Not the Best Policy

"Soumya, you are very honest. And your honesty kills me"

"I love you for your frankness. Even if it hurts me at times"

"If I could have killed you every time you told the bitter truth, you would have died a dozen times"

"You could have atleast lied to make me feel good"

"Don't ever say that again. But yeah, don't stop being honest"

I have got this most of the times. I never bothered about it, cos I'm a kind of person who tells out what is inside her. I don't like to be two faced. I feel it and I say it. It never hit me, until I hurt Cal yesterday. I'd die before doing that again. I need to learn to weigh my words before I let them flow. For him, I shall.

Sarcasm always prevents you from blurting out the exact truth. And I have mastered that by now. But when it comes to the person you love the most in the world, how can you be sarcastic? Especially knowing that what you are gonna say is going to hurt them to the core. The only draw back of love is that our lives get intricately linked. Each step has to be threaded carefully. Every word analysed properly.

I've always been a sensible woman, but when it comes to love I've always been confused. The primary reason that I did not want to get into a relationship was that I don't trust myself with other people. Every decision I make would impact them. This is exactly what I did not want. Knowing that you are the cause for some one's tears is not a good feeling. Believe me when I say that. The past came in and rattled up my tiny brain and my heart lost its cool. I was feeling a million things inside me and I poured it out to Cal. Words that would have killed me if he said them.
It is good to be frank, but not always. Like they say, matters of the heart are very fragile. When some things hurt, ignore it. Trying to forget it, will etch it more in yourself. Just let it exist, don't bother. Because sometimes trying to cut out people will bring back so many reminders making you want to die. Its better to leave it alone. Let them remain, just don't let it affect you. I won't. This is the stance I take.

Words hurt, more than anything else. I've seen it, been there done that. Maybe its not always necessary to speak the truth.

Maybe some truths are meant to be left a secret. Or buried.

~ Soumya

22 comments:

  1. I agree with you. Sometimes its better to remain quiet instead of hurting someone with the truth, specially when that someone is your world.
    Been there, done that.

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    1. True that and I totally understand!

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  2. well said ..I was just talking with my sister about being sarcastic and so on..I have this problem too..of being too frank with my words,and yeah at times it hurts ppl around me..words shld be weighed before thrown to anyone..I wish I could be more careful next time :|

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    1. I wish too!! But its really hard :|

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  3. Sometimes the truth can be hard to handle. And that feeling of hurting your loved ones is something which never sinks in. Yes, some truths are best left unspoken. As long as the other one's happy :)

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  4. Today the policy is, tell them the truth, but in a form they want to hear. :D We distort everything's meaning anyway, and sarcasm, even when uncalled for in confused with when we're simply being honest. Strange are the ways of the world.
    You get that often too? Don't stop being honest, but be a little less harsh, I appreciate your frankness but it can come across as rude a lot of times. Like shit why don't people understand you're only telling them the truth, not to win their hatred but because it really matters to us? :S Hosseini said, better to be hurt by the truth than comforted with a lie, TRUE STORY! But people refuse to condescend to it.

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    1. I so love you for this! <3
      I get that almost everyday. Its just like people want to live in denial without even wanting to know the truth. I need to sugar coat, not for me. But for them. Sighh!
      Hosseini is right and that's what I believe in firmly. Until now atleast.

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  5. no one wants to hear the truth. mark my words.

    not even you.

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  6. all is true.. but somehow i end up saying the truth , and hurting and then getting upset on that, and trying to explain.. more truth spurts and its all a vicious circle.. i m lost in my honesty:(
    love the way you write, and i mean it.

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    1. That's exactly my problem. Can't rest in peace until I blurt out the truth. It eventually gets the better outa me.
      Thank you so much :)

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  7. aye. the truth is a killer. its why we need politics. :)

    about ur frankness, i doubt you can change that. best of luck though. try, if that doesn't touch him, nothing will.

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    1. Politics exists only for this reason :D

      I can't change it. I guess he's gotta live with it now. But the fact that I tried to change, should touch him. It did :)

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  8. see. as easy as that. never change for someone you love. he would hate himslef for having to make you change! :)

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    1. True that! He's willing to get hurt occasionally and yet is willing to accept me the way I am. That's love and I'm very lucky :)

      Thanks for this :)

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  9. Why did you say "Words that would have killed me if he said them" ?

    Therein lies your answer :)

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  10. Honesty kills, at times. He could take it, I wouldn't.

    Don't make me feel more bad now :(

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  11. You just cannot hold it, can you? Frankness and on top of that, sarcasm! :P That's how I know you! :D

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    1. That's how I am and will be. People just need to learn to deal with it :)

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