LOL: Life Of Leo

Just for today Can we forget the mess Would you hold me tight Just once please say yes Lets let go of the world Come we shall celebrate this day Forget the white and the black Just for today lets turn gray For a while ignore the requiem Just chant your wonderful song Get your voice to grace my ears I'll pester the effect to stay long We have been there before The feeling is nothing new I want to feel the goose bumps Just for today let me touch you Lets smile together holding hands Its your day that I want to share Don't push me away as yet Just for today I want to be there All the bottled up emotions Today it wants to come rushing out Why don't we let it flood Today let us enjoy this tiny love bout Go on press the pause button Let us get the feelings to surge Lets not think about tomorrow Just for today let us merge Let us get our lips together Lets feel the heat and come near Just for today let us live I may not be around the next year

Snip. Cut. That's how my life would have sounded since the past 2 days. You know what, when you decide that you want to do something then nothing can stop you from doing it. Remember I recently said that if need be, it is important to cut out people from life. Well, I've been doing that and I could not be more happier. Unwanted people, unwanted clutter, unwanted chaos, all thrown out of the window. Life is light and clear now. Yay me! :) But the best part is when crap automatically moves out of your life. Then it moves out of Facebook and my beloved blog too, making them places that are fulfilling and easy to visit now. I don't feel an ounce of remorse or agony. It had to happen someday. The sooner the better. The only regret I have is that why didn't this happen earlier. No worries, better late than never. Someone once told me that the more people you have in life, the more complicated it gets. Seems to be true now. Trying to put off things, putting up with the haphaza...

With things going perfectly fine in my life, I'm feeling utterly restless. That's the stupid old me. What's going on I just cant seem to understand. I always knew that I was a confused soul. But to this extent? Damn, I put myself to shame. I'm way too happy currently, but a small part of me is not liking it. I know I deserve every bit of the happiness I'm getting now, thanks to the melancholic crap I bore the past few years. I love the perfection around me, but I need to bring about a change. In me. I need to change. Myself. And only for me. Its about time. I know I bought myself time until I turn 26 and all that jazz but now I don't want to continue this for long. Rehab begins today. 24th April be it. I'm not going to cut out everything abruptly and die of restlessness. I'll take it gradual and slow, but I will do it. But one thing that I need to cut out on immediately, is people. Some women and more men. Lines need to be drawn. A friend means a friend ...

Satin sheets, sliding down Covering the night, that went by We both knew we wanted this We both know we will not deny I can still feel your tongue Like the poison that drowned my throat Sharp, sweet, bitter and harsh Like our crazy passion boat Every kiss said a word Every breath was clearly heard You lie there amazingly beautiful Are you gonna be my love bird The strong clasp of your hand Weakens the bite on my neck Why are we smiling together Is this love, we need to check My hazy eyes long for your vision As your trembling lips break into a song This sure is a dreamy moment for us But I'm afraid, what if it goes wrong You strong arms do assure me But even on your chest I seem to think If this continues to go on I'll fall for you in just a wink Your madness reeks into me Your breath now calms my soul Go on, lets capture the moment Its been a while since I've felt whole The feeling is unmatchable I've never craved for anything this much Your scent drives me nuts I lie ...

The uneasiness, the skepticism, the never ending thoughts, the infatuation, the feeling of being in love, the grace, the face outside the window, the abrupt bouts of pain, the sudden thrill of happiness, the anxiousness, the feeling of being out of love, the romantic gestures, the need for passion, the craving for a touch, the sharp kisses, the musings, the confusing words and the lightheadedness; all answered. There has absolutely not been a single moment when I have regretted being a girl. But PMS seems like a torture at times. It only gets worse, when you confess to liking someone and the next day you realise that you actually don't. Why? Why am I so stupid? I read somewhere that red wine helps in controlling PMS. Bleh! I so beg to differ. PMS, red wine and a mobile phone with a guy on the other side or in person is one of the deadliest combos ever. Well, you learn from your mistakes. But honestly some mistakes are way too fun to not be repeated. I now know why it is called PMS....

Why can't there be at least a single moment in my life which is clear cut. Why am I always stuck between two or more things having to choose one? Its not like I'm looking at a pair of shoes and deciding to buy the black or the white one. I usually end up buying both. But what do I do when it comes to life? And love? I again stand confused here. I'm scared to make a choice now. I don't want to make one. Its all happening way too fast. Everything was going on smooth and the way I wanted it to, but now there is a third angle. A really good one that I can't seem to ignore. What do I do? I'm the one who always says that everything in life is a matter of choice. Well, this time I'm not able to make one. Its not like I have make a choice and stick to it today, but I don't want to regret on having lost out on something good/great tomorrow. I'm playing along for now. Not looking ahead, nor peeping back. Just for today, I'm happy the way my life is. I'...

I want to scream. Scream bad. Scream loudly. Only, this time out of joy. Every single messed up thing in life is slowly falling in to place. I know that changes don't happen overnight; but the start has begun. Finally begun. Here I stand fingers crossed and a heart filled with hope, watching life unfold in all its glory. Looking back at life I feel so pathetic as to how stupid I have been. Pathetic, foolish and crazy. Its just a matter of a thought and a decision. They say some decisions change your life forever. Mine did. And I haven't stopped smiling since then. Speaks a lot, doesn't it? Everything is finally normal at home and yes the want of returning home is now back. Strike one. I'll be moving into a new process at work starting next month, leaving behind the stressful and tiresome role that I was handling in the old one. This one's more tough but will do great guns for my resume, plus I get to sit next to my best friend. Strike two. Two most important things ...

Probably, happiness is only an illusion. I seem to be drowned in it, not wanting a negative thing to happen. But now life seems to revolving around skepticism. Every thought, every feeling, every word is weighed and takes time to come out. Its not all that spontaneous anymore. The impulsive queen is seeming to rest. What's going on? Is this what is called "growing up"? Its really hard not to let situations take over you. You probably need to be a boulder to not let circumstances affect you. You see things, understand them, try to make something out of it. If nothing comes out of it, bury it far somewhere. An unfinished painting maybe. Just a random scrawl of infinite colors. But would you want to go back years later and try to finish it? Would you dig up everything you had hidden and almost forgotten, trying to rebuild it. No. But why am I seeming to do it. "Never again" doesn't seem to matter anymore. Why? Am I coming out of the numbness that had made me so...

I never thought this would be so easy. A long painful ordeal coming to the most nasty end only to leave behind a smile accompanied by a sigh of relief. A smile that says that I'm glad its over. A sigh to reflect the fact that I'm never ever going to put myself in such a vulnerable situation again. Need to admit, God works out his timings brilliantly. One door closes and the other opens. I see the smiling new inviting door but I'm just content in knowing its exists. Just for me. No rush. Do I want to enter it? Oh yes! But not just as yet. I'm steadily falling out of love, but the residue seems to be taking time to disappear. Once I'm a clean slate, we'll take a call on what to do. Ayn Rand says ~ ‎"I've always thought that a feeling which changes never existed in the first place". Probably that was it. I don't want to get into retrospect and bring out a rhapsody of unwanted words. Been there, done that. Now I'm simply sick and tired. Tired t...

Today, just as I stepped out from bed I sensed that something is not right. Sleepy eyed as I fumbled for my bedroom slippers under my bed, there it came, crushing one nerve of mine at a time. The dreaded migraine attack. Gosh, after more than 3 months it was back again to collapse me. Then came a sedating pill and off I went back to sleep after texting my lead that I won't be coming in to work. 8 hours later.. The last thing that I expected from today was a smile. But there it was waiting for me on my phone as I woke up feeling utterly dazed. So many texts and calls from friends and colleagues asking me how I was and some genuine miss you's too. I don't know how the word spread, but all this made me feel real nice. A man I almost hate, called me up randomly. I was surprised on seeing his name flash on my phone. When I picked up he just said one thing, "Soumya, are you alright? I just thought of you and sensed something is wrong". Its weird how such little gestures...

Sometimes everyone wants to be loved and needed. Particularly by the one who just left us. There are no problems that cannot be fixed. Some people are the ones who are beyond repair. Unless you have had your heart broken and shredded to tiny sharp shards, you won't even realise that it's there. When I first met him I looked for a lot of reasons to justify being with him. Today, I can't seem to find one reason to not be with him. Hope is a funny thing. So funny that at times it makes you want to cry. Its so scary that my future is intricately linked to uncertainty. I'm not looking for answers or solutions. I just want someone to distract me from this crap for a while. If only I could reach out to my skull and pull out this mulch bag titled memories. I now seem to be allergic to the miasma of love. I probably need to take a blither approach to life. Sometimes the more you know about others, the lesser you want to reveal about yourself. Its very important for people to kno...