Back into the Womb

(Pic: le Jardin, 1962, by Max Ernst)

Nothing feels safe anymore
I have been to hell and back
I do not want this cruel existence
I'm waiting to fade into black

Beautiful blue waters know my pain
Thoughts wander along the barren sand
Happiness evades me by the second
Unable to produce the magic wand

The lush green trees haunt me
Reminding me of all my crimes
They were seeds a while ago
While I smothered my own chimes

A son they expect from me
Seven daughters I had to kill
My womb has become a cemetery
Trying for an heir to their will

I loved my unborn daughters
Wanted them to see the world
Those around wouldn't let that be
With every birth, abuses were hurled

Arrows are supposed to lead to a way
But for me, they pierce my soul
I'm only a child bearing machine
Confined to a dusty hole

They do not understand my agony
I'm prisoned, until I bear a son
Tied naked to a lone window
This knot can never be undone

It makes me wish I was never born
I want to go back into the womb
If I could have had it my way then
I would have made it my own tomb

Written for The Magpie Tales: Mag 191.

~ Soumya

Marriage Diaries - 1

Now that I have finished more than half a year of being married, I think I can talk about it. For those new here, well, I got married on the 22nd of March this year. Since then, I have been itching to write about the most talked about union in the word. But I waited patiently, for some experience, to learn a few things and unlearn more. Marriage sure is an eye opener, not necessarily because love is blind. Mostly because you start seeing a new phase of life, unfold before you. As much as I want to say that marriage doesn't change anything, the truth is that it does. Not me as a person, but the way I interpret and understand things. It might be different for different people, but I would say that marriage has brought out the best in me.

Like I said, marriage has only changed the way I interpret things, not me as a person. And like I always say, its only a marriage, not rebirth. People who I did not even know existed have began to ask me as to why I haven't changed after marriage. Tell me one thing. What should I change? I'm sorry, I did not read any marriage manual before I got hitched. I just fell in love and decided to take the plunge with the man I love. Did I miss something? If so, kindly leave a comment below. Everyone says I'm still the same. Of course I am. I got married at the age of 26, so that's 26 years of being a certain kind of person we are talking about here. Am I supposed to undo this? Even when my husband loves me for being this way? Damn, I so should have watched those saas-bahu shit they air on TV everyday. 

Yes, I'm married. That doesn't mean I stop wearing my low waist skinny jeans and ganjees. It doesn't mean I abandon my micro shorts for heavily bordered sarees. It doesn't mean I stop cutting my hair short. It doesn't mean that I can't dance around. It doesn't mean that I lose my identity of being, well, ME. Its crazy how people just expect that I would metamorphose change into a combo of Tulsi and Parvathi sprinkled with a pinch of Priya. I know that I'm married. I haven't taken the thali out of my body since the day Cal tied it around my neck. I never will. It is something that I truly believe in. Marriage is sacred to me and I hold it very close to my heart. While we are on that, I wear my toe rings too. Except for when I wear tight shoes, but most of the time they are on my feet. I like looking married. The very fact that such things exist means that they mean something. Right? I like having the red kumkum on my forehead too. Who says you can't team up all of these with modern clothes? Its got nothing to do with marriage. You call that a sense of style.

The thing that bothers me most post marriage are the comments on my weight. A colleague who I occasionally run into in my campus always asks me with a sly smile, "So, the weight is all the marriage effect eh?". Some people wink at me while they talk about my weight and others shyly say that my husband has been taking good care about me. I just look around and try to count the waves in the air while they do that. Seriously people, if you actually think that I put on weight because of the sex after marriage, then well, I don't know if I should laugh or cry at your ignorance. Sex is sex right? Before or after marriage? What has weight got to do with it? For the interested, I put on weight when I took a break from work and stayed at home for three months in early 2012. No exercise and only rest, coupled with a severe attack of PCOD, were the main causes for my weight gain. I don't know why people care so much. They called me stick insect when I was thin and now that I had put on weight, they started making their own interpretations about it. Marriage happened a year later. After being a size zero for 25 years, I am very happy the way I am today, thank you very much.

And when people ask me "How is married life?" all I want to do is find the nearest gutter and push them into it. What sort of a question is that anyway? And what am I supposed to reply? When I told a friend that I was going to Purple Haze for the weekend, she almost fainted. "You drink?" I said yes, I always did. The look on her face said it all after that. It was followed by a series of questions I had no interest in answering. But now that I'm married, I guess the most important change that I should embrace is to get used to these garish questions.

Another thing people notice the most about me is my perfectly manicured nails. According to them I don't do any work at home, hence my nails stay perfect. Hello? What if I am a hard working woman who manages to take out time to take care of myself. I'm a really good cook and I thoroughly enjoy cooking. I do the cleaning up after that too. I'm hardly left with any time at the end of the day to care for myself but I make sure I do. Be it a hot mineral salt bath or a self manicure pedicure session. I like to take care of myself. I did that before marriage too. So, what's the big deal?

I stay with my in-laws and people talk hoo-haw about it. The initial plan was to move out and stay separate, but after a couple of months we did not feel like moving away. I guess I am the only woman who wants to stay with her in-laws and not away. Two people can never make a family.They remain a couple. And I want a family. Of course, it comes with its share of adjustments and compromises, but hell yeah I'd put up with it without a frown. I'm a hard-core non vegetarian and they are a typical orthodox Brahmin family who do not eat even garlic. I do miss my meat, eggs and garlic laced food, but waking up next to the man I love is more important to me. But no, I have not given up on it. I still hog on my meat and fish like there is no tomorrow. I just do not have it at home. My husband makes it a point to take me out and get me to eat what ever I want to. I dress the way I have to everyday and on festivals and occasions too I dress the way I want to. No pressure, no adjustments.

When the people around me do not expect me to change, why should I? Not that I would change if they expected me to. You only change things that you are not happy with right? So if I and my husband are totally happy with the way I am, then why should I change anything? It is as simple as it is. I want to remain the woman my husband fell in love with.

I say it again. Its a marriage, not a rebirth. There is nothing to change. I am what I am. And shall always be. 

~ Soumya

The Yellow Tale

"You know I love you na." Sam whispered in to my ear as I was busy looking for yellow bangles. I turned around and give him the look that he is very familiar with. He smiles sheepishly as he pulls the dupatta from my hand and stretches himself to the topmost shelf of bangles. He finds the perfect shade there, and I see a look of triumph on his face.

"What would I do without you?" I say as I try on the bangles.

He drags me towards the mirror as I pose highlighting the bright yellow. The bangles glisten in the sun and shine on my face. The afternoon heat was not as much as I had expected. A weekday was the best to shop in the streets of Bangalore. Sam as usual had insisted on accompanying me. He stared at me in the mirror, with love lorn eyes. I look at him and smile.

"You know I love you na." He says lunging forward to hug me.

"Sameeeeeer." I yell and run towards the bhaiyyaji to pay him for the bangles. My bargaining skills were not that great, but I try my best. Bhaiyyaji doesn't agree to it. Sam to the rescue.

I walk away proudly after getting the bangles on half price, with Sam's arm perched firmly on my shoulder. We stop to have some roadside gola, my favorite. I was just about to order my flavour, when Sam butts in.

"Bhaiyya, two kaala khattas." He says and reaches for his wallet.

I grin. Sam knew my likes and dislikes. I always had him by my side and I thanked God for it. I waited for the gola-waala to make the golas as I watched him in awe. He crushed the ice effortlessly and pressed it into a steel tumbler to get the conical shape and stuck a candy stick into it. I saw a yellow bottle kept on the stand and asked him what it was. Sam looked at me in confusion.

"Mango flavor madam. You want?" The gola-waala said casually.

"Hmm.. ok. Make mine mango." I said, still looking at the speed at which his hands were working.

He carefully pulled the shaped ice out of the tumbler and put it into a transparent glass. He took out the mango syrup and poured it in a swirling fashion. The orangish yellow soon turned pale as it kissed the ice. He poured in more syrup as the ice turned into glistening gold.

"Here madam." He shoved the glass into my hand and got busy with other customers.

"Having a yellow rush, are we?" Sam asks holding his glass filled with the black brown syrup.

"Maybe. Just look at how pretty it looks." I gush and take a first lick.

"Ummmm... its yummy. Much better than Frooti." I say happily.

Sam starts laughing.

"Just look at you. You are worse than a child." He says in between laughs.

"Hmmph... Don't say that. I'm going to be a wife soon, you know." I say with a smirk.

"Oh yeah, I forgot." Sam teases.

He watches me for a while as I suck into the mango flavored ice with the juice dripping down my lips all the way to my chin. I hurriedly grab a tissue from my bag and wipe it, and look at Sam, all prepared to be teased again.

"You know I love you na." He says and takes the glass from my hand so that I can clean the yummy mess of my face.

We finish and walk towards Tamanna, the place where I have placed the order for my wedding trousseau. I am supposed to collect it today. After a five minute wait, my lehenga arrives in a wooden hanger. Tears well up my eyes as I look at it. Sam holds my hand as I try to control myself.

"It looks beautiful Meera." Sam says emotionally.

"Hmmm..." I nod feeling overwhelmed.

"Why don't you try it." Sam suggests.

I go into the trial room, cradling the outfit in my arms. After a whole fifteen minutes, I walk out. Complete, with the veil on my head.

Sam gets up from his seat and stares at me from top to bottom. I can see the emotions on his face and the love for me in his eyes. I know I look good. The bright yellow of the lehenga perfectly complemented the bold pink of the blouse. The skirt flowed brilliantly, highlighting my slim figure. The plunging backside of my blouse, showed off the 'S' tattoo on my back. The veil caressed my head hiding the million things that was going on in my mind at that very moment.

"You know I love you na." Sam said after a deep breath.

I nodded as I walked back to the trial room to change into my plain clothes. I was out quicker this time as Sam patiently waited. Having the dress carefully wrapped in tissue and covered in a jute cover, we walk out of Tamanna with a wide smile on both our faces.

"So, how did I look?" I ask Sam as I walk along his side.

"Bearable." He says and bursts into laughter.

I stop and look at him as he notices the tears in my eyes. He quickly stops laughing and places his hands on my shoulder.

"Hey, I was kidding Meera. Come on. You know I love you na." He says wiping away my tears.

"Still....." I say as I burst into tears.

"Hey.. Its okay. Its okay." Sam hugs me.

The people around look at us weirdly. Of course, Bangalore still needs to accept PDA. But we couldn't care less.

I sober down in a minute and look at Sam.

"You looked beautiful Meera. Siddharth is a very lucky guy." My best friend says as he walks by my side, holding my wedding dress in his hands.

This post is a part of Write Over the Weekend, an initiative for Indian Bloggers by BlogAdda.

~ Soumya

Every Mirror has a Story

Her bright smile hides everything
The red dances on her lips
Her brushed hair stands shining 
Falling with melody down her hips

The delicate earrings shy away
As her eye elongates its sight
The mirror recognises her face
And the strange others at night

A day of her hard work
Means looking ready and nice
The men who ogle at her must think
That she is worth their price

Every scar must be hidden
Flowing tears should leave no trace
Presented to hungry wolves likes a toy
Shedding her clothes and her grace

Her red lips get hurt and bitten
Her tiny waist pinched and burnt
To bear it all was the only lesson
In this place that she had learnt

Her day starts with the setting sun
Being held up proudly on sale
Her master has the art of selling
To the prying eyes of the male

They walk in and out of her room
Without allowing her a second of rest
Taking away her soul and dignity
Praising her for being the best

The other girls envy her
Lucky she is, they seem to say
Yet they know the bitter truth
They all have the same price to pay

Young and tender she was brought here
In the pretext of a high paying job
She did make a lot of money
Which the master would neatly rob

Slowly she walks up to the mirror
Her lonely friend in this hell
She tries to hide her plight
But it has her story to tell

Her hair is a tattered mess
Her lips are bleeding red
The hips can barely move
Yet she has to walk back to the bed

She re-does her hair and lips
The mirror smiles at her pretty face
It recognizes the truth inside
Battered soul reeking of disgrace

This poem has been written for Poetry Jam and Theme Thursday.

~ Soumya

Just in Time

With a very heavy heart
I forgave him the first time
I ignored it like a mistake
When it actually was a crime

He accepted that he cheated
Said that he had stooped low
Hiding my self respect in my heart
For love, I just let it go

Everything seemed fine after that
Like a queen he treated me
I was back to worshipping him
Then he stung me like a bee

He had strayed again
Without an ounce of guilt
I left him one Friday night
My trust for him was spilt

He cajoled me into returning
Said he would never do it again
I was lonely and vulnerable
He took advantage of my pain

He held my hand and swore to me
I only love you, he repeatedly said
I did not want to believe him
But for him, my heart bled

I was a head strong woman
But life without him was an empty pit
Forgiving him again felt like a sin
Cheating was becoming his habit

I thought for hours and days
If I should end it or go back
If he had to go to other women
Maybe something I myself lack

Deciding to work on myself
I called him to give us another try
I was willing to change for him
On my side if he stands by

When he answered the call
Chances of our union seemed dim
It was too much for me to take
When I heard someone unzip behind him

~ Soumya

Here I Am, This is Me

I said here, that a writing forum has asked for my interview. Here we go guys. I'm feeling so thrilled and proud that I have no words to express it. It could not have been done without the support of you people. Thank you so much. I'm indebted to all of you.

Read my interview for BlogAdda here.

~ Soumya

Etheree: Life & Love

Moves on
Sun shall shine
The past must leave
Be prepared for it
Nature intended this
How can you try to change it
Destiny or fate, it is yours
It is up to you, which path you take
Pain of yesterday or smiles of today

This is my first attempt at an Etheree. The below one is a reversed Etheree.

She watched from far and shed a silent tear
When he kissed his bride at the alter
She smiled and laughed at his tales
Knowing he loved someone else
Stood by his side always
Without him knowing
More than herself
Him Truly
She did

~ Soumya


Screech! Sunil brought his car to a halt. Beads of perspiration dripped down his face. He closed his eyes and breathed in. Then, slowly he stepped out. He walked up to the shop in the corner. The shop keeper looked at him suspiciously.

"Water bottle. One." Sunil said pointing to the fridge.

The shop keeper got it for him. Before he could mention the amount, Sunil grabbed the bottle from his hand and opened it.

Splash! He threw a few handfuls of water on his face. And emptied the rest of its contents down his throat. He threw the bottle in the dustbin beside the shop and pulled out a clean white handkerchief from his pocket. Thud! He heard a noise. He looked down to see his bunch of keys lying on the ground. Cursing himself, he picked it up and put it back in his pocket. He wiped his face clean and looked at the shop keeper with a raised eye brow.

"Twenty rupees." The shop keeper said.

Sunil handed him a five hundred rupee note. The shopkeeper frowned.

"No change. Give me change." He yelled.

Sunil checked his wallet and felt some coins in it. He emptied them on the metal table. Clink, click. The coins poured out. The shop keeper looked on open mouthed. When the final coin fell out, Sunil pocketed his wallet and walked away. The shop keeper did not stop him, for he knew that the money on the table was more than twenty rupees.

Sunil rested against his car and took out his phone. Beep! It sprang to life. He dialled in a few digits and made a call.

Tring, tring! The phone rang in Ritu's house. Her husband Vinay, was busy watching the TV to pick it up. She put down her magazine and walked up to the corner table and answered the call.

"Hello?" She said warmly.

"Its me." Sunil's voice was hoarse.

Plonk! Ritu dropped the receiver on the glass table out of shock. Immediately, she picked it up.

"How many times have I told you to not call me on the land line." She said angrily albeit softly.

"You did not pick your cell." Sunil said coldly.

"Oh, its in the other room I guess." Ritu whispered.

"Its time Ritu, he has to die now. I can't stay away from you any more." Sunil sounded desperate.

"No Sunil. For God's sake, he is my husband. You can't kill him." Ritu clutched the phone hard.

"I don't care. I'm coming over. Now." Sunil said and hung up.

Cough! Ritu heard a sound behind her. She replaced the phone and slowly turned. Vinay stood there, watching her with a confused expression. Bow, bow. Their pet Labrador barked in the balcony. Ritu smiled and looked at her husband.

"It was mom, I asked her to call me later." She lied.

"Okay. All okay with her?" Vinay asked.

Wheee.... The cooker whistled in the kitchen.

Ritu nodded. "Let me switch of the gas." She said in a hurry and rushed to the kitchen.

Sunil stood below her building. The shop keeper's gaze was irritating him, yet he did not say a word. He took out a cigarette. Click! The lighter went. He sent out a puff of smoke. He and Ritu were lovers. But he was a small time goon, so her parents had refused to get her married to him. They had got her married to a doctor instead, two years ago, when he was in jail. A week ago, he had got out. He wanted her back now. At any cost.

Honk! The noise distracted him. He looked up to see a black car behind his, waiting to cross the road. With the cigarette embracing his lips, he got into his car and parked it on the side. The black car passed by with a whoosh. The driver did not even bother to thank him. Sunil got out of the car and butted his smoke on the ground. Tick tock, the alarm on his watch went off. Seven pm. The perfect time. Locking his car, he walked up to the building in front of him.

Ting! The lift came down. Sunil got into it and checked under his jacket. The object poked him, but that was hardly any concern of his at this time. He made it to the fourth floor in no time and got out. He walked straight to door number 406 and rang the bell.

Ding dong! Vinay was irritated. He looked behind at Ritu. She seemed busy in the kitchen. Slowly he rose from his comfortable couch and walked towards the door. Ritu peeped from the kitchen door. Vinay opened the door and stood shocked.

Sunil stood there with a gun pointed at Vinay's head. He was about to scream when Sunil covered his mouth and dragged him inside. Vinay fought with all his strength. Crash! The ceramic vase fell down as he kicked the air to free himself. Ritu came running from the kitchen.

"No Sunil, no. Please no." She pleaded.

"Now is the time Ritu. I want you. I want you." Sunil said angrily.

Vinay looked at both of them with surprise. Sunil freed him and he lay on the floor with shock.

"He has to die now Ritu." Sunil said as he pointed the gun at Vinay.

Vinay looked at Ritu sadly.

"No, you cannot kill him." Ritu said coldly. Then her face lit up. She walked towards Sunil and took the gun from his hand.

"I shall do it." She smiled and pointed the gun at Vinay's head.


This post is a part of Write Over the Weekend, an initiative for Indian Bloggers by BlogAdda.

~ Soumya

Indian Writing & A Review

Honestly, I was never a fan of Indian writers. Having grown up on Danielle Steel and Jeffery Archer, I always found Indian authors to be not up to the mark. Well, I was no one to judge I know, but I do have the right for an opinion. Chetan Bhagat managed to change my mind when "Five Point Someone" came along. But I was soon back to square one after his next. I had turned cynical and refused to pick up another book from an Indian author. My next experiment was "You Are here" by Meenakshi Reddy Madhavan. Two chapters into the book and I couldn't bear it anymore. "Almost Single" too had the same effect on me, except the fact that I stopped at two pages instead of two chapters. "Two States" was the last Indian author book that I read. And I was determined to keep it that way.

When I decided to toy around with the idea of writing a book myself, I wanted to check what was it about Indian writers that irked me so much. I might be one of them someday, so I decided to silence the cynic in me and explore. Apart from Bhagat, the first successful Indian author who came to my mind was Ms. Preeti Shenoy. I had been following her blog initially, but then it started getting on to my nerves. It was all about how talented she is and how slim she is in spite of her having two kids. Then started a photo spree of her paintings and portraits. Every link in her blog redirected to an e-commerce site where we could buy her books. Having had enough with her blog alone, I refrained myself from clicking on it. 

When I won a Flipkart voucher at a blog contest, I decided to buy some Indian author books and see if my opinions would change or not. I ordered "Tea for two and a piece of cake" by her and "Two Fates" by Judy Balan. I started "Two Fates" first. But the number of times the characters had sex in the first five pages, made me take a break from it. From reading it, I mean. So, that's how I started "Tea for two and a piece of cake". I liked the simple language used, the limited characters and most importantly, the realistic story. I was flipping page after page, and within two days I was done with the book and I had a big smile on my face. 

Lets talk about the book first.

Title: Tea for two and a piece of cake 

Author: Preeti Shenoy

The gist: Nisha is a plump plain jane kinda girl who doesn't have a mother or a good relationship with her father. Nor a boyfriend. She is swept off her feet by Adonis looking Samir who happens to be her boss. She marries him and has two children. After eight years of marriage, Samir decided to call it quits. For reasons vital to him. 

What are the reasons? What happens to Nisha next? This forms the rest of the story.

My Take: I could not identify myself with Nisha at all. But I could understand and feel for her. That's a winner right there. Preeti Shenoy makes Nisha lovable and real. It could be any of us in her place. Samir might be a bit over exaggerated, but so are most men these days. The story flows smoothly and I loved the toggle between the past and the present using Nisha's journals. Her decisions to move on by herself pleased the feminist in me. And the idea of a business with her best friend, was believable too. 


The best friend being in love with her much before Samir came into her life, baffled me. Too cliched perhaps. I would have liked to know more about the silent relationship that Nisha shared with her father. Its hardly mentioned in the book. Along with the love story, this simple relationship too would have added more weight to the book. And the fact that she was so lost in her life after having her kids, that she ignored her husband, seemed to go right past me. How could she not recognize the signs? 

Apart from these, I think that it was an overall good book. There is a reason why Preeti Shenoy is publishing her fifth book now. She's good at what she does, and she has earned the narcissism that she dwells in. 

Verdict: Definitely worth a read. Neat take on a real, simple story. The story stays with you for a long time.

Rating: 3.5 out of 5

Indian writing has improved a lot now. Less masala and more importance is given to the story. Of course, I'm basing my judgement on this book alone, but it did come as a welcome surprise to me. I'm looking forward to read more of them and hoping to be awed.

I'm currently reading "Frankly Spooking" by my dear friend Sriramana Muliya and "Two Fates" side by side. I shall put up the reviews once I'm done with them. Pray for me.

~ Soumya

No Bias

green becomes red
natural progression
no bias - life!

This haiku is written for the Write Tribe Contest 2 at Write Tribe.

~ Soumya

The Dose of Time

(image by crilleb50)

With your thoughts in my mind
Waiting for you I sit here all day
I've been here since forever
I have the will but not the way

Its been really long since you left
How am I supposed to get over it
Time just paused that very second
On the day they lowered you into the pit

The land is no longer barren
Tiny flowers have began to sprout
Am I the only one frozen in time
I've begun to have my own doubt

My tongue hasn't said a word
The chirp of the bird is all I hear
The chimes of time do give me company
Ticking away without any fear

My walking stick has not walked a step
A part of me has been brutally torn
My clothes are covered in dust
Your memories are what I adorn

When will the melancholy end
How does this chapter close
Even if time does actually heal
What is the prescribed dose

~ Soumya

Random Rant #2

Read Random Rant #1 here.

The best part of life
Is that it goes on
It all falls into place
After dusk, always come dawn

~ Life's been pleasant and smooth. No longer I have to worry about the calm before the storm.

~ The team of Tamarind Rice is the best ever. They sent me heavenly gifts for my winning post. 

~ The book of poetry they sent me has blown my mind. This had me thinking, maybe I should publish my poems too. But do others love poetry as much as I do?

~ I finally narrowed down on a concept for my book. The plot, characters and emotions are ready. All I need to do, is to start penning.

~ I'm learning a lot at my work place. I might climb up another rung in the ladder soon.

~ You need to learn to love your work, no matter what. Else, you wouldn't be doing justice to it. Or yourself.

Love gives you strength
That's all you need to live
The equation is simple
You only get, what you give

~ Do good. Always. I've been witnessing a lot of victims of Karma of late. Boy, karma sure is a bitch.

~ Love endlessly. There is no saturation for this emotion.

~ Cal and I finish 21 months of being together today. And we've been married for 6 months. Wow, I'm not bored yet.

~ A day will come when you shall realize why it didn't work out with anyone else before. No matter how much you loved them. Probably, then you will understand the game of fate. And the difference between a lover and a soul mate.

~ Do not hate your exes. Appreciate them for what they taught you. Good and the bad.

~ Love happens more than once. Its up to you to realize which one you want to stick to.

Stand up for what you believe
People shall always cuss and talk
Others shall put up a facade
With head held high you can walk

~ The day you start living your life in order to prove a point to someone else, you surely are going down hill.

~ There is a cure for black magic, if it exists. Its called faith.

~ Pretense is a way of telling yourself that you hate yourself. 

~ Everyone makes mistakes. You may or may not learn from them. The least you can do is, accept it and move on.

~ Stand up for what you believe. Stand tall in your own eyes.

~ Love yourself. Rather accept yourself. Others may love you. But no one else can love and accept you, the way you do.

~ Soumya

That thing called Patience

Patience has never been one of my virtues. And when I say never, I mean never. I am one of those glass breaking, throwing things around, hurling abuses kind of person when I get angry. Normally it takes a lot to tick me off, and I explode only when I'm provoked. But when I do, then God save the world. Believe me, I've done some dangerous things when I've got angry. Its just for that moment or two, after that I settle down like nothing ever happened. People close to me recognize this pattern of mine and play along beautifully. They listen patiently as I spew my guts out and walk away leaving me with myself for a while. A few minutes later they come back and we talk peacefully. Until that topic is mentioned again. If it is, then the cycle repeats.

Well, I'm not here to tell you guys how demented I am. You all know that irrespective of what I post. The thing is that I've now realized how important this tiny thing called "Patience" is. Post marriage, I might have become the epitome of patience. No, I'm not blowing my own trumpet here. This is what Cal has to say. I've never sat down and pondered over it to figure it out. Seriously, who has the time for that these days? But yeah, I have become a more peaceful person now. I feel it within as I take things very easily and lightly of late.

I don't take too much pride in it, because my husband is the very reason for my sudden cool temperament. He loses his patience at the drop of a hat and it is very difficult for him to cool down. The best part is that he doesn't lose his patience with me ever. I too am the same. I don't know why it is this way. Maybe this is what you call as love. But I somehow have managed to stay on a level with other beings too. Ignoring a few issues and people, at times, is the best thing to do. And more importantly why do you have to give away free room in your mind to clearly undeserving folks.

Cal and me are pretty much alike. And the way we think and interpret things is also the same. Well, most of the times at least. Till date I can proudly say that we have never had any argument. The third person(s) has come in more times than one trying to create a rift among us, but we both know better how to deal with such things. Cal doesn't like the intrusion of other people and usually flares over it. But I know that these kind of people exist and they thrive on making the other feel bad. I never think about it for more than a second or two. I have to stay calm, because I know that if I erupt there is a neighboring volcano waiting too. As a partner, I believe in being there for my husband. Supporting him when he's right and correcting him when he's wrong. I sit with him and talk to him about the situation and manage to get us both out of it. Its very easy for me to just shout out my anger and get it out. But its not something that I want to do. No, this is not some brave attempt at trying to save my marriage and all that jazz. It just is the right thing to do. And no, its not a compromise I'm making. Hell, I did not even realize that I had calmed down until my husband pointed it out to me.

Patience probably is a virtue, but it sure is something we can cultivate too. No need for meditation, anger management classes or any other big words. All it needs is time and understanding the situation at hand. And most importantly the people involved. If someone you hardly care about did something wrong, what is the point in breathing fire? If you do not care about him, why do you care about what he did. Well, unless he tried to kill you or something. Its really funny that I am the one preaching this. If any of my exes are reading this then they will be laughing their asses of. You see all these emotions lie in the mind. Its also up to you as to what you let into it. Discard old emotions and rotten people like a used condom. Sorry for the metaphor but yeah, that is what I feel about it right now. Don't hold on to something that happened eons ago and scream bloody murder at the mention of it. Just let it go. Its only eating you up from within. 

Tomorrow if someone tried to ruin what ever is that Cal and I share, we would care two hoots about it. As the only people who can hurt us are each other. And we know better not to do that. You can keep on poking your voodoo dolls harder and harder and improvise on your black magic, but nothing shall take us down. You can be King Bruce and try and try again. We'll just sit back and watch Karma take you down.

~ Soumya

Love - Verse & Reverse

I love you
More than everything
Nothing else shall ever matter
Its you who was meant to be mine
The one who stole my heart
The one whom I yearn for 
Shall always be you
The best gift of God

The best gift of God
Shall always be you
The one whom I yearn for
The one who stole my heart
Its you who was meant to be mine
Nothing else shall ever matter
More than everything
I love you

This is a palindrome poem. Read it from the top or the bottom it is still the same.

Written for Poetry Jam.

~ Soumya

Muchas Gracias

You know that your writing/blog is good when:

~ You get published for the sixth consecutive time on Tamarind Rice.

~ You get the award for the best post on the magazine.

~ A writing forum asks for your interview.

~ You have more blog friends than regular friends.

~ The number of posts per month increases in a ramp.

~ People gossip about your posts.

~ The main topic of discussion on certain issues remain posts from your blog.

~ People take print outs of your posts.

~ You log in to your blog at 11 am and see that 397 people have already visited it that day.

~ People hide under the 'Anonymous' tag to put up their unsolicited comment.

~ Old acquaintances on Facebook send you a message saying that they love your blog.

~ The overall visits of your blog crosses 2,00,000 views.

~ People give away rent free space on their mind, assuming what you wrote is about them.

~ People try to change themselves based on what you have written.

~ People follow a trend you started on the blog.

~ You decide on the concept for a debut novel and people around are more excited than you are.

~ People recognize you as the Lioness blogger.

So here is a big Thank You to all the people who made this possible. To all the ones who love me and hate me, but cannot ignore me. 

Thank you all for your wonderful comments, appreciation and criticism. Without you guys, there would be no motivation and no enthusiasm for me to write. 

A special mention to all the blogging communities that bestow upon me wonderful prompts when I'm going through a writers block. You keep the creativity in me alive.

~ Soumya