I think ours is the only country, where sex is considered a taboo. India, the land of the Kamasutra frowns upon the concept of sex and its mention. Talk about hypocrisy of the highest order. I think we Indians are a really confused breed. While some people are fighting for sex education to be introduced in schools, others are still changing channels in front of their children when some "X-rated" scenes are telecast. Our daily serials show that virginity is the highest form of purity a girl can hold, while our movies show us love making scenes and pre-marital sex like never before. And yet, Indians are supposed to be the most cultured and religious of the lot. Let us first check something, what does culture mean? The last I checked, this is what it said on Wikipedia.
Culture is a word for people's 'way of life', meaning the way groups do things. Different groups of people may have different cultures. A culture is passed on to the next generation by learning, whereas genetics are passed on by heredity. Culture is seen in people's writing, religion, music, clothes, cooking, and in what they do.
How is it anywhere related to sex? Why are we hell bent upon changing the very meaning of something when some person has defined it so beautifully. One more thing that I have noticed about us Indians is that, no matter what the topic in hand it, it goes through a roller coaster ride and finally ends up in something related to sex. India lost the match, oh Virat Kohli must have had sex with Anushka before the match and that is why he did not play well and hence India lost the match. Internet is bad for children, what if they end up watching porn. That new actress is bagging all the good films, she might be providing the director with some good sex. Oh this guy is a rapist, had his wife slept with him then he wouldn't have had to rape. Look at the way that girl is dressed, she must be a sex worker. No matter what the topic or concern is, we Indians have this innate quality of relating it to sex every single time. And shamelessly.
Who decided that virginity is the holy grail of a relationship? Whatever happened to love, trust and respect? Why are we so obsessed with the concept of sex and yet look down upon it? Sadly, we only have questions. If anyone dares to answer, then the society pushes them into the darkest corners of solitary confinement. Sex is supposed to be indulged in only after marriage. Okay, if you say so. So we are not supposed to speak to a stranger, but it is perfectly okay to sleep with one once married? Great! I thought sex was the most beautiful expression of love. I reiterate, love. Not marriage. Sex is an art of lovemaking between two individuals who are in love. Irrespective of their sex and irrespective of the fact that they are married or not. I am not trying to ignore the elephant in the room or trying to beat around the bush. If I'm asked if I'd say a 'Yes' or a 'No' to pre-marital sex, I'd definitely say a big fat "Yes"!
For me sex is an expression of love and nothing else. It does not define a relationship nor does it define the character of a person to me. The only thing that matters to me is fidelity. If the guy I'm dating or married has had previous sexual relationships with someone else it does not bother me at all, as long as he is loyal to me now. Sex is a natural act when two people are intimate and are in love. How does that define the nature of that person? Sex is between two adults who know what they are doing. There is nothing wrong with that. As long as they are aware of the repercussions and take the necessary precautions then I don't see why anyone should say no to sex. Be it pre-marital or post-marital. When someone says that they are "saving" themselves for marriage, I feel like laughing non-stop. So a piece of meaningless tissue is what defines marriage now? What about all the lakhs and crores spent for that occasion? No need for it at all right, if the tissue is in place then that is all one needs.
If the purity(?) of a person depends upon the fact that he/she is a virgin or not then that alone explains why is country is not number one yet. When the basic understanding of an emotion itself is wrong then nothing else matters. I took a holiday with my husband before we got married. Infact there was more than one holiday that we took together before marriage. What does that conclude? That we went away to have sex, or we went on a break to celebrate our love and relax on a vacation? Why is sex the first thing on ones mind when is a couple is spending the night together? They can be just tired and want to just sleep too right. But no. It is all about the power of sex in our country. Live-in relationships are gaining popularity because the couple wants to live together and understand each other before taking the plunge into marriage. But how does society see it? They see a girl and guy wanting to explore the aspect of their physicality, i.e sex.
When we say true love, what does it mean? Does sex indicate love? Just because you are having sex as a duty after marriage it does not mean that there is love. True love can happen before marriage too and if sex is involved then I don't see a problem in it at all. The idea of sex is in the mind. Two lovers can indulge in sex taking the necessary precautions as and when they want. If sex is not a mandate in love, then how can it be a mandate in a marriage? Love is love, before or after marriage. And exactly like that, sex is sex, before or after marriage. The book "A Passionaate Gospel of True Love" talks about true love and not a true marriage. Love definitely does lead to marriage. But marriage leading to sex sounds forced and illogical. So I say an "Yes" to sex. Before or after marriage, doesn't make any difference to me. Sex is sex and for me it is a wonderful emotion that is associated with love. And not with any thing else.
Love is a wonderful feeling and everyone deserves to feel it atleast once in a lifetime. But do you know where your true love is? What if you get married to a wrong person and then find your true love in someone else. Having sex with someone you are married to but don't love, would that seem okay to you then? Sex is not an obligation that comes with a marriage. Sex is not the union of two bodies to satisfy lust. Sex is not the sign of a conquest for taking away someone's virginity. Sex is the ultimate expression of love and comes with no strings attached. It should not be tied to the shackles of society. We live in a free country right? Then why not have the freedom to choose to have sex with the person we love. If matrimony is the stepping stone to sex, then the whole concept of marriage should be banned. Love leading to sex is a beautiful emotion and a wonderful feeling. Sex is a very holy act that not only needs the body, it needs the heart and mind as well. It is the purest form of love and is something that should not be bound by societal opinions or taboo. If anything is a taboo, then it is the minds of the people who impose such meaningless norms.
I say yes to sex, just like the way I say yes to love. There is nothing more to read into it. If my opinion is what decides my character, then people are free to assume whatever they want.
This is my entry for the 'YES or NO to Pre-Marital Sex' contest on Indiblogger in association with Poonaam Uppal's book 'A Passionaate Gospel of True Love : A Mystical True Love Story'.
Born in Jabalpur a bustling city of Central India, Poonaam Uppal recounts her childhood in the Gospel of True & Passionate Love. The engaging story of trials and travesty of life for a young growing girl in conservative Punjabi home extols the Indian author’s skills as a writer. From youth to a mature woman, the story unfolds with candor to divulge the angst of her romance. The account of her true love intertwined in agony of passion and desire are engaging. The book, A Passionaate Gospel of True Love excels in structured narrative and deciphers her romantic interlude alluringly. ~ Source: www.poonaamuppal.com
You can buy the book here.