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An Eye for an Eye

A lot has been said, done, assumed and written of late. And if it is something that I wrote that is causing the problem, it only makes sense that I apologize. Like I said in this post, you put up something, be prepared to face the brunt of it. I never planned to run away anyway and I'm not the only one who put up something. Everything happens for a reason. Provocation they call it. I read something, I wrote about it. You read it and started talking. Its a vicious cycle, every spoken word. And every written word. And now that everyone wants to know what triggered such an ugly battle, I'm going to speak out exactly what's on my mind. 

Yes, Cal and I are related. And yet we fell in love. Its not like we had planned it to happen, or any other strategic move. Now that I hear that all of you have been following my blog closely I'm sure you would have read about the honest posts I've written. It just happened, without even us realizing it. You guys found out about it, because it happened. It sure wasn't a rumor and we indeed were seeing each other. But none of you asked us. Allegations were made about it being incest, gene problems were mentioned. But none to us. It was upsetting but we kept quiet as we were busy trying to figure out what exactly was happening between us. When we realized we were in love, we told our parents. They were fine with the decision. It later was told to the family. And then it all began.

Why her? Didn't he get anybody else? Her parents have not taught her anything. She is way too modern for the family. She's not pretty enough and what not. It came to us, we ignored. Then my aunt had to say that if they had found out about our relationship earlier, then they could have done something? What did you want to do? And for what? Such things, obviously hurt. Not only us, our parents too. Yet, we kept quiet. Then came the best thing ever. Another aunt informs my to be mother in law that I've had a very long past and she had seen some pictures of mine doing the rounds with another guy. Why? Am I not from the family? Don't we share the same blood? What about family respect then? What if Cal's mother had refused to get us married because of this piece of news? Now so much is being said, why wasn't it thought then? You are talking about a black mark on me regarding what happened recently. But the truth is that you had put the black mark on me long before Cal and I were even engaged.

Next was the engagement. My parents till date cry about the fact that no one came into my room to see me that day. I wonder too. It was very offensive and equally painful. Considering the fact that we all cousins grew up together and were so close knit, I expected a lot of fun and frolic on our big day. Most of them did not turn up even and nor did they call us to wish us later. For reasons best known to them everyone had out casted us. Rather me. Wasn't I your sister then? Or your niece? Didn't I come from the same bloodline? A lot of questions remained in my mind. And still do.

During the wedding not one of you all spoke to me. Not one. Some came and told the mandatory "Congrats". And some, not even that. Not one of you came to my room to see how I was doing? Was I able to handle it? Did I need any help? Nothing. When the pujari asked for the girl's brother to come on stage and perform a ritual, none of you were in sight. Just imagine the embarrassment I would have felt. It felt like a slap on the face and the emotions were only getting piled up. Still, everything was brushed away as it was a really tiring day for me to think much about anything. Then I started my new life at my husbands place. The newly weds are supposed to be invited to the close relatives house soon after the wedding. We got zero invitations. Our parents were hurt, we consoled them saying it was an age old ritual and that no one follows it now. Something about the lack of food was mentioned just two days after the wedding. Then it was about attention being given only to guys side of the family. Aren't you all a part of that family as well? The wedding was of two people whom you all have seen growing up. Where did all that emotions go? The frustrations in us kept piling up and seeing our parents getting hurt and upset over this, only added salt to the injury. Its not an easy feeling to bear.

The cork opener came in the form of a Facebook status by my brother in law. This is what he had to say.

"The term wedding reception implies that the newly married couple receives the relatives and friends for the first time as a couple. Some think that it is the perfect opportunity to pose for pics and show some arrogance and attitude for reasons known only to them! When the family too does not bother about hospitality and follows the same route, then it definitely is a matter of poor culture and values!"

My cousin sister(his wife) promptly goes and likes the status followed by more likes from our cousins. This happened on March 26th, just four days after my wedding and a month before I put up my controversial post. He managed to get away with it, but I was penalized. Fine. I take it in my stride.

A lot had been said about Cal and me already. But when our family values, culture and parents came into scene in such a demeaning way, I decided why can't I do the same. The Facebook post was followed by a string of comments calling our wedding a formality, about us having no culture, class and values in our blood, studying just for the sake of a certificate etc etc. When a thirty five year old could do it on a public platform such as Facebook, why couldn't I do on another online platform, and that too on my personal space. The anger and frustrations inside me all came pouring out in the most horrible way possible. And there was a year and a half worth of emotions piled up. You trash my family, I trash yours. You talk about my past, I talk about yours. You complain about my family members, I do the same. There was no reasoning, the pent up poison came flowing out. It wasn't right. I agree. I probably should have channeled my anger in a better way and ignored the trash being spoken. Yes, its my fault. I over reacted. I should have just ignored just like I did all these years.

It was a brilliant provocation and I fell prey. My biggest mistake ever.

I'm the youngest one in the family and I sure had no right talking about my elders like this. I wasn't brought up like this and nor will I bring up my kids this way. I apologise to all my family members who I dragged into the post. The words mentioned cannot be taken back but there is nothing in my mind regarding any of it. It was an impulse and a very unnecessary one at it. The past kept playing in my mind and I kept writing it. I shouldn't have. Sincere apologies and I'm not carrying any grudge in my mind. 

To my cousin and his wife: There was no need for us to drag you guys into this. We're sorry.

To my aunts: When today I'm married to man who loves me the most I don't see why I should even complain about what all you said about me in the past. Its forgotten now and we apologise to you with all our heart for the harsh words used. 

To Cal's uncle: We seriously don't know how you got connected to this thread. We don't even know what was the connection you felt. You are Cal's immediate family, the person who lifted him on your shoulders for the garlanding ceremony. There is no way on earth we would write anything bad about you.

To Cal's aunt and mother like figure: We swear to God there was nothing addressed to you in the post. We were so glad that you managed to come to Bangalore just for about 10 hours to attend the wedding and head back. And you were the only one who came into my room and checked on me both during the engagement and the wedding. Cal holds you in such high regard, what made you think that he would let me write nonsense about you? Probably the fact that it was mentioned in the same flow as the others, triggered something. We were actually talking about a colleague who came in baring her back and her belly. If you don't believe us, we'll send you the snaps of the lady mentioned.

They say an eye for an eye turns the whole world blind. My impulse created such ugly scenes within the family that I feel so let down by myself. And the fact that my husband was involved too doesn't make it any better. We both got married so that we could support each other and correct the other when one was wrong. Its just been two months and we already have failed at it. Not at all right. Today, we make a promise to you all that we shall set things right. We shall tread life carefully and sensibly and live life the way it should be lived and make you all proud. We won't trouble or cause harm to any of you henceforth. This was the last time ever and something as childish as this shall never be done again. 

We hope that you all forgive us and don't hold onto this as a grudge. As its not only about us husband and wife, but it is about our parents as well which in turn is all a part of the same family. 

The same bloodline.

~ Soumya


    As I read this its now established that you are one strong woman. And why wouldnt you be? you have a man beside you who truly loves you. Look around and see the marriages of the rrelatives who happen to mock you before you and even on facebook. Are they happy? are they in love? Pity them because your spicy life is all that is left to them. Be happy for you are better than them. Taboo is a taboo until someone breaks it..and yours wasnt one in the first place. Like they say, SOCIETY IS A CRAZY BREED INDEED.

    1. Thanks Red. Thank you for all the support :)

  2. This is the cousin sister whose husband's comment has created so much damage to you. Firstly, am surprised that you mentioned it is your brother-in-law who wrote this comment cos if I remember right, when I called you to ask about your marriage post and about your comment, you seem to mention to me that it was an ex-boyfriend of yours who wrote this comment and when I said it was my husband who wrote it, you were trying to convince me otherwise. Next, you had mentioned no one came to check on you during your engagement and marriage. If you remember, I did come on both occasions to check on you and this is inspite of you and your husband insulting me from day one cos you both had assumed that it was me who was spreading rumors about you guys in the family and from then on, I was targeted not only in your blog but also in person. Despite all this, I had always checked with my aunt (your mother) about your wedding preparations and had specificially asked if she needed any help from our end. You can ask my aunt if you want. I could have easily mentioned all this to my aunt but I thought I should clear things with you rather than involve family in this but looks like I was wrong. If I had mentioned it to your family, I would have got an apology rather than another comment in the blog. Next, about my husband writing the status, he wrote what he felt and I liked it cos I also felt it was right. We had not prompted anyone to like the status. If others have liked it, then it shows they have also related to it. Am surprised that you felt so bad for one status comment, when you had been insulting not only me but all the family members in your blogs. Imagine how much temper I should feel when I read about it and when I confronted you, both of you did not give me any explanation. You can write anything and everything and get away with it but noone should comment back is it? You have named this blog right, it is an eye for an eye. My husband wrote for all the comments and insults that you gave me and looks like one comment compensated for all .

  3. Called up Ammai this morning and spoke to her..
    Now this is the little Soumya we know..
    Glad you understood !
    Let bygones be bygones ..
    May the almighty shower both of you with years of happiness and prosperity !
    Continue blogging and make us all proud :)

    1. Thank you chechi, glad you understood too.

      I sure will make you proud :)

  4. Looks like someone did not put my comment in the blog. Not that I expected it to be put there. You had always taken the cowards' route and run away when confronted right, so this was expected. Please take off that word "Bold" from your description in the blog. It just doesn't suit you at all. You claim that my husband's comment provoked you, how come when one of my other cousin commented on the same status in almost the same words, you did not seem to be provoked. Why provocation is only reserved for my side is it. My husband had written so decently, not mentioning any names and without calling names to anyone and you seem to be provoked when he had merely stated the fact while at the same time an aunt of mine had done the same thing verbally in raw language but this time individually commenting on your parents and in-laws but that doesn't seem to be provoke you rather it got an apology from you. Wow, what an irony. Maybe you understand only such languages. Sorry, I don't use such languages but am not going to leave you this time. So, here's the deal. I want you and your husband to apologize to my husband (not that my husband is least interested, but sorry babe, I am not going to forgive you this time, I have had enough of your nonsense), my mom, and myself, (this time with respect and politely, not in your style) by today evening 5 o'clock. I will check this blog again in the evening. Don't use your coward way again and block me away, at least once be "bold" that you so claim to be. If I do not find an apology, then you can check my facebook status. What to do, you seem to understand only facebook and blog languages or the raw one. Anyways, your husband had told I can also write anything I want, so thought will take his advice. When a 26-year-old can insult so much, then so can I, who is six years older to you. You have still not grown to write about my husband babe. Am not an insensitive person like you and write anything. I will tell you exactly what I will write. First I will start with explaining exactly how Cal and Hobbes are related. Maybe I can complete your blog by providing certain important details which you happen to miss out. Don't make me do all this nonsense Soumya and just apologize and put the matter to rest. Am not at all interested in doing such stuffs but I feel compelled to do it as I find you do not seem to understand anything even after me explaining. Think whatever you want about this comment, I just don't care. I know you will read this comment, that's all that matters to me. Will meet you again at 5 in the evening then.

    1. So with all due respect to you, no offence, but let me see if I got your rambling right - you are pissed off. You say you do not care for petty things like these, BUT you are demanding that someone come apologize to you. You even have a deadline for the same. And if that person chooses NOT to apologize, you are threatening to spill some secrets you think are breaking news (for exactly who to see / read God only knows). And this is happening on a blog. ON A PERSONAL BLOG.

      Wow... just wow. Real classy. Someone get this woman a glass of water please.

      I wrote, then rewrote and once again rewrote all over again what I could comment on a blogpost that I barely know anything about. But considering I am going through the same shit regarding me and what I do on my Facebook, all I gotta say - people will say whatever the fuck the want. People will think whatever the fuck they want. That is just how people are made to function. Also, I have learnt the hard way, some people are so occupied with keeping tabs on what others do, they forget they actually should go out and live their own life.

      Anyway. You come to a point (and honestly, without taking sides here) where you say something, do something that sometimes ends up offending other people. Happens. Surprise surprise people of the world - mistakes happen. Going by what I always felt about you - that you are much like me - if you do something that did not feel "right" to you, did not feel like it was the real you - you will go and apologize. You do and try to make amends, because someone got shit from you that they did not deserve. That does not make anyone a bad person, that is just how life works. Sometimes people are mean to some people. That's all. Period.

      BUT, if you've had up to here with shit, and you couldn't care less, and you know you said something that you have indeed tried your best to shut up and ignore for a while... IMHO, just to hell with these people man! Hit ignore and be happy with the people you hold dearest. The people who really know you (oh and are totally not jealous of you! :P and genuinely happy for you) will always understand (like the comment above this one). People who love us, understand that we are human and obviously mistakes happen, and its OKAY to forgive people and move on.

      P.S: I am proud that you have the guts to come out and apologize when you felt you did something wrong. It takes a lot of effort to do that, something that not everyone can do, or even appreciate. Kudos. :)

      P.P.S: Issued in general notice (I understand this is a personal thing, but then again its on a BLOG, and like always I need to add my two cents :P) - Obviously people cannot wrap their head around this - But. Flash news. NO ONE CARES how you & Cal are related. Okay? Jeez. As long as you do not share the same set of parents, it does not MATTER. It should not matter to anyone else if it is what you both want. Isn't it marvelous how people actually think their thinking matters so much to us that we will trouble ourselves with their ridiculous opinions? :)

      P.P.P.S: .... Wow this got long. :P

    2. @Annie,

      I love you my darling. You are the best. Period.

  5. Hey, you can delete this if you want to.
    Just wanted to let you know that you seem like a really strong woman and that you and your husband seem really in love.
    And that I don't know the whole story obviously but from your cousin sister's comments she doesn't seem very nice.
    And I don't think you've "failed" as you so dramatically put it:if your cousins are mean to you there's no reason you have to be nice to them. And that puttin something on a blog is WAY different to posting a status update as a blog is kinda private while a status update is not. What your brother-in-law did was wrong. And hello, a blog is a place to vent.

    1. I did something, that I shouldn't have. That's the truth and that's the reason why I apologized. I didn't lose anything by doing so. Atleast my mind is free of clutter now.

      Thanks for the support :)

  6. Since this is a post involving very personal life, I want to restrict myself with just a few words. With the tone of this post and the tone of your cousin sister's comments, everyone can clearly see you are the bigger person in this Soumya! I know you will come out of all this like a lioness. Be yourself always. You have Cal and he has you. Does anything else really matter?

    Until later,
    Keirthana :)

    1. Nothing else matters :)

      Thanks Keirthana, you've been a huge support.

  7. Dont Worry...!!!

    All will be very well!!!!

    This happened to me when i married. First my relatives said that we didn't informed most of them before seeing my wife (mine was an arranged marriage), they said she is inercaste, then they said they are not much rich, then her dadd is a group4 employee,then she doesn't look that good, then her parents may come and stay with us, then cheap marriage and what not but post marriage what happened to me is i met some wonderful people in the form of her relatives (My extended family) and settled really well.she is cool, down to earth and what not i am enjoying every moment of my life....

    I lost my parents few years ago, Mom in 2003 and Dad in 2008. When i lost my dad, he was unwell from a year or so. i was working in mumbai at that time and he was staying with my brother who was doing his engineering 6th sem.We dont know any thing about his health condition.He had a lung collapsed (Due to TB and COPD)a year before that but neither me nor my brother knows about it(Most of these so called relatives knows about that even my Dad's younger brother but they didnt informed to us). A simple phone call to me or to my brother could have averted the loss of the most wonderful guy who worked very hard to meet all his children needs but never saw them once they are fully settled.After that i moved to bangalore and most of these so called relatives didn't cared about me. They didn't bothered to invite us to their son/daughter wedding or none of them called to check if i am doing good or not and created lot of problems by spreading roumours about me that i smoke/drink/money minded etc just to stop my marriage. A year back no one was there to check if i am doing good now i have some good set of peopel who really care every thing for me .
    My Marriage helped me in so many good ways....

    People may say anything about any one, Most in this society do is talk bad about the third person and take fun from that but, the one who had created all of us (GOD) knows the truth and that is what that matters the most.

    This is time to enjoy ur married life so be happy...........

    keep posting

    1. Oops, sad about what happened. Hope everything is fine with you now. If not, don't worry it soon shall be.

      Thank you so much for visiting and yes I shall keep posting.

  8. Hey Soumya,

    The moment I read you post, which was two days age, I was numb [to say the very least] Numb that a cousin sister could write such crap, numb that anyone had the audacity to threaten you on YOUR own blog.

    Didn't know what to say to you, so spoke to Cal. I knew and I'm glad that he was supportive of you all the while.

    You know what you and Cal deserve? You guys deserve each other's love, love from each of your families and nothing else. All this venom spewing, I'm sure, has risen from the fact that you guys were lucky enough to marry the people you love. I know it's the first few days of your marriage and this will probably remain in your mind forever. But darling, it's just not worth it.

    You've apologized, moved on and shown what you are as a person. Please let nobody else let tell you anything else about you or Cal or your marriage. Love you both. Stay blessed and stay happy.

    P.S - Everyone talking shit can go get a life. [this line was intended to be much much severe, but I guess I had to tone it down]

    1. Cal told me about it. Thank you so much for your concern :)

      Cal stands by my side like a rock and I know that I don't have to worry about anything else. We've moved on happily and no, this does not remain in the mind. We know its not worth it. We have a lot more better things to do. This thing was off our mind(a conscious decision)the minute we put up this apology post. We did what we had to do, and what we felt was right. That's it.

      Thanks darling, you have been an awesome support for both Cal and me. Love you.

  9. Soumya, never ever publish your family problems online for the entire world to read. Its perfect when you stick to your amazing poetry and writings. However, there are certain things that are best kept within yourself. I appreciate that you want to sort things out and apologize to everyone. But you know what, it would be much better to go do it in person that write a long post about what went wrong, why you behaved the way you did and all other things. Just go talk it out with people who are affected by this. Things would be much simpler then. Writing another post wouldnt help anyone. Trust me, this post does more damage than mend things. Think about it.

    And, sorry about being anonymous. Its the best that way I guess.

    1. Thanks for the comment. But this topic is done and dusted now.

  10. Hi Soumya,
    I'm Jahnavi,I just read your blog.You are a very good writer, you've got a pun on words. What you have written about provocation is true, a very mild person can also get furious when provoked. I have seen provocation amongst peers in schools, and it drives even a noble child to become arrogant and cause fights. fights between people, husband and wife, brother and sister,parents and children and friends is caused by extreme provocation. Congratulations for winning titles for your blog, no wonder such good informative and thoughtful blogs win accolades :)
    Best wishes

    1. Hi Jahnavi,

      Nice to see you here. Thank you for visiting my blog and for all your kind words and wishes :)


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