LOL: Life Of Leo

Image Source February and I don't get along, that is established now. Over the past few years I've been noticing that the shortest month of the year always seems the longest to me and it more often than not is unappetizing. Nothing grave, but February puts me in an overall life slump. The most bleh month of the year if I might say.

And so February bids a slow good bye. For some reason, this month was a very emotionally draining month. No, nothing bad happened, just that February has always been a pathetic month for me. My mental stress was at its peak this month and I became cynical about this dreaded month. But I did not give up, I fought hard with all my strength and got past it. Towards the end, the sun rose on this month and things were bright and shiny again. But, I might continue with my cynicism for this month. Its a hell hole. The highlight of this month was Valentine's day, which clearly was the best one of my life. Cal is such a loving person that I fall in love with him more and more everyday. I woke up late on 14th, as usual, and found my room to be covered with post-its. Each bit had a clue and I had to find all the clues to get to the gift. Sleepy eyed I ran about the house trying to find them. I completed the treasure hunt in flat ten minutes. Yay me! Next, when I reached office I fou...

Warning: Long post ahead. He: Damn, I need this bike. Its so awesome. Me: Okay, buy it. He: Very expensive. No money for it now. Me: Okay, buy it when you can afford it. Did I say anything wrong out here? He then went on blabbering about how he can get a loan easily based on his property back home. "I have property worth more than 2 crores", he said. I'm like "Isn't that what your grandparents and parents made". And then he goes, "So what, it still is mine". So what? Hello! What the fuck ever happened to self respect. I've seen a lot of people these days who wear brands they have not heard of and obviously bought by their parents. They talk about how big and elusive their home is, the ones that their parents built. They talk about the elaborate vacations they take, funded by their parents. They talk about the classiest of pubs/lounges they visit, all swiped by the credit card paid by their parents. Its funny. Really really funny. Its fairly sim...

3 flights, 19 hours of travel, a 4 hour wait at the Chatrapati Shivaji International Airport, Mumbai (which by the way, sucks to the core!), an hour wait at the beautiful and enormous Dubai International Airport, sleep deprived and jet lagged, I arrived at Accra. My home for the next 30 days. For those who don't know, Accra is the capital city of Ghana in West Africa. Not the place I had in mind for my first ever international travel, but after a week here I have no complaints. The place is beautiful in its own way and the Sterling group of hotels where I'm staying in, more than makes up for it. And so does the 6 figure income that I shall get out of this. The people here are extremely friendly and helpful. The city resembles Bangalore in every way with congested traffic and huge buildings. Minus the pricking hot weather during the day, I have nothing negative to say about this place. Until now atleast. I'm loving the place I stay, the people I meet and the work I'm doi...

Its past 3 am and I'm unable to sleep. I'm not new to the regular bouts of insomnia but this time I'm disturbed. All thanks to a certain someone. Aaaargghh, how I hate it when somebody occupies rent free space in my mind. If I was an outsider looking at myself now I would say that I'm in love. Or that I've totally lost it. Well, same difference I know. Big deal. You know, I had sworn to myself to not think much anymore. Or just not think at all. But then, it happened. He happened. There always is something about the opposite sex right. The more you want to stay away the more attractive it gets. I've known him for quite a while now but the closeness happened a few months ago. I know, mistake number one. Refusing to be his girl, mistake number two. Thinking of him morning, noon and night, mistake number three. Who's to blame? I feel like holding a loaded gun to my head right now. Everything was fine until a few days ago. We were what we were, being there...

My last birthday party just ended today and I'm all so sad. Another year before the day comes again. And as promised I have kicked the butt and let the old monk leave. Feeling light already. I feel like the layer of cigarette soot around my brain has been washed away and I am beginning to think clearly. Or so I feel. Yeah, I tend to get a bit dramatic at times. Naah naah, don't mistake me, I'm not giving up on these things like forever. Maybe sometime, once in a wee while I will party. Time now is to strictly focus on the career bit as I shall be starting on my new project tomorrow. Pray for me people. The last coupla weeks has been a roller coaster ride for me. Luckily I made it without throwing up. Today on my drive back home I stumbled across some realisations and facts about me and the people around. Totally random stuff, so skip if you don't want to read. People make a big deal about birthdays, especially me. I hate colors. Black and white is enough for me ...

No, no I'm not getting into a bashing spree again. This is just for me. Tell me something, who else burns their ear while trying to blow dry their hair? Or who else burns their middle finger while trying to light a smoke? Seriously, the finger I use the most is all burnt and swollen now. Somewhere far away Murphy is ROFLing away to glory. I turn 25 in two days. Phew! Am I seriously that old? Am I seriously that old and still I do the above things? I might just be in serious need of help. Well atleast my mind does for now. First, I was not used to not having him around. I learnt to deal with it and was successful. He's back and I am now not used to having him around. How do I deal with this? I'm driving him and myself up the wall. Wtf is wrong with me? I'm either sick or confused. Talk about being a defective piece. Thank you God, if I haven't said that already. Today I had a yelling match with my manager. Turns out I'm back to my temper tantrums. I feel a glimps...

I've been sick again. Have been away from work since the past 2 days. Viral fever they say and I'm stuck the entire day at home with a tissue stuffed up my nose. My immunity system seems to have gone to the dogs, with one health concern following the other. At times I feel that there is someone out there holding a voodoo doll that looks like me and is piercing it with poison tipped pins. Believe me, I know a lot of people capable of doing that. I'm seriously getting tired of being ill. Its been more than a month and I'm making more visits to the hospitals than I do to the loo. I wouldn't mind the tests, needles or tablets much. The thing I hate the most are the disastrous syrups/tonics that they make me drink. They taste like crap and its a pity that I can't avoid them. I'm literally in tears when I'm asked to take them. 2 spoons from 3 bottles, 3 times a day. There is no God. So much for the big plans I had for my birthday. Everything seems to be going ...

Him: You know if there is one thing that I hate about you, its your guts. Me: You know I was thinking on the same lines. Him: Really? Me: Yeah. You lack a lot of things. The most important thing happens to be that. Guts. Her: I wonder why we can never get along. Probably its because you are a bitch. Me: Yeah, I'm kinda forced to agree. I've read somewhere that bitches and whores never mix. Him: Delhi is beautiful. Its one the best places I've been to. Its heaven. You are missing out on something. You seem to be listening, but do you understand is the question. Me: Ofcourse I understand. Do I care is the question. Her: He's perfect for me. I love him so much. Its sad you'll never know how it feels. Me: Yeah. Every first timer thinks just like you. Him: You missed out on a pristine untouched beauty. Me: I don't know or care about the pristine and untouched part. But beauty I seriously beg to differ. Her: Its over. Stop mourning will you? Me: When did you die? Him:...

So I'm back from another short trip to the hospital. Yeah yeah this low BP, low platelet count and the high work stress seems to be taking a toll on me. Seriously, life isn't what it used too be anymore. Nor is nostalgia, nor is love. Here I go again. Lying down in the white room of the hospital with nothing to do was punishment personified. If you knew me personally you would know how difficult it is for me to keep my mouth shut or my hands free even for a minute. With red and white tubes coming into my poor lil hands and mom yanking me to keep my mouth shut and sleep, I lay there like an oxymoron exercising the one organ I could, while being immobile. The brain, what else? I lay there thinking about my friend. I miss him badly, but my lioness ego would not let me show that. He'll be back soon I know but until he's back he's gonna occupy quite some space in my already cluttered brain. My friend was right, I do get addicted to people very soon. But somehow that'...

Today clearly has been one of the many worst days of my life. When last weekend turned out to be 'Oh so wonderful' a part of me told myself that this is just the silence before the storm. And it was. Presenting today! For over a month I've worked my ass off on a new project. Since I had just changed processes at work, this was my first biggie. I toiled day in and day out, lost count of time, ignored my health, refused to get a haircut, cancelled a vacation, burned a million cigarettes, found absolutely no time to have a drink, did not meet my friends, did not watch Bheja Fry 2 and did not shop! I saved as much time as I could to finish my work before today's deadline. And I did it! Last night I finished the final thread and all I had to do today was to go to work and happily send a mail. Trust me, I had it composed in my head. Then came the storm. After having worked till 3 am I woke up today at 8 hoping to reach office early to get rid of this stuff forever. I was feel...

Work is fucked up, stress is at its peak, love life is on a turbulent and adventurous high, thronged by past memories, wrongs seems to be overtaking the rights(yet no guilt felt, not even a tad bit), friends moving away, opposite sex friendships going kaput, no me time what so ever; yet today I'm the happiest person on earth. Its such a thrill to get back at someone, isn't it? No, this is not someone who hurt me badly and I wanted to drink his blood kinda revenge. This was something silly, something juvenile, something based on love and hate. Someone said 'Hit where it hurts the most'. More often than not its the heart. Strike target. Bull's eye! I hurt you because you deserved it. My di always tells me to treat people the way they treat you. I never ever listen to her, but this, I now firmly believe in. Life gives you back what you give, and so will I. Karma it is.

I never want to go back there. Never ever. And so the crush crashed today. Point blank, within a second. When you start to find someone attractive, you tend to ignore the small irregularities, negatives and their individual opinions. But again, only to a certain extent. Today I figured out the threshold I had for this certain someone and now I find him the ugliest thing ever. The minute this happened I rushed to the washroom at work and laughed my heart out. Who was I kidding? I feel nice now. Free. Just thinking, it is so easy to lie at times right. Rather than give a whole explanation about something, just finish it off in a single phrase. Be it a lie or so. 'Why are you late?' ~ Had to stay back at work. 'Does this dress suit me?' ~ Yeah. 'Is he more important than me?' ~ No. 'Did you smoke again?' ~ No, just passed by the zone. 'Does it make a difference to you?' ~ Not anymore. Lies fascinate me. Its so simple and spontaneous, just like the f...

Its goddamned overrated. This love thing. At times I wish that love was a habit. I'd gladly kick it then, with both feet. I'm done. Seriously. I'm done with this thing called love. The very thought of it now curdles my blood. It angers me so much that I can feel the bile rising up my throat making me want to puke. What the fuck is it with love anyway? I was doing great for more than a year or so. Just when I was having a great time with a great guy in a great place, the blast from the past had to happen. And that too not even the far away past. I totally blame myself for this. I should never have made memories post the breakup. It would seem like a joke to you people that I had the best times of love after the break up. I made more memories after the break up than when we were together. Hah! Talk about being foolish. Been there, done that. Each time I think of the situation or the person linked with it I now get furious. I never knew I had a popping vein on my forehead unti...

The principles of lust Are all burned in your mind Do what you want Do it until you find Love The principles of lust Are easy to understand Do what you feel Feel until the end ~ Enigma ~ Love should be the sin, not lust. Love is the original sin.

I wake up thinking of you I can smell you all around Do you think this is love Cos you make my world go round I see your pretty face Everywhere, then and now I want to keep seeing it Seriously, is this love I long for your presence More than you can ever think I don't know if this is love But, I feel you with every blink You look at another woman Envy then seems to shove I want your looks just for me Please tell me, is this love When you hold my hands Its an enormous thrill Is this what is love Without you I feel nil I don't know what you're thinking At times everything goes above I'm so lost in your eyes Do you think this is love I want to fight for you Hell with the peace and the dove I just want you for myself Tell me if this is love Do I have the strength to sail through What If I turn this to dust If this actually is love This word, can I trust I don't want to feel this way I want these feelings to drop If this is what is love I sure want it to stop

Love. The one word that leaves me troubled to dangerous extents. The one word that is never off my mind. The one word that makes me want to plunge into it. The one word that has been the sole reason for a million smiles and a gazillion tears. The one word that makes me want to look back and hold out my hand again. The one word that makes me view a prominent face each time I close my eyes. The one word that opens the Pandora's box instantly. The one word which has me praying. The one word that I want out of my life. The one word that makes me want to live. The one word that makes me wish that I was dead. Inspite of all this, still, I'm in love with the whole concept of love. It annoys me to the core and shakes the very depth of my soul. Just a thought gets me to behave like a rolling stone. Why? I don't want to go back to the same old excuse of being a romantic fool aka a Leo. Even the concept of being a Leo has ceased to make sense now. Poetry still flows and so does frustr...

The uneasiness, the skepticism, the never ending thoughts, the infatuation, the feeling of being in love, the grace, the face outside the window, the abrupt bouts of pain, the sudden thrill of happiness, the anxiousness, the feeling of being out of love, the romantic gestures, the need for passion, the craving for a touch, the sharp kisses, the musings, the confusing words and the lightheadedness; all answered. There has absolutely not been a single moment when I have regretted being a girl. But PMS seems like a torture at times. It only gets worse, when you confess to liking someone and the next day you realise that you actually don't. Why? Why am I so stupid? I read somewhere that red wine helps in controlling PMS. Bleh! I so beg to differ. PMS, red wine and a mobile phone with a guy on the other side or in person is one of the deadliest combos ever. Well, you learn from your mistakes. But honestly some mistakes are way too fun to not be repeated. I now know why it is called PMS....