I don't why, but I had this sudden urge to come back to this template. I know a lot of people have loved and appreciated the coffee template, I loved it loads too. But, since the last coupla days the template seems to have lost its charm. It suddenly started looking dull and dry to me. I'm not a big fan of orange, infact I almost hate it, but it looks good with my words. Not the Diwali feel, but I like the sparking look. It kind of compensates for my sad, boring and dull posts at times. It also highlights my best pieces sometimes. And so we're back. The coffee one was something very close to me, but it didn't seem to work right for me. Much like most of the people in my life. Pun intended. In my defense, I did NOT get bored of it like I do with most other materialistic things. It suddenly got all pale and dowdy in my eyes. Probably its got to do with how bright and awesome the past days of my life have been. I know I'm sounding a lot like Barney Stinson with all the awesomeness here, but I think I can risk it once here.
Earlier this year I wrote this. I've asked have you ever felt like so and so there. But now I can safely answer that. Now, its a no for me. I don't feel like doing any of those things anymore. I don't want to cry, I don't want to scream, I don't want to pray, I don't want anything anymore. I'm very happy with the way things are now. Nothings changed. Its still the old miserable confused life, but I'm beginning to love it. Actually, finally I'm beginning to accept it. I do know its a bit late but now I'm aware of it. I'm aware of the rights and wrongs, positives and negatives, success and failures, tears and happiness. Did I just say happiness? Yes I did. Yes I'm happy. Not only content, happy.
Sometime last year, just after my birthday I wrote this. Nothing much has changed since then. Actually the situations have been pretty much the same, but now again I have the answer to my own question. Then I asked God, why me? Now I know, why me. You know the problem that most Leo's have, is that we like to believe that we are superior to everyone out there. No matter what, we just like to win. By hook or by crook. This is what I believed until about a year or a year and a half ago. Its a pity that life doesn't work that way. I had to stumble, at every step, to be the person I am today. Not the best, but definitely a better one. Again, nothings changed. I still am a Lioness, but a tamed one. I have learnt to control my snarls and growls. I finally have begun to see life for what it is and what I make of it and not what it makes of me. If this challenging phase had never happened I would never have realised the value of living with family, the need of being independent, the importance of my parent's restrictions, the need for a possessive sister, and how much I actually loved a certain someone.
They say that the best of gold has to go through a lot of pain to look good at the end. I know its not the best metaphor to use here, but kind of makes sense. They say that you take things for granted when they are always around you. After all its human nature. But its important to realise the importance of things at the right time. Changes don't happen overnight, you need to understand and accept the need for the change. Life teaches you lessons, oh yeah it does. Never believed in it until it happened to me. Looking back at the past years I only counted the bad things that happened in my life, never once trying to see the good things that were coming out of it. I never thought that I could be this patient, I never thought I could do things for myself, I never thought that I could love so madly, I never thought that I could be reasoned with, I never thought that I would understand another being, I never thought that I could get down from the Lioness pedestal and look around.
But, I did. I see things now and I know how it is. Life is tough yes, but I've made it so far and I will reach the end of what life has in store for me. One day at a time, one step at a time. Seriously, how do you expect to make it to the top of the mountain, if you whine and scowl when you trip on a pebble?
P.S : For those who thought this was a review of the Aishwarya Rai Bachchan - Akshay Kumar movie, it so is not! It can pass of as a drama though, but I'd surely give it a miss if it was offered to me.