Skip to main content

On Letting Go

Image Source


What do you call that feeling where you want to say so much but are not able to put it into words? Whatever it is called, that is exactly what I'm feeling as I sit down to write this. Honestly, I cannot believe a time has come where writing has become optional for me. It is definitely not out of choice, neither has it been a priority over the past few months. If I were to be more honest, I'd say that I did not even think of writing or miss it even. Writing has been a vital part of my life and it had/has been paused for a while and I'm totally fine with it. Yes, say hello to the new me.

2020 and 2021 have been weird years and we can all agree with it. Every one of us has gone through so much, lost so much, gained so much and what not. I'm sure at the end of the day none of us are what we were two years ago. The pandemic hasn't been easy but it sure did make each one of us look deep into ourselves. One of the biggest lessons that I've learned over the past few years is to let go. I'm usually a person who has to be in control of things and wants to know what is happening all the time. I still am like this to a large extent, but, I'm slowly learning the art of letting go. I'm slowly realizing that I'm just one person and I cannot be in control of everything around me. I'm only taking on how much I can do and letting go of things that I can't. And you know what, I'm totally fine with it.

Growing up, patience was never a virtue of mine. Being a part of a toxic family surely didn't help either. When I started dating my partner and subsequently ended up marrying him, I realized the importance of patience. It has been almost eleven years since then and today I'm one of the most patient people I know. My partner is surprised at this too as neither of us saw this coming. The angry young woman vibe that I used to give out is now gone forever. It was not a conscious decision and it happened gradually. Well, I'm not complaining. Bringing home a pet only strengthened it more. I guess we all tend to change sub-consciously around the people we love.

One of the most important factors that has contributed to me being a calmer person today is privacy and keeping a low profile. My life has been under the public lens of my jobless relatives ever since I decided to get married. Every post I wrote was dissected and every move of mine was stalked. It was bad enough that they had tried to ruin my life in every way possible, but trying to peep into everything I was doing was something else altogether. I made my personal Instagram account private and removed 95% of my followers. Only my innermost circle and a few others I trust are privy to what I do there. Last month, I also deleted my Facebook or whatever Meta it is called now account and I've only known pure peace since then. No more triggers, no more stalkers. I was only on it because I had an active blog but since I had almost stopped writing, it made no sense to continue having an account there.

Trust me, a private life is the best gift you can give yourself. Not that I was a celebrity or anything, but the people I know (unfortunately) have tried to trouble me in every possible way. Living a private life had a beautiful, totally unexpected side effect. You now had more things to talk about when you met or spoke to people. Earlier it was all about, "Oh yeah I saw it on Insta/FB". Now it is, "Really? How was it". At the risk of sounding fossil years old, I'll say this - Online chill sure has killed the offline thrill. The thrill of meeting people offline, setting up dates, travelling to see them, has completely died now. Now, people just prefer a lazy "Hey" on Whatsapp and call that keeping in touch. I guess that I'm more old-school than I let out.

One more thing that I have realized over the past few years is that people no longer want to make an effort to meet each other anymore. When someone cancels a plan, it is basic decency that they make the plan for the next meet. Or if they keep going "We should meet, we should meet", the least they can do is make an effort for it to happen in real life. As someone who has lived in Bangalore all her life and is  well versed in the food-culture of the city, the onus of making plans usually falls on me. I pick the place, the time and the day and when I don't, nobody else does. If plans are made and I don't follow up, they are forgotten. It used to bother me earlier, but now I have learned to let it go. Maybe they are busy, maybe they are lazy, so be it. Another set of people that used to trouble me before are the ones who needed a concrete excuse to meet you. "I need to invite you to so and so, so let us meet" types. Hello! Meeting up to catch up with each other is more important than an invite to an occasion where you can barely speak to each other. People don't understand this and I have accepted that as well. It is what it is.

This is exactly why I have stopped making plans with people. If people make plans and call me, I'm more than happy to be a part of it. Else, I'm more than fine being where I am. I am someone who has always enjoyed solitude anyway. I do not cut out such people, they are my friends and will always be. Just that now the expectations are buried and priorities have shifted. No hard feelings at all.

With time, I have realized the importance of letting go. Especially of the things that aren't in your control. Thank to this, I'm in a much better place mentally and this has helped me physically as well. My partner always tell me that I'm someone who looks for things to worry about. I also am the logical person who goes what has to happen will happen. A weird combo, right? I think that if there is one thing that this pandemic has taught us is that nothing, absolutely nothing is in our control and that no matter what, life goes on. 

Until a few months ago, for me, life was all about holding on to the things that matter. From now on, it is going to be about letting go of things that don't.

Comments

  1. That last line really struck a chord with me! I have been writing a lot less than I used to. In the beginning I found it difficult, but now it doesn't bother me so much. I know that I will write when I feel like writing otherwise it is okay to let go and just be.

    And I so sorry to hear about the creepy people who bothered you on social media. I have faced this too sometimes. But it is more often from people at work rather than family members. It is feels weird when people say - I saw that you read a book over the weekend and you could have worked for a couple of hours on xyz instead. It is so annoying when people say that!

    Hope things get better and more peaceful for you on social media and also outside it.

    Take care!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Your office folk do that? Really? Hell with them. What you do in your free time is up to you.

      I hope you get to read/write more soon.

      Delete

Post a Comment

Care to leave a word or two? Thanks for dropping by :)