Marriage Diaries - 1


Now that I have finished more than half a year of being married, I think I can talk about it. For those new here, well, I got married on the 22nd of March this year. Since then, I have been itching to write about the most talked about union in the word. But I waited patiently, for some experience, to learn a few things and unlearn more. Marriage sure is an eye opener, not necessarily because love is blind. Mostly because you start seeing a new phase of life, unfold before you. As much as I want to say that marriage doesn't change anything, the truth is that it does. Not me as a person, but the way I interpret and understand things. It might be different for different people, but I would say that marriage has brought out the best in me.

Like I said, marriage has only changed the way I interpret things, not me as a person. And like I always say, its only a marriage, not rebirth. People who I did not even know existed have began to ask me as to why I haven't changed after marriage. Tell me one thing. What should I change? I'm sorry, I did not read any marriage manual before I got hitched. I just fell in love and decided to take the plunge with the man I love. Did I miss something? If so, kindly leave a comment below. Everyone says I'm still the same. Of course I am. I got married at the age of 26, so that's 26 years of being a certain kind of person we are talking about here. Am I supposed to undo this? Even when my husband loves me for being this way? Damn, I so should have watched those saas-bahu shit they air on TV everyday. 

Yes, I'm married. That doesn't mean I stop wearing my low waist skinny jeans and ganjees. It doesn't mean I abandon my micro shorts for heavily bordered sarees. It doesn't mean I stop cutting my hair short. It doesn't mean that I can't dance around. It doesn't mean that I lose my identity of being, well, ME. Its crazy how people just expect that I would metamorphose change into a combo of Tulsi and Parvathi sprinkled with a pinch of Priya. I know that I'm married. I haven't taken the thali out of my body since the day Cal tied it around my neck. I never will. It is something that I truly believe in. Marriage is sacred to me and I hold it very close to my heart. While we are on that, I wear my toe rings too. Except for when I wear tight shoes, but most of the time they are on my feet. I like looking married. The very fact that such things exist means that they mean something. Right? I like having the red kumkum on my forehead too. Who says you can't team up all of these with modern clothes? Its got nothing to do with marriage. You call that a sense of style.


The thing that bothers me most post marriage are the comments on my weight. A colleague who I occasionally run into in my campus always asks me with a sly smile, "So, the weight is all the marriage effect eh?". Some people wink at me while they talk about my weight and others shyly say that my husband has been taking good care about me. I just look around and try to count the waves in the air while they do that. Seriously people, if you actually think that I put on weight because of the sex after marriage, then well, I don't know if I should laugh or cry at your ignorance. Sex is sex right? Before or after marriage? What has weight got to do with it? For the interested, I put on weight when I took a break from work and stayed at home for three months in early 2012. No exercise and only rest, coupled with a severe attack of PCOD, were the main causes for my weight gain. I don't know why people care so much. They called me stick insect when I was thin and now that I had put on weight, they started making their own interpretations about it. Marriage happened a year later. After being a size zero for 25 years, I am very happy the way I am today, thank you very much.

And when people ask me "How is married life?" all I want to do is find the nearest gutter and push them into it. What sort of a question is that anyway? And what am I supposed to reply? When I told a friend that I was going to Purple Haze for the weekend, she almost fainted. "You drink?" I said yes, I always did. The look on her face said it all after that. It was followed by a series of questions I had no interest in answering. But now that I'm married, I guess the most important change that I should embrace is to get used to these garish questions.


Another thing people notice the most about me is my perfectly manicured nails. According to them I don't do any work at home, hence my nails stay perfect. Hello? What if I am a hard working woman who manages to take out time to take care of myself. I'm a really good cook and I thoroughly enjoy cooking. I do the cleaning up after that too. I'm hardly left with any time at the end of the day to care for myself but I make sure I do. Be it a hot mineral salt bath or a self manicure pedicure session. I like to take care of myself. I did that before marriage too. So, what's the big deal?

I stay with my in-laws and people talk hoo-haw about it. The initial plan was to move out and stay separate, but after a couple of months we did not feel like moving away. I guess I am the only woman who wants to stay with her in-laws and not away. Two people can never make a family.They remain a couple. And I want a family. Of course, it comes with its share of adjustments and compromises, but hell yeah I'd put up with it without a frown. I'm a hard-core non vegetarian and they are a typical orthodox Brahmin family who do not eat even garlic. I do miss my meat, eggs and garlic laced food, but waking up next to the man I love is more important to me. But no, I have not given up on it. I still hog on my meat and fish like there is no tomorrow. I just do not have it at home. My husband makes it a point to take me out and get me to eat what ever I want to. I dress the way I have to everyday and on festivals and occasions too I dress the way I want to. No pressure, no adjustments.

When the people around me do not expect me to change, why should I? Not that I would change if they expected me to. You only change things that you are not happy with right? So if I and my husband are totally happy with the way I am, then why should I change anything? It is as simple as it is. I want to remain the woman my husband fell in love with.


I say it again. Its a marriage, not a rebirth. There is nothing to change. I am what I am. And shall always be. 

~ Soumya

34 comments:

  1. Whoa. Wow. You are one happily married lady.

    And yes, why should you change ? It doesn't make much difference whether one is married or not. Being oneself is all that matters.

    People have a tendency to judge a person on everything possible. Marriage is just an excuse to burst out with their pointers or questions!

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    1. I sure am. I totally agree. I'm sick and tired of the constant questions coming my way :/

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  2. Yup, agreed that you hate associating your weight gain with marriage but you said otherwise on fb - associating weight gain with too much happiness post marriage and how ur hubby is taking good care of u.. ?

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    1. I'm sure you must have a name. Next time, reveal it.

      I said too much happiness I agree, never said it was post marriage. It was since I started dating him. And he obviously took care of me right from day one. Hope you get the drift.

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  3. My Love!! Such a wonderful and honest post. I did see the few comments on ur weight and I myself got angry at the sheer joblessness of those people. U looked happy and gorgeous. Also PCOD does that to u but hey! weight is just weight. U can reduce it but can these people reduce thr stupidity? Also respect for staying with the family...I too want to. U knw y? Because I grew up with my Daadi Daada with me and even though sometimes fights happen, I knw my mother would never want to have a nuclear family. Its a family at its best!! and her kids grew better. Grandparents r amazing!!
    Keep writing love and u r gorgeous..and ur pink manicured nails deserves the best treatment possible. :)

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  4. My sister got married 3 years back and she has not changed a bit. But some of my friends got married and I see that they have become a little reserved, not all but some. Maybe people are expecting that from you. I don't know.
    Well, as far as you are happy nothing else matters, right ?? :) :)
    You have got such beautiful nails :) :)

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    1. My husband doesn't expect anything nor do I. Need I say more? ;)

      I'm at the happiest phase of my life today. Thank you darling! :)

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  5. Hahaha...I completely, truly and totally agree with you on all your points Soumya! :D

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  6. Marriage should not change anything. It should not. People ask you such questions because theirs changed . For better or for worse. Yes in India, putting up with jobless people and their questions require a separate skill set.
    As for me, I am a Christian, I do not wear a Sindhoor. I do not wear a toe ring, and I haven't worn my Thaalee chain in years. My husband says, who are you trying to convince by showing that you are married? He says. And I completely agree :-) Many a time people have mistaken me to be single, even after I had my son. Still its my belief that the Thalee is a Thalee and it is a precious memento of marriage but I also think I needn't wear it all the time to seal our love or marriage or use it as a label that I am not single. I am also happy that my husband does not believe in anything that the general public believes in. That way I am saved from following certain abstract traditions ! Couples should have their own ideals and follow the way acceptable to both of them. I am glad you found your perfect partner like I did.

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    1. I totally agree. Unless I want to, I shall not change. Whatever I do is what I want to do and like doing. That's about it, It shouldn't be anyone's problems na.

      I'm so glad. Both both me and you.

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    2. Oh ya. I have faced this too. I don't regularly wear my thalee and sindoor. Not out of rebellion or anything. I just don't believe that wearing a thali and sindoor is the mark of a good wife. And I hate it when you do all that you can to make a marriage work and your partner happy, but it all becomes irrelevant in the face of the fact that you're not wearing your sindoor and thalee. Suddenly, you're a bad wife because of it.

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    3. I know a lot of people who think that. I'm not trying to prove a point to anyone, I just like doing that. Its my own choice right, and the day I get bored of it I might not even do it. Its all up to me na.

      People can go take a hike. Let us be the way we want to :)

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  7. A huge cheers for being yourself and another one for all the time to come. There is no better thing in the world than being ourselves with the people we love. Marriage according to 'ME' is more of a social identification. I don't see a reason why it should change anything. :-)

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  8. You are one happy woman :) Touchwood!
    I have been over weight for so long without even being married :P Generally women put on weight post marriage because of the 18989 houses that they have to go for lunch/dinner and lot of woman start cooking only after marriage and don't know how much to cook and end up eating the excess ! People derive a sadistic pleasure of seeing others put on so that's just one of the reasons people ask such stupid questions :P

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    1. Thank you :)

      That sounds like a very valid reason for those stupid questions. Sadistic pleasures indeed ;)

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  9. This is such a fairy tale... And kudo to your in-laws for making your life with your love a heaven!
    But Soumya, you have to understand that there are many-many families and women who are still tortured and whose dear-life and lifestyle is snatched by the husband and his family...
    But days are changing and time is becoming better...

    Reading your post... I feel like well, marriage is not such a bad thing...
    May be I should go for it :P

    Cheers for a looooooooong happppppy married life!

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    1. I totally understand that, but these woman need to stand up for themselves. Thankfully the norm is changing now.

      Oh you should. I highly recommend marriage to all :)

      Thank you so much!

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  10. WOW, glad that you are not noticing that you are changing. :P
    Stay that way and one day when you'll be great, and people will ask what you did different, you would make the cliched statement, 'I was myself all the time', and they'll take you as being pretentious :D
    Best of luck, and kudos to you!

    Cheers,
    Blasphemous Aesthete

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  11. My cousin got married 10 months back and she is facing all this drama too. People even ask her when she will break the good news of her pregnancy, why she is not planning for kids yet..blah blah blah.She finds it ridiculous as its only been 10 months. She brushes them off by telling something but few people never learn. Do they?
    I'm 24 and I'm escaping marriage for more than a year now. But reading this makes me feel that getting married is not that bad ;) ;)

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    1. Oh poor her! People never learn I tell you.

      Marriage is something I highly recommend. Come on, jump! :P

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  12. You are the only one I know who is telling that. Thanks for the much needed motivation :)

    Do write a marriage tips wala post. Would be helpful for people like me :P

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  13. I went through the phases, both regarding weight and change-after-marriage. All I can say is, kuch tho log kahenge, logon ka kaam hai kehna. People will talk. And no matter how much we deny it, it ends up affecting us. I remember I went into a complete shell when the criticism about by weight gain started coming in from all quarters. I started wearing loose baggy clothes, refused to be photographed. Wallowed in self pity. I asked myself, how the fuck does my weight matter to anyone else. And then, when my weight started bothering me myself, when I could no longer look at myself in the mirror without feeling ashamed, then I decided to do something about it. I joined the gym, started watching what I ate. I regularly go for dance classes now. I know I'm not back to how I used to be- skinny- and I probably never will be. But it doesn't bother me anymore.

    I know it can be frustrating. But it will stop after a point. And to all those who are criticising you, you already know how to fittingly reply to them. :D

    As to changing after marriage, you already know what I have to say about it. :D

    Stay the same, babe. Change is highly overrated anyways!

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  14. glad .... v much indeed after reading how people can still be happily married. these days with all the horrors tied with the word marraige... it is sadly the last thing young ppl want to get into. no wonder the degradation of values, love, family and society.

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    1. You just have to believe. You get lucky only at times :)

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  15. Nice reading You are lucky girl who nt change after marriage ... bt most of people have to change........................ keep it up its nice that i am whi i am....

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  16. Loved it. Honest as always!

    By the way: No one was thinking you were having sex before marriage :P Come on :P So the sex making you put on weight seemed but natural you know since you got married :P (not to say I am part of that group ;))

    Love as always :D

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    1. Hahaha sex sure is overrated eh? Big deal :P

      Thanks love :*

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