It always is a nice feeling when someone repeatedly keeps telling you that they love you. But also it can be a burden when you are uncertain of where you yourself stand. I was busy answering questions within myself that I did not have the time to think about Cal's 'Will you marry me?' question. Well, honestly that was all I thought about each day, but chose to ignore it because I did not want to commit to something at that point of time. I was very happy with him, and I did not want to put a name to the relationship. I have my own fears. I felt that it would jinx the current whatever that we were in. This was January 2012.
Things went on smoothly for a few days and I was happily basking in the happiness when Cal reminded me of the question. I did not know what to say and asked him to give me sometime to think about it. Cliche I know, but do you have a better answer? He nodded with a smile and dropped me back home. And me being me, went into an extreme thought shell for the night. There were a lot of questions in my mind. Is this happening too soon? What if it won't work out? What if he hurts me? What if I hurt him? Is this what I'm looking for? Am I ready for another relationship? How different will this be? Marriage? What on earth is that? And so on. Absolutely no need to say that I did not get a minute of sleep that night. Thankfully the next day was a Saturday and I could afford to have puffy eyes. Cal sent me a cheerful 'Good Morning' message and brought back the smile on my face. I agreed to meet him in about two hours and went to get ready. En route to meet him, like always, I checked Twitter and Facebook on my phone. While scrolling I saw a status from him that said, 'Take your time, but make sure you don't take too much time'. That minute my heart broke into a million pieces, thinking what the hell am I doing to this guy. I decided to tell him the truth, that I was not ready for a relationship. Instead of keeping him waiting. Yes, I had made up my mind.
So on January 7th 2012, we met on a busy street and I was unable to see him there. I called him and he said that he's waiting at the corner. I hung up feeling really sad that I'm about to break his heart. But I shall be there with him to support him through this I decided. It was not the first time I was doing this, but this was the only time it hurt me to do it. Terribly. Slowly walking down the road, I saw him searching for me in the crowd. As soon as he caught sight of me, his face lit up and there was a wide smile on his face. Something inside me burst at that point of time. I was going to throw away all this in a few minutes. The decision then turned back into a question mark. It was chaos inside my head and just like in movies everything else blurred out except him. I walked straight to him with a million thoughts in my head. He gave me a tight hug and then I forgot everything.
I asked him where we were going. He told me that it was a surprise and that it was his favorite place. I was more than happy to tag along. After a small ride we reached the place and after a small trek up the railway bridge we reached the spot. It was wow, just wow. It was just both of us at that spot and the view was serene. A shallow lake stood in front of us and the sun shone bright casting a wonderful orange tint on the water. The merge of colors were beautifully complemented by the ripe green of the trees around. Behind us, was an unused railway track, and we sat on it admiring the beauty in front of us. He started explaining to me as to why this was his favorite spot and the nostalgia associated with it. After the first two minutes I barely heard anything. The child like joy in his face blew my mind. He looked different. He had cut his hair really short just like the way I liked it. The faint sunlight falling on his face increased his glow that was coming from within. Here was someone so passionate about his life and who wholeheartedly wanted me to be a part of it. That minute I did not know, why was I giving it all away. The question mark was in bold now. My thoughts were interrupted by a prick on my butt and I stood up in pain. A thorn on the track had managed to penetrate my denim shorts and poke me conveniently. See, that is exactly why I was skeptical about getting into relationships. When everything is well, an external force comes and pokes its head in. Not knowing what to do I asked Cal to check. Well, embarrassment was not something I felt when I was with him. He pulled out the thorn and freed me of my pain. Realizing what he had just done, we both burst into laughter holding hands. Heaven was right there, within us.
We then went to our favorite hangout place and spoke at length. All the doubts in my mind were slowly erasing and I could finally see a clearer picture. His words only comforted me and I felt that this is what I wanted from life. Him. The question mark had already begun to fade away. Next we went to food street and gorged on some serious street food. He did not mind the fact that I was eating junk, spilling it all over me. He voluntarily wiped the mess of my face and smiled saying that I was still a kid. He always had his hand around me while walking down the crowded street like protecting me from invisible evils. So here was a man of high intellect and amazing personality with whom I shared brilliant chemistry and dangerous levels of understanding. We had common interests and immense respect for each other. Plus he loved me like there was no tomorrow and was willing to go to any extremes for me. I was crazy about him too. What more did I want? I could not feel the question mark anymore.
The sun slowly set and the sky was enveloped with a myriad of colors. The wind blew pleasantly stopping now and then to give me the chill. He played with my fingers evoking every sense within me. I then felt the butterflies. Next I could hear the violins and the saxophones. This was it. The aromas of the food around created the perfect set.
I held his hand, and whispered into his ear "I hope I did not take too much time."
He looked confused first and then he smiled. "So, will you marry me?" He asked again.
I looked right into his eyes, trying to ignore my thumping heart and said, "Yes, I will."
To be continued.
P.S: To all those who thought that the phases end here, you are in for a big surprise. Just wait for the drama that unfolds next.