Alpha & Alpha

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Everyone by now knows that I'm an outspoken person who calls a spade a spade. I always speak my mind and never sugarcoat stuff. I have always been straightforward even when I was child. While I am pretty diplomatic at work, because I need to be, I still remain outspoken and express my thoughts freely and as often as I can. I have been often told that I have a dominant personality and that I'm someone who likes to lead. While I do agree on the latter, the former is highly debatable. I've lost count of the number of times people have called me "Bold" (Gosh! I hate that word!), just because I choose to voice my opinion. While most people just nod along or prefer to stay quiet and go through it, I choose not to. It is not that I am trying to be a rebel without a cause here. I just believe in doing things the right way. If something seems off or wrong, I talk about it. I am called bold because of this. I am called dominant because of this. Well, if that's what it means to them, so be it.

I have an alpha personality, alright. There is no denying that. I am someone who has strong opinions about various topics and am not afraid to voice it out. I believe in setting professional and personal goals and fighting day after day to achieve it. I hold on to my beliefs and never compromise (another word I loathe). I have various hobbies and passions and I work really hard on time management to fit everything in my schedule. Because I am the way I am, people normally assume that I am the dominant figure in my household. If I had a penny for every time someone has asked me "How does your husband deal with you?", I'd be a millionaire now. Almost everyone I know who haven't met my husband yet, think that he's meek because I am dominant. They think that I am the one calling the shots about everything, well, just because I'm outspoken. What if I told you that my husband too is an alpha? And how beautiful our relationship is because of this.

We've been together for more than seven years now and have been married for five, and it was our personalities that worked the most for us. Both of us are extroverts and both of us hate being told what to do and what not to. But you know what, it works out very well for us. Having two strong personalities under one roof helps us a lot when it comes to decision making. While one might argue that how can that be easy if both of us have different opinions, what if I told you that this is what helps us learn and grow together? While we do agree on a lot of things, we more often than not have different takes on various things. But instead of having an argument over it, we just talk about it. Most importantly, we listen to understand. Not to just reply or debate. Both of us have our own beliefs and we stick to it. In case of a conflict, we talk about it and we go ahead with whatever makes more sense. No matter whom it came from. If he has to step back, he will. If I have to, I will.

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When there are two strong personalities in a relationship, things do tend to get competitive. While both of us are immensely ambitious and take our jobs very seriously, we never compete with one other. Rather, we motivate the other and cheer for them. It also helps that both of us are in different streams of work. While it is all about technicality for me, for him it is all about creativity. Does that mean that we never discuss work? Not at all. We talk about it on a daily basis and help each other out as and when we can. While I give him ideas on a concept, he helps me deal with people and situations at work. Both of us have our own level of stress, but we never show it out on each other. He knows how much my work means to me and tweaks his schedule if I have to work late or on a weekend, without complaining. I do the same too. When it comes to work, everything else can take a backseat for us.

Having said that, we are not the ones to compromise on our us-time. Over the years one thing that has kept us going are our conversations. Right from the first date to walking down the aisle, we have spoken non-stop. It helps that both of us have a myriad of interests between us. While I prefer books and movies, he's all about sports and music. Together, we know a lot of things and help each other when one of us is not clear about something. We do not mock or put the other down for not knowing something. We can have a conversation about anything under the sun, be it the concept of veganism or why blue-green algae is called, well, blue-green algae! There is no judging. We are actually each others cheer leaders. We praise the other for knowing so much about something. And then, thank them for sharing it.

As two strong personalities, it becomes easier to stay together as there is no question of insecurity involved. He has a lot of female friends and I have a lot of male friends and we are totally cool about it. I believe that only a strong man can be with a confident woman and vice versa. This is exactly what works for us. I know that if I falter, he is there to help me out. I know that if I'm stuck somewhere, he will help me out. I will do the same for him too. No one here is a hero and no one is a damsel in distress. Both of us are independent and we respect each others space. We are not each others better halves. We are two complete people who came together to lead a life. We enjoy spending time with each other, hence we end up doing a lot of things together. Not that I cannot do it without him, I just don't want to do it without him. There is a difference.

Alpha or not, every relationship needs two people who love, trust and respect each other. Let's not forget the alpha, beta and omega personalities were coined for animals and not us humans. When you respect the other person for what he/she is, the question of being dominant or submissive doesn't occur. Those who think that every relationship has a coach and a student, think again. Those who think that there is always a dominant leader and a follower in a relationship, think again. While having only one strong personality in a relationship works out for many, two strong personalities can come together to create something other than chaos. While we are judged individually for the people we are and have had assumptions regarding our partners, we just laugh it off together. Because, that is another thing strong personalities are. Mature.

What do you think of an alpha and alpha relationship?

6 comments:

  1. The guy in my life is an Alpha. :P I do have my say in matters, but I do it diplomatically so that I get my message across and he too respects it. And, that's all that matters for me! :)
    God bless you guys!

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    1. As long as it works out well, nothing else matters :)

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  2. Your last paragraph spoke the most to me. That to me is the gist of relationships. I have seen that every husband-wife relationship has to have a balance. Some people are dominating by nature. They voice their opinion and many times expect others to tow the line especially men. I've seen it commonly around me among my friends. There are many of my girlfriends who say that their husbands prefer things in a certain way or that they will ask their husband. There are dominant wives too who dictate how things should be done at home. And the other partner often meeker finds it difficult to chime in as often as they would like. So I don't know. I guess each relationship looks for its own balance and it's fine what works for them.

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    1. Oh yes, Rachna! There are many dominant partners out there and the other normally steps down unhappily to get the relationship going. In my case, we are both dominant and manage to work it out well. It is all about the balance, like you said.

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  3. Like Rachna, I think your last paragraph sums it all.I think in a relationship we are just ourselves and you don't enter relationships based on calculations. You just gel, alpha or not, and work together and that's what makes it special.

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    1. Exactly! I have seem people assume stuff and make many calculation of how one should be submissive and the other dominant. Both can still be dominant and the relationship can survive.

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