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I hated myself for doing it, but the kiss you planted on my lips now, while you thought I was asleep, somehow changed it. You were the playboy and all the women around were willing to give up anything just to spend some time with you. I knew you since years and had resisted your charms. For the obvious reason, that I did not want to be just another one of your conquests. I loved you as a friend and did not judge you by your flirtatious nature or your undeniable charisma. You expressed interest in me the first day you met me, but it did not make any sense to me then. Well, it does not make any sense to me now either. You stayed by my side as a friend, my feelings were only platonic. Until yesterday. How did I end up in your house and in your bed? Was I that drunk? I don't remember much, but I do remember giving in to your touch and enjoying your lips on me.
It had started with a kiss right? Did you initiate it? No wait, I guess I did. You were pouring me another glass of wine while I got up to use the loo. I stumbled and you helped me stand up straight. I remember feeling your breath close to my face, and I can still hear your heartbeat on me dancing to the tune of my heart and the chimes of my breath. You were a gentleman, holding me up straight helping me walk. But I seemed to have a lot going on in my mind. I stopped and you bent closer asking me what happened. That is when our lips came closer and eventually met. Didn't it? Oh yeah, I can still feel the taste of the smoke on your lips. It tasted bitter. Bittersweet. Almost hypnotic as I surrendered to your spell.
You moved slowly and with caution. Oh yes, I remember it all now. You gently laid me on the bed and I grabbed you towards me. Did we undress each other? Or how did the clothes come off? Doesn't seem all that important now. You explored every inch of my body and made love like there was no tomorrow. I enjoyed your rhythm and was only too happy to dance to it. I remember the softness of your touch and the passion in your lips. Every move you made drove me to earth shattering madness as I lay lost and spent in your arms. I lit a cigarette after that, the last one that we shared. You did not seem interested in the smoke, your eyes were concentrating on my face. Perhaps you were trying to read something. I saw something in your eyes through the smoke. Something that I had not seen before, but I could not put a finger on it.
Before I could finish the smoke, your lips found mine and then began the whole magical experience. Again. It was like we were just one body then. The passion and the lust was driving me to crazy levels of pleasure. I remember screaming out loud and biting your ears. I remember digging my nails on your bare back, trying to hold you close to me. Closer. You took me to a dangerous peak and brought me down miraculously safe and sound. I rested on your chest, as I played with the faint trace of hair on it. I was waiting for you to talk, were you waiting for the same too? In a while I looked up and noticed that you had drifted off the sleep. I wanted to get off your chest to give you room, but you held on to me tight. Suddenly, out of nowhere a "I love you" you whispered and then drifted back to sleep.
That did it for me. The effect of the wine was soon gone and I began to feel shame. What had I done? This probably was how all your nights ended with different girls, but was I one of them? Can I look at you the same way now? Into your eyes? Its not like you forced me into it, but how could I give in? Especially after resisting for all these years? A lone tear escaped my eye, thinking about the pain and shame I have brought upon myself. I had fallen from a precipice and I had only myself to blame. I look up at you sleeping peacefully, with a smile on your face and my naked body in your arms. Probably the best night of my life, but just another one for you. The pain pierced me from every side. Lost in these thoughts and fighting tears, I somehow fell asleep. The chant of your heartbeat cradling me.
The kiss woke me up, but I did not open my eyes. I could feel your hands through my hair, caressing it. I felt your fingers trace my ear, admiring the piercings on them. That sent a chill down my spine. I wanted to wake up and jump into your arms, but my mind was filled with doubts. Somehow I slowly open my eyes to the silhouette of you staring straight into my face. I manage a weak smile, and you sense that something is not right. I can see the worry lines on your forehead. You come closer and hold my hands as I try to search for something in your eyes. I see something, but what?
To be continued.