W - Weight


I was a very chubby kid, with plump cheeks and a round belly. And then I grew up! After the age of three, I grew tall and the weight distributed itself along my length making me skinny as hell. I was lesser than a size zero and no matter how much my mom tried, I was not able to put on weight. I, on the other hand was more than happy with myself. I did not care about what people said or what advice they gave. Some people automatically assumed that I was thin because I came from a middle class family and that we couldn't afford to eat much. No kidding. I stayed skinny for twenty five years. People advised my parents on calorie rich food, protein shakes and what not. Even though they did not care about what people said, when people rub it on their faces they start giving a little damn. While some were ridiculing me for being thin, some envied me to no end. There were rumors about how I was on a constant diet to remain thin. Yeah right! For those who know me, they know one thing. That is I eat like a pig. I love my meat and my vegetables and I haven't gone on a diet even for a single day. No matter what I ate, I never put on a gram. And people hated me for that. I did not care. At all.


Then suddenly it all changed for ever. One day I felt my that my jeans was too tight and it was making me feel uncomfortable. A few days later, it did not fit me at all. The next day, I checked my weighing scale. I was eighteen kilos heavier. Yes, you read that right. Eighteen kilos. I panicked. Not because I had gained weight, because it was all of a sudden and I had not realized it all. Smartly I went in for a medical test wondering if it was thyroid. People with thyroid tend to put on weight day by day and I was worried. The tests came negative. The second test revealed PCOS. My sister had the same condition before me, so it did not come in as a surprise. I was on a sabbatical from work for four months and during this period all I did was eat, read and sleep. This sudden change of routine spiked up my hormone levels and it completely changed my body. Me being stick thin before helped, as what showed on the weighing scale did not reflect on my body. It made me look normal instead of anorexic. My parents and boyfriend were very happy with this change. They thought I looked more healthy and happy. And then it all began.


People who called me skinny earlier, suddenly started passing snide remarks about my weight. A relative had the audacity to tell me that, all that I ate during my earlier years, was showing on my body now. Others started assuming that I was gaining weight because I was having sex. How ever is that connected I am not aware of till date. That is when I realized that people are very shallow. They have their comments no matter what. First they humiliate you because you were thin. Then the same people make it seem like the world's end because you put on weight. Bloody freaks. Of course I did not go around telling everyone that I had a medical condition and hence the weight. Like they would understand. Close friends knew and very more than happy with the change and even advised me to stay healthy to battle PCOS. Not one of them asked me to lose weight. They asked me to maintain my current weight and work out. And so I did.


I was at my heaviest during my wedding and there were crazy rumors doing the buzz. Funnily, it did not matter to me all. By now I had realized that people will talk no matter what. I've had friends who turned from potato sacks to size zeros and think that they rule the world today. I know obese people who still get humiliated and fear stepping out of the house. I know of chubby kids who are picked on at college. The self confidence of such people is a size zero. And the people around them are the ones responsible for it. Humanity has long ago got replaced with vanity in this world. And until you have a perfect figure and flawless skin, you will be considered an outcast. I see kids these days starving themselves to death. Some even take up smoking because they live under the impression that smoking helps them lose weight. Shallowness seems to be the in thing these days. Its a sad and desperate world out there. I'm glad my self confidence remained intact from my skinny days to my healthier days to my fattest(to other people) days.

(That is me, before and how I am today)

My doctor still tells me that I need to lose about eight or ten kilos. Not because I am fat, because it will help me battle this condition. When I told my parents and in laws that I need to lose weight, they laughed it off. But they became vary when I told them it was what the doctor had advised. So now, I'm trying to lose my weight, so that I can get rid of PCOS. And not because I am shallow and want to flaunt an enviable body. I am vain to a certain extent, but I will never ever do something because people around expect me to do so. Fat or stick thin, I shall remain the same me from within. Read this, you will know what I mean.

~ Soumya

36 comments:

  1. A post from the heart. As I have said earlier, I have never been stick thin in my life. I was normal until a few yrs back and in came PCOS with all its weight. I am battling it for quite a while now but the weight refuses to go down. It's a struggle to keep it from increasing. Since I am short, I look fat if not obese.

    I don't try to lose weight for the sakes of looks, but for my health. Weight is just a number. As long as you are healthy on the whole, any number on the weighing scale wouldn't be an issue.

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    1. Exactly! Its all about being healthy. PCOS weight is stubborn weight. Very tough to lose it.

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  2. You are right, Soumya, some people will comment howsoever you are. Size zero or whatever.. Way to go girl for loving yourself no matter how you are.. And I am a part of your tribe too.. I too just love myself.. no matter how I look !! Hi5 soul sister :*

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  3. Seriously, people think getting fat == healthy! Sic

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    1. Some people do think that. Some also think that being skinny is unhealthy. Both do not make sense.

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  4. There is actually nothing wrong with being fat. Fat does not necessarily equate to unhealthy, and thin does not necessarily equate to healthy. I wish I had learned this years ago and bypassed a lot of self-hate and an eating disorder which still has a nasty tendency to crop up, and which I am now fighting again because treating my diabetes has caused me to alter the way I eat.
    I encourage everyone to check out size acceptance and Health at Every Size. While I may never look in the mirror and see beautiful (truth is, I never did when I was thinner either) at least now I no longer allow myself to call myself names like "fat, disgusting pig." My worth is much more than a number on a scale.

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    1. I agree. People are worth more than a number. Be it the weight or age.

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  5. I like your attitude to be what you think is right for you. One should not bother about weight or flabbiness unless there is a health problem as Keirthana rightly put it.On a lighter note I tend to agree with Shakespeare that “Yond Cassius has a lean and hungry look;He thinks too much: such men are dangerous"

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  6. Oh I so know about this ! Some people expect me to be fat because I have a kid ! What is the connection I dont understand? Yes women tend to carry baby fat and weight before and after delivery. And some wear it off , but others dont. And there are so many comments passed when I come home for vacation! People talk and keep talking whether we are thin or fat. It is this divine thing called forgiveness that we need to practice to remain sane.

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    1. It gets so annoying at times that I want to slay people. The worst part is how people make a judgement about what caused that weight. Patience and forgiveness is the mantra, but we never know when we will reach the threshold right? Then, God save them.

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  7. The thing that I love about your posts is the frankness in them. And as usual an awesome post. People always have something to comment about. And there seems to be no solution to it except that we must not take them seriously!

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    1. Thank you so much :)

      People and their opinions! Sic.

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  8. Yes I read a post by you a few days ago on similar lines..about style if I'm not wrong? I gained 15 kilos due to PCOS :( I dont want to shed it off either, but the doctor has advised me to shed off these extra kilos I gained for the same reasons as you have mentioned. I don't bother to tell people why I gained the weight cuz honestly people don't care, and they're going to talk anyway. I just tell them I love to eat lol and if someone tells me anything I dont pay attention to it.

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    1. Yes, I did write about style some days ago. Better not pay attention and take care of your health!

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  9. I try very very very hard to maintain my weight mainly because of health reasons. I was one weight for some 6-7 years. Then I got married and hormones played a big role in increasing that by 4-5 kgs. Yes, sex does play a big role in changing your weight. I don't know how!!! I've been trying to shed that off since years now but it doesn't go because I can only do it through dieting. Bloody weight! One blood sucker it is!!
    And no matter what we say, a toned body is so much more fun to drool at than a not-so-toned body. I mean drool at your own self...haha!!

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    1. I'm 100% sure sex doesn't make you put on weight! I was skinny for 25 years, believe me I know ;)

      Toned body any day irrespective of the weight. I work out to tone my muscles, that's it. And well, then, Cal and I drool over it together! :D

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  10. Ohmygod! The skinny story of your life is my story too. I can't remember how it all started but I have spent my whole childhood listening to harsh comments on my health. I broke down gazillion times during those years.. tried hundreds of suggestions but nothing worked on me. And then one day things got better. I started gaining weight! And to maintain that weight I now workout too. People have stopped calling me skinny, weak and anorexic, which is a big relief to my ears. And I'm more happy because I know this prime age is not going to return and I have to make use of it to the fullest.
    Though my brother keeps teasing me that one day all those gobi ke paranthe will show bad result on me.. xD

    P.S: 1. People who commented on my health were mostly those who had their own weight issues. Such hypocrisy!
    2. I too suffer from PCOS.. but with different symptoms. -_-

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    1. I agree with making use of it to the fullest! Haha, don't worry about the bro, I'm sure it will not happen.

      Only people with a problem themselves, point out others problems. That's how it works. Imbecile idiots! If weight gain is not a symptom, you have won half the battle already!

      Love!

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  11. You know my story, right? Pretty much the same as yours, but without the medical condition. I went from size XS to a size M in less than two years, and suddenly, that's all could talk about.

    It's sad, really, how much of importance people give to weight issues. "You've put on weight!", "You've lost weight". It's like everyone and their uncle has made it their duty to keep me updated about my weight. No one bothers to tell me that my hair has grown longer, or that I look better because my skin looks good, or anything like that. Suddenly, it is ALL about the weight.

    I get it. Weight can be an issue. But I have finally come to terms (sorta) with my weight. It took a long time. Like you said in your earlier post, I have managed to find my own style that hides the fatty parts. While my upper body is a robust size M, by lower body is still a size S. So I need to find clothes that fit this body type.

    But it still bothers me when people keep pointing out my weight to me. I appreciate your concern, thankyouverymuch. But isn't it up to me to choose how I want to deal with it? Isn't it my burden to bear? If my fat bothers you so much, just don't look at me! It's frustrating.

    Did that seem like a rant? You bet it is! :/

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    1. Hahaha, you are more than welcome to rant here darling!

      I know how frustrating it can get, sometimes I want to kill people. Its all about the weight and never about anything else. What about my gorgeous hair or healing skin? Who cares about all that, when they can talk about my body. Man, some people seriously have nothing else to do.

      Exactly! If it bothers you, do not look at me. Also, don't talk to me, unless you want to hear a mouthful.

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  12. i have been skinny since like forever and whatever i eat and however much i eat, i just dont gain weight!
    i have heard all kinds of shit from people... some even said that i get surgeries done!
    from comments such as gravity ignores me to i am dieting... i am deaf to all this crap...
    I love myself though i wish i was a bit taller :P but no issues regarding my weight! i am happy in my skinny self!!!

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    1. Screw people. You are happy, that is all that matters!

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  13. My story is the opposite. I was a cheerful kid and was fat..like size XL..sometimes XXL....and I had friends who I made back in kindergarten. It was hard to make friends later because sometimes ppl choose friends according to how u look. So I had the same bunch of friends. For some reason, men do not judge u solely based on how fat u r. I think men are not as shallow as women. I fell in love when I was at my fattest best and dumped him later. Fell in love again and stayed. Then I decided to shed some weight...Now I am battling between M and sometimes L. I am cool with it. Losing weight does help u with ur self confidence a little..but I have learnt that if You don't accept your looks and be comfortable in ur skin, u cannot accept anyone else to accept u. Now they want to be friends with me and one of them asked 'How come I never came upto u in school.We could have been best friends'. and I can only think 'Bitch. U ignored me coz I was fat.

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    1. You need to accept yourself, that is all that matters. Fat, thin, fair or dark! Never let people make you feel less confident. That is a self inflicted punishment.

      Quite audacious that friend of yours! You should have said, what you thought!

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  14. A problem with society. They always see the outer appearance!

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  15. Firstly glad to read you after so long (because I was gone). It's unfortunate that people are so unsupportive and rude, at the end of the day, it seems like they just need something to talk about it. If you're too skinny, too fat, or whatever you are, they find reasons to talk bad of you.

    I think what is worse though is that people are trying to change themselves for others rather than for themself. Instead of aiming to be healthy and fit, people want to be skinny and enviable. I'm just glad that I'm unaffected by the thoughts of others.

    By the way you look great, both now and then! Good luck though!

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    1. Oh glad to have you back :)

      Even I finally learnt to be unaffected by others. Thank you so much darling!

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  16. People will talk and talk and talk and talk ... but we should love the way we are :-)

    Love your posts ... they are always so inspiring :-)

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    1. We should just live the way we want to. No questions asked.

      Thank you so much :)

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  17. This is my story too. I was like bamboo stick till college and people would make fun of me all the time. I had to buy clothes from kids section. But during my mid twenties I started gaining weight and in four years, I went from 38 to 50 kg. I am trying to maintain my weight within that limit as I definitely donot like my double chin popping up in every photo :P But I am happy just the way I am... never cared much when I was thin. I exercize everyday, walk 5 km, go for hiking and try to eat healthy.
    I hope you overcome PCOS. My friend had to leave her sedentary desk job and do something more active to shed that weight.

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    1. Be happy and that's all should matter!

      I hope I shall too!

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  18. part of life yaar. sometimes you are on heavier side and sometimes you just that LBD ready body. A girl is not known by her size but by all what she knows.

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