Why It Is Not Easy To Be A Straightforward Person

Image Source

If there is one thing that I am as a person, it is straightforward. I'm not the one to beat around the bush or try to beautify things. It's not that I don't know how to sugar coat words, I just don't want to do it. I'm a realist and I call a spade a spade. Being this way has given me many names, but the most popular one seems to be 'Bold'. I hate that word! It makes me sound like I do crazy, x-rated things. I'm just someone who is known to speak her mind. I don't hesitate to stand up for what I believe is right and I lead my life the way I want to. I have made a lot of unconventional choices in my life and I stand by them with my head held high. Just because I'm different doesn't mean that something is wrong with me. Yes, I'm blunt and say it as it is. But no, I'm not mean. I'm not condescending, rude or brutal. I'm just saying what it is.

Being a straightforward person is not easy. More so, if you are a woman. I don't hesitate to say what's on my mind and yes, I do admit, I end up swearing often. But, I know my audience. I won't swear at work. At work, I remain straightforward and speak my mind, but I'm also careful as to what slips from my mouth. I'm sensible enough to put my words the right way and am known as one of the most diplomatic people at work. I don't intend to be diplomatic, but it comes out that way in my professional work. I interact with clients on a day to day basis and till date I have never felt the need to wear a facade or glossify situations. I am the same person in my professional and personal life. Only that, I'm on my guard when it comes to the former. I'm extremely proud of the work I do and what I have achieved by being myself in almost a decade of corporate life. I've never had to embrace sycophancy or kiss ass to climb up the ladder. I've worked hard and have set up realistic expectations and deadlines for myself. This helps me achieve more than what I expect.

One of the worse things about being a straightforward person is that people automatically assume you to be a bitch. Yes, apparently having a different opinion than that of the herd makes you a bitch these days. When I meet my blogger friends, they tell me two things. First, that I speak exactly the way I write. Second, that I write exactly the way I speak. Well, I am only one person, so that is how it is supposed to be, right? I don't know any other way of writing or speaking, so I'm doing the best with what I have. While most people love me for being like this, not all people think good of me. There was this blogger friend of mine whom I adored like a kid and we've known each other a really long time. I even met her a couple of times and we had a good time and she's a person who has always appreciated me for the way I am. Then one fine day I see her posting stuff about me on social media as to how my opinions come out of my rear and soon she was joined by another blogger friend of mine and they were dissing my post where I had spoken about certain things bloggers shouldn't do. Till date I have no clue as to what I have done to them. If it was some random stranger, I wouldn't have given it a second thought. But when people you considered friends do this, it hurts.

We all have our own personalities and this is mine. When someone comes to meet me after a bad haircut, I'd tell them to probably try another stylist. That's being honest. Had I told them that they look like a puckered chicken, then that is called being rude. And I know the difference. I've received a lot of flak when it comes to my book reviews. I always do detailed descriptions because that is how I like to read book reviews. I remember an author calling me brutal after I reviewed her book. Another author stopped talking to me when I refused to change the rating for his book. Fine, I understand that it is not easy to take criticism. In that case don't ask for one if you know the kind of person I am. Initially I used to think that something was wrong me with, but soon enough I realized that I am only an honest person. No, I don't preach honesty nor do I claim to only speak the truth 100% of the times, I just speak what's on my mind and that's it. Some people even consider that to be attention seeking as I normally stand away from the crowd. I don't know what to say to such people.

Image Source

I have a really sharp tongue and acerbic wit, but like I said before, I know my audience. If I am around people I know really well, then I lower my guard and be myself. With others, I still am myself, but I do think twice before speaking. Another problem in being a straight forward person is that because I say what I mean, I assume others to do the same too. This has only disappointed me till date. Unless you tell me something directly, I find it difficult to understand it. Yes, I'm smart enough to take hints but reading between the lines has never been one of my strengths because for me there are only lines and nothing in between. Others think that I'm aggressive and insensitive just because I'm making my point. Why don't people understand that everyone has an opinion? While I respect yours, the least I can expect is for you to respect mine. Just because I say what's on my mind on the spot and not talk about a diluted version of the situation years later, it doesn't make me a bitch.

The worse thing about being a straightforward person is that I tend to offend people very very easily. I don't know if it is my razor sharp tongue or a weak conscience from their end, but it does happen. A girl at work who has always complimented me on my dressing style once asked for my advice in wearing shirts to work. I gave her a few ideas. The next day she comes dressed well and asks me how she looks. She's blessed with ample bosom and had buttoned the shirt till the neck, making it stand out in not so pleasant way. I asked her to undo the first couple of buttons, so that the focus is distributed to her long toned neck as well. While she did this at that moment, from the next day on she stopped talking to me. She doesn't even smile when she passes by. Honestly, I do not care because I have bigger fish to fry.

My writing has offended so many people that I have lost count. Turns out, people know what they have done, but apparently it becomes obvious only when I write about it! As long as it is hidden and only in their minds, it is fine. When they see it on print, they lose it. I once mentioned something in my post about someone leaving a sly remark about my "boldness" on social media. Four people messaged me after that letting me know that that is not what they meant. Best part? I wasn't talking about either of them and I had no clue about what they had done!

Image Source

I'm a realist as well as an open book, this turns out to be a dangerous combination. I fell in love with a guy within my family and did not feel the need to hide it. While a lot of others' affairs were pushed under the carpet, I decided to openly talk about mine as I was very sure about this relationship. That is when shit hit the fan and whispers grew dragon wings. Also, just because I am a straightforward person, people assume that I am very dominant. They think that I control my husband, run the house with an iron fist and all that blah. In reality, Cal and I are both straightforward. While he is more diplomatic and polished, I'm very expressive and raw. But together, we work like magic. Both of us are dominant but we know when to make way for the other. He loves me for the person I am and stands up for me every single time. Yes, birds of the same feather flock together. And most importantly, we've stayed together.

It is not easy to be a straightforward person in today's world. I've more enemies than friends, more misunderstandings than conversations, more back-stabbings than hugs. Does that make me want to change the kind of person I am? No. Had I felt that I was doing something wrong, even if it was just a tiny ounce, I would have thought about it. If speaking out what one thinks is a crime, then so should be breathing.

23 comments:

  1. I just want to stand up and clap. This is such an awesome post. It isn't easy, but hey we are what we are right?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you so much and I'm glad that you get this, Jai :)

      Delete
  2. Soumya, wow! You are such a strong woman! How I wish I could be even an ounce like you! To call a spade a spade, one needs guts, and you have those in plenty. So, be proud of it, babe. Let people talk what they want...they will talk even if you change yourself to suit their tastes. As well be the way you are and live your life happily.
    Sending BIG HUGS to you, my hero..all the way from Mumbai..How I would love to meet you some day! :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, Shilpa! You can be however you want to be, if you want to that is :)

      Oh yeah, we should meet someday. Hugs!

      Delete
  3. Be strong, assertive and straight forward is not possible for all since it requires courage. Women Need to learn and adopt this, all of them would be happier in life like us. Good posts, Soumya :)

    ReplyDelete
  4. In today's world, you are a breath of fresh air, a mini vacation! Hugs! Don't ever change!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Never ever. Hugs and love, hottie! <3

      Delete
  5. I have no words for this post Soumya except I would love to have you as a friend. I envy you your forthrightness. It must take a lot of courage but I'm glad you are the way you are. Don't let people pull you down or change you ever.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you Tulika. I guess it takes some amount of courage, but when you are what you are it gets more easy.

      Delete
  6. I know what you mean, Sowmya. I am that way as well. I speak up when something does not resonate with me, and I would want to believe that I do it in a decent manner without being offensive or rude. My experience tells me that some people consider you rude just because you don't toe their line or side with their views. And that can't be helped, now can it? I would prefer to be honest than a passive yes-person, any day. The only danger I see is sometimes going overboard or hurting someone inadvertently I guess, we always need to watch for that. Rest, just continue being who you are. I appreciate this quality of yours and I know so do many others.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Intentionally hurting someone is a no-no even for me. But when the truth is being told, you don't have to remember anything else.

      Thanks, Rachna.

      Delete
  7. That's why I admire you. The problem with people is if you say something you are bad and if you don't you are bad too. For exampe, I don't beat around the bush at work. If there is something that cannot be done or is ridiculous, I just say no or call out if something is going wrong! And that has made me a bitch to everyone in the DEV team. Well, I say, so be it, who cares :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, Naba! High five, sistah! :)

      Delete
  8. I am sorry for what you had to go through with friends turning against you.I have been there, and I know how badly that can hurt.

    I personally am a very straightforward person too. And as much as everyone says that they prefer dealing with straightforward people, truth is, most of them do not.

    I have dealt with a lot of crap for being the way I am, and in the past, it used to really hurt me, but I don't let this stuff bother me anymore.

    I have to live with myself more than any of these people, so I focus on what makes me happy, and on top of that list is being true to myself, so I really don't care about what others think. Nor do I hold a grudge against these people, because I have much better things to do with my time.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You couldn't have said it any better, Shantala. When you have to live with yourself the least you can have is a clear conscience.

      Delete
  9. True admiration is what I feel for you. Yes true this world does not take straightforward people as we actually want it to. But the satisfaction you get by being straightforward can never be matched by bending and twisting. Be like this always

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Satisfaction guaranteed this way :)

      Thanks, Menaka.

      Delete
  10. Very great post. I simply stumbled upon your blog and wanted to say that I have really enjoyed browsing your weblog posts. After all I’ll be subscribing on your feed and I am hoping you write again very soon!

    ReplyDelete
  11. I just have one line for you soumya... And that is.. "people who mind do not matter and people who matter do not mind".
    Let the other bitches burn.....!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  12. Somehow I felt like you were giving a speech. I am glad you have friends who love you for who you are and that is all that really matters at the end of the day!

    ReplyDelete

Care to leave a word or two? Thanks for dropping by :)