Today clearly has been one of the many worst days of my life. When last weekend turned out to be 'Oh so wonderful' a part of me told myself that this is just the silence before the storm. And it was. Presenting today!
For over a month I've worked my ass off on a new project. Since I had just changed processes at work, this was my first biggie. I toiled day in and day out, lost count of time, ignored my health, refused to get a haircut, cancelled a vacation, burned a million cigarettes, found absolutely no time to have a drink, did not meet my friends, did not watch Bheja Fry 2 and did not shop! I saved as much time as I could to finish my work before today's deadline.
And I did it! Last night I finished the final thread and all I had to do today was to go to work and happily send a mail. Trust me, I had it composed in my head. Then came the storm. After having worked till 3 am I woke up today at 8 hoping to reach office early to get rid of this stuff forever. I was feeling uneasy already and as I set my foot down the bed came the sting. My right foot was completely swollen with my main thumb resembling a potato. It was quite a sight with the bright blue nail polish I had on my toes. I couldn't even walk a step and the first thing on my mind was how do I get to office.
The pain was unbearable and I was immobile. I sat at my bed wanting to cry but not a damned tear came out. I called my lead telling him the problem and asked him if I could work from home as I'm just not able to move. The response was a meek 'Ok'. And so the day began. Just as I logged in I was flooded by a million mails stating that something had gone wrong with the work I had done and I had to rectify it. Then followed a series of callous calls accusing me and pointing invisible fingers at me telling that I could not get the work done. The pain doubled and I just couldn't take it anymore. I couldn't even walk to the doctor or down the stairs to take a rick. God bless mom for being on leave and she went on my behalf to the doctor and got me painkillers. It did not help and the damage had already been done.
I sat all day working amidst the pain. It was so shrill and excruciating that it was taking me down and all I wanted was to rest/sleep. I battled it all and rectified the mess. Lets see how it goes tomorrow. I don't know why such things happen to me. The pain in my foot has subsided thanks to the painkillers but I'm still unable to walk thanks to the swelling. No matter what, I have to make it to work tomorrow. With or without foot. I know everyone will say that this is just a phase, this too shall pass and blah blah. But I think its high time that Murphy's stopped ruling my life. I'm singlehandedly fighting more battles than I can count. I know I'm not winning but I'm not letting the opponent win either. A tough place to be in I swear.
I need a break, a change. My vacation also went for a toss thanks to work. I need to breathe free for sometime. I know I'm not the only one going through such things where work sucks, love life is screwed, battling nostalgia, no clear future and absolutely no time for anything else. But at times it gets too much, even for the lioness me. Seriously, when it comes to living life every being falls short.