A lot has been said, done, assumed and written of late. And if it is something that I wrote that is causing the problem, it only makes sense that I apologize. Like I said in this post, you put up something, be prepared to face the brunt of it. I never planned to run away anyway and I'm not the only one who put up something. Everything happens for a reason. Provocation they call it. I read something, I wrote about it. You read it and started talking. Its a vicious cycle, every spoken word. And every written word. And now that everyone wants to know what triggered such an ugly battle, I'm going to speak out exactly what's on my mind.
Yes, Cal and I are related. And yet we fell in love. Its not like we had planned it to happen, or any other strategic move. Now that I hear that all of you have been following my blog closely I'm sure you would have read about the honest posts I've written. It just happened, without even us realizing it. You guys found out about it, because it happened. It sure wasn't a rumor and we indeed were seeing each other. But none of you asked us. Allegations were made about it being incest, gene problems were mentioned. But none to us. It was upsetting but we kept quiet as we were busy trying to figure out what exactly was happening between us. When we realized we were in love, we told our parents. They were fine with the decision. It later was told to the family. And then it all began.
Why her? Didn't he get anybody else? Her parents have not taught her anything. She is way too modern for the family. She's not pretty enough and what not. It came to us, we ignored. Then my aunt had to say that if they had found out about our relationship earlier, then they could have done something? What did you want to do? And for what? Such things, obviously hurt. Not only us, our parents too. Yet, we kept quiet. Then came the best thing ever. Another aunt informs my to be mother in law that I've had a very long past and she had seen some pictures of mine doing the rounds with another guy. Why? Am I not from the family? Don't we share the same blood? What about family respect then? What if Cal's mother had refused to get us married because of this piece of news? Now so much is being said, why wasn't it thought then? You are talking about a black mark on me regarding what happened recently. But the truth is that you had put the black mark on me long before Cal and I were even engaged.
Next was the engagement. My parents till date cry about the fact that no one came into my room to see me that day. I wonder too. It was very offensive and equally painful. Considering the fact that we all cousins grew up together and were so close knit, I expected a lot of fun and frolic on our big day. Most of them did not turn up even and nor did they call us to wish us later. For reasons best known to them everyone had out casted us. Rather me. Wasn't I your sister then? Or your niece? Didn't I come from the same bloodline? A lot of questions remained in my mind. And still do.
During the wedding not one of you all spoke to me. Not one. Some came and told the mandatory "Congrats". And some, not even that. Not one of you came to my room to see how I was doing? Was I able to handle it? Did I need any help? Nothing. When the pujari asked for the girl's brother to come on stage and perform a ritual, none of you were in sight. Just imagine the embarrassment I would have felt. It felt like a slap on the face and the emotions were only getting piled up. Still, everything was brushed away as it was a really tiring day for me to think much about anything. Then I started my new life at my husbands place. The newly weds are supposed to be invited to the close relatives house soon after the wedding. We got zero invitations. Our parents were hurt, we consoled them saying it was an age old ritual and that no one follows it now. Something about the lack of food was mentioned just two days after the wedding. Then it was about attention being given only to guys side of the family. Aren't you all a part of that family as well? The wedding was of two people whom you all have seen growing up. Where did all that emotions go? The frustrations in us kept piling up and seeing our parents getting hurt and upset over this, only added salt to the injury. Its not an easy feeling to bear.
The cork opener came in the form of a Facebook status by my brother in law. This is what he had to say.
"The term wedding reception implies that the newly married couple receives the relatives and friends for the first time as a couple. Some think that it is the perfect opportunity to pose for pics and show some arrogance and attitude for reasons known only to them! When the family too does not bother about hospitality and follows the same route, then it definitely is a matter of poor culture and values!"
My cousin sister(his wife) promptly goes and likes the status followed by more likes from our cousins. This happened on March 26th, just four days after my wedding and a month before I put up my controversial post. He managed to get away with it, but I was penalized. Fine. I take it in my stride.
A lot had been said about Cal and me already. But when our family values, culture and parents came into scene in such a demeaning way, I decided why can't I do the same. The Facebook post was followed by a string of comments calling our wedding a formality, about us having no culture, class and values in our blood, studying just for the sake of a certificate etc etc. When a thirty five year old could do it on a public platform such as Facebook, why couldn't I do on another online platform, and that too on my personal space. The anger and frustrations inside me all came pouring out in the most horrible way possible. And there was a year and a half worth of emotions piled up. You trash my family, I trash yours. You talk about my past, I talk about yours. You complain about my family members, I do the same. There was no reasoning, the pent up poison came flowing out. It wasn't right. I agree. I probably should have channeled my anger in a better way and ignored the trash being spoken. Yes, its my fault. I over reacted. I should have just ignored just like I did all these years.
It was a brilliant provocation and I fell prey. My biggest mistake ever.
I'm the youngest one in the family and I sure had no right talking about my elders like this. I wasn't brought up like this and nor will I bring up my kids this way. I apologise to all my family members who I dragged into the post. The words mentioned cannot be taken back but there is nothing in my mind regarding any of it. It was an impulse and a very unnecessary one at it. The past kept playing in my mind and I kept writing it. I shouldn't have. Sincere apologies and I'm not carrying any grudge in my mind.
To my cousin and his wife: There was no need for us to drag you guys into this. We're sorry.
To my aunts: When today I'm married to man who loves me the most I don't see why I should even complain about what all you said about me in the past. Its forgotten now and we apologise to you with all our heart for the harsh words used.
To Cal's uncle: We seriously don't know how you got connected to this thread. We don't even know what was the connection you felt. You are Cal's immediate family, the person who lifted him on your shoulders for the garlanding ceremony. There is no way on earth we would write anything bad about you.
To Cal's aunt and mother like figure: We swear to God there was nothing addressed to you in the post. We were so glad that you managed to come to Bangalore just for about 10 hours to attend the wedding and head back. And you were the only one who came into my room and checked on me both during the engagement and the wedding. Cal holds you in such high regard, what made you think that he would let me write nonsense about you? Probably the fact that it was mentioned in the same flow as the others, triggered something. We were actually talking about a colleague who came in baring her back and her belly. If you don't believe us, we'll send you the snaps of the lady mentioned.
They say an eye for an eye turns the whole world blind. My impulse created such ugly scenes within the family that I feel so let down by myself. And the fact that my husband was involved too doesn't make it any better. We both got married so that we could support each other and correct the other when one was wrong. Its just been two months and we already have failed at it. Not at all right. Today, we make a promise to you all that we shall set things right. We shall tread life carefully and sensibly and live life the way it should be lived and make you all proud. We won't trouble or cause harm to any of you henceforth. This was the last time ever and something as childish as this shall never be done again.
We hope that you all forgive us and don't hold onto this as a grudge. As its not only about us husband and wife, but it is about our parents as well which in turn is all a part of the same family.
The same bloodline.