Paranoia

First of all, I have a big reason to worry. I'm writing a lot about psychotic disorders and it kinda scares me. First sadism and now, paranoia.

Some say that it is better to be dead than paranoid and some others agree to the other way round. I guess its something that inevitably comes with care and concern or the love for oneself and others. I'm not talking about being paranoid about dying out here. Obviously everyone is scared of death and that's almost certainly the only thing everyone wants to adjourn. That's a natural tendency. How do I describe this weird kind of fear? Okay let me give an example then.

Yesterday, the person whom I care about the most went M.I.A. When I sent a text, there was no reply. I tried calling, it said unreachable. Freaked the hell out of me. You see, this person travels by a bike and is known to stay out until late nights so then, unconsciously a pessimistic thought is sown into your head. I wouldn't say that this is beyond any logic, because, for me this makes sense. When you actually love someone beyond imagination, the only fear that you can possess is the thought of losing him/her. At least for me it is.

Or the very thought of losing my best friend for some totally irrational(for me) reason sends me to peaks of paranoia. Its like you are so used to someone being there for you all the time that the very thought of not having that person anymore is anything but pleasing. Its like living without a backbone and a right hand. Sucks!

The above examples qualify on the similar ground of being paranoid about losing loved ones. Wait, that's just the beginning. There are a hell lot of things I'm paranoid about. Like,

-- Losing my hair.
-- Living on a water diet forever.
-- Not being around Mom.
-- Losing the ability to write.
-- Not finding words that rhyme when I attempt to write another(yet another) piece of poetry.
-- Losing the ability to communicate with people.
-- Chocolates and alcohol going extinct.
-- Taylor Lautner or Ranbir Kapoor dying.
-- Being stranded away from my family.
-- Tears in the eyes of the one I love.
-- Drowning.
-- Putting on weight after marriage.
-- Unpleasant blasts from the past.
-- Being tongue tied.
-- Not finding time to do my yoga.
-- Losing my shoe or book collection.
-- Enrique's retirement.
-- Never being able to smile again.
-- Falling terribly ill and losing the strength to get out of bed.
-- Being alone.

Everyone lives with some kind of fear right. If I have so many, others at least ought to have one right??

No, that's not a consolation obviously but it feels nice to know that I'm not the only one with this psychotic condition.