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I'm Alive

The last week was one of the worst week of my life. Stressful work, problems with friends, no rest and fever. I barely had time for myself or for my family. Its been more than a year since my breakup and I used to feel that it is the end of my life. I ignored all the positives and highlighted the negatives and based my life on it. I went into a cocoon and alienated myself from my family and friends. I was like no him, no life. Cant believe I thought like that.

Today dad sat me down and asked me what was bothering me. When you are low and someone asks you something, you obviously blurt it out. I told my dad about everything. I was sobbing in his arms when he just told me one thing. "This is life kid, and you are my daughter. You are not allowed to give up this easily". I was like wow. My daddy is the best. My parents without a doubt are the most coolest in the planet. I have no time limits to get back home, I can go wherever n whenever I want, I can wear anything I want or get back my guy friends home. They understand me and my sis very well. We have had all the luxuries always and freedom to do whatever we want. I have never taken advantage of all this. Inspite of all my freedom I have never broken their trust. After confiding in my parents, I feel so lucky to have them today. I was prepared to hear a mouthful when I told mom about my relationship with the guy whom she used to adore the most. She was so calm that I felt I should have told this all long ago when I needed someone the most. She just told me that "He was a nice guy and I'm sure he would have kept you happy. But now its over and if it is meant to be it will happen again". Mann.. I never knew my parents were this supporting. I never took time to think that they will understand all this. I feel so proud to be their daughter. If I had told them everything earlier, maybe I would have coped up with things better and would have had a much better life now.

Just because one person was missing in my life, I missed looking out at others who have been by my side right from the word go. They have always been supportive and showered me with love when I wanted it the most. I never felt anything that time. Maybe because I dint want to. My friends were my lifeline then, but I never realised their importance. Today looking back I feel so nice to have such lovely people in my life. Basing my life on just one person was so not right. My parents rejoice in my happiness and I dint even bother to acknowledge it. Same goes with my friends. I'm so glad that today happened. Else I would never have realised what I had been missing and would have lived life like it was the worst punishment. Nope, not anymore. Minus my lovelife, I have the best life in the world. I have a good job that keeps me super busy. Its good cos it prevents my mind from wandering. I have great supportive parents, amazing friends. I live in a super peaceful house with my stack of books and I have my amazing collection of movies and music to entertain me. I don't know what was I complaining about so far.

Trust me it never hurts to accept things. I cant have something then accept it that you cant have it. Don't keep complaining and losing your mind. Look at other beautiful things around. My life is so beautiful that from now on I will have no complaints I'm sure. Oh comeon I am a lioness, I will survive. I did so far, that in itself is an achievement. Having him back in my life would be amazing, yes, but I'm not gonna ruin my life if I don't have him. I surely have a void in my life. But I'd rather accept that and live with it than brood about it. I'm proud of myself that I did everything I could to get us back together. It dint work, no problem. But it was a huge learning lesson for me. And today that episode has made me a better person and those are some mistakes which I will never repeat. I have accepted things the way they are. I cant keep trying to make him realise things. He needs to need me too. So I cant blame him either. He's right in his own way as I am in mine.

Today, my friend was like so finally I have my bubbly Soumya back. I hate that word but seeing the joy in her face made a world of difference to me. There are so many people in this world who are happy for me and want to see me do well. I'm lucky to be so loved and thats enough for me to live. I'm still alive after surviving depression and an almost nervous breakdown and I don't want to see myself go through it again. My life is great and I intend to keep it that way. What has to happen will happen and now I know that no matter what I have the strength and courage to face anything. Writing this I cant help but smile. Reason : I thought this day would never come. I've been through a lot for my 23 years and have made it through. I am a survivor and I am proud of it. Him being in my life would make it perfect, but my life is not so bad otherwise too. I'm gonna make my living experience worthwhile. Yes, I still do miss him. But like my mom says, "If it is meant to be, it will be. Else, take it as the most important chapter of your life".

PS : A heartfelt thanks to my beloved parents and my wonderful sister who has stood by me through everything. My friends Priya, Preethi, Swetha for helping me get past everything. My office girls Raksha, Priyanka, Divya for making me realise how wonderful my life is otherwise. Aru and Kannan, for supporting me throughout my miserable struggle and giving me valuable advice. Love you guys..!!