Earn it, Flaunt it

Check Spelling
Warning: Long post ahead.

He: Damn, I need this bike. Its so awesome.
Me: Okay, buy it.
He: Very expensive. No money for it now.
Me: Okay, buy it when you can afford it.

Did I say anything wrong out here? He then went on blabbering about how he can get a loan easily based on his property back home. "I have property worth more than 2 crores", he said. I'm like "Isn't that what your grandparents and parents made". And then he goes, "So what, it still is mine".

So what? Hello! What the fuck ever happened to self respect.

I've seen a lot of people these days who wear brands they have not heard of and obviously bought by their parents. They talk about how big and elusive their home is, the ones that their parents built. They talk about the elaborate vacations they take, funded by their parents. They talk about the classiest of pubs/lounges they visit, all swiped by the credit card paid by their parents. Its funny. Really really funny. Its fairly simple isn't it? If you want to flaunt something of yours or about something you do, make sure you pay for it and get it for yourself. Else if you are happy living off your parents, then well don't flaunt it.

Today, every piece of material I own is what I handpicked and what I paid for. Right from the rent of the place I stay to the classy interiors I've got done. A guy who recently moved into his own house in Bangalore, bought by his parents told me, "You have no idea how awesome it feels living in an own house in Bangalore". He may have not meant anything, but for me it felt like a taunt that hurt my ego. My parents are not well educated enough to make millions. They have done the best they could. I don't want to end up like them. I want to make enough money to be able to take care of myself down the lane.

My parents had to take care of me only till I was 18. Since then it has only been I, me and myself. I funded my own engineering and my daily spending was taken care of by the many promotional or temporary jobs that I took up. Its not like that my parents couldn't take care of me, I just dint want them to. They had done enough.

I have a massive collection of shoes and bags, and I seldom pick up stuff from the local street. I border on the lines of being a brand fanatic, occasionally picking up cute lil stuff off the streets or the local jodhpuri joothis that fit like a dream. Every piece of Ralph Lauren, Burberry, Tommy Hilfiger or Puma I own, to every ounce of my Chanel, Dior, David Off, DKNY or Benetton fragrance is bought by me. I work hard, party harder. I'm not a a very thrifty person but I cannot compromise on my life style. And why should I? Especially when I'm making what I'm spending.

I pay rent at the place I stay with my parents, eat out most of the times, I pay my education loan that I took for completing my engineering, I shop every weekend, I have all the world class amenities at home. I bought my own laptop and my own Blackberry, I even bought a Blackberry for my man, my wardrobe is filled with the best of brands. No, I don't pile up on what I have. Infact I renew my wardrobe every 3 months. Right from the M&S lingerie I wear to the Vichy skin products and the Matrix hair products I use is what I buy from my pocket. Plus, Cal and I take a holiday once in 2 months atleast. And I'm not the one who believes in letting the man pay just because he is one. I believe in equality and he abides. He's the exact replica of me with the exact same lifestyle and who has earned it on his own. No wonder I'm marrying this guy.

Before you think that I make around a lakh a month, let me tell you that you are absolutely not thinking right. I take home no more than 30 grand a month and yet I manage all my needs and that of my parents. My occasional travels pay me enough to have decent savings. Being a mallu my mother has made me invest in gold. I don't wear a speck, but it sure is a good investment. I'm not trying to flaunt here, but hell yeah I'm proud of what I am because the only one responsible for my life today is me. I work my ass off to get all this and no "pata hai mera baap kaun hai" type of person can even come close to this.

Kids these days, sigh! Each time I visit my skin specialist I see minor kids there who have come to either get a mole removed, face lift, fuller lips, fairer skin etc etc. Ofcourse, accompanied by equally vain mothers who obviously have come in for a wrinkle treatment and expecting to get their kin's wishes resolved at the swipe of a card.

Doesn't it hurt to expect money from your old parents? They need all the luxury and amenities at this age and yet you expect them to sign cheques? It does seem like a scene out of a movie, but I have seen this happen in real life umpteen number of times. I saw a bunch of kids no more than 16 come to a place I regularly visit in a Hummer. Flaunting their expensive gadgets and expecting the waiters to worship them. One more thing that psyches the hell outa me are the breed of kitty party housewives. "Oh we're taking a vacation to Maldives", "I'm waiting for the diamond set I've ordered", "Oh no no, no rose wine for me, I only have Sauvignon Blanc", "I'm sending my son to the US to study, you know" and more falana falana. These women are the ones who haven't lifted their finger to earn a penny all their lives and are happy and content living off their husbands.

Something inside hurts and I have absolutely no respect for such people.

If you earn it, flaunt it.

Else, shut the fuck up!

~ Soumya

Not the Best Policy

"Soumya, you are very honest. And your honesty kills me"

"I love you for your frankness. Even if it hurts me at times"

"If I could have killed you every time you told the bitter truth, you would have died a dozen times"

"You could have atleast lied to make me feel good"

"Don't ever say that again. But yeah, don't stop being honest"

I have got this most of the times. I never bothered about it, cos I'm a kind of person who tells out what is inside her. I don't like to be two faced. I feel it and I say it. It never hit me, until I hurt Cal yesterday. I'd die before doing that again. I need to learn to weigh my words before I let them flow. For him, I shall.

Sarcasm always prevents you from blurting out the exact truth. And I have mastered that by now. But when it comes to the person you love the most in the world, how can you be sarcastic? Especially knowing that what you are gonna say is going to hurt them to the core. The only draw back of love is that our lives get intricately linked. Each step has to be threaded carefully. Every word analysed properly.

I've always been a sensible woman, but when it comes to love I've always been confused. The primary reason that I did not want to get into a relationship was that I don't trust myself with other people. Every decision I make would impact them. This is exactly what I did not want. Knowing that you are the cause for some one's tears is not a good feeling. Believe me when I say that. The past came in and rattled up my tiny brain and my heart lost its cool. I was feeling a million things inside me and I poured it out to Cal. Words that would have killed me if he said them.
It is good to be frank, but not always. Like they say, matters of the heart are very fragile. When some things hurt, ignore it. Trying to forget it, will etch it more in yourself. Just let it exist, don't bother. Because sometimes trying to cut out people will bring back so many reminders making you want to die. Its better to leave it alone. Let them remain, just don't let it affect you. I won't. This is the stance I take.

Words hurt, more than anything else. I've seen it, been there done that. Maybe its not always necessary to speak the truth.

Maybe some truths are meant to be left a secret. Or buried.

~ Soumya

Calvin and Hobbes

He's the smart one, always brimming with ideas. A non stop thinker. A bundle of knowledge for the small frame he's blessed with, standing exactly at my height (although I'm half an inch taller than him, he chooses to deny it :P). He brightens up my life like no one else. I thought I knew almost everything about the world. Politics, economics, business, national and international happenings, sports, movies and basic philosophy. But he happens to be the speaking tree for all these. Its a pleasure to talk to him and we can talk, debate or even argue about anything under the sun. He has his own take on life. Although I don't agree to all of it, I respect him for it. Our thoughts match most of the time, and in the rare cases where it does not we both reach common grounds and settle it.

He lets me be me, inspite of the nerve wreck I can be at times. He approaches life with hope and I with anger. Our approaches coincide at times, but never overlap. He has a life apart from me just like the way I do. But when we come together, it is just us.

He's crazy, he's wicked, he's wonderfully evil and I love him for everything he is.

He is my Calvin and I'm his Hobbes.

He knows how to rub my belly and cheer me up when I'm down. I know how to wrap my warm body around him to support him. Together we see a life that will hold us together tomorrow. It sure is a filament of both our individual imaginations. But now its taking shape exactly the way we both want it to.

I'm wild, he's calm. I shout, he soothes. I fight, he settles. I snap, he joins. I give up, he holds on.

I breathe, he lives.

He lives, I live.

P.S: The man shall be known as Calvin a.k.a Cal henceforth on all future posts. Consider this as an introduction :)

~ Soumya

Wish you were here

Wish you were here
Holding me tight and close
I wanna feel your breath
And gently peck your nose
I wanna hear you whisper
Softly into my ear
Its just this time
Now on, I'll always be near

~ Soumya