Microdosing Friendship - No Thank You!

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Friendship, as we once knew it, is teetering on the brink of extinction. Thanks to all offline friends veering towards becoming online friends, it’s been replaced by a new-age phenomenon called “microdosing friendship.” A like here, a fire emoji there, and the occasional “We should catch up soon!” that nobody actually means. It’s a cocktail of digital crumbs and shallow interactions, served with a side of obligatory birthday posts. And while it might seem harmless, even convenient, this surface-level engagement has a price: the slow erosion of genuine connection and the profound emptiness it leaves behind. I’ve felt it, the hollow ache of touch-starved relationships.

Meetings once brimming with laughter and warm embraces have dwindled to sporadic video calls and half-hearted group texts. The pandemic, of course, accelerated this shift, but it didn’t start there. Somewhere along the line, meeting offline began to feel like a chore, a tick box on an already crowded to-do list. “Sorry, I’m just so busy” has become the universal cop-out for prioritizing anything over real human interaction. When did friendship become transactional?

Why we wear the tags "I'm so busy", "I don't have the time", "I cannot make it" as a badge of honor is something I'll never understand. As I grow older and mature, I realize the importance of true friendships and the importance of staying in touch. We don't have to be clogging each other's calendar everyday, but once in a while it is vital to catch up offline. It is really sad when people prefer, rather pretend, to stay in touch via social media or an occasional reaction to a WhatsApp status. I've also come to understand that it is a matter of priorities. Life moves on taking everyone forward and creating new situations. The priorities of people change with it. Perhaps friendships are not a priority for them now. Point taken, I'll adjust my priorities accordingly.

Last weekend, I had two long heartfelt one on one conversations with two of my close friends and it was so rejuvenating. Just talking about ourselves, our feelings, our insecurities, our past years together and the people we have in common felt so good! Not once did we talk about something on social media. These are the genuine connections that matter. People who want to invest time in you to have a conversation. I've already spoken about the importance of conversations in any kind of relationship. If countries and cities separate you, on a phone call. If in the same city, over a cup of coffee. If people don't think this is important enough, time to strike it off my list too. No hard feelings, just a readjustment of priorities. 

There’s a distinct lack of emotional depth in microdosing friendship. Conversations often stay on the surface, skimming over how we’re really doing. On occasion when people do tend to meet, they interrupt a conversation saying, "Oh yes, I saw it on your Instagram", putting an end to the talk right there! When was the last time someone sat with you through your mess without rushing to offer platitudes or, worse, ghosting after you shared too much? These fleeting exchanges mimic connection but offer none of its warmth or substance. The facade of friendship might sustain our egos, but it leaves our hearts famished. This curated, performative nature of modern friendships only worsens the problem. Everything is crafted for social media now, group photos to prove we were there, stories to showcase we’re thriving. But it’s all a well-lit lie, isn’t it? The reality is that many of these interactions feel forced, like we’re part of a social experiment to prove we can still maintain connections. Trust me if there was such an experiment offline, most of us would miserably fail. Half of us wouldn't even turn up for it. 

Genuine laughter, shared vulnerabilities, and the sacred bond of trust; those things are harder to fake, which is why they’re so rare these days. Microdosing has also resulted in the loss of decency and respect for the other person. When someone cancels a meet or a group call, the decent thing for them to do is to initiate it the next time. Most people do not bother to do this. I'm an out an out planner so I go deep when I initiate outings or a call. All my plans go awry when someone cancels it. I'm emotionally depleted to go through all of it again. When the other person makes no effort to apologize or come up with a new plan, I tend to think if this so called friendship is worth it or not. I've started pruning people from my life thanks to this and I couldn't be more glad. Nothing angers me more than someone who doesn't respect the time and effort of others. If this isn't a priority for you, it no longer is for me too.

Funnily enough, these are the same people who are super pally on social media. They tend to share random reels and posts, but stay away from conversation. I know it isn't easy to stay in touch all the time and that too offline. Honestly, it is people who make it difficult. Some need an occasion to catch up or a meaningful excuse. Gone are those days of "Hey, you wanna catch up this weekend?", or "Hey, you want to go try the food there?" or "Hey, I haven't heard from you in a while, all okay with you?". Why talk about feelings when you can share reels instead? If microdosing and breadcrumbing is their comfort zone, the least they can do is be honest about it. This is a sad reality and we should accept it.

Here’s the twist: while microdosing friendship depletes us, the antidote is surprisingly simple. It’s the one genuine conversation, the rare coffee date or a phone call that turns into hours of soul-deep exchange. It’s the comfort of knowing that your small circle, your real circle, sees you, flaws and all. Small doesn’t mean insignificant; it means intentional. And while it might not trend on Instagram, these are the connections that nourish us in ways no app ever will. Especially as you mature and see your friend circle diminishing bit by bit knowing very well that it is almost impossible to make new friendships now. 

Friendship is messy, tactile, and gloriously human. It’s in the hugs that linger a second longer, the inside jokes no one else understands, and the moments of silence that don’t feel awkward. So, let’s quit the microdosing. Friendship deserves more than to be rationed like some limited resource. Because, whether you like it or not, we're moving towards another pandemic called loneliness. 

Show up; imperfect, busy, tired, but there. 

Because while our circles may shrink, the depth of our connections can grow in ways that truly matter.