Its goddamned overrated. This love thing. At times I wish that love was a habit. I'd gladly kick it then, with both feet.
I'm done. Seriously. I'm done with this thing called love. The very thought of it now curdles my blood. It angers me so much that I can feel the bile rising up my throat making me want to puke. What the fuck is it with love anyway? I was doing great for more than a year or so. Just when I was having a great time with a great guy in a great place, the blast from the past had to happen. And that too not even the far away past. I totally blame myself for this. I should never have made memories post the breakup. It would seem like a joke to you people that I had the best times of love after the break up. I made more memories after the break up than when we were together. Hah! Talk about being foolish.
Been there, done that. Each time I think of the situation or the person linked with it I now get furious. I never knew I had a popping vein on my forehead until I saw myself in the mirror while I was sobbing in the shower. This is good. I need to build up anger and one fine day erupt like a volcano and be done with it. I can't take this love crap anymore. It makes me sick, to the bone. I'm done. I'm burying this feeling deep inside and piling work, stress, drinks, music and lust over it. Go ahead and call me a bitch if you want, but I'm going to do anything and everything that makes me happy. So what if I can't fall in love again? I can still have fun right. Bring on the distractions, minus the emotions.
I'm not unhappy, I'm just troubled. Trust me, I swear to God that I did not see this coming. I was very very very happy with my life. I had everything I wanted and I was beginning to have crushes again and yeah was almost on the verge of giving that darned word another try. I was back to my happy old self and 'he' was the last thing on my mind. Yeah, so you can imagine the jolt it was for me. I actually felt like I was being electrocuted at that point of time. Funny that I don't feel anything of that sort now. I'm perfectly fine and actually the last two days have been really great and my crush has remained intact. It probably was that particular moment and the intensity of it. Or maybe the fact that it happened on the 18th. It did not occur to me then, but it did now.
You maybe surprised but in a weird way I'm actually happy that this happened. Atleast now I know where my feelings are concentrated and I just need to avoid one part of my life. Label me an escapist if you wish, but I ain't getting into this love shit again. I'm happy with my string of crushes and almost platonic relationships. Commitment is erased from my dictionary and its gonna stay that way for quite some time. I'm still young and I'm giving it a whole 2 years before I use that word again. Apart from this terror called love, everything else is near perfect in my life. Why I crib about one part of my life all the time I never know. Not anymore. Honestly, I lead a life that most women only dream of. Its only these moments of unwanted love that messes up my thoughts and my take on life. I'm content and satisfied with the way things are. I don't need any ugly reminders. I mean it and I'll do everything to stay away from it.
Until then this is what I'm gonna chant:
I'm not in love
Its just this phase that I'm going through
I will survive
I'm surely gonna make it through
Okay now who wants to take the initiative of slapping me if I turn all sad and lovelorn again? :D
P.S: I'm way too tempted to remove the previous post. But that's one of the most honest posts I've written, albeit it came out in sheer frustration. Well that was me, and so is this.