Action Replay: November 2017

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Tomorrow, we're stepping into the last month of the year and I cannot be more glad. Honestly, I think I'm done with 2017 and it might officially be the worst year of my life so far. I tried my best to see the good in it, trust me, but soon it was all back to square one. No, nothing that terrible happened to me over the year, but nothing good happened either. 2017 has been a year of unrest for me. It was a battle with my own mind and my inner strength. But to look at the bright side, I came out a much stronger person with a good number of lessons in my kitty. So far, I had learnt to slow down and let go. This had helped me immensely and I had made peace with the demons in my head. Sadly, November introduced me to the mother of all demons - Anxiety.

When you are a strong person, people think that you cannot go through anything bad at all. "Oh, you are so strong. Everything must be rosy in your life", is the general assumption. People need to understand that a smooth sea never makes a skilled sailor. Being strong doesn't mean that you do not have to go through bad weather, it means having the strength to get into the storm and come out alive at the other end. Being strong also means that you accept the scars that come your way and not avoid it. Being strong means putting up a brave face when the people around you are crumbling. Being strong means believing that things will get better tomorrow. Being strong means working hard to come out of a bad situation and moving on towards a better future. Being strong has nothing to do with physical strength, it is all in the mind. My strength lies in my mind and no amount of anxiety can take that away from me.

A few days ago, when I was feeling down, a random person messaged me on Facebook to let me know that I was their inspiration and it was the way I handle my life that was keeping them going during their worst point. They derived strength from my life and that helped them move on. That person was in a lot of pain and vented it out to me. Honestly, I don't even know that person so well, but it felt good to have them get some stuff out of their system. By the end of the day, it felt nice to know that I have made in a difference in some one's life. Suddenly, all my problems felt so puny. This taught me to appreciate all the good things that I have in my life and celebrate small day to day things. Everyone you meet is fighting a battle. I had only heard of this until now, but it makes so much sense today.

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November has taught me a lot, but it has given me a lot too. I was in peace when it comes to professional work and I was well rewarded for it. No matter what I go through in my life, I have never let it affect my work and that also happens to be one of my biggest strengths. As I battled the chaos in my mind, I let go of a lot of demons too. I spent a lot of time with myself and it only helped me get better. Reading is something that has always helped me and I managed to read five books this month and each one was brilliant than the other. 'To Kill A Mockingbird' was a difficult read, but I am glad I persisted. I loved the story and the characters. 'Revolutionary Road' was a very emotion heavy book, but it is a book that everyone should read in their lifetime. Such complex emotions and the intricate way in which it was interpreted was way too beautiful. I then read a couple of books from my favorite author, Agatha Christie and loved both of them. 'Murder On The Orient Express' was way too brilliant. I read it so that I could watch the movie after that, but I haven't found the time for it yet. The other book that I read this month was a graphic Batman novel, 'The Killing Joke'. The graphics on this is way too brilliant and it shows us what makes The Joker the way he is today. I've fallen in love with the concept of graphic novels and my collection is increasing day by day.

It was a conscious effort to not write much when my mind is screaming out. Book reviews is something that I enjoy doing and I'm glad I'm able to do it as and when I find a book worthy enough to talk about. Or warn people about. Earlier, I used to write stuff on an impulse, but I have now curbed that. Writing maybe healing for some, but for me it is first important to heal and then write. Talking about something will just not make it go away. You need to work hard at it. Really really hard. Not many people around you will get it, and that becomes another battle. But this is not a battle that you can sit back and think about. You need to fight it from day one. First, you need to accept that there is an issue. Then you need to work on getting better. Living in denial is not going to help, nor is talking to everyone you know about it. For me, it is a silent process and it is working very well. Today, I'm much calmer and much stronger in the head and I live knowing that tomorrow would be much better.

We women tend to do much more than what is needed. I think we are built that way, but once in a while we need to slow down and smell the roses. No matter how helpful the people at home are, the onus of meals or washing always falls on the woman. We women need to change that. It is not going to kill the man if he cooks or washes clothes once in a while. If you are not feeling like it, then just sit back and enjoy a show or a book. Take some time off and just sit and do nothing. I've being trying to practise meditation and calmness, but it only makes me sleepy. But, I'm trying to calm my mind down in my own way.

I'm looking forward to December for two reasons. First, so that I can be done with the year. Second, with the hope that finally 2017 might get better. I have completed my reading challenge for the year by reading 50 books and I'm really proud of myself. I continue to read more though because it is an integral part of my healing process. Day after day, things are seeming better and I'm much happier and much calmer today. I have a bunch of wonderful people around me and that automatically transcends to my strength.

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This is how my November was. How was yours?

6 comments:

  1. Hey there! As a writer/blogger making a change in someone else's life through your writings is probsbly the most satisfying experience. Years, months come and go, not all good, not all bad. The bad experiences are important as they teach you to appreciate the smaller saving graces! I hope Dec and the following year work out better for you. And 50 books you say!! Woot, woot, that's great!! To Kill a Mockingbird is one of my fav books!

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    1. So true, Kala. I learnt that the hard way but I did learn :)

      Thank you, now it is one of my favorites too.

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  2. Oh Soumya, you inspire me in so many ways. I admire you and you are one of my favorite bloggers. This is just a bad phase, I hope December is exciting for you. Congrats on completing the reading challenge. Since September I am not able to read at all. Not sure why. All I did was read two books and thus, my reading challenge has gone for a toss. Anyway, here's to a great December! :)

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    1. Oh Shalini, you make me feel so good with this comment :)

      I hope you get back your reading mojo soon. Thank you and wishing you a wonderful December as well.

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  3. Inspite of 2017 not being good, you know what matters? That you stayed yourself and faced it with all your might. Some days you became flexible and on some, you were a rock.
    50 books is just amazing and I know that you so much more. How do you manage all that? Getting that message that you inspire someone is such a good thing. Hugs and wishing you a December that takes away the woes that 2017 brought.

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    1. You always know how to make me feel good, Parul. Thank you so much :)

      Hugs!

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