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Showing posts from December, 2013

The Best Year: 2013

Sigh! The last post of this year. I so did not want this year to end. 2013, undoubtedly has been the best year of my life until now. It has been the most wonderful and beautiful year personally and the most fruitful year professionally. Every single day of this year has taught me something and made me a better person. Every second of this year showed me how much I was loved and how blessed I am. Every breath I took this year was in the presence of my love, my life, my husband. Last year I had to travel and stay away from him. This year nothing kept us away from each other. Last year told me about the fake-ness of people around me and this year showed me. I have eliminated more than half the people in my life this year, and I could not be more happier.  A snap shot of the learning's, achievements and happiness that 2013 offered me. ~ First. I married the man I love. That alone is enough to make this year the best of a lifetime. ~ I decided to not go nuclear and sta

PASS: Stud Boy

I knew he loved me a lot But I some how did not care I am not much of a vain person But I cannot stand facial hair He was my best friend I agree But that attraction I couldn't find I've thought about it many times More often than not its on my mind A wonderful and amazing person Smart and intelligent to the core But that smelly stubble on him Made him look like such a bore My man should look clean and tidy Should take care of himself very well He should put an extra effort for me Must be clean and capture me in his smell I ignored him for as long as I could It hurt me inside for hurting a friend And then I saw him on a Saturday My dilemma then came to an end He looked at me with twinkling eyes His clean shaven look bowled me over Before I could understand my feelings I knew he was my perfect lover I watched him in awe all day long He kneeled down with a diamond ring He promised to accept the razor for life F

The Lava Lamp

" A lava lamp? " The shop keeper glares at me. " Yes, do you have any ?" I say looking around the small albeit tidy shop. " Yes we do. Small or big ?" He gestures using his hands. I think about the limited money I have in my pocket. How much money did the shop keeper expect a eight year old boy to have I don't know. " Small ." I say, feeling ashamed. He disappears under the counter for a while and comes up with one. It looks magnificent. The pinkish red lava inside, swam around freely and split into tiny bubbles exploding inside the limited place it had. It was fascinating and mesmerizing at the same time. I hold it tight in my hands and peep into it as though I'll swim into it the next moment. Tina was right, it did sooth the eye and the mind. The shop keepers harsh voice broke my fantasy spell. " Ninety rupees. You want it ?" My heart sank. I thought about the fifty rupees that was safe in my pocket. It had t

To My Unborn Daughter

Having children is a blessing they say. I've stayed away from this thought until now and shall for a long time. If ever I decide to have children, I would want to have a daughter. No, I'm not gender biased or a feminist, but somehow I never have " wanted " a son. My husband agrees on this. One of the reasons why we have stayed away from parenthood is the mounting expenses that come along with pregnancy and raising a child. Yeah, we are not afraid to admit that. We want to be completely ready before we welcome our daughter in to our lives. We do not want to feel a pinch or let her feel the same. She would be the biggest gift for us and we would not let anything bad come close to her. We want to give her everything we have. Without expecting anything in return. We brought her into this world, so we would not want to burden her with anything. Education, luxury and moral values is what every parent would want for their children. But along with that I would want t

Maya - Part 3

Read Part - 1  here , Part - 2  here . Present Day -  10.30 am The words hit me like a shock wave. I felt nauseous. “ How can that be? Didn’t mom and you have a love marriage? How can you say that you never loved her ?” I blurted out seething with anger. My dad sipped on to his coffee staring blankly at the sky. “ Long story, Maya. It had to end someday. It did .” “ Tell me the story then, as none of it is making any sense to me anymore .” I say holding my head within my hands. “ You’d rather not know my child. I’m going out for a while. I’ll be back soon .” He says and walks away leaving the unfinished cup on the balcony table. I wanted to stop him, but my voice gave up on me. I sit down on my favorite swing and slowly sip on to my coffee, wondering how wrong the only relationship I had known, had gone. I wanted to cry out loud, but no sound came. I hear a click on the door and soon I was all alone at home. And in life, I thought. I did not want to make my own

Two Thoughts

I saw the bride arrive. She looked splendid and I felt a strong pang of jealousy. The red veil perfectly matched her flawless complexion. Her face looked resplendent through the netted veil. Her blouse clung snugly to her, highlighting her assets to the T and revealing a slim and svelte waist. The bright red velvet skirt hugged her like a dream vying for reality. The jewellery on her neck seemed to kiss her delicate skin and tickle her as her cheeks turned pink when she blushed. The bangles on her hand produced a melody as she walked slowly towards the man of her dreams. Her anklet gave away soft chimes as if celebrating her union with the man she loves. It was the perfect moment for her. For me, I just had one problem. She was not me. He saw his bride arrive. She looked splendid to many but he felt a sense of nothingness. The red was too bright and her complexion irritated him. Her face looked messed under the transparent veil. Her blouse was too revealing and looked sk

Maya - Part 2

Read Part -1 here . Present day – 6.30 am The stool doesn't properly balance on my mattress. Yet, I try to climb on top of it, with tears soaking my grey T-shirt. The scarf around my neck is wet too and is sticking to my neck. I stop for a minute to adjust the irritation, and then bravely try to mount the unbalanced stool. I fall down with a thud, luckily on the bed and not on the floor. I sit up annoyed and anguished. Damn, I can’t even kill myself properly. But then again, I had no prior experience. I laugh at this thought and untie the scarf from my neck. I kick the stool down and lie down to think about what was happening. Before the first word could hit my mind, I was sound asleep. I woke up when my phone rang. With half open eyes I look at the caller. It was Nanda, my best friend. I look at my Sponge Bob table clock and see that it is 9 am. I was late for college. I answer the call and inform her that I wouldn’t come in to college today. She is worried. I tell her th

The Orange Girl

She stood out in the crowd, with her bright orange shirt that was clumsily knotted around her waist revealing a belly button piercing, that I noticed later. Her jet black hair angled her face beautifully and gently dropped down her shoulders. Occasionally she ran her fingers through her hair, showing me bright orange nail paint. Wow, how I hated the color orange! Yet, my eyes remained glued to her. There was something about her that made me feel a rush inside, I wanted to be like her. Bold, honest and confident. The woman next to her had short cropped hair and was dressed in a jump suit. The orange girl, kept talking to her constantly. They even shared the same soft drink. I could watch every move of hers from the angle I was standing at. I was just about to go talk to her when someone tapped my shoulder. " Yes ?" I turned back, only to look at a stranger. " You need some water ?" The lady asked. I smile and politely decline. When I turned to look back

Finding Freedom

( photo from The Guardian, Eyewitness) The country criminalized me yesterday My identity has been brought to shame All that I did was to fall in love But he and me cannot share a name Love is the only feeling I have known Fingers have always been pointed at me Just tell me what wrong I have done What is that my eyes refuse to see My parents don't accept me as their son Like I never existed, they threw me away I found my family and meaning in him I call us happy but they call us gay Everybody I know look down upon me I am bound by piercing invisible claws I am only looking to survive in this world But they do not let me, with their laws This is the only place I find my freedom These innocent birds understand my plight They come and eat out of my hands Making me forget my inner fight They listen to my tales all day They nod and fly to calm me down When I'm faced by rejection elsewhere Here they treat me like I wear t

Maya - Part 1

Present Day – 6 AM I sit alone in my bedroom fidgeting with the TV remote. I wasn't interested in the colorful images flashing on the TV, yet my eyes remain glued to it. I was increasing and decreasing the volume without any reaction from my eyes or ears. The fan above me creaked and was soon to become my soul mate. I clutch the remote tight and sit still for a while. This could not be happening to me, I think. But yet, it was. My mind went back to the incident I had woken up to, today morning. “ I will not fight for custody. You can keep her .” My mother was yelling. Sleepy eyed I got up from bed and looked at the green and pink clock on my adjacent wall. 5 am. What was this noise and why was mom yelling I couldn’t understand. The noise soon muffled but it had already ruined my sleep. I slowly walk up to my bathroom and splash cold water on my face. I rub a towel hard on my eyes, forcefully waking them up. It works, as I brush my teeth and walk out. My dad too is up an

Angel in the Sky

Your smile always drove me crazy And the waves of you black hair Those bright eyes shone upon me With you, my life I wanted to share Our lives did come together As you became my constant companion The stars shone bright in the blue sky Celebrating the magic of our union Life couldn't get any better As you held my hand and walked with me I had been cynical about my journey Through your eyes, its beauty I could see Happiness was only a word Until you stepped into my life The myth then turned to reality The day you became my wife That was the last day you saw Your heart refused to beat at night You lay still in my parched arms Sculpting in my mind that sight Everything I loved was taken away You had taught me how to live I chose not to dwell in negativity I now knew to accept and forgive I promise I shall stay strong But replace you I never will Your eyes, your smile and your touch Is fresh in my heart and mind st

The Honest Post - Phase 6

The story so far . Now that Cal and I had decided to get married, the next step was to stick to it. I know this sounds very shady, but we both are the kind of people who get bored of things very easily. After a spate of "downhill" relationships, I some how had become cynical about anything long term. Yes, I had told him that I would marry him. But I had my own doubts. Not regarding him, but regarding me . I have always believed in one thing, if your life is fucked up do not bring another person in to it. You will mess him up too. I loved him alright, and he had become a very integral part of my life, still something inside me was giving out an alarming beep. I was super happy with him and we were having a gala time, yet something was troubling me in the back of my mind.  " Did I jump into this too quick ?", " Do I know what I am getting into ?", " Is this a rebound relationship ?", " Can I be committed to one guy ?", these wer


" Please take it, Megha. I went through a lot of trouble to get this for you ." Rehan pleaded. I just ignore it and get out of bed and look around for my clothes. Last night should have been wild as I see my clothes strewn all around the room, along with his. My head ached from last night's alcohol and I could still feel its punishing taste on my tongue. I walk to the bathroom, get into the hot tub and let the warmth take me over. I close my eyes to relax, but I'm interrupted by footsteps. " Megha? Are you listening to me ?" Rehan stood stark naked, next to the tub. I smile looking at him. He was gorgeous, standing tall at six feet two and a slim built. His muscles clenched as he crossed his arms. His hair was all disheveled from last night's activity. Times with him were magical and I longed for his touch again. " Megha, say something please ." Rehan kneeled down. " I can't take it honey. Its too much for a gift. You sh