Battling addiction. Serious addiction. Before I knew it, the distraction had turned into a major addiction and was all over me. Its tough when you get close to people. So close that you forget the boundaries of friendship. You get lost in the vicissitudes of uncertainty, holding on to something just because you simply can't do without it. The need for that person over powers everything. Even the very feeling of love. Or lust.
My temper tantrums are back after 3 years and how. All the anger management I'd mastered is now down the drain. I get angry and wild at the drop of a hat these days. But again I feel that you can only get angry at someone when you feel something deep for them. Anger is a part of love, if you ask me. Or lust.
Its amazing how he manages to piss the hell out of me and then does one thing showing sheer love that makes me melt like ice on fire. That's what we are. Nobody till date has been able to manage my tantrums this well. And with so much patience. He surprises me by putting up with my silly unreasonable demands. I would never do such things for anyone. Not me, not him, not anyone. I'm indeed lucky to have him in my life. Presently, that's my problem. I know I need him in my life. As what I don't know. We can't go back to being just friends again. Or should I just plunge headlong into love? Or lust?
Well they say that every cloud has a silver lining. This one sure did. He has been such a perfect distraction that my past is totally forgotten. COMPLETELY. I can't even try to recollect things from the past years even if I want to. Honestly, I never thought I'd get here. But. BUT. But, I did. I also know that things wont revert even if he's not there. The phase is over, or I have just grown up now. The place, the face has been replaced. It can be replaced again, provided I let go of the addiction. Trying to quit smoking hasn't been this tough. But the time has not come for it yet. He's a dirty habit and I just can't let go of it right now. Call it love. Or lust.
Of the seven sins I considered myself to be pride until now. Turns out, I'm LUST.