Mama's Girl

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I've always been a fiercely independent woman and I hate dependency of any kind. Depending on someone else for anything completely ticks me off. This is the very reason why I don't have a maid or a cook at home. I don't like waiting around for someone to get my own things done. More often than not a man who is dependent on his mother for everything is called a "Mama's Boy". And every woman hates such a man. Because who wants to be stuck around with a man who waits for his mother to do things for him or follows her orders to the tee. The mother clearly holds the leash of the son and guides his every move. Sadly she refuses to let go off the leash even when he has a new woman in his life now. Yes, we have all heard of the quintessential Mama's boy. What about the Mama's girl?

At the risk of feminists boycotting my blog and dissing this post, I'm still going to come out and say this. The concept of Mama's girl does exist and is more prevalent than the Mama's boy syndrome. I love my parents and I care for them, but there is no way I would discuss every aspect of my life with them. Or particularly with my mother. I'm a working lady with a very busy life and I also am the home maker of my home. My mother is a working lady and a home maker too and there is no way I would want to burden her with my stuff. I have seen friends of mine calling up their mothers every second asking for recipes, or to complain about the in-laws or just gossip in general. There also are a lot of mothers I know who take way too much interest in the marital lives of their daughters and want to be involved in every aspect. This is something I completely disagree on.

Mothers need to let go of their children once they are married. Sons and daughters alike. If the children are grown up enough to get married, they are grown up enough to make decisions and take care of themselves. The same way, children should let go of their parents and not depend on them for every small thing. I have seen married woman call up their mothers every morning and give updates on the day and about the other family members. I find it surprising that the person on the other end of the phone has the time and patience to listen to all this. I'm not only talking about newly married women out here. I know that most new brides miss their family and want to be in touch with them as often as they can. But somewhere the line has to be drawn. There are even women who have been married for decades and have married children who still make it a point to call up their old mothers and smother them with unnecessary information. From the smallest thing to the biggest will always be discussed with their mothers.

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I talk to my mom every day for like a minute or two. I ask her how she and dad are doing and that's about it. Till date I haven't felt the need to discuss my marital life with her or to bitch about my in-laws. I'm not that jobless, plus, I know how to handle my problems on my own. I know that it always helps to talk to someone if you are going through something, but one should leave it at that. Discussing minute details of the house to the behavior of the other people is nothing but plain bitching. Such women complain to their mother about how their MIL/DIL is not helping them, or how horrible the food cooked by them is or how they do not understand their feelings or just talk about the family problems in general. This is completely unnecessary.

A woman always leans towards her mother for comfort when she has a child. But depending on her completely to take care of the child is not right. She will help you, no doubt, but having her as a baby sitter 24x7 is definitely not right. Also, every woman likes her mother's cooking the best. Constantly talking about my Mama's this and my Mama's that, is annoying to the core. Every woman needs to take control of her own life and deal with it. Being on the phone with the mother all the time and discussing minute details of ones life is uncalled for.

If you are a woman who complains about her husband being a Mama's boy and if you actually discuss this fact with your own mother, then it is about time you took a closer look at yourself.

16 comments:

  1. Since I already sort of knew this post was coming, I'll keep my comment to a minimum. And the word I'm choosing to go with is 'Burn!!' :D
    I've been hearing stories of such 'mama's girls' too; I mean, being close to parents is one thing. Revealing everything about your family life .....especially when you no longer live with them (not saying it's ok if you're living with them,....just emphasising the other part) is perhaps a tad too much.
    And perhaps, parents need to know better too.

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    1. Yeah parents and children both need to see the impact they are having on each other's lives. Too much? I've heard of cases where daughters discuss "bedroom talk" with their mothers.

      Yeah, epic facepalm I know!

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  2. The reality is that Mama's boys & Mama's girls exist.
    Logically expressed, Soumya.

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    1. They definitely do.

      Thanks for reading, Anita!

      Delete
  3. I agree it's important to strike a balance once you grow up and move out. While it's tough for many people to find themselves doing things on their own, it's necessary to cut the strings and get your feet wet. I am mixing up two metaphors but you get the picture. Sigh, but in my depression phase, I completely cut out my parents. I know I'd have been better off and recovered faster had I just picked up the phone and called. Ah well, you live and learn. It depends on the situation too, I suppose.

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    1. Getting the balance right is so important.

      In your case, reaching out was the most important things to do. In such situations it is important to let the close ones inside.

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  4. talking about marital life to anyone but spouse is weird... unless situation arises like abuse or other things. Both the parents and their children need to learn to let go. I feel lucky that way :D

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    1. I agree with what you have to say.

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  5. I want to know who did you meet recently? I am with you. I love my parents but not to the extent of Mama this and Mama that ;) My parents have also given me space not just when I got married but much before that. They have a life too.

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    1. Hahaha. This is something that has been on my mind since ages.

      Parents need their space and need to give their children that space too.

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  6. I am very close to my parents and discuss everything with them, for the simple reason that when I do that I am ensured that whatever i discuss stays between the 3 of us and the fact that they give me the right advice.
    However, my parents know where to draw the line and do not interfere in my life and , very ironically, they are labeled as 'parents who don't care for their daughter' because of it :)

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    1. The line is very important, here.

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  7. Ah! The post I came here to read!
    I've always been of the opinion that discussing every minute detail of your married life will only cause problems in your marriage. Parents hardly ever let go, but it is up to them to not feed their expectations or hang on to their strings. It's a funny thing about Indian parents, especially - if you believe Russell Peters, it seems there are some who even wanna know if you peed and shat in the morning!

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