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Showing posts from December, 2010

To Her

Pure fiction. Okay, think whatever you want to! Have you ever witnessed yourself dying? Like the swarm of darkness and smoke slowly engulfing you. Like a million hands pulling you to a never ending pit while all you are trying is to have a last look behind. Finally when you strain your eyes to see the one you wanted to, you notice that that person is not alone. Worse, that person is not even looking at you. Instead all you see is two hands entwined and two lips interlocked. And then you let go. Falling back is the best thing that can happen to you after that. So on the last day of the eventful year, I got to witness it. Well at least nothing else left now :). Heights of optimism I know, but I have nothing else to say. But I do have quite a few words for someone. ~To Her~ First of all, I don't hate you. I don't envy you. I only mindlessly admire you. Being a Leo you know, I tend to think that I'm the best. But you proved me wrong and that's the sole reason I admire

The year that was

2010 is finally leaving on a good note. I'm feeling a bit lazy to write a post summarizing the whole year. So, here are just a few tit bits on the realizations this year. I am a masochistic lioness. Rock bottom doesn't come easy. You need to swim your way through crap to get there. Either that, or you can swim backwards to the top. I choose change. I will be the change. Falling in love is easy. But when the love disappears, its all about falling. At times, things are just not meant to be. Out of sight doesn't mean out of mind. No matter what the intention is, fate wins anyway. You don't destroy people you love. Or so they say. I can love till it hurts and I can hate till the other person hurts. I've become a tiny bit lazy this year. And vain. And selfish. I now know that he doesn't love me. Goodbyes don't hurt. The flashbacks do. Patience seems to be slipping out as a virtue. I'm no longer sponge bob. I can't soak in crap anymore. I a

My Mirror Talking

Mirror eyes, talking to me Like the stars stooping low There is a spark at my chest As I watch my heart glow I'm the ocean flowing free Ripping through like a song Mending my broken wings I'll soon fly, it wont be long Someday, the song will end Somehow I'd trace the way I'll now look carefully I'll learn what each hour had to say No need for a hidden cry Loud lies can never be true No matter what you try to hide The mirror can always see through you Thunder storms deafen me The rain is here after the wait With the pour comes the hope That tiny drops can change my fate You were the solid paper To my dreams of molten ink Your boat reached the shore While mine was meant to sink But she held on and fought the wind Thus she learnt how to sail She let out a long cry It was of joy and not a wail The mirror screams but never lies May hide things you don't want to show Facade after facade, blocking the view No matter what, the heart does know The face in the mi

Love makes the Difference

Its all very clear. Every single moment, every single word, every single kiss and every single touch. No matter how many days or years pass, it always feels like yesterday. The long talks, the meaningless fights, the crazy make ups after the serious ones, the surprises, the coffee, the routine and the wait. The never ending wait. Every single thing remains so fresh. For me that is. No matter how much I love someone, at the end of the day I know it all. I'm easily replaceable. I'm just an old concept, an option maybe. I am just a vague lover, with prominent reminders. I'm just a premature idea, that can never develop. I'm a buried thought, only to be a reminiscence once in a while. I'm the love that once was but can never be now. I know it all. I also know that the love will remain. Until someone else comes along. That's the hope I was counting on. But do I want it that way? Tune for the day: I'd love you to want me - LOBO

Doesn't Matter

Merry Christmas everyone. May Santa leave only happiness in your stocking as he did in mine :D You know, each time I prayed to God, I never asked anything specific. I only asked God to give me the strength to accept everything that comes my way. Of late God seriously seems to be listening. Finally my pleas are out of the spam and have made their way to the high importance list! That's the first victory. I'm thrilled and can't wait to see what else is in store for me. I sat down to write a poem. Oh yeah, the usual love lorn stuff I write. But for the first time ever, words evaded me. I tried my best to get into the broken hearted mood to get at least a few words out, but I came out with a blank. I did manage to get a few words and all that came out were 'doesn't', 'matter'. When I tried a bit more hard, this is what I got. I can still love you Even if you go on hating me I'd still wish for your happiness Doesn't matter if you call me an enemy

You, Me aur Hum

I am a normal girl. Well I come pretty close at least. I'm an extremist, I give all I can and I love with all my might. I like people for what they are, and never try to judge them. And I'd like to be accepted and loved for the same reason. I dream of a better tomorrow and hope that I get to see it. I pray to God for strength and courage to get me past any obstacle I face. I have everything I need and I have accepted everything that has come my way. Today, I cherish my life. I've experienced love and I have no regrets about it. I still love. Hence, I live. He might seem ordinary to you, but to me he is anything but that. A word from him is enough to lighten my heart and alleviate my sorrow. His love is the catalyst for my reason to live. His goofy smile strikes me like light and suddenly I don't need anything else. He is the hope and the dreams I see. He's my weakness and my strength. He's my prayer and an answer to it. He's the invisible pillar of support

Heaven in a Bottle

When I woke up to the call of the guy who has been giving me more than enough reasons to smile of late, I realised that today is surely gonna be a good day. It sure was. Its not everyday that you go to sleep on a song from the best of voices, and wake up to the sweetest of voices. Well today just seems to be my day. First, I got my medical reports from the hospital and my doctor says that I'm just fine. A lil low on the bp, but that is inevitable thanks to the stress I'm in at work. Minus that I'm perfectly fine. I'm just thrilled to know that I'm far far away from the 'D'zone now. I battled it once successfully, never again. I'm a mobile anti-depressant now. In order to celebrate I bought myself a dark chocolate Bournville (believe me, I've earned it) and 'Cool Water' by David Off. This small blue bottle, took me to heaven for that instant and I surely did not mind the tiny hole it punched on my card. Some fragrances are seriously expensi

Precarious

Things seem fine now. For the moment at least. Lots of distractions and loads of responsibilities. There are friends, new fascinations, intriguing people, acquaintances and enough good things to be able to sustain a heart beat or a breath of air. But, there always is something in the back ground. It was a stab before but now it has been replaced by a tiny sharp prick. Not that bad, but still there. Such things make you vulnerable. Unwanted comparisons, scrutinizing self and others life, thinking too deep about everything and self pity. Life seems better at the surface. The more you dig the more shit you get and the more stench. Can't we do a reverse Pandora's box here? Collect all our troubles, mistakes and agonies and put it in this box and bury it somewhere deep where no one can find it? No. There always is someone who digs it out and leaves it back at your doorstep. The way some people try to point out tiny glitches in your life, you feel like you are paying them for all

Not a Mistake

Its not like everyday is easy to pass But today is the hardest Its not like I smile always But today I'm the saddest I lie to myself that you are still around For years now, I've played this game Feeling anxious, happy and thrilled Each time I hear your name Its now been 66 months Since the day we came together But all that is left now is memories Which I promptly tend to gather Looking at you makes it harder Knowing that I'm living a lie But living with the thought that I cant see you Makes me wanna hurt and die I try to spend each and everyday With happiness and laughs How can I forget those times When my heart has photographs I sleep on your chest But I wake up alone All I have is the moon Where our love always shone If God comes down to me Seeking to grant a wish Do I ask for you to be mine Or a forever lasting kiss At times I can feel you Touch my tear stained face Holding me close to you Pain, trying to erase We are not like others We cant fall in and out of

Something About Love

It was really cold last night. I reached home from work earlier than usual, and sat with a mug of coffee waiting for my parents or my sister to return. I do enjoy solitude yes, but definitely not after a long hectic day at work. Nothing interesting on television either and I was feeling too lazy to walk into my room and pick up the laptop. So I decided to go for a walk. So I walk up to my terrace, 2 floors above my floor, in my work clothes including my pain inducing high heels. Luckily I had my blazer on, else I would have walked into hell. And then, came the thoughts. Love sure is a funny thing. It gives you so much, so much to think about. So much to feel. 5 years have passed with more than 3 years of togetherness, but the feelings just remain the same. Maybe a bit more intense and mature. Its no longer butterflies in the stomach and a stolen kiss, its about practical togetherness and understanding and the million things that a single look or hug convey. Why I say love is funny is

Ne Pas Abandonner L'espoir (Don't abandon Hope)

I see music, I hear light There is life, there is glow Amidst the gleam I see your face And then I let my blood flow My broken mind tries to find its way Through the lost and dilapidated lane Love is the only thing that struck me sharp Just like the sun rays on my window pane My life seems like a fusion painting Filled with colors and tinted light Give me a chance to live my love And I'll shine through day and night Everything gradually fades away Some things are just left unsaid Like a butterfly that weaves colors But only to end up dry and dead We're very alike yet so different You're the ocean, and I'm the sea Laying still is something I can't do I need the wind to set me free Live the truth, forget the lies Just stand close and watch the clock When nothing works just pray You'll soon find a ship at your dock I am something more than this I want to walk with my head held high I may not be the perfect dame But I'm more than an option or a misplaced

Pause

I want to stop thinking, stop analysing and stop realising. I have nothing to write. Nothing to say. Poetry seems to have flown out of my mind. The honest truth is, I don't want to interrupt my happiness.

God's Favorite Child

I am content, happy too There has been smiles for long Everything going right for once Maybe nothing else left to go wrong Either ways, I ain't complaining Finally there is a light in my eye Life sure is not meant to die When birds are singing in the sky Through weakness I found my strength Courage replaced what had been fears Time never heals anything You just need to get used to the tears It all looks good now I have finally learned to adjust Life seems to be shining now Sprinkling me with silver dust You can have one or a million friends Yet, you need to go through what you have to What has happened has gone past Now there is nothing I can do Every time that I have felt down I have always felt you around Through the pain I saw the path To get my feet back on the ground There has never been anybody else I always always loved only you The world thinks that I have it all But in truth, I was waiting for you I need nothing, when I have the memories I've accepted and embra

Growing up?

I'm not the one to get extremely nostalgic about the gone times. For me, past always meant the last 5 years of my life and nothing beyond that. For obvious reasons. But when I saw my bank statement last evening I went on a journey backwards. Its been just a week since I got my pay check and I'm already nearly broke. Thanks to the multiple shopping sessions and the pending credit card debts. The reason I went into a whirlwind of yesterdays was that during my non working days, I used to live an entire month comfortably on my measly pocket money. And now I make more than 20 times the money, but still hardly manage to make ends meet. Sigh! I was so content back then. Normal denims have suddenly turned into expensive skinny's, regular shirts and tee's now have to have a brand name, local flip flops turned to elegant leather formal shoes, a couple of slippers turned into a huge shoe collection with all possible colors and heights (no regrets on this though). Earlier the c

Quiescence

Silence is soothing It helps you see clear It makes you breathe easy And takes away the fear Solitude as they call it Has never been my cup of tea I tend to enjoy it now Its only here that I feel you and me They say speech is silver And silence is compared to gold I say no amount of words can fill As to what your eyes always told At times it seems like a curse But to me mostly its a boon Silence may hold us apart Yet together we're under the same moon With silence, comes pretense I'm afraid to say what I feel But I pretend that you still love me Silence thus helps me heal Silence is just a condition With all the words stuck in my head In front of you everything falls short Its better to leave the voice dead The reason why I love silence Is that I can fill it what I want you to say My silence only says one thing You make me love you more everyday My eyes say they need your presence My lips say they need your touch Doesn't the silence say it all Does the void of words