it always feels like yesterday. The long talks, the meaningless fights, the crazy make ups after the serious ones, the surprises, the coffee, the routine and the wait. The never ending wait. Every single thing remains so fresh. For me that is.

No matter how much I love someone, at the end of the day I know it all. I'm easily replaceable. I'm just an old concept, an option maybe. I am just a vague lover, with prominent reminders. I'm just a premature idea, that can never develop. I'm a buried thought, only to be a reminiscence once in a while. I'm the love that once was but can never be now. I know it all.

I also know that the love will remain. Until someone else comes along. That's the hope I was counting on. But do I want it that way?

Tune for the day: I'd love you to want me - LOBO

Doesn't Matter


Merry Christmas everyone. May Santa leave only happiness in your stocking as he did in mine :D

You know, each time I prayed to God, I never asked anything specific. I only asked God to give me the strength to accept everything that comes my way. Of late God seriously seems to be listening. Finally my pleas are out of the spam and have made their way to the high importance list! That's the first victory.

I'm thrilled and can't wait to see what else is in store for me. I sat down to write a poem. Oh yeah, the usual love lorn stuff I write. But for the first time ever, words evaded me. I tried my best to get into the broken hearted mood to get at least a few words out, but I came out with a blank. I did manage to get a few words and all that came out were 'doesn't', 'matter'. When I tried a bit more hard, this is what I got.

I can still love you
Even if you go on hating me
I'd still wish for your happiness
Doesn't matter if you call me an enemy

I'll stand by the burning pool
Holding my shattered life all in black
I'll preen my eyes and wait for you
Doesn't matter if its takes ages for you to look back

I wanted to be the love of your life
But now call me the curse if you may
I know what I feel inside
Doesn't matter what you say

I may be like a little kid
With you I wanted to grow
I'll hold you in my heart forever
Doesn't matter if you let go

I couldn't even complete it. Usually it takes me not more than a few minutes to come out with a full fledged 7 stanza piece, but this is what I got after a coupla hours. I should be happy about it I guess. Absence of words is a shock yes, but absence of agonised words should mean a second victory right? Although I'm gonna miss the flow of words, I'm kinda glad that my blog will now have more prose. A refreshing and vital change be it.

2010 is leaving with a different me, okay not different maybe, but with a stronger me. I've made peace with everything and everyone around. I finally got back both my bestest friends and I now have a much stronger right hand and a well defined back bone. The crowd in my small world has multiplied and so has the love, care, importance and happiness. Priorities have changed and I now know the importance of family, friends and at times strangers too, whom I had taken for granted quite sometime back. It doesn't mean I have given up on love. No matter how much I change, no one can take the romantic Leo out of me. Come on, that's my birth right, ain't it? I still believe in the concept of love and continue to hope. Its just that I have come to terms with what was around me all the time. No amount of distractions can take you away from the core. At the end of the day you need to come back to it, and stand face to face.

I've been both naughty and nice this year, so Santa's been good. 2010 has left me with a lot of scars. Some that can be washed away easily, some that I want to hide, and some that I can proudly flaunt. Its taken a while, but now the mind and the heart have a better understanding of each other and finally happiness and contentment are beginning to merge.

P.S : "Whenever things look bleak, hold on to hope, even if its the weakest thread you have got. Strengthen your hopes by adding some love to it."

Tune for the day: 'Christmas is all around me' - OST, Love Actually.

You, Me aur Hum


I am a normal girl. Well I come pretty close at least. I'm an extremist, I give all I can and I love with all my might. I like people for what they are, and never try to judge them. And I'd like to be accepted and loved for the same reason. I dream of a better tomorrow and hope that I get to see it. I pray to God for strength and courage to get me past any obstacle I face. I have everything I need and I have accepted everything that has come my way. Today, I cherish my life. I've experienced love and I have no regrets about it. I still love. Hence, I live.

He might seem ordinary to you, but to me he is anything but that. A word from him is enough to lighten my heart and alleviate my sorrow. His love is the catalyst for my reason to live. His goofy smile strikes me like light and suddenly I don't need anything else. He is the hope and the dreams I see. He's my weakness and my strength. He's my prayer and an answer to it. He's the invisible pillar of support in my life. He's my love and my life. He still loves. Hence, I live.

We are not normal or ordinary people. We were perfect. We are perfect. Extra ordinary circumstances have come up, and we have coped up with it in our own different ways. We live every day of each others life, sometimes together, sometimes against. We still care, we still share. We hurt, we pretend. We're a lot unlike others, but alike each other when it comes to love. We want everything, but are paranoid to make a move. Perfection was our key. We still have floating hopes and dreams. With or without each other, we both don't know. We still love. We shall live.

Heaven in a Bottle


When I woke up to the call of the guy who has been giving me more than enough reasons to smile of late, I realised that today is surely gonna be a good day. It sure was. Its not everyday that you go to sleep on a song from the best of voices, and wake up to the sweetest of voices. Well today just seems to be my day.

First, I got my medical reports from the hospital and my doctor says that I'm just fine. A lil low on the bp, but that is inevitable thanks to the stress I'm in at work. Minus that I'm perfectly fine. I'm just thrilled to know that I'm far far away from the 'D'zone now. I battled it once successfully, never again. I'm a mobile anti-depressant now.

In order to celebrate I bought myself a dark chocolate Bournville (believe me, I've earned it) and 'Cool Water' by David Off. This small blue bottle, took me to heaven for that instant and I surely did not mind the tiny hole it punched on my card. Some fragrances are seriously expensive, but this one was totally worth it. It had me thinking. If heaven were to be incorporated in a bottle, this surely would be it! There are many others that come a close second though. Some appeal to the nose and some to the taste bud but both to the soul.

-- Dior Addict - Dior
-- Paradiso Inferno Pink - UCB
-- Colors - UCB
-- Cool Cucumber - Dove
-- Chance - Chanel
-- Tommy Girl - Tommy Hilfiger
-- Red jeans - Versace
-- Woman - Puma
-- Spicy black - Fa

I absolutely loathe perfumes/deos that have a hint of floral or fruity smell. Kinda makes me feel icky and gives me a giant headache.

Now for the taste buds.

-- Hershey's chocolate syrup
-- Romanov Vodka
-- Delmonte Mustard
-- Fun Food's double Mayo
-- Milkmaid condensed milk
-- Tic tac mint
-- Skippy's peanut butter
-- Kissan orange marmalade

I also had a lot of liqueur chocolates at work today. Its a pity they don't come in bottles. Alright, I'm slightly high. Happy high. Very happy high :)

Precarious


Things seem fine now. For the moment at least. Lots of distractions and loads of responsibilities. There are friends, new fascinations, intriguing people, acquaintances and enough good things to be able to sustain a heart beat or a breath of air. But, there always is something in the back ground. It was a stab before but now it has been replaced by a tiny sharp prick. Not that bad, but still there.

Such things make you vulnerable. Unwanted comparisons, scrutinizing self and others life, thinking too deep about everything and self pity. Life seems better at the surface. The more you dig the more shit you get and the more stench.

Can't we do a reverse Pandora's box here? Collect all our troubles, mistakes and agonies and put it in this box and bury it somewhere deep where no one can find it? No. There always is someone who digs it out and leaves it back at your doorstep. The way some people try to point out tiny glitches in your life, you feel like you are paying them for all this. But I guess that's how the world works. If you can't get it out of your life, I think we need to at least try to get it out of our minds. I'm trying.

Problems, stress and negativity is always gonna be there, but at the end of the day you got just one life to live. Things don't affect you unless you want them to. Or so they say. I don't know how to do that. I so want to learn that. But until then I'm not letting myself be vulnerable anymore. I've dragged myself out of the dark pit with great difficulty and painful courage, only to find myself be standing at the precipice again. Worse, this time I don't see the reason why I am here. I thought things were fine. I really did.

Was I forcefully trying to be happy? No, I genuinely was. Things were/are going great. I'm bonding big time with my friends, things are great at home, I'm finally feeling content. Things are a bit sucky at work, I'm trying my best to get out of there but the 90 days notice period has caused me to be a prisoner there. Just hoping that soon, something else will come along. Career has always been a priority yes, but not to the extent that it stays on my mind 24x7. Then why this turmoil I never understand.

Whatever it be, I need to not put myself in that vulnerable spot anymore. It weakens your core while the exterior seems fine. Not anymore. Even if I have to get myself to be emotionally blind I'll do that. Damn it, I was so happy in the 'Nothing matters anymore' zone that I was dwelling in, that I did not see this coming. Now that I have, I need to do something. Cannot get into the 'D' zone again. I have the strength, I have the will. But where's the way?

Not a Mistake


Its not like everyday is easy to pass
But today is the hardest
Its not like I smile always
But today I'm the saddest

I lie to myself that you are still around
For years now, I've played this game
Feeling anxious, happy and thrilled
Each time I hear your name

Its now been 66 months
Since the day we came together
But all that is left now is memories
Which I promptly tend to gather

Looking at you makes it harder
Knowing that I'm living a lie
But living with the thought that I cant see you
Makes me wanna hurt and die

I try to spend each and everyday
With happiness and laughs
How can I forget those times
When my heart has photographs

I sleep on your chest
But I wake up alone
All I have is the moon
Where our love always shone

If God comes down to me
Seeking to grant a wish
Do I ask for you to be mine
Or a forever lasting kiss

At times I can feel you
Touch my tear stained face
Holding me close to you
Pain, trying to erase

We are not like others
We cant fall in and out of love and fake
No matter who says what
Remember, we were never a mistake

Something About Love


It was really cold last night. I reached home from work earlier than usual, and sat with a mug of coffee waiting for my parents or my sister to return. I do enjoy solitude yes, but definitely not after a long hectic day at work. Nothing interesting on television either and I was feeling too lazy to walk into my room and pick up the laptop. So I decided to go for a walk. So I walk up to my terrace, 2 floors above my floor, in my work clothes including my pain inducing high heels. Luckily I had my blazer on, else I would have walked into hell. And then, came the thoughts.

Love sure is a funny thing. It gives you so much, so much to think about. So much to feel. 5 years have passed with more than 3 years of togetherness, but the feelings just remain the same. Maybe a bit more intense and mature. Its no longer butterflies in the stomach and a stolen kiss, its about practical togetherness and understanding and the million things that a single look or hug convey. Why I say love is funny is that, 2 years of being apart actually taught me all this. There is something about love. First of all it struck a solid impermeable heart like mine, leaving it all mushy and molten. Next, it showed me heaven and inspite of a few small trips down hell, still continues to. No doubt, its the best feeling in the whole world.

It makes you a thinker. Love can make you dream like a fool. Its not a problem, its often a solution. Its funny because inspite of all those tears and melancholy filled days, it still manages to leave a smile on your face. You know there still is love when you smile thinking of the first time you laid your eyes on him. You know there still is love when you think of the first touch and you still get goose bumps. You know there still is love when you can still taste the first kiss. You know there still is love when you get a rush when you know you are going to meet him. You know there still is love when you can see all that love beneath that veneer of hate in his eyes. You know there still is love when nothing has changed, inspite of everything.

Falling in love has never been important to me. For me its all about staying in love. Yes, I've kept my bargain.

I don't know why but at that time there was only one thought in my mind that I kept humming. Its surprising because I don't know the rest of the song, or the movie its from. Its more shocking because I cannot recall where have I heard this before. Felt like my last day on earth. Spooky!

"Lag ja gale, ki fir ye, haseen raat ho na ho.. Shayad fir, is janam me, mulaqaat ho na ho"

Ne Pas Abandonner L'espoir (Don't abandon Hope)


I see music, I hear light
There is life, there is glow
Amidst the gleam I see your face
And then I let my blood flow

My broken mind tries to find its way
Through the lost and dilapidated lane
Love is the only thing that struck me sharp
Just like the sun rays on my window pane

My life seems like a fusion painting
Filled with colors and tinted light
Give me a chance to live my love
And I'll shine through day and night

Everything gradually fades away
Some things are just left unsaid
Like a butterfly that weaves colors
But only to end up dry and dead

We're very alike yet so different
You're the ocean, and I'm the sea
Laying still is something I can't do
I need the wind to set me free

Live the truth, forget the lies
Just stand close and watch the clock
When nothing works just pray
You'll soon find a ship at your dock

I am something more than this
I want to walk with my head held high
I may not be the perfect dame
But I'm more than an option or a misplaced sigh

Soon the clouds will return
Hovering around blocking the pain
Again there shall be sunlit days
And when you want there shall be rain

Tomorrow shall be a good day
There will be only right and nothing wrong
There will be new chords, new music
Come to me, become my song

Hope seems to be my middle name
For me its always a half full cup
I'm an eternal optimist
I shall fight until God gives up

Pause


I want to stop thinking, stop analysing and stop realising.

I have nothing to write. Nothing to say. Poetry seems to have flown out of my mind.

The honest truth is, I don't want to interrupt my happiness.

God's Favorite Child


I am content, happy too
There has been smiles for long
Everything going right for once
Maybe nothing else left to go wrong

Either ways, I ain't complaining
Finally there is a light in my eye
Life sure is not meant to die
When birds are singing in the sky

Through weakness I found my strength
Courage replaced what had been fears
Time never heals anything
You just need to get used to the tears

It all looks good now
I have finally learned to adjust
Life seems to be shining now
Sprinkling me with silver dust

You can have one or a million friends
Yet, you need to go through what you have to
What has happened has gone past
Now there is nothing I can do

Every time that I have felt down
I have always felt you around
Through the pain I saw the path
To get my feet back on the ground

There has never been anybody else
I always always loved only you
The world thinks that I have it all
But in truth, I was waiting for you

I need nothing, when I have the memories
I've accepted and embraced it
The changes that have come out in me
Is slowly helping me re-knit

Through agony, I've found laughs
I've turned mild from the wild
I've been learning so much
I feel that I'm God's favorite child

Growing up?



I'm not the one to get extremely nostalgic about the gone times. For me, past always meant the last 5 years of my life and nothing beyond that. For obvious reasons. But when I saw my bank statement last evening I went on a journey backwards.

Its been just a week since I got my pay check and I'm already nearly broke. Thanks to the multiple shopping sessions and the pending credit card debts. The reason I went into a whirlwind of yesterdays was that during my non working days, I used to live an entire month comfortably on my measly pocket money. And now I make more than 20 times the money, but still hardly manage to make ends meet. Sigh! I was so content back then.

Normal denims have suddenly turned into expensive skinny's, regular shirts and tee's now have to have a brand name, local flip flops turned to elegant leather formal shoes, a couple of slippers turned into a huge shoe collection with all possible colors and heights (no regrets on this though). Earlier the choices were so simple with few clothes and talent meant mixing, matching and wearing them while now the closet is filled with clothes yet you cringe, stating that you have nothing to wear and talent now means adjusting time to rush into all the sales. Auto's and cab's have replaced the local bus journey contributing more to the depleting salary.

Birthday and other treats meant ice cream earlier but now it is a full fledged party. Hanging out then meant at coffee day and barista, but now its usually at a place where they serve booze. I do visit coffee shops still but clearly not as often as I used to. Things have gone so worse that if we step into a place that doesn't serve our kind of drink, we storm out to have it elsewhere. Even if it means in a car and even if it means the owner of the car getting bashed up by his wife the next day. When and how a simple pajama party with pizza and coke turned into a booze party, I'll never know.

Earlier I used to save up money for a long time to buy an anniversary or Valentine's gift for the one I love. Now, when I can afford to buy it all, there is no more love. Hurt and pain then meant scoring less marks, or additional classes, but now its all about stress and heart breaks. Earlier crushes gave a thrill, but now its repelling. It was amusing when guys walked up to talk to you initially, but now its a question mark on the mind. Earlier a hug and a card made a birthday gift, but now friendships are based on the gifts received. Sad, but true.

We all are growing up alright. But, at what cost?

Quiescence


Silence is soothing
It helps you see clear
It makes you breathe easy
And takes away the fear

Solitude as they call it
Has never been my cup of tea
I tend to enjoy it now
Its only here that I feel you and me

They say speech is silver
And silence is compared to gold
I say no amount of words can fill
As to what your eyes always told

At times it seems like a curse
But to me mostly its a boon
Silence may hold us apart
Yet together we're under the same moon

With silence, comes pretense
I'm afraid to say what I feel
But I pretend that you still love me
Silence thus helps me heal

Silence is just a condition
With all the words stuck in my head
In front of you everything falls short
Its better to leave the voice dead

The reason why I love silence
Is that I can fill it what I want you to say
My silence only says one thing
You make me love you more everyday

My eyes say they need your presence
My lips say they need your touch
Doesn't the silence say it all
Does the void of words seem much

Love is potent when expressed in silence
In feelings it makes you drown
Since I cant express it in sound
I feel its better to write it down

Ramblings of the heart


Too many things going on in my head, I just want to get it out of my system. Else its gonna create a criss-cross in my almost non-existent brain and will not let me sleep today. And I have a really long day tomorrow, so let me as well as get past it.

-- I like the taste of neat vodka. Earlier I only liked the high it gave and the taste was tolerable with Sprite, but now I do like its own taste.

-- 'Sheela ki jawaani', this song has been on my lips the entire day. Katrina looks oh so hot in it and the lyrics are incredibly catchy. Either that or I have had an overdose of this song at the pajama party with my girls last night.

-- Weddings are expensive. And they need not be yours. My cousin brother is getting married in a coupla days and I'm bankrupt. After about half a century of shops and weeks of shopping, I got my perfect saree and jewellery. Phew, weddings are tiresome too.

-- I have actually begun to like the colors, yellow and purple. Yes, there is a special reason behind that.

-- You can remain friends with the guys who have asked you out earlier and you've declined. Maybe not best of friends, but still you can have a good time as long its status quo.

-- You either are in love or not. There is no phase in between.

-- I actually like Barney Stinson more than Ted Mosby of 'How I met your mother'.

-- Chitrangadha Singh and Sonakshi Sinha both are gorgeous looking woman. I'm completely in awe of them.

-- I've found more than 20 blogs which are written by women for their men. Some happy, some sad. Its weirdly comforting to know that I'm not the only one, but its more disturbing to know that there are so many women in pain out there. In matters of love, woman always prove that they are the weaker sex.

-- I no more have qualms in accepting that I'm wrong or that I have failed. I've drastically gone wrong in judging people. People whom I thought were jerks do have a soft side to them and the people who I thought I can rely on, stab you in the back at the worst of times. I have failed only once in my life. In the most important relationship of my life. Failed, until now. And I'm not the one to give up so fast. I want to leave the world with a clean slate.

-- Justin Timberlake is hot. Really really hot. Move over Taylor Lautner. No wait, stay. He is hot too.

-- I absolutely don't feel jealous or insecure anymore or of anyone. As long as I know that he still loves me and only me, I have no reasons to be insecure. I can live with that.

-- I cannot live without love.

-- Just as I was enjoying solitude, I no more have time for it.

-- I've realised that people will do anything, absolutely anything to rise above. Even if it means trampling everyone around.

-- I miss my best friend. I don't know what happened to her. I'm just giving her time to settle and understand things.

-- I need to buy a new phone asap. But with innumerable weddings around, I don't see that happening anytime soon.

-- Abhishek Bachchan reminds me of the one who owns and rules my heart.

-- I'm not as strong as I think I am.

-- I'm not as weak as I think I am.

-- I can smile no matter how I'm feeling inside.

-- I shed a tear every time I hear him sing.

-- Facebook is getting stagnant. It needs to come up with something new soon.

-- No one can embarrass you the way your family can.

-- I can talk until my jaws hurt. But still, I wont stop.

-- Give me one word, and I'll make a poem out of it.

-- It feels nice to let go and get distracted once in a while. But it should not turn into a habit. Point noted, I need to cut down on my alcohol consumption.

-- I haven't read a book in more than 2 months and I hate myself for that. Grisham, here I come.

-- Years may pass, the world can end, there can be life on other planets, yet I still will love him. I don't see why I shouldn't, when I have no reason not to.

No Strings Attached


I close my eyes, I see you
I open them, I want to see you
I'm madly in love with you
No strings attached

I like the way you look
The sense of your touch
I love your smell
No strings attached

I crave for your voice
The warmth of your hand
Your lip on mine
No strings attached

When you sing
The world stops for me
I want to freeze with you
No strings attached

I can spend all my life
Looking at your face
I can lose myself for you
No strings attached

Love to me means you
And so does happiness
I'm crazy about you
No strings attached

The reason for my living
Is the smile on your face
Your the color in my life
No strings attached

You seem perfect
Just the way you are
I can do anything for you
No strings attached

I want to feel you
I want to go mad
I want to love you
No strings attached

I need nothing from you
You don't have to love me back
That's exactly what I mean by
No strings attached

Metamorphosis


I maybe troubled and messed today
But I know I'll be okay tomorrow
I can feel the happiness within
Deep down till my marrow

I know that things didn't work out
But I'm proud that I tried
I want to erase the short comings
And forget the days that I cried

I believe I'm a survivor
I've got past the worst of pain
In my parched barren life
I now see droplets of rain

There is joy, meaning and color
There even seems to be new flavors
The thorns which once pierced me
Is now giving birth to flowers

I can see the onset of something new
Its giving me solid reasons to live
Love sure is only the beginning
From there I have more to achieve

The period next to the misery is gone
It is now replaced by a comma
I'm gonna alter the script of my life
And its never gonna be a tragic drama

The black and white phase is changing
Now there is more purple, blue and yellow
Chocolates, coffee, tequila and vodka
Intoxicating, making me feel merrily mellow

I had to change my point of view
To see differently along the sky line
No matter what happens from now on
I know that I'll be just fine

My Better Halves


The Rhapsodic Blabbermouth
----------------------------------------------

She's called Sia. Often recognised by constant hyper jabbering. She loves to talk and at times it feels like that's her only purpose in life. Blah blah blah. But when there are people who listen she doesn't understand why she is termed as talkative. She's feminine when compared to Shona and Soumya, but there still is a certain warmth about her. She thinks right and knows how to live life. She falls every time Shona takes over, but she is capable of picking herself up and walking back in line. She's practical and patient with a zest for life. Independent and with a fierce appetite for reading. Shopping, fashion and gossip tops her list. She's sweet and equally listens when someone else is talking. The only problem with her is that once she starts talking, its tough to get her to stop. This has got her into trouble way too many times. She might not even care where the other person is. It doesn't matter if they are at a work place, shopping, eating or any public place. She only wants someone to hear her out. She knows that's not a good thing, and has decided to work on it, i.e cut down on her talking. Here's wishing her good luck for that.

The Lovelorn Butterfly
-----------------------------------

Introducing Shona. The hopeless, shameless romantic whose life revolves around one word 'Love' and one man. They say that for a person to be happy, their heart and mind should be in sync and should understand each other. But for Shona, her heart and mind were dead enemies. They fail to get along with each other. Always. Every single time. Shona can be the synonym for 'Alice' of 'Alice in Wonderland'. She has her own palace planned in her mind along with her perfectly loving Prince Charming. Foolish to a certain extent, she believes that as long as there is love, nothing else is required. Absolutely nothing. Forgets the rest of her circle and everything around her is linked to her love. Every song, every voice, every color, every scent, everything. She's paranoid about all things around her. Every step of hers is calculated so as to not worry or hurt the one she loves. A constant dreamer who always dreams of a perfect ending. Complete with the kiss and happily ever after. She's adamant and not the one to change. She dominates both Soumya and Sia, and is known to take them down every single time.

The Baffled Domestic Lioness
-------------------------------------------

This would be Soumya, or better known as me. Sia had to fight her tongue, Shona had to fight her mind and heart; but I have to battle both Sia and Shona. They tear me apart, but I love them both. My body is a nice place for them to live in, and in turn they provide me entertainment for a life time. We can never be good friends but we have reached the place where can put up with each other. I adore the loyalty and sincere madness of Shona and I like the confidence and philosophy of Sia. I'm trying hard to accommodate them at the right places. Sia is subtle and easy to handle, but Shona is moronic and prefers to stay zombie like, chanting love hymns. The headstrong me has problems with it, but there is little I can do when it comes to her. So I'm living, trying to strike a perfect balance between all three of us.

P.S: I'm not schizophrenic.
P.S 2: MPD is present in everyone. Very few know it.

If only you'd let me love you


You shall wake up with a sweet kiss
Just the way I put you to sleep
Days may pass and so may years
But my love shall remain this deep

I shall always watch you
With a face naked with love
Cos I'm a firm believer
That our match was made above

Gravity may bring me down
But I'm gonna hold on strong
Cos I know that with you and me
Together, nothing can go wrong

I shall hear you sing
Till the time stands still
My breath needs your voice
Without which I'm just nil

You're perfect to my eyes
You connect with my soul
Irrespective of the zillion differences
Only you make me feel whole

Even after all these years
My heart still skips a beat for you
Just hold me tight when you're around
Then you'll know its true

Do you know that I only want you
I want your old self and nothing new
You'll know all of these things
If only you'd let me love you

Purple


All those unspoken words
All those unsure moods
Swinging from love to lust
Your presence now seems a must

No matter where I hide
Your love seems to follow me
Holding me strong, showing me things
Even those that I don't want to see

You just have to smile
And all the starts shine down
If I have you in front of me
Never again shall I frown

Your the wind, who sets me free
But your thoughts imprison me
Wanting me to be what you need
And never once letting me be me

If you thought that I'd give up on you
You're crazy cos I'm really strong
If you think that I don't love you
Then you are simply wrong

Even if its not meant to be
My heart only knows your chime
Maybe not in this birth
But next time I want you to be mine

Its never ever been easy
To stop my heart's call
Its never easy to cry your eyes out
And alone try to wipe them all

When you touch me
It gets me weak in the knee
Its rains in a thirsty desert
When you kiss me

I can't breathe without you
Cos my breath is your disciple
My blood then begins to freeze
And then slowly turns purple

The Right Connection


Being an ardent Facebook user, I had to, had to watch 'The Social Network'. Caught it up on the very first week, this Sunday. One word, exceptional!

This movie is great to watch and more importantly it is a pleasure to listen. It is simple and clearly illustrates that mere writing can take on the most expensive of special effects. After all no amount of sfx can match up to human emotions and the daily life drama. With over 500 million users Facebook can easily be the third largest country in the world, after China and of course our very own India. Based on the book, 'The Accidental Billionaires', this movie goes deep to trace the origin of this mammoth network.

Mark Zuckerberg, played by Jesse Eisenberg is this nerdy computer genius, who can speak a million to a dozen even though he has no clue as to how to behave in any kind of social situation. His wit and 'in your face' attitude is a treat to watch. To be rude and to be right is something really tough which the young Mark pulls off with real ease. After being dumped by his girlfriend, an idea cracks his mind on setting up a site which compares the 'hotness quotient' of two girls within the Harvard University. The site is an instant hit and soon he is approached by the Winklevoss twins, both played by Armie Hammer, to help them create a site called 'The Harvard Connection'.

An idea is born and with the financial help of his best friend Eduardo Saverin, played by Andrew Garfield he starts on with the 'The Facebook'. Soon he is accused by the twins of stealing their idea and so begins a legal battle. The court room scenes are spectacular and the dialogue writer needs to be applauded. Special mention to the "I don't think you deserve my attention......" dialogue. How much of this movie is true, we never know. The original Mark Zuckerberg has gone on record and declared this movie to be fiction, but I'm sure the viewers want to believe otherwise.

The casting is perfect and the never heard of Jesse Eisenberg shines in every frame. The Winklevoss twins, both played by Armie Hammer is a delight to watch. His chiseled features and crisp language perfectly depicts the rich, strong and powerful brats they are supposed to be. Truly a treat to the eyes they are. Andrew Garfield is amazing as the poor CFO who is caught between his best friend and his best friend's new friend Sean Parker, played by Justin Timberlake who seems to have a weird hold on the mind of young Mark and even convinces Mark to remove the 'The' from the name of the site, leaving it to be the thing we all now know as 'Facebook'. This dude just lights up the screen with his presence. He's charming, stunning and has his way with words. What more do you want to ask for?

The story is about how a local 20 year old turns into the youngest billionaire accompanied by several lawsuits including the one filed by his best friend and the CFO of his company. Its simple, brisk and very well told. The movie is the perfect portrait of human nature caught up in a whirlwind of power, success and politics and the pain people are willing to inflict upon each other to rise up in the success ladder.

The movie isn't really about the site 'Facebook'. You can enjoy the brilliance of David Fincher's art, even if you have no clue about social networking. The movie is nothing technical or rocket science, but it makes all the right connections. Its a simple tale of human emotions and the way they can be manipulated.

Clearly one of the best movies I've seen this year. A double thumbs for 'The Social Network'.

Heart Prints


Others can make me feel good
While you can make it great
Your smile erases everything else
Only you seem to have this trait

I sure do enjoy solitude
But your thought never seems to leave
How can you stay in my mind 24x7
At times its hard to believe

Others can cheer me up
But nothing when compared to you
You take me to extremes of happiness
This fact I always knew

A warm hug always consoles me
But your touch satiates me whole
Others can only talk to me
But your words reach my soul

There sure are priorities
But you make it to the top of the list
I do mix with others
But I'm enveloped in your mist

People come, people go
But you have held on strong
Others leave behind foot prints
But you only leave fresh heart prints

Us?


I thought the question was that 'Is there anything left between us?'

The answer came in the form of a question, 'Is there an us?'










We may fight, we may hurt
We may cry and make a fuss
But when it comes to you and me
Lets face it, there is always an us

Did he know?


Did he know I thought about him when I woke up each morning, as I drifted to sleep each night, and most of the time in between; and that even when I was not consciously thinking about him, I continually sensed the presence of his love within me?

Did he know that the best pleasure that I used to get was to steal glances at his face; and that I said little prayers over him asking for sweet serenity to always grace his countenance?

Did he know he went to places in my heart and mind where no one had ever gone before; and that I exposed the totality of my self - the good, the bad, and the ugly - because I had such complete and utter trust in his love for me?

Did he know I admired the way he cared for his family, friends, and anyone in need, and accepted everyone without judgement or criticism?

Did he know he was the best friend I ever had, and the bond between us had a depth and breadth that could not be severed by anything?

Did he know I thanked God daily for intersecting the winding roads of our lives so that my life might be forever changed by the touch of his spirit; and that I believed God sent him to love me, lift me, and lead me to a better place emotionally and spiritually?

Did he know I loved him profoundly and unconditionally, not just for his loveliness, personality, smartness or intelligence (all of which I adored), but more for the grace and goodness that defined his essence to me; and that I marveled at how I was drawn to his gentle warmth, like flowers to the morning sun?

And I wonder if he knows that I love him still, not less for the passing of yesterdays without him, but more for knowing what will be missing from all my tomorrows; and that it helps me, when I contemplate the harshness of life in this unyielding world, to remember that out there somewhere is a rare and precious soul - and he loved me.