Color me Red


So here I am, after a 4 day vacation. Relaxed, rejuvenated and raring to go. Typically my new year just began when my vacation started. I just let go off all the cached memories and only decided to look ahead. I have been successful so far. This might also be because I have had more than enough distractions over the past few days. The real test will be when I'm surrounded with solitude around the four corners of my room or when I hit the bed. Wait, I did that today morning and I'm totally fine. I guess this is it, I'm gonna be fine always. Maybe not great, but I'll be just fine.

The No Strings Attached theory did not seem to work for me when it came to love. But when it comes to life, it seems to be doing wonders. Live life on your terms and your beliefs. No need to carry any additional baggage and worry about strings. Its all about how you want to take it. You may either let it all loose and lose yourself or just tie all the loose ends together and never let it reopen. It works, trust me!

Kerala seemed to be the perfect place to start off a new beginning. I'm not rich enough yet to take international holidays, so I'm more than satisfied with this one. The fresh air, the green spread, a bunch of crazy people and self discovery transformed my life upside down. I stayed in a boathouse for 24 hours and it was terrific. On water for a long time soaking in the delights that nature had to offer. Don't think I've lost it, but I'm so not a nature or a morning person. But this short trip forced me to turn otherwise. I had a lot of realizations in the past few days.

-- As I was standing alone on the deck of the boat basking in the sunset with a smile, I realised that I don't need anybody else to make me happy. I only needed to start viewing the other sights in life.

-- When I was about to pass out due to a migraine attack and everybody kept fussing over me, massaging my head, trying to cheer me up, I realised that random people (co-workers, not friends) are really good. I need to take out more time to understand them.

-- Its true that you really know people when you stay with them under a roof for sometime. Either how fake they are, or how wonderful they are. No wonder they say this when it comes to marriage.

-- When I burped vodka constantly for two days and beer for the next two, I knew that I was putting my body through shit. I'm not sure if I can cut down the intake completely but I definitely am gonna make a start. This was supposed to be a new year resolution too.

-- I am important. People genuinely missed my presence and I feel good about it.

-- No one's perfect. Not me, not anyone.

-- No matter how much you try, you can't get some wrongs right.

-- Some mistakes are way too tempting, to not be repeated again.

-- Everything, absolutely everything in life is a matter of choice.

-- What goes around, surely comes back around.

I've been really happy of late. Just hoping that it is not another flash in the pan. Live and let live and just live one day at a time. Love yourself, nothing else is more fulfilling. If you are not happy with yourself, then you can't even think of making anyone else happy. I'm loved so much, I feel blessed. The black haze is slowly lifting and colors are seeping in. This time there is more red, and for once I'm not associating this color with love or danger. Honestly, both mean the same. Nothing is bleeding nor I can link red with love now. My heart has been pierced hard but it refuses to bleed. Red is just a beautiful, happy hue now. Its kinda fulfilling and makes me feel bright and happy. A mix of red, green, pink, yellow, purple and green rushing and enveloping me. A blend kind. I suddenly feel the need to allow more colors into my life. That's why I painted my nails a bright red. A big relief from the hard to maintain french manicure, and I sincerely hope to God that I don't get tired of it soon. I'm content now. Satisfied. And in love.

I'm in love with my life and I will do everything I can to not get it wrong again.

4 comments:

  1. @Soumya: Nice... I'm happy with the transformation from No Strings Attached theory to this. Life has so much to offer... even with failures. What you learn from it makes u do it again in a better way. A friend of mine keeps saying this, "It's not the end till everything's fine." Just keep going and everything will be fine someday. And that has to happen for sure. You've chosen the right path for it as well. Why bother taking the bumpy road when u have a freeway? Maybe it's longer but it's a smooth ride too. You are important, no matter who says what and accept what the universe has to offer. Happiness tends to knock on our doors a lot. It's up to us whether we open it.
    This page happens to show me 3 articles I might be interested in... Love, Not a Mistake and Can Two Wounded Hearts Heal Each Other! I happened to open the third. What's your take on it now? I'd say, placebo effect! Healing still happens on it's own if you let it. Don't ever pick on your wounds. It'll only make them bigger. I do agree with the phrase tho, "Happiness multiplies when you share it and sadness subtracts". Err either my math is bad or my memory but I guess I passed the idea across. Anyways, Happy New Year!

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  2. That alcohol isn't much good, and I think wouldn't go along too nicely with a nature trip.

    And red is beautiful, that's why its out in temples too, faith?

    Cheers,
    Blasphemous Aesthete

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  3. Ahh.. Good to see u bounce back full of energy!! Happy that you got over it soon :) And totally agree with your take on life and friends. So true, you can only understand people when you literally live with them. And loving oneself should always be primary and everything else and everyone else comes next.

    So here's to a new beginning Sowmya!!

    Cheers & Keep smiling,
    Sukanya

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  4. @Savan, Yeah it was a much needed transformation.

    Yes, nothing ends till its perfect. I've made a perfect re-start and hope it ends well too. Freeways are anyday better and beautiful too if I may say. I'm opening the right doors now. I'm happy I've grown up.

    Math has never been my strong point too, but somehow I got it. Healing happens on its own and noone can help you clear all the clutter. Its up to you. When 2 broken hearts come together, there is a pressure on both to take extra care of the other. So my take remains the same. The only thing doctors can't completely heal :)

    Thanks!

    @BA, It did go splendidly, until sometime. Bounced back later though. I'm serious, will quit soon.

    Maybe faith. Motivation too. Beautiful yes but more peaceful now.

    Cheers!

    @Sukanya, Not over it yet, but will be someday. I'm moving along the right path though. Yes, you need to love yourself more than anything else. Now I know.

    Thank you so much lady :)

    Cheers!

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