Considering the way my life has been, even if I am blessed with two consecutive days of happiness I tend to get paranoid as to what is awaiting me next. But today I'm not feeling that way. Its been more than a week of happiness and peace. I'm getting used to the good life now and I hope it stays this way. Fingers crossed.
You know, the human mind is really foolish. The more it thinks, the more fucked up it gets. But again, its only human to think. And to be foolish. I seem to have tuned my cerebral system in such a way that I can only seem to care about things immediately close to me. And that which affects me directly. Feels good. And if some people are feeling neglected, I'm sorry but I come before anyone else. Call me selfish, so be it.
No matter what you do, the heart will do what it wants to anyway. Just go with the flow. Tread the path of your heart using your mind as the vehicle. My heart and mind were sworn enemies before, but now I have managed to get them to bear each other. A compromise. But when it seems to be working, I don't feel any regrets. Its easy to just lay back and watch life unfold. I'd rather do nothing and be happy, than try to do something, fuck it up and stay unhappy. No, I'm not taking the easy way out but at this point of my life this is what I can only do. Actually, this is what I want to do.
I want to let go. I want to break free. I want to move freely without any control. I want to smile, I want to sing, I want to love. I want to take on life head front. After all I have been through, I now know that no matter what happens I have the strength to get through it. I have been through more than enough 'This too shall pass' moments than I can count. I've learnt to sail my ship, I don't care about the storm coming in.
At this moment as I write this, I'm content with life. What happens next, I don't know. But whatever has to come will come and I will be there awaiting it. And yes, with a smile.