When The Going Gets Tough

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"Life is what happens to you, when you are busy making other plans" - This happens to be one of my favorite sayings, but when it took a severely literal effect on my life, I did not know what to do. There are a lot of things that we take for granted in this world. Maybe it is time we sit back and take a look at those things closely. Life has been hitting me with one tragedy after another since the end of last year. No matter how strong a person you are, there is only so much one can take. Just when I thought 2016 was the worst year of my life, 2017 seems to be hell bent upon trying to prove me wrong. My life has always been a roller coaster ride, with me handling a million things at every point of time. I have no complains, as I love the busy life that always keeps me on my toes and active. But I was in for a nightmare a few days ago.

My mom fell sick and had to be hospitalized for a good twenty odd days. Multiple surgeries, sleepless nights, tension, followed by my own ill health left me totally drained out emotionally and physically. The hospital she was admitted in was closer to their place, and since I live on the other side of town it was really far for me. Travelling up and down everyday, while handling the household chores coupled with the guilt of leaving behind a high priority project at work left me totally exhausted. I was almost zombified and then thanks to the beautifully fickle weather of Bangalore, I was down with fever, cough and a cold. Sadly, I had no time to bother about myself and focused completely on getting mom better. After ten days of leave, I had to get back at work. This has to be the most trying period of my life. I normally use work as a distraction and leave behind everything that plagues me once I am at my laptop, but this time that was not the case. My mind was only at the hospital and I was constantly on the phone worrying. I used to rush through work and then rush back to the hospital. My father and uncle were constantly by her side, but I couldn't stay away either.

Last evening, we got her back home. Although she's far from healed, she's getting there. I finally can take a step back and relax. I need to focus on my health and work at the same time. That I will. There's one thing I learnt while going through this entire ordeal. The importance of hope. I held on to hope like no tomorrow and had only positive thoughts on my mind. It is important to stay strong when the people around are crumbling. I did that. I don't know where I got the strength from, but I did. Maybe, it was my mothers blessings all the time. It is also during such times that you see the true colors of people. And a rainbow did I see! We humans are a funny species, as we are the ones with the least amount of humanity in us.

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Now that mom is back at home and healing, my health seems to be getting better as well. It was a nightmare that my family had to go through, but we survived it together and came out stronger. In the end, isn't that all that matters? It is important to be strong during such situations and hold things together. It is important to believe that things will be fine. It will take time yes, but it will all turn out fine. I've always had an aversion to hospitals, of course no one loves going to a hospital; but some thing about them used to turn me off. Well, not anymore. Earlier, it used to be about ill health, pain and misery. Now it is all about getting better, hope and miracles. During my twenty day visit to the hospital, I've seen so many other people struggling around me. Patients and the people they came with. It teaches you so many things at the same time.

Like this one lady, who sat like a rock for ten whole days in front of the neuro ICU waiting for some response from her husband who was admitted there. She was alone, while her daughters visited her once in a while. She did not shed a tear, nor panic. She held her cool and faith and never gave up on hope. I formed a strange bond with her. While we did speak often and exchange notes on the patients admitted, there are so many things that I couldn't tell her. I couldn't tell her that she gave me the courage to stay strong for my family. I couldn't tell her that she being so strong, inspired me. I couldn't tell her that every time I prayed for my mother, I prayed for her husband as well. I couldn't tell her all this, but there was no need to. Even though it was unsaid, it was clearly understood. I'll never forget this woman all my life. She never asked me for my name, nor did I. But we now share a very intricate bond. Maybe more so because she reminded me of my mother in every possible way. Strong, confident and independent.

I can handle any amount of physical pain, but the emotional drain-out completely burned me out. I'm taking my time to get better now. I'm back at work and focus is still an issue, but it is much better than what it was last week. Even before what happened to mom, things were not all that rosy. Work was hectic, other problems kept creeping in, and there was no peace of mind whatsoever. What ever happened, only added to it. But when it left, it took away the past uneasiness as well. Today, things are much better. Life has taught me so much in the past few days that I'm a better person now. I've matured a lot over the few days and become more stronger. I now know, who are the people who will stand by me and who will walk away. I'm not upset over the people who walked away. This is exactly what I expected from them anyway.

I have no grudge against life. When you are at rock bottom, the only way is up. I'm going to hold on to my strength, hope and walk ahead. For me and my family. I might not know how to beat the storm as yet, but I've definitely learnt how to sail my ship.

17 comments:

  1. I used to hate the hospitals too until I realized what you did.

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  2. Most of my inspirational stories are from Hospital. The courage and hope I have witnessed there have changed my perspective towards life. I am happy with little.

    Sorry to hear about your ordeal. Glad to know you and your mother are better. Hold on to hope in general. It's adds happiness to gloomy days.

    Just like you, even I use work as a distraction.

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  3. Big hugs. I am so glad I got to speak to you this evening. Have I told you how much I admire you as a person and as a daughter? You've perfectly encapsulated the main thing from this experience: Hope. It's the one thing we hang on to in the darkest of times. Speedy recovery to your mom, babe.

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  4. Soumya while we can offer words of hope and wishes, I guess it is the most trying times in our lives that we have to face ourselves, totally alone with our thoughts and fears despite all the support around us. And it is these times that show us our own strength. I am so happy that you mom is feeling better now. I have been in this situation and had lost my mom. I think that one experience matured me by years. That emotional drain that you mentioned really saps you.

    Hope aunty continues to do better with each passing day. Take care of your health. Work is good but health is supreme. Hugs and best wishes.

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  5. Sorry to hear this. Don't know whats going on but hospital visits (as a patient party) and emotional upheavals seems to be the theme for me too in 2017. And its getting harder to climb out of, honestly.

    As an anaesthesiologist in charge of ICUs, there are so many tales and moments scarred into my head, both from the patient as well as relatives of the patients too. It is something I would never wish on my worst enemy.

    Godyears.net

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  6. Sending you the warmest hugs Soumya. Reading your post puts things in perspective. Here I am complaining about silly things like the kids aren't studying or that they're not at the dining table when I want them there while you are struggling with ill health and so much mental stress. Glad to hear things are on the mend. You take care of yourself and hope your mum is fine soon too. Love and hugs again.

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  7. So sorry to hear all that happened.But good that Aunty is back home. I always think that the energies at home help a person recover faster. Wishing her and you all better times ahead. Hugs!

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  8. *A big hug*.

    Just by reading your posts and having met you a few times, I knew that you're indeed the lioness I so fondly call you. We all do the hospital rounds at some point in our lives (I did mine too, for MY mom and wife). I could relate to each and every letter of this post. You did good. All's gonna be well.

    *Pat on the back* :)

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  9. Wishing your mom and you a speedy recovery after this very difficult phase your family has been through. I too have had a similar experience with the sheer emotional strength and will power if the people I met at the hospital hanging my perspective of life and hospital in general. Loved the positivity in your words despite the rough patch you are going through.
    Take care, Soumya!

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  10. I wish a speedy recovery to your mother and health to your family. Such times only strengthen the family bond and make you rearrange your priorities and most definitely show what is worth the effort and time and what is not. Hope the rest of the year treats you well

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  11. I hope and pray that your Mom recovers soon. It is true that only during your tough times you learn who your true friends are. I hope everything gets better for you soon.

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  12. Hugs, dear.
    At this point, there isn't much I can say. But I'm glad even in such trying times, you found someone to take life lessons from. Life has a weird way of teaching us things, and strange places to teach us those lessons in.
    Take care. Your mom will be fine soon. Hugs and kisses.

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  13. Wishing Mom speedy recovery! I was in fact worried when I did not see any posts from you and was hoping that everything is fine with you! Take care Soumz!

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  14. So sorry to hear this, dear Soumya. I'm glad that Aunty is back home and I'm praying and wishing her a speedy recovery. It's a difficult phase but please be brave like you always have been. Warm hugs and please take care of yourself.

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  15. Hugs to you sowmya. U reminded me of my mom during the days my dad was hospitalised and in the ICU. My sister wasnt around nor was i. But she say brave and composed. Hoping for the best. Hospitals sometimes bring out the hidden strength in a person.

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  16. Hugs to you, Soumya, for all that you had to go through. Happy to know that your mother is feeling better and so are you.
    True, it is only during the worst phases of life that we learn who 'our' people are. And, it is only through such phases that you learn how strong you can really be! Hang on to the hope, Soumya, for it is the only thing that can help you sail through every storm you face in life.

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  17. Hugs to you Soumya. Glad to know that your mother is recovering well now. Emotional drains are much harder than the physical ones. Especially when we have to be there for our loved ones, worrying about them, putting our difficulties aside. Hope is a good medicine when the tide gets rough. I liked the way you gathered lessons from such difficult experiences. Take care of yourself now.

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