Not the Best Policy

"Soumya, you are very honest. And your honesty kills me"

"I love you for your frankness. Even if it hurts me at times"

"If I could have killed you every time you told the bitter truth, you would have died a dozen times"

"You could have atleast lied to make me feel good"

"Don't ever say that again. But yeah, don't stop being honest"

I have got this most of the times. I never bothered about it, cos I'm a kind of person who tells out what is inside her. I don't like to be two faced. I feel it and I say it. It never hit me, until I hurt Cal yesterday. I'd die before doing that again. I need to learn to weigh my words before I let them flow. For him, I shall.

Sarcasm always prevents you from blurting out the exact truth. And I have mastered that by now. But when it comes to the person you love the most in the world, how can you be sarcastic? Especially knowing that what you are gonna say is going to hurt them to the core. The only draw back of love is that our lives get intricately linked. Each step has to be threaded carefully. Every word analysed properly.

I've always been a sensible woman, but when it comes to love I've always been confused. The primary reason that I did not want to get into a relationship was that I don't trust myself with other people. Every decision I make would impact them. This is exactly what I did not want. Knowing that you are the cause for some one's tears is not a good feeling. Believe me when I say that. The past came in and rattled up my tiny brain and my heart lost its cool. I was feeling a million things inside me and I poured it out to Cal. Words that would have killed me if he said them.

It is good to be frank, but not always. Like they say, matters of the heart are very fragile. When some things hurt, ignore it. Trying to forget it, will etch it more in yourself. Just let it exist, don't bother. Because sometimes trying to cut out people will bring back so many reminders making you want to die. Its better to leave it alone. Let them remain, just don't let it affect you. I won't. This is the stance I take.

Words hurt, more than anything else. I've seen it, been there done that. Maybe its not always necessary to speak the truth.

Maybe some truths are meant to be left a secret. Or buried.

~ Soumya