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Ah, the great Indian mentality; a unique blend of centuries-old traditions, unspoken rules, and a dash of unsolicited blame. If there's one thing we've mastered over the years, it's this: Whenever something goes wrong in a man's life, let's point the finger at his woman. Whether it’s the office presentation he messed up, the fact that he doesn't have the time to meet his own parents often, a change in his tastes or priorities, his habits or the cricket match he failed to win, there’s always a woman to blame. It’s like the woman is the invisible force behind every man’s performance, except when he does something great. Then, of course, it’s all him. But I digress. Let’s take a recent and omnipresent example – the Indian cricket team.
Take the case of India’s much-loved cricketer Virat Kohli. One moment he’s hitting century after century, making us all proud. The next, he’s facing a dry spell with the bat. What happens? The usual suspect – his wife, Anushka Sharma. You’d think she was in the locker room, adjusting his bat or something. Twitter goes wild, and the blame for Kohli’s failure is put squarely on Anushka’s shoulders. Why? Because clearly, her presence in his life is distracting him from hitting those glorious runs. Never mind the pressure of playing for millions, or the fact that cricket is, you know, a game, not a one-woman show. It’s almost hilarious if it weren’t so tragic. Let’s get this straight; women are apparently responsible for everything from a man's career to his mood swings, but the reverse? Oh no, never. If a woman has a bad day, is it her husband’s fault? Of course not! Nobody’s ever said, “Oh, she’s probably not performing well because of her husband’s mood.” That kind of logic would be laughed out of town. But, when a man falters, we forget the concept of personal responsibility and just blame the woman. Genius, really.
Now, let’s consider the fact that when men win, it’s all thanks to their hard work, their strength, their mental fortitude. But when they lose, oh no, it's the woman who was probably nagging them or holding them back. The presence of the man's wife and children is not an indication of support and family time, especially when the cricket council makes them play series after series back to back in different corners of the world. It is pure distraction. This selective amnesia is what we, as a society, need to confront. Men need to be given credit for their successes, just as they need to be held accountable for their failures. Why is it that every cricket match loss seems to be followed by an Instagram post or a viral tweet about how it’s all Anushka’s/Ritika's/Athiya's fault? Could it be that we, as a country, have created this unhealthy pattern of putting all the blame on the woman for the man’s actions? The answer is, yes.
I mean, come on! Let’s talk about real accountability here. Virat Kohli doesn’t win or lose games because of who he's married to, but because of his form, fitness, and the 1000 other factors that go into professional cricket. Virat himself, being the gentleman that he is, has called this out many times. He's even credited Anushka for being the lady luck and bringing in discipline and stability in his life. If he's not performing well, maybe it's because he’s facing tough competition, or it’s just one of those phases every athlete goes through. But, no – let’s blame Anushka, because that’s easier. At this rate, maybe we should make her the official mascot of the Indian cricket team. If they lose, it’s her fault, and if they win, well, we’ll just pretend she wasn’t involved.
This isn’t just about cricket or Kohli, is it? It’s about how we, as a society, place the weight of a man’s failure on the woman’s shoulders. The biases are ingrained so deeply that when a man’s performance slips, he becomes a victim of "bad luck," and his woman’s influence is conveniently seen as the reason. A hilarious personal incident comes to mind. My husband and I lived in a joint family for the first two years of our marriage and things weren't good at all. We stayed out of home as often as we could and we ended up eating most meals outside. This caused us to gain a lot of weight and we were at our unhealthiest. When we moved out to place of our own, the very next day a comment was made as to how my husband had become so frail and weak. We both laughed it off, as usual, but saw the underlying mentality within it.
It’s a bit absurd, don’t you think? Men need to be seen as independent individuals, not as extensions of the women they are involved with. It’s time to stop this narrative of men being "made" or "broken" by the women in their lives and start giving them credit for their own successes and failures. Most men are amazing, trust me. They deserve all the love and attention. A little bit of a set back is normal in everyone's life, let men take the credit for that and come out of it by themselves too. Let's leave the women out of it.
In the end, the real tragedy here isn’t the loss of a cricket match or a bad performance. It’s the failure to recognize that men are responsible for their actions, just like women are. So, next time Virat Kohli doesn’t get that century or the Indian cricket team loses, how about we take a moment and remember: it’s not Anushka’s fault. It’s not because of his relationship status. Maybe – just maybe – it's because cricket is a difficult game, and sometimes, men, like everyone else, fail. And that’s okay. They don’t need a scapegoat. What they need is to be treated as the independent, accountable individuals they are.
Can we do away with this age old tradition of blaming the women for everything the men fail at or don't do. I don't see the mothers, the ones who are 50% responsible for the upbringing of these men being blamed, why the wives?
It's terrible, the hate women get. Women, specially wives seem to be the root of all evil in men's lives. As if without the women they'd never falter. I wish more men come out to snub this kind of thinking.
ReplyDeleteSeriously! This mentality will never change though.
DeleteIt truly is unfair, and it is both a matter of shame and sadness that patriarchy works in such insidious ways in our society! But, that's the mindset that has come from years of repressing women, so what more can we expect from such people? It is sad that women are never seen as equals!! Such a myopic view of the world can never do anybody any good—be it men or women!
ReplyDeleteIt is so sad. Having gone through this personally, I know how debilitating this is.
DeleteNo matter what, blame it on the woman. Even in homes, if the kids do well, things go well then the man of the house gets the credit. If not and problems happen then women are blamed. Sigh!
ReplyDeleteUgh! Frustrating right?
DeleteThis mentality of blaming the woman in the family whenever something goes wrong has been around forever. It’s simply easier to do that than to address the root of the problem. It's customary in the world of cricket, to blame the wife when a cricketer underperforms. Pathetic, isn't it?
ReplyDeleteHonestly, I don’t think this mindset will ever change.
Great job calling it out, Soumya
I think this is the easy way out for most of them than to look deep. It will never change, Vinitha, that's the sad part.
Delete