Yesterday clearly has been one of the toughest days of my life. The previous night I suddenly woke up in the middle of the night over a bad dream. I dreamt that someone close to me had passed away and I'm crying loudly. From that point on I've been seeing invisible visions of everyone I love going away from me. I'm only human and this is natural. And hence the 'Turn me Blind' post. It was written out of pure frustration and unadulterated madness. The accompanying mood swings didn't help it either. So I'd be staying away from blogspot during my mad mood swings or anything like frustration galore. Although I feel relieved when I write it first, I feel extremely stupid when I go back and read it later. Its happened way too many times before and I think the time has come for it to stop. And the time starts now!
So I was talking about the damned dream that I had. But when I woke up I realized that what I had felt was a deja-vu. An aunt of mine had passed away that very morning. Spooky! Although she was not a blood relative, she was a very close family friend and like how my mother says, she has known me since I was in my mother's womb. So that's pretty close I guess. So that was enough to upset me for the entire day where my frustrations had to be borne by my friends, co-workers, parents and my blog. So I was thinking how on earth do I put an end to all this. I've always had people telling me that I think too much. How do I stop that? I wished that I was a robot or something, so that I can switch on/off relevant buttons.
I always sit with my mom when I'm going through something bad. I may not tell her, but just lying down on her lap makes me forget everything momentarily. She knew I was upset over something. She just told me one thing; "There are a lot of people in this world, who experience joy when you are low. There are a lot of people who wait to see you unhappy. There are a lot of people who get a thrill when you are hurt; No matter what happens don't let them succeed." I totally agree. I recently stumbled upon a few best friends who actually felt happy when I was extremely hurt. When you have such friends, who needs foes? Forget consoling, they sure know to dig where it hurts. Again and again and again.
It was then I decided that I don't need to be a robot to feel or stop feeling things. I myself am gonna mentally configure an "OFF" Button on myself. I was never abnormal, demented or crazy, I am just a woman madly in love. Many would still say that they are the same. I would too.
I am not gonna take anything to heart from now on. I'm gonna live life one day at a time. F*** the future. I'll have one of those only if I have a present right? So the off button comes into place now. I tried it at work and it worked brilliantly. Seriously, life is much better when you decide that you don't care. Whatever happens, happens for a reason right? Well there better be a great reason somewhere. I'm not gonna bother about the mood swings either. I'm gonna swing them back to the right path.
Ta da. Actions of the off button.
-- Annoying co-worker : Off
-- Leching neighbor : Off
-- Work related stress : Off
-- Ignorance of parents : Off
-- Super protective sister : Off
-- Sad music and tears : Off
-- Howling and crying : Off
-- Hypocrites : Off
-- Cynics : Off (Excluding me that is. I am one, I agree. But only on one regard)
-- Expectations : Off
-- People suffering from reverse ADD(A post on this soon) : Off
-- Manipulating friends : Off
-- Sad poetry : Off
-- Friends who enjoy my distress : Off Off Off
-- Feelings : Click. This is when the button broke!