Of Heartbreaks & Digital Footprints

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Recently, one of the badges that I pin to my bag bag broke off and I googled "How to mend a broken badge" I could have just gone ahead and bought another badge worth 50 bucks, but the Monica in me wouldn't let that happen. From "How to get ball pen ink marks off leather" to "How to get peanut butter off hair", I have googled it all. Anyway, I digress. As I was typed "How to mend a broken...", the first option that google suggested was "broken heart" followed by "broken soul". It is almost amusing to think that people turn to google for mending a broken heart. Having been through a couple of heartbreaks myself, I know how hard it is to get over a broken relationship. But never did I ever resort to google to help me get over the pain. In today's social media age, it is very difficult to get over a heartbreak. More so because every social media platform has remnants of the relationship. Plus, it is very easy to keep track of someone, also known as stalking.

It took me years to get over my first heartbreak, and to be honest the pain I went through was self inflicted. I was more in love with the concept of love than the person. Insecurity and love can never exist on the same page, anyway. I started my blog during this heartbroken phase. Back then, I used this blog as an open diary and used to vent as and when I wanted. Plus, it brought out the poet in me and I wrote some really good poems that were totally seeped in melancholy. As and when I found and lost love, I've penned poems or stories around it. All those posts are still very present on my blog. For those who have known me from the start in the blogging world, they've seen my journey from heartbreak to happiness and back and forth.

#Feminist Mondays | I Do And The Aftermath

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In my previous post, I spoke about how women who drink are judged and scrutinized by the society. Today, I want to raise another important question and attempt to answer it in my own way. As of today, in India, there are 945 females to every 1000 males. And trust me, this is a better statistic when compared to what it was earlier. We all know the answer to this imbalance, don't we? Female foeticide. Years ago, I wrote a post about this very topic and it hurt me so much to write that. A few days ago, I happened to chance upon that post again and I thought what could be the primary reason for people, men and women alike not wanting to give birth to the girl child. As a new month began and a certain loan amount was cut from my bank account, I got my answer.

It has been close to five years since I got married, but the loan that I took for my wedding is still on. My parents are still paying off debts that they had incurred at the time of my wedding. Yes, five years ago. Weddings in India are a pretty huge and extravagant affair and the expectation is that the expense should be borne by the girl's side only. Maybe, that's why parents don't think twice before going ahead and aborting a girl child. Why should one take care of a child, pay for her education and other expenses and then spend all their life's earnings on her wedding, just to send her off to another house.

Book Review: The Handmaid's Tale

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Title: The Handmaid's Tale
Author: Margaret Atwood
Publisher: Vintage (19 September 1996)
Genre: Contemporary Fiction
Price: Rs. 259 on Amazon
Pages: 320

I only heard of this book when its series won big at the Emmys. When many people praised this book on social media and since the book was written as a response to second wave feminism, I was intrigued and placed an order for it. It is a fairly short book and I read it in three sittings.

The Handmaid’s Tale's setup is in Gilead, formed between the borders of what was formerly the United States Of America. In Gilead, only the men hold power. Be it political, economical or social. The women are only seen as objects of procreation and that is pushed on them as the only expectation from them. They are unable to do anything else, be it have jobs or have a bank account or even read. Since the government has been overthrown, a military dictatorship is formed in order to protect the people from Islamic terrorism.

Action Replay: October 2017

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It was only when Goodreads sent me a mail asking me to vote for my favorite books of 2017, that I realized that we're towards the end of the year. I still remember new year's eve and the terrible hangover that followed and now I have to plan another new year's party? Where are the days going? I have not even completed 20% of the things that I had planned for the year and now a new year beckons? Maybe, I can just push off my resolutions to the new year instead. Now that I am done with the initial drama, let's get to the post. It's November already and to be honest I'm glad this year is moving quickly. It has not been a very good year for me and I can't wait to start a fresh year again. However, the last few months have been pretty good and it helped me immensely to grow as a person. October was no less.

I've been so terribly overworked that one fine day I just decided not to do a few things. No, not like forever, but just for a few days. I needed a break from everything around. Since I can't not do things at office, work remained the same. It is my bread and butter after all. With all the other things around, I took a backseat consciously. In May I had an emotional burnout and in October I had it again along with a physical one. I was way too tired of everything around me and I just wanted to stay away from everything for a while. Even the things that I loved. Initially, I thought I was being stupid. But then it turned out to be one of the best decisions of my life. Since I have a supporting partner, I stepped away from household chores too. Not completely, but I definitely slowed down. Instead of three meals, I cooked one a day. Instead of scrubbing the kitchen clean every day, I let him do it or I did it every other day. Normally, this would bother me, but this time it didn't. I really wanted to slow everything down.

Watch Your Back

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These days friendships are really tricky
Every face now wears a facade
While it looks like we're all together
Each one is playing a different card

They bewitch you with their sweet smiles
Get their work done through you
With hugs and selfies on social media
This can almost pass off as true

They stick really close to you
Watching your every move
While their tune is completely different
They'll pretend to dance to your groove

Too Good For You

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I think of you every time I look into the mirror. With every new break out, every new scar your memories come rushing. You said it was love at first sight for you and I never believed it. I do not, till date. You were the charmer, the one girls wanted to know. Let me correct myself, the other girls. I on the other hand found you to be full of yourself. A narcissist. There was a certain air around you that I wanted to stay away from. It felt fake, more like a make believe aura. I found you loud and obnoxious too.

Yet, you persisted. I'm prettier than everyone else, you said. I laughed it away as one of your lines. You didn't give up. You didn't give the other flawless girls a second look. You stayed by my side. It was difficult for me to even be friends with you. We had nothing in common, remember? I was well read with many hobbies and interests, and you, well, you were just you. Every time we spoke, you could only praise me or ask me out. Every single time. I was too secure in the way I looked and the kind of person I was - I Am. Somehow, your words helped me strengthen that. Maybe I was foolish to think so, but yes. A year passed, other men did ask me out too, but I wasn't interested in anyone. I was just happy being me and being by myself.

Book Review: Purple Hibiscus

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Title: Purple Hibiscus
Author: Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie
Publisher: Fourth Estate (1 October 2007)
Genre: Contemporary Fiction
Price: Rs. 216 on Amazon
Pages: 336

The rave reviews of 'We Should All Be Feminists' is what introduced me to Adichie, the young Nigerian author. Turns out 'Purple Hibiscus' is her debut novel and is considered one of the most strongest debuts after Arundhati Roy’s 'The God of Small Things'. While I have tried and failed reading the latter, 'Purple Hibiscus' made it to my TBR list some time ago. Once I received this book as a birthday gift, it went on to my large pile of unread books. When a lot of people pushed me to read this, I decided to give it a try. I had heard a lot of good reviews about it, but I was not too sure how much I would enjoy an African setting amidst political instability. With zero expectations and ready to abandon if needed, I started reading this book.