Conversations With Friends

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I'm shamelessly borrowing this title from Sally Rooney's debut novel, but I couldn't think of anything else. Also, nothing else would make sense. As much as I've loved all her other books, 'Conversations With Friends' has been my least favorite. Before I delve too much into the book, let me get started on the actual post.

There’s a funny thing that happens as you grow older: your friend circle starts shrinking. Almost like a pair of jeans you completely trusted in your twenties. One day you wake up and realize you don’t have the crowd you once had, and surprisingly, it doesn’t hurt. In fact, it feels lighter. Somewhere between changing jobs, moving countries, heartbreaks, promotions, breakdowns, breakthroughs, marriage, parenting and adulting in general, you realize that friendship was never meant to be a numbers game. Quality really does beat quantity, every single time.

There’s a special kind of magic, let’s be honest, in girl friendships. The kind where a single conversation is enough to recharge you like you’re a phone plugged into a super-fast charger. One moment you’re drained from life’s endless to-do list; the next moment you’re giggling over a memory you didn’t even know you remembered. It’s an instant happiness hack. There’s also another kind of magic that shows up when your friends move away; across cities, time zones, even continents and you’re left relying on telephonic conversations. Those long calls that start with “Are you free for two minutes?” and somehow stretch into an hour of life updates, existential rants, laughter that hurts your stomach, and the occasional “Wait, it’s midnight for you?!” These calls become lifelines, stitching together distances with familiar voices. They remind you that some friendships don’t weaken with miles; they deepen. 

Of course, the magic intensifies when the conversation is offline and in person. No glitchy network, no distracted scrolling. Just real voices, real laughter, real pauses that say more than any emoji could. There’s something so healing about random catchups, meeting for a coffee, a walk, or even a completely unplanned grocery-store aisle gossip session. These little meetups feel like mental-health massages you didn’t know you needed. Then there are the nostalgic spirals. Childhood memories, silly anecdotes, embarrassing stories that your friends have vowed never to forget (or let you forget). Laughing about the time you wanted to run away from home but only made it as far as the main gate, or how you dramatically swore you’d definitely marry the guy you were dating back then. These conversations reconnect you to a softer, sillier version of yourself, the one adult life tries so hard to bury.

The irony is, as we age, making new friends becomes as difficult as finding a good pizza place that delivers on time. We’re cautious, guarded, and painfully aware of our limited time and energy. Which is why the friendships that have stood the test of time, or the rare new ones that instantly feel like home, deserve to be cherished like the last slice of cake in the fridge. 

Having said that, none of it comes easy. You need to make the effort to stay in touch. You need to make the effort to set out time over all other tasks on one's "to-do" list. If it is a priority, you will make time for it. If it is not, it goes off my list too. I'm someone who is excellent at keeping in touch with friends. But with time I've realized that I'm the only one making the effort. It dilutes the emotion and upsets the equation. I've learned to let go of such friendships and move on. It used to hurt before, it doesn't anymore. I have a lot more things of interest and I can move on to them easily. Not my loss, definitely.

Then there are the ones who reach out often and reciprocate with the same gusto. They are the ones to be cherished, to be celebrated. They are ones who deserve your time, effort and everything else a friendship deserves.

So here’s to the golden-hour conversations with friends, near or far. The unplanned ones, the deep ones, the absurd ones. The late-night calls, the coffee dates, the long-distance heart-to-hearts. The ones that refill your cup just when you thought it was empty. The ones that remind you that even as life gets complicated, friendship stays beautifully simple.