I never want to go back there. Never ever.
And so the crush crashed today. Point blank, within a second. When you start to find someone attractive, you tend to ignore the small irregularities, negatives and their individual opinions. But again, only to a certain extent. Today I figured out the threshold I had for this certain someone and now I find him the ugliest thing ever. The minute this happened I rushed to the washroom at work and laughed my heart out. Who was I kidding? I feel nice now. Free.
Just thinking, it is so easy to lie at times right. Rather than give a whole explanation about something, just finish it off in a single phrase. Be it a lie or so.
'Why are you late?' ~ Had to stay back at work.
'Does this dress suit me?' ~ Yeah.
'Is he more important than me?' ~ No.
'Did you smoke again?' ~ No, just passed by the zone.
'Does it make a difference to you?' ~ Not anymore.
Lies fascinate me. Its so simple and spontaneous, just like the first para I wrote. I actually went to the washroom to think about the incident. How could he think like a jerk? Was he always like this and I failed to see it? Seriously, when someone is nice to you, it doesn't mean that he is nice to others as well. Today I got to see it. I felt a tiny tug at my heart but I'm glad I got it over with. When I asked him about it the response I got was, 'I would never say such a thing to you'. Bleh! That's when I knew I had to get off. Good riddance again. Better off as friends we are. Today, the lines were drawn. By me.
Not so long ago, I got a good friend off my back on the basis of a lie. Absolutely no regrets about it. I probably should have done this much before and saved him some pain and me some ugly drama in my life. He's happy in his place now and me in mine. See, lies are not that bad after all. Just don't let the guilt get to you.
People who think too much are the ones who get hurt the most. My sense of thought seems to have fallen out of the window, the very reason I'm not able to write much these days. Its easy to lie to others and get away, but when you have to face the truth within yourself its nothing short of hell. I keep telling myself that I have everything I need in life and my life's beautiful. It is the truth except for a big void that nobody is able to fill. That void seems to take over everything making the truth of my life seem like the biggest lie ever.
But again life moves on, even if it means living a lie.