Repost: Murderer

This old post of mine remains an eternal favorite. The reason being that the moment that I wrote this was the most painful moment of my life. This post has all my tears, feelings and blood embedded into it. I was accused of being unfaithful in the most sadistic manner ever. He sent me the song 'Unfaithful' by Rihanna, complete with the video and lyrics and told me that presently its his favorite song. I was already heart broken and this just crushed me. I did not write this to defend myself, I just wrote this to vent out my pain. I did not even want to publish it, but when I did people loved the post. It seemed funny that my pain was being appreciated. I even won an award for this on bloggertown. Today, 'Unfaithful' started playing on shuffle on my ipod and I was so reminded of that day. Hence, the re-post.

I was never unfaithful
I never wanted to see you hurt
All I wanted was
For you to realise my worth

How could I rejoice in
Seeing you die
Dead I'd rather be
Than to see you cry

You're more than a man
Your the reason why I live
You're my heart n soul
For whom my love I'll give

Its all in your mind
That I'm happy with someone else
You don't see my heart bleed
You don't see my craving eyes

I walked away
Cos you dint need me
I never lied to you
My truth you couldn't see

I know its too late
To simplify things
To understand us better
And our love for each other

I see you hurt
Cant see it anymore
So I've locked my feelings
And left it ashore

I just wish you happiness
And love for life
Lucky will be the one you love
The one who'll be your wife

I would never give up
On something I love
But something which is not mine
No point of having hope

I'm the one
Who is dead inside
Feelings are something
Which will never subside

I'd rather slit myself
Than to put a gun to your head
Before I see a frown on you
I'd gladly prefer to be dead

For today, tomorrow
Or any day other
Just remember
I can never be a murderer

Half the things written in this poem don't make sense to me anymore. The best part is that today as I read this, I feel nothing but relief. A relief that, this shall never be a part of my life again. Nobody ever again is going to make me feel this bad. No matter what, I'm never gonna let it get there. Never again.

11 comments:

  1. Superb.. I hadn't read this before.

    I can understand the angst you must've gone through. Because the same thing happened to me. I was accused of being unfaithful in the dirtiest of manner. And that too with a person who is almost like an elder brother for me. I was called all sorts of filthy names.
    That person is dead to me now. But like you said, I don't think I can ever feel THAT bad again. I won't allow that...
    (I don't feel like visitng some of my favourite blogs these days because that sonofabitch also visits them nowadays. When I see the sweet dripping-with-honey comments he leaves there, I feel like shouting out to those girls "Don't fall for this! This is not his true self!!")

    I'm sorry... I just wanted to vent...

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  2. I know what you mean.. That journey from bleeding pain to relief is one of the most toughest, exhausting and longest ones ever.
    I love the way you've written this...
    Never again.. Amen!

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  3. with no intention of being, yet at the risk of sounding apathetic... hw did u get it to rhyme?

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  4. Getting your heart broken is a part of life. You become stronger because you didn't stay down, you fought for your happiness.
    I hope you find someone in your life who will trust you and love you forever.

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  5. It's painful just reading this.

    And I can't imagine what it feels like to be accused of being unfaithful. But being the person I am, I prolly would walk out on the relationship for someone who knows me SO less has no place in it in the first place.

    And so glad you're happy again, remembered your previous post.

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  6. So painfully beautiful. Had not read it before.

    Don't let yourself feel that bad again. You deserve better. :) HUG! :)

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  7. Hope you would never get encountered with such feeling ever again. Stay happy, you are done with the sadest part of your life. Keep smiling soumya, I guess you look best in that. Eeee :)

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  8. This really was written in the darkest of days.
    I am so glad that they are past!

    Misunderstanding as a result of possessiveness and a bit of jealousy. Isnt it?
    What shall i say, Time defines emotions and time takes them away too.

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  9. @Spiff,
    Thanks lady :)
    Its okay you can say whatever you want here. The angst kills, so its better to get over it. I don't hate him nor do I think he's dead to me, but he can never be a part of my life now and that's how I want it to be. When you are/were in love, you tend to forgive.
    That's a typical desperate move from your ex for sure, you should drop in a comment just for kicks! Think about it :)

    @Chandana,
    Never ever again. Thanks :)

    @quartertoinsane,
    At the touch of love everyone becomes a poet. Even if it is pain, it tends to rhyme.

    @Areesha,
    Thanks a lot for that :)

    @PeeVee,
    That's exactly what I did. I couldn't die twice after all.

    @Srinidhi,
    Never again for sure. Thanks and hugs! :)

    @Sonia,
    That part is over and buried. Not even a part of my memories now. Its been replaced and I couldn't be more happier. Its only smiles here on :)

    @Red,
    I'm so glad too. Exactly what it was. Misunderstanding and more of it. Anyway I'm glad its over. Everything in life is a matter of time. Nothing lasts forever, neither pain nor happiness. You just have to continue living, no matter what.

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  10. Freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaking awesoooooooooooooooooommmmeeeee!!!!!:-D

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  11. @Rahul,
    Thaaaannnnnkkk Youuuuuu :D

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Care to leave a word or two? Thanks for dropping by :)