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Showing posts from August, 2011

Tiny bouts of Happiness

Everyone say that I'm a very hard to please girl. Just because I don't go 'Wooooooooooo' on every gift I get or 'Awwwwwwwww' on every rose I receive, it doesn't mean that I'm hard to please. Come on, how does wailing out like a milk cooker suggest to others that you are happy. This is something I don't and will never understand. It is not tough to make me happy. In fact I get thrilled due to the smallest of things. Little things make me more happy than any materialistic thing in the world. The most disturbed night of my life which I mentioned in my previous post, made room for the most prettiest of mornings. As I walked in to meet him and saw him sitting there it just made me smile my widest smile ever. The whole pain of insomnia and disturbance in the mind just went poof! Now I know, no matter what we are, no matter where we go, this whatever awesome feeling we feel is never gonna change. Never ever. And I'm not going to ruin in. No way. We&

I know & that's all that matters

Its past 3 am and I'm unable to sleep. I'm not new to the regular bouts of insomnia but this time I'm disturbed. All thanks to a certain someone. Aaaargghh, how I hate it when somebody occupies rent free space in my mind. If I was an outsider looking at myself now I would say that I'm in love. Or that I've totally lost it. Well, same difference I know. Big deal. You know, I had sworn to myself to not think much anymore. Or just not think at all. But then, it happened. He happened. There always is something about the opposite sex right. The more you want to stay away the more attractive it gets. I've known him for quite a while now but the closeness happened a few months ago. I know, mistake number one. Refusing to be his girl, mistake number two. Thinking of him morning, noon and night, mistake number three. Who's to blame? I feel like holding a loaded gun to my head right now. Everything was fine until a few days ago. We were what we were, being there

Somersault in the Air

I've always written about random crap. Love included. Once its on my mind, the next thing I know, I'm typing it out here. I just do it to vent and make myself feel good. Yeah yeah selfishness alert, but people actually like me for that. Most of them think that I'm being way too open about my life and that people would tend to judge me. Well, judge me all you want. A few of them who understand me and love me for what I am are enough to keep me going. Priyanka , Gowthami , Spaceman Spiff , Shobhit and Srinidhi have awarded me with this. Yay! Thank you so much, my lovely people. You really do know how to brighten me up. I love you all <3 So we proceed. Linkback? Done. 7 random things about me: 1. I wish I was a bit more tall. I know a 5.6" is good enough, but you know dil maange a little bit more. 2. I'm allergic to tomato ketchup or cooked tomatoes, capsicum, paneer, artificial food colors and sweets (yeah you got that right). These are the sure s

Giving Up

Its not like I don't care Its not like I don't want to share I just get frightened that I'll again get used to you being there Then you shall leave me behind Without even turning back The colors you brought in Will then soon turn to black I still want to talk to you I still want to love and feel But if I see you everyday How do you expect me to heal? My present seems to bother you My past meant the world to me How do we get a balance here Any solution do you see? When the us broke into me and you It poisoned me to the core I don't want to live in a mirage I'd rather stay alone on the shore There is no point in more tries Multiple knots shorten the thread We can manage to live apart If not, I guess we'd be long dead Today what we have become We have only ourselves to blame We should have stuck it out together Instead of being all tough and lame I still remember your touch The memories always hurt bad What's the point in thinking now? We'll only en

It rained all Night

The below post is a hybrid mix of truth, fantasy and fiction. Boredom was killing me and he was not the one to just let me stay bored. Or alone. Five minutes after the trivial fight we had about me not wanting to see his face again, he called back. Half an hour later he picked me up and we were on our way to our favorite place. The best part about us is that no matter how much we fight or yell, when we come together everything else is forgotten. It is just me and him. Us . He psyches me out to no end and raises my temper beyond any limit. I slap him, kick him, punch him, hit him and he dutifully bears it with a smile. He twists my hands occasionally only to kiss me at the end. Whatever you call this, this is the kind of relationship we share. As we were on our way it suddenly began to rain. Softly at first and then came the piercing heavy drops. We stopped and ran to a shed for shelter. We were half wet by the time we got there. There were about a dozen people there already, e

Chaotic Truth

My last birthday party just ended today and I'm all so sad. Another year before the day comes again. And as promised I have kicked the butt and let the old monk leave. Feeling light already. I feel like the layer of cigarette soot around my brain has been washed away and I am beginning to think clearly. Or so I feel. Yeah, I tend to get a bit dramatic at times. Naah naah, don't mistake me, I'm not giving up on these things like forever. Maybe sometime, once in a wee while I will party. Time now is to strictly focus on the career bit as I shall be starting on my new project tomorrow. Pray for me people. The last coupla weeks has been a roller coaster ride for me. Luckily I made it without throwing up. Today on my drive back home I stumbled across some realisations and facts about me and the people around. Totally random stuff, so skip if you don't want to read. People make a big deal about birthdays, especially me. I hate colors. Black and white is enough for me

I Don't

Period.

Let it Rain

I thought it would be different. It was not. I thought I'd be uncomfortable. I was not. I thought I wont like it. I did. I thought I'd feel guilty. I did not. I thought it was not important. It was. I thought I'd hurt him. I did not. I thought I'll hurt myself. I did not. I thought his feelings don't matter. It did. I thought I was right about never having feelings for anyone else. I was not. I thought I'd never understand. I did. I thought he'd never understand. He did. I thought I'd regret this. I do not. I thought I'd never want this to happen again. I want. I thought it won't rain. It did .

25. Single. Happy

Happy Birthday to me :) Today was just like any other day. Nothing great happened. It was like any other party that I've been to. Just that I was the centre of attraction today. But my talks usually make me that most of the times so there was nothing special. There was a lot of drinking, well nothing new in that either. Apart from receiving a phone call almost every minute, today was just like any other day. I must say that I have some of the best friends in the world who went out of their way to make things special for me. Every single person in my life whom I care about wished me today. Family, friends and surprisingly some frenemies too. What touched me the most was that my friends staying outside the country took out time and made sure to wish me 12 am my time. I honestly wasn't even expecting a call from them. Had my mind not been lost in pre-thoughts of a certain someone not calling me, today would have been the best day of my life. But again everything happens for

Clumsy Oaf

No, no I'm not getting into a bashing spree again. This is just for me. Tell me something, who else burns their ear while trying to blow dry their hair? Or who else burns their middle finger while trying to light a smoke? Seriously, the finger I use the most is all burnt and swollen now. Somewhere far away Murphy is ROFLing away to glory. I turn 25 in two days. Phew! Am I seriously that old? Am I seriously that old and still I do the above things? I might just be in serious need of help. Well atleast my mind does for now. First, I was not used to not having him around. I learnt to deal with it and was successful. He's back and I am now not used to having him around. How do I deal with this? I'm driving him and myself up the wall. Wtf is wrong with me? I'm either sick or confused. Talk about being a defective piece. Thank you God, if I haven't said that already. Today I had a yelling match with my manager. Turns out I'm back to my temper tantrums. I feel a gli

Much ado about Nothing

I've been sick again. Have been away from work since the past 2 days. Viral fever they say and I'm stuck the entire day at home with a tissue stuffed up my nose. My immunity system seems to have gone to the dogs, with one health concern following the other. At times I feel that there is someone out there holding a voodoo doll that looks like me and is piercing it with poison tipped pins. Believe me, I know a lot of people capable of doing that. I'm seriously getting tired of being ill. Its been more than a month and I'm making more visits to the hospitals than I do to the loo. I wouldn't mind the tests, needles or tablets much. The thing I hate the most are the disastrous syrups/tonics that they make me drink. They taste like crap and its a pity that I can't avoid them. I'm literally in tears when I'm asked to take them. 2 spoons from 3 bottles, 3 times a day. There is no God. So much for the big plans I had for my birthday. Everything seems to be goi

Fade to Black

Its my birthday month. Yay! :D Today was an eternal down hill with everything possible going wrong. Today I saw how love can exist without trust. How a beautiful face perfectly hides the monster underneath. How a person who hardly mattered is capable of bringing out the tears in you. How blind people can get as long as someone around is pacifying them. How hidden intentions can spoil a relationship. How a single second can crush you down. What's with trust anyway? Can you love someone and not trust them? Can you trust someone with your life but not love them? Can you believe every word a loved one says? Can he look into my eyes and lie? No, I did not love him. But it did sting. That's all that was on my mind today. Suddenly the most important person in my life did not seem to matter anymore. It was all about the vague new face. Every breath pierced and every voice burnt. How could he? I can't even blame him, I'm the one who did not want more out of this. Still it is