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Lust & The Silver Lining

Battling addiction. Serious addiction. Before I knew it, the distraction had turned into a major addiction and was all over me. Its tough when you get close to people. So close that you forget the boundaries of friendship. You get lost in the vicissitudes of uncertainty, holding on to something just because you simply can't do without it. The need for that person over powers everything. Even the very feeling of love. Or lust.

My temper tantrums are back after 3 years and how. All the anger management I'd mastered is now down the drain. I get angry and wild at the drop of a hat these days. But again I feel that you can only get angry at someone when you feel something deep for them. Anger is a part of love, if you ask me. Or lust.

Its amazing how he manages to piss the hell out of me and then does one thing showing sheer love that makes me melt like ice on fire. That's what we are. Nobody till date has been able to manage my tantrums this well. And with so much patience. He surprises me by putting up with my silly unreasonable demands. I would never do such things for anyone. Not me, not him, not anyone. I'm indeed lucky to have him in my life. Presently, that's my problem. I know I need him in my life. As what I don't know. We can't go back to being just friends again. Or should I just plunge headlong into love? Or lust?

Well they say that every cloud has a silver lining. This one sure did. He has been such a perfect distraction that my past is totally forgotten. COMPLETELY. I can't even try to recollect things from the past years even if I want to. Honestly, I never thought I'd get here. But. BUT. But, I did. I also know that things wont revert even if he's not there. The phase is over, or I have just grown up now. The place, the face has been replaced. It can be replaced again, provided I let go of the addiction. Trying to quit smoking hasn't been this tough. But the time has not come for it yet. He's a dirty habit and I just can't let go of it right now. Call it love. Or lust.

Of the seven sins I considered myself to be pride until now. Turns out, I'm LUST.


  1. hmmm....intense...but that's love. Or lust.

    Being yourself is the toughest thing to be...but you can be yourself if you are in love. Or lust.

    ...and that can be an addiction, no matter how grown up one is...why give up an addiction if it is named Love? Or lust?

    Great post.



  2. whatever you are, you are lucky...

    PS: giving up smoking is easy, i gave it up lots of times...

  3. Ditto is the only word I could utter!
    Going thru the exact same phase!
    loved it!

  4. a sheer line in between love & lust.. enjoy both :)

    Weakest LINK

  5. Being yourself with someone, anyone is hard. So that is what makes me feel this is unlike other addictions. :)

    I however, think you should let life take its course. Soon ul make the choice to dive or let go. :)

    HUG! :) Love :)

  6. You're a fool, that's it. Let the heart run, let it go berserk and you are still sure he'd be there to break your fall. And you still doubt the gem that shines is not diamond. It's poison, and it's worth it.

    Blasphemous Aesthete

  7. I hope this phase gets over soon and u get all ur questions answered!!

  8. Some times i think you are a ghost speaks through my soul. Like seriously.
    My anger issue has always been an issue and no one had been down to earth enough to tolerate it. Well, in male friends. But he? I don't know. He's like my most awesome friend cause you know what? He just gets my stubborn nature though he's way egotistical himself but still, he drops his ego for a while and works on his impulses.
    I don't say i feel anything weird for him, but whatever I feel, i know it's not normal.
    We all should have that one awesome friend in our lives who care for us enough to talk to us even when we spit on their face and they wipse it off and ask you "So, lets have some drink, shall we? :D"

    You are indeed blessed with that friend.
    And luckily, you are in love with him too. Almost. :)

  9. sympathies with him..poor him :P
    you are blessed to have someone who can manage you so well...feel yourself luck :)

  10. Ah. Temper Tantrums. That was so me. Before my calm and always composed guy happened to me. I knew it will take some guy a LOT of patience to deal with me, but I never knew that such a guy actually existed. Now, anger happens so far less and far between now, the best part being that its NEVER at the world / him, that's its a wonder to think I was ever the fiery Tinkerbell that the men in my life have always known me to be! :)

    I decided to throw all caution to the wind and dive headfirst into lust. And it turned into love. The kind that actually does last forever!! WOO-freaking-HOO! :D

    I say take the chance woman!! :D

    P.S: Tinkerbell (also referred to as Tink for short), is a fictional character from the Peter Pan stories. The extremes in her personality are explained by the fact that a fairy's size prevents her from holding more than one feeling at a time, so when she is angry she has no counterbalancing compassion.

  11. There's a thin line between love and lust..and the screen is a see-through one too


  12. @SUB,
    Great comment. Thanks :)

    Lucky I am. Ditto with me.

    Nice phase na? Enjoy :)

    True that! I'm just me with this addiction. Taking it slow, let life take its course. Love :)

    Fool I am. But even poison takes its time to set in. Its worth it or, we'll see then :)

    @Red Handed,
    I hope so too. Fingers crossed :)

  13. @KN.,
    Seriously? Nice to know I'm not the only one then. Some people let go of their ego just for you and that is what contributes to the "awwwwwww" factor. Haha, friends are wonderful man seriously. Blessed I am. Almost, yes!


    @Muhammad Israr,
    Poor him? I know to be stuck with a non-reciprocating thing like me :P. We're bothy lucky. Me, a tad bit more.

    @Ice Maiden,
    Very tempted I must say, but still feel its not time yet. Oh yeah Tinkerbell I know :)

    Hahaha good one. What even we are the screen? :)

  14. //He's a dirty habit and I just can't let go of it right now - Interesting ! Dirty habits are anyway tough to get rid of ;) I am glad you finally have your Mr. Right(?) with/beside you ! Damn ! Now whom do I flirt with? :( (The "J" factor? May be. But with a hint of happiness that my lioness is finally able to move on :))

  15. Never easy to quit smoking, moreso if you have been doing it for sometime. Thank heavens I never picked it full time

  16. Soumya,

    Wish you all the BEST.

    Take care

  17. @Stranger!!!,
    Mr Right who? :P. No jealousy needed, I'm still around here :). Able to move on, yes. Finally and beautifully :)

    @Pesto sauce,
    Good for you, but I'll get there soon I'm sure.

    Thank you.


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