I hate noise, but the subtle beep my phone gives out when it receives a message always brings a smile on my face. But, this time the beep was not for a message, it was a notification.
'Rahul Bose invites you on WeChat' it said. I was stunned. Who? The actor? The marathon runner? The guy whom I have been crazy about since I saw 'Mr and Mrs Iyer'? I was confused.
WeChat is a robust and comprehensive text and voice chatting app with photo sharing! With WeChat, you can chat with one or more friends, and find people around. It is available for iOS, Android, Symbian and Windows Phone platforms, and supports English, Traditional Chinese and Simplified Chinese. I had just downloaded the WeChat application and was awed by its features.
Another beep. "Hey amateur writer, I want to talk to you. Can we?"
Still startled and with shaky hands I pressed the add button and texted, "Hi Rahul. I'm a huge fan :)" And that's how the most important conversation of my life began.
Rahul: Can we talk? I just finished a rugby match and my hands are still wobbly. Can I initiate a live voice chat? WeChat allows that. Lets use it.
Me *silently cursing the horrible husky voice I'm blessed with*: Sure.
Rahul: Here we go! Can you hear me lady?
Me *sheepishly*: Yes sir, I can.
Rahul: Oh please call me Rahul. Naam toh suna hi hoga.. Ha ha ha.
Me *in an angry tone*: Look Rahul, no digs at SRK please. I've been his fan since Baazigar. I have immense respect for the man.
Rahul: Oh you do eh? Say hello to him then.
Me: Eh? What Rahul? Hello what?
Rahul: Speak up woman, I just added your Shah Rukh Khan to the chat. WeChat allows you to add people as you talk.
Me: Oh what? Really? Thank you so much Rahul. I still can't believ......
SRK: Hello Rahul bhai, what's up? Not seen you since the last KKR match yaar.
Rahul: Which one Khan bhai? The one you lost on the 15th or the one you lost on the 18th? Or the one you lost on the 24th?
Me *trying hard to conceal a laugh*: He he he.
SRK *sniggering*: Arey, don't laugh Rahul. Its just a game after all. Just about two percent of my earnings.
Rahul: Yes yes, its always a game when you are on the losing side. Anyway, that was not me laughing. Meet Soumya, an amateur writer. She is a huge fan.
SRK: Ha ha ha. You have fans? Social service karti hai kya? Ha ha ha ha.
Me *offended*: Hello Shah Rukh, that was uncalled for. I'm a fan of his as much as I'm a fan of yours. I mean have you seen 'Mr and Mrs Iyer'? Or even the 'Japanese wife'?
SRK *conveniently choosing to ignore the rest of the sentence*: Acha, so you are my fan. Wait, are you the one who purchased the Ra.One goodie kit?
Rahul: Soumya, he means the only one that got sold. He he he.
Me *confused*: No SRK, I did not. I'm your fan yes, but I'm not foolish.
Rahul: He he he.
Suddenly there is a screech and a loud voice cuts in. "How dare you make fun of Shah Rukh. He's the star of Bengal."
Rahul *whispering*: Who is this?
Me *whispering*: No clue. Is it Karan Johar?
The voice: Karan Johar? Why can't you all think beyond Hindi cinema. Bengali cinema also is very good.
SRK *with respect*: Yes didi, totally. I'm doing the cameo you asked me to do. Pakka.
Rahul and Me together: Didi?
SRK: Useless idiots. You are talking to the second pride of the nation. First being me of course. I'm the king you know. Baadshah main baadshah.....
The voice: Oh Shah Rukh, you are too much. Thanks for adding me. My first ever WeChat invite. Sniff.
SRK: Now now, didi, relax. Bade bade deshon mein aisi choti choti baatien hoti rehti hai...
Rahul: Not again. Soumya, lets talk about why I wanted to talk to you in the first place. Can we?
Me *thrilled*: Sure sure... But who is this didi?
The voice: Arey, hum Mamtha hai. Mamtha Banejee, the pride of the nation.
SRK *clears his throat*: Ahem.
Didi: Haan haan theek hai. Second pride of the nation.
Rahul: Arey didi aap. Ke mon naacho?
Didi: I'm good. Good. Thank you. Finished your race kya?
Rahul: For the last time didi, its not a race. A marathon is for creating awareness about some thing important. Like the girl child, for PETA, for.....
SRK: Oye, like your MARD waala campaign too na. When is the race for that?
Me: No SRK, the MARD campaign was your friend Farhan Akthar's initiative. Didn't he tell you?
SRK *angrily*: No. Don ko nahi bataya saale ne. Wait let me ask him.
SRK is searching for Farhan to add him on the list. Meanwhile.
Didi: Rahul ji, who is this other person apart from Shah Rukh baba?
Rahul: Baba my ass. Didi, this is Soumya. A writer from Bangalore. I wanted her to write some articles for my website.
Me *shrieking*: Oh my God, oh my God, seriously? Wow Rahul, thank you so much.
Didi: Acha so you are a writer. Tell me the name of your book and I shall read it. I shall order it from my new i-pad that baba gifted me.
Rahul: No didi, she does not have a book yet. Still trying. Her articles are good though, thought provoking.
Didi: Oh, struggler hai? Then never mind.
Me *sulking*: Not fair.
Farhan's voice fills the air. "Rock on don! Wassup bro?"
SRK: Bro ke bachche, how could you not tell me I'm a mard?
Rahul and Me: He he he he.
Didi: How dare you make fun of Shah Rukh. He's the star of Bengal.
Farhan: Don, what happened? And who are the others here? Please introduce.
Rahul: Rahul Bose. Actor, runner, rugby player and social activist.
Didi: Mamtha Banerjee, Chief minister for Bengal. The pride of the nation.
SRK *clears his throat*: Ahem.
Didi: Okay. Second pride of the nation.
Me: Soumya. Writer from Bangalore.
Didi *clears her throat*: Ahem.
Me: Alright. Struggling writer from Bangalore.
Didi: Ab theek hai. Aap kon?
Farhan: Didi, its me Farhan Akthar. Actor, singer, writer, director and now Mard.
Didi: Acha, Javed Akthar ka beta na. Ok, hello.
Rahul: Farhan, congrats on the Mard initiative bro. Nice to see you come out....
SRK: Come out? Arey don't talk about Karan here yaar. Back biting is not good.
Rahul: No Khan bhai, I'm talking about Farhan. It was nice to see him come out and support women. You see, MARD stands for Men against rape and discrimination.
SRK: Acha? How come I haven't heard about it?
Me: SRK, you have. The mooch waala symbol remember?
SRK: Oh yeah yeah I know, I know. Thank you Sonia.
Me: Its Soumya.
SRK and Didi: Same same.
Farhan: Thanks Rahul. I love the work you are doing too. At least you are contributing in improving the country. Nice effort mate.
Didi: Kya mathlab? I am not contibuting kya? Arey KKR won the IPL last year. How can you forget that?
Me: Yes didi, I'm sure SRK doing cartwheels on the field showing his underwear improved the market for black underwear. Thanks.
Didi: Then what? Huhhhh.
Rahul and Farhan: He he he. Totally agree didi.
Didi *pleased*: Thankoo.
Farhan: And you the writer, what did you say your name was?
Didi and SRK: Sonia.
Me *irritated*: Its Soumya, Farhan. S.O.U.M.Y.A.
SRK and Didi: Same same.
Farhan: Rock on! So you are the chick with the Lioness blog eh? LOL something something.
Me *pleased*: Yes Farhan, LOL: Life Of Leo. Have you read it?
Farhan: No. Zoya, my sister has. She liked your fiction work and told me about it. How about writing a script for our next movie? Its a sequel to Talaash.
Rahul *angrily*: No way Farhan, I found her first. I want her to write articles for my website regarding social activities. She is not interested in writing scripts anyway.
Me: Act..ua.lly. I kinda am.
Farhan: Ha ha ha. See!
Rahul: Nonsense. Since when?
Didi: Arey she is a struggling writer yaar. Scripts or book, what difference na.
Me: Come on yaar Rahul, how can I say no to Farhan's production house. They are the best.
SRK: Then what about my production house Red Chillies? Is it not the best?
Me: Hmmm yours is more about masala films SRK, like bling and color. Farhan's has more of a message and real life. I think my honest writing will help there.
Farhan *excitedly*: Yo high five Soumya. Spot on!
Me *blushing*: Thanks Farhan.
Rahul: Great, everyone totally forget art cinema. Horrible I tell you.
SRK: Art cinema can't even come close Rahul. That's like comparing Sachin and Sreesanth. Ha ha ha.
Rahul gets offended and decides to add Sreesanth to the chat. Since he doesn't have his number, he goes to check the directory.
Didi: Sonia, bengali film script also can you write?
SRK: I don't think she knows Bengali didi. Not everyone is versatile like me you know. After all main hoon don.
Didi: Oh yeah, my mistake. Never mind eh.
Farhan *facepalming*: Its only a script. How does it matter in what language it is? Just the story anyway.
Didi: Means what?
Farhan: Arey didi, once the story is ready you can make it into any language na? Bengali or Gujrati, no difference.
SRK: Oh yeah, how come I did not think of this. Ra.One was made in many languages too.
Me: Probably that was the problem SRK.
SRK *angered*: Enough Sonia, I shall come slap you now.
A new voice comes in. "No, no, no more slaps please. No no."
Farhan, SRK, Didi, Me: Huh?!?
Rahul: Stop overacting Sreesanth, that episode is long over.
Sreesanth *sniffing*: But the pain still remains Rahul bhai. On my cheek and in my heart. Sniff.
SRK: Arey who got him here? Rahul, what nonsense this is.
Rahul *cheekily*: But you were the one comparing him to Sachin, Shah Rukh bhai.
Sreesanth: Shah Rukh is here? Sir, sir can I please play for KKR next year. Please sir. I swear to lord Guruvaiyurappan that I shall stay away from towels forever.
Farhan, SRK, Didi, Rahul: Guru who?
Me: Actually Guruvaiyurappan in Malayalam means Lord Krishna.
SRK: Thanks Sonia.
Didi: Acha Sonia.
Rahul: Thanks Soumya.
Sreesanth *awed*: So many people talking to me. Wow. First time ever. Thank you WeChat for this.
Rahul Bose completes the introductions.
Sreesanth: But what is Mamtha Banerjee doing in Bengal. Narendra Modi quit or what?
SRK: And they say Kerala is 100% literate. Ha ha.
Me *offended*: Kerala is still the most literate state SRK, barring Sreesanth ofcourse.
Farhan: Yes bro, I have read about it.
Didi *angrily*: Bengal is literate too ok.
SRK: I sent my son to London you know, to study.
Me: I know SRK, I follow all your activities. I saw your pictures when you went to drop him to the airport.
SRK *pleased*: Dekha na?
Rahul and Farhan *coughing*: Bloody stalker.
Sreesanth *cutting in*: So Soumya, you are also a Malayalee eh?
Me: Yeah. But I was born and brought up in Bangalore.
Sreesanth: Damn it, my parents never let me out of Kerala ya. I haven't seen the world at all. Only through cricket. But now... Sniff. Sniff.
Rahul: This guy just needs a reason to weep. Khan bhai, make him happy, add him to your KKR squad na.
Didi: Yeah, he already wears enough gold chains. So I don't have to give him one if we win the cup again.
Farhan: Ha ha, high expectations didi.
Me: Ditto. Anyway, Sreesanth are you feeling better now?
Sreesanth *still sniffing*: I'm better, still thinking about bhajji though.
Farhan: Yaar, kitna khayega?
Rahul: Seriously. And you don't run marathons also. Waste of life.
Me: Guys, guys, I think he means Harbhajan.
Didi: Which bhajan?
SRK: Nahi didi, Harbhajan Singh. That Mumbai Indians lad.
Didi: Oh, the one who is having an affair with Mukesh Ambani's wife Tina?
Me: Mukesh Ambani's wife is Nita, didi.
Didi: Same same.
Rahul: And no, they are not having an affair. He just lifted her once when their team won a match.
Didi: Oh is it? Baba, you no lift me only when we won. Very bad eh.
Farhan, Rahul and Me: He he he.
Sreesanth: Didi, take me in your team and I shall lift you after every match I promise.
SRK *sneering*: And then they'll think its another match fixing technique for our loss.
Farhan: So confident of losing eh don?
Rahul: IPL is useless guys, why don't you all watch rugby instead? Or even run a marathon?
Didi: What is rugby?
Sreesanth: And you say Bengal is literate? Ha ha ha.
SRK: Hey don't make fun of didi.
Farhan: Enough don, stop this nonsense else I shall kill you in the next sequel.
Me: Oh sequel to a sequel? Don-3? When when?
Farhan: Shut up lady. This guy doesn't even know what being a mard is.
Me: So what? I still love him. I have since Baazigar.
Rahul *yelling*: Okay stop everyone.
Suddenly there is pin drop silence.
Rahul: I started this conversation. With Soumya. So lady, will you write for my website or not?
Didi *confused*: What should I write?
Rahul *irritated*: I'm talking to Soumya. Not you, didi.
Me: Yes Rahul, I will. Only if..
Rahul: Only if what?
Me: Only if you continue with your hard work and determination for social causes.
Rahul *proudly*: Sure I will.
Farhan: Will you write a script for us Soumya? A sequel to Talaash?
Me: Sure. Only if you come up with more initiatives like MARD for the betterment of our society.
Farhan: Cool. Rock on!
Didi: Hai Sonia, write Bengali script also na please.
Me: Only if you increase the safety of women in your state. No more news of rape or murder from Bengal.
Didi: Will try huh.
Me: And my name is Soumya.
Didi: Same same.
SRK: Sonia darling, you write for all of them and not for me eh? How can you say no to the don?
Me *blushing*: No way SRK. I shall write anything you ask me. But promise me, no more Ra.One sequels.
SRK: Okay yaar. Done.
Me: No Ra.One prequels too.
SRK: Damn it. You are smart. Muje junglee billiya bahut pasand hai. Ok fine.
Me *proudly*: So today you all have contributed in making India a better place. Thank you all. And a special thanks to WeChat for allowing us to make this contribution.
Rahul *proudly*: Thanks Soumya.
Farhan: Cool. Rock on, WeChat!
SRK: Hmmm. Main hoon don and WeChat is Don-2 now. He he he.
Sreesanth: Huh guys, I'm still here.
Rahul: No hope what so ever from you dude, go home and sleep. That's the only way you shall improve the country. See you all.
And Rahul Bose ends the conversation. Followed by Farhan, didi and SRK.
The last thing I heard before I ended the conversation was sniffing.
This is my entry to the WeChat with Anyone, Anywhere! contest on Indiblogger. Brought to you by WeChat.