Scent Of A Woman

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I've attended quite a few events this month and it was an enjoyable experience. I met a lot of new people and made some good friends. There were a lot of meaningful conversations and I did have a wonderful time. Everything seemed to go fine until I mentioned "my husband" during some random conversation. People gasped and some even choked. There was a round of "You're married?" and then I had to witness quite a few not so pleasant expressions. This is not the first time that this has happened. In the two and half years that I have been happily married, I have heard this question quite a number of times. Although some people would have loved to take this a compliment, I find it a little weird. How does it matter if a person is married or not? While the conversation is revolving around food, writing or fashion, how does one's marital status matter?

When someone says "You don't look married", most women take pride in it. They think that they look young and have "maintained" themselves really well. As for me, I don't know how to take it. How does one look married? Am I expected to look sad and unhappy? Or dress in a particular way that screams out that I'm married. I still dress the way I always used to. I love my skinny jeans and tops and it is only because I am comfortable in it. Marriage is the best thing to have happened to me and dressing this way is definitely not a reason to hide my marital status. I wear my mangal sutra and sindoor as and when I feel like it. And this is not a way to hide the fact that I'm married. It's my personal choice and it completely depends on my mood.

Someone once told me that I'm way too well groomed to be married. I'm updated on fashion, dress modernly, have manicured nails and let my hair loose. Apparently once you are married you will not have the time to take care of yourself. Also a married woman is not upfront and expressive I believe. In that case, I definitely do not look married. Come on seriously, what is the need to find out if someone is married or not? Unless you are way too much into the person and want to ask him/her out then maybe you need to find out about the other strings attached. But then ofcourse, if you really like a person you would have already found out about this atleast. More often than not, only a woman is subject to such questions. Mostly my woman themselves.

The way men analyse this is something else altogether. I've had male friends discuss their own tactics of figuring out if a woman is married or not. One guy said that you can know a woman is married or not by the way she walks. I was like, wow! Apparently married woman have a slightly bigger gap between their legs and that can be seen when they walk. Why? Well, for obvious reasons. I wanted to laugh out loud. I had the perfect comeback too, but then I decided I did not have to waste time debating with such idiots. But when I did mention that pre-marital sex was common these days, he said that the same technique can be used to check the virginity of a woman too. What a genius! I mean who needs science when you have morons like this?

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Now coming to the title of this post. A male friend once told me that married woman have a certain smell. I for one have the nose of a blood hound and my antennas were immediately up. And yet I couldn't sense what he exactly was smelling. He then chose to explain in precise detail. Married woman do not have the time to work on themselves I believe. So they normally are dirty and stink. Especially since they have to do all the household work and cleaning and then come to office. Clearly someone has not heard of a bath. Or a deodorant for that matter. I wanted to show him the finger and tell him that this my friend is the actual scent of a woman.

There are so many things in the world to think about. Voices should be raised against a lot of other things. Debates should happen about what is right or wrong. More time should be spent on innovation. But instead people are worried if a woman looks married or not. Some women are worried that they look married. Some women are worried that they do not look married. Some take pride in both. I just say that I do not give a tiny rat's ass if I looked married or not. Or if anyone else is married or not. The person matters to me, not his/her marital status. Conversations matter to me, not validations of one being married or not.

And to those people who measure the virginity or marital status of a woman through her legs, you deserve a red hot rod (no pun intended) right up there. And to people who write articles like these, you just need to be shot.

22 comments:

  1. Wow!! Certain smell? That has to be a new one and I thought I had heard everything!
    But seriously, I think its weird that people are still struggling to come to grips with the image of what a woman 'should be' at various phases of her life...

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  2. You put it very well, Soumya; I agree with every single that you said. And really, how does one look married?!

    P.S. I looked at posters in the link you shared- oh they are SO aggravating!

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    1. I want to find the person who created that and sue him.

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  3. Honey, if I had a penny! I'd been thinking of talking about this subject, of people saying how certain women "look" or "don't look" married. But I couldn't have put it in better words than these. And seriously guys who keep their eyes focused in between the legs just to figure out whether or not she's a virgin - seriously, what are they, jealous of her??? I hate such people!

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    1. I don't know why some people are so obsessed about things like this.

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  4. I get this a lot. Maybe because I don't look my age. Initially, I just used to say a confused "Umm.. Thanks, I guess?". Then I would let it go with a shrug. Now, out of genuine curiosity, not to ruffle any feathers or start a debate, I ask " What do married women look like?". I still haven't got an answer to that. I still wear jeans amd skirts - in fact, I dress better now. As I grow older, I've come to realise what suits me and what doesn't. And hence, dress better.

    I don't wear sindoor. I did, in the initial days of being married. But soon stopped simply because it wasn't me. I didn't feel the need to put a banner on my forehead stating my marital status. And besides, the man isn't expected to adorn any such markings. Then why only the woman? I know I'm married. It really isn't anyone else's business. I do wear a thaali, but not on the original chain. I switched to a thin gold chain soon after the wedding, and wear the thaali locket only because I've always worn a thin gold chain, so what the hell, might as well wear the locket, eh?

    I've had long debates with my male friends about why women should not be forced to wear thaali and sindoor. Their logic was, it's to let the world (read horny men) know that the woman is taken, so please to go slobber over someone else.

    Marriage isn't necessarily the best thing to have happened to me. I'm not so naive that I'll believe that. So I make the best out the the situation as I can!

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    1. And I;m so glad you do!

      My thaali can shelter the whole of India under it, hence it is locked up safe in my cupboard! :D

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  5. Oh my God! I can't believe people can actually be so stupid and jobless!

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  6. Omg! Ridiculous! I mean...arghhh!! Why should it matter to you that I 'look' married or not...and that men can judge a woman's virginity by the way she walk! New LOW! Damn!
    Very well written, this!

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  7. That reminds of yet another cacophonous debates that swarm around topics like 'Are you thirty? And not married yet?!' and Married for five years and no kid yet?!'. The way the society pokes their nose in to other people's matters is horrible, to say the least. I seriously am of the opinion that 'how to mind your own business' ought to be a chapter in the moral science text books the children are taught in school.

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    1. Hahaha, now that you sat it, it should be made mandatory.

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  8. Smell? Thats new. My imagination is running wild now.

    I know that marital status doesn't matter. Or motherhood. I have been asked which college I am studying when I attended a marriage without my baby :D Nobody believes that my baby is my baby. The society thinks that once you are a Mom you have to wear maternity clothes all your life and look like a Mom. How does one look like a Mom? Guess what, if you dont look and dress like a Mom after becoming a Mom you get a lot of enemies who are Moms. Plenty of Haters from all sides. You have no idea! And you know how awesome it makes me feel? BUHAHAHAHA

    Also I do not wear any 'signs' to show that I am married. Or that I am a Mom! I had one woman once come upto me and say that I should start dressing like a Mom for the sake of my family. Again, made me feel soo good that I went and bought a skirt.

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    1. Let's screw them and continue to live our awesome life! :D

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  9. Oh my god! really? smell dirty? By that measure how'd they expect a mom to smell? maybe of baby pee? it's annoying that women are expected to "look the part"!


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  10. People who write article like these, should surely be shot dead!
    And the logic behind the kind of walk? Are you like serious!!!
    People can go to any extent for the heck of saying what they want..

    Cheers

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    1. People are crazy. Most of them in the wrong way.

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  11. Standing up , straightening the skirt, slowly clapping, fast clapping, crazy applause and whistles

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