Reason to Union


So almost everyone I know is either getting married, falling in love, announcing good news or popping out babies. And like any other normal girl, I'm kinda feeling left back because I'm no where close to any of those. Its also funny that the girls I grew up with are wives and mommies now. I'm sure they see nothing funny in it. Maybe that's all they want from life. Mission accomplished. Successful or not, we'll see that later.

Why do people get married? Quite an imposing question eh? Let me state a few examples I know here. Most of my girl friends, my age (24, if you must know) are all set to enter holy matrimony and some are already halfway down there. We all know that we are most influenced by our surroundings and people around us. So according to what I have seen, people nowadays get married to have a secure future, some because they think its a good idea, some people are just fascinated by the concept, some for sex, some to prove a point to someone; more often than not past lovers, some because their parents want them to get hitched and some because they have nothing else to do. The most hideous reason of them all.

It all started of when one of my friend tied a very arranged knot earlier this year. When I found out that she was getting engaged I called her to ask about her man or my future BIL. It went like this.

Me: So, how is he?
She: He's tall and he's fair.
Me: And?
She: And what?

I was bummed. That is when I realised that the people with whom you are so close are so different from you. Its like they are forcing you to judge them, even when you don't want to. Two months after analysing his height and fairness quotient she married him. They seem very happy now and I'm very happy for her too. He's completely unaware of the multiple relationships she had prior to her matrimonial stint and she sees no harm in it. If it was me, I'd have died of guilt by now. Anyway, I think it depends on each individual as to what they want the foundation of their relationship to be. If it works for them, then so be it. I wish them both luck and happiness.

Another someone I know decided to get married because she had finished college, didn't have a job and was simply sitting at home. One look at a guy 8 years her senior and soon she was his wife. The latest I heard about her was that she just had a son. Its nice to be ignorant at times I guess. The more you see life, the more expectations and lesser the satisfaction. Another classmate recently got married. When I asked her about her husband she proudly said, "He's a Ph.d". All I could say was "Good for you". Sigh, the reasons for which people get married! One friend told me that she enjoyed making out with her man to be while another is getting married because she was mercilessly dumped recently by her boy friend. She is marrying the first guy her parents suggested to her only to show her previous guy that she can do so well without him. Madness, sheer madness. Or is this how the world works and I'm no where fitting in? This is extremely debatable so lets leave it at it.

Something shocking happened to me recently. This friend of mine has been with this guy for like ever and she was suddenly having second thoughts about marrying him.

She: He's the only guy I've been with in like 9 years. I love him yes, but I have never seen other parts of life.
Me: Other guys you mean.
She: Yeah. I never even gave a chance.

All I wanted to do was to beat her up with the first thing that came to my hand. I would probably kill to be in her place in a long successful relationship with someone I love, but this foolish woman is losing her mind. I seriously didn't know what to say.

I don't know what marriage means to other people, but for me its got everything to do with the person. Its not about painting a picture and finding someone to fit in it, its about finding the one and making the picture fit. Or still better, painting a picture together. Its not about the need, its about the want. Even though they sound the same there is a huge difference between "I need to get married" and "I want to get married". Fascination towards the person is natural and very necessary. But it should be because of the way they make you feel, or the understanding and comfort you share. Not because of the skin tone or a doctorate's degree. Its nothing to do about the financial security that he/she can provide albeit that's very important. Its primarily about the emotional security that the person has to offer. Its not about two people coming together for a common interest, marriage. Its about two people with common interests coming together for wanting to be together. Again, this is only what I think. Everyone else is free to have their own opinions.

In the 24 years of my life I have never felt the need or want of getting married. Probably I've never come across a person who could put that thought into my head. Of course it was always a thought when I was in a relationship. But we were way too young to even think of marriage at that time. But yes, it always was a thought that I'll marry the guy I love. Nobody gets into a relationship not wanting to marry that person. Okay wait, I take that back. Anything is possible these days. They call it flings, I call it emotional and physical desperation. With due respect to people who worship it, I have my own reservations about it. I've been offered marriage, or the golden platter as a few guys like to call it, way too many times. But none formed the reason as to why I wanted the platter. At least until now.

Age, the primary reason why your parents want you to get married. Makes sense in the ideal world dominated by society but this should not be the reason to allow someone in to your life. Whether you are 18 or 25 or 30 or 36, its all about finding the right person and not about making do with whatever comes your way. If I find the guy who can make me want to marry him today, I'll do it asap. If I find him at 30 then I'll do it then. Arranged or love, whatever it be. Additional perks are good yes, read Ph.d, tall, fair, strong body, rich, great kisser etc, but they only remain perks for the rest of the life. Its about love, love and only love. After all, you need the partner that is right for you and the one who you will continue to love you through any situation. Marriage is something for oneself, and not for anyone else. And least of all not to prove a point to anyone.

3 comments:

  1. u're scaring me cuz i see anythn but marriage on the horizon..

    but a much needed explicit post! has a feel-gud factor with it :)

    Marry only for love, yeah!

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  2. Don't marry the person you think you can live with; marry only the person you think you can't live without.
    ~James C. Dobson

    Makes sense, isn't it? :o)

    ReplyDelete
  3. @wild, marriage is the last thing on my mind too. Just wanted to explicitly mention a few things happening around me :)

    Thank you so much, and yeah cheers to that!

    @Prashanth, The word sense seems to be coined for this statement.. Thanks :)

    ReplyDelete

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