Of Actions & Reactions

Image Source

I grew up an angry, young woman. Patience was never a virtue and I was quick to defend myself even when the situation didn't call for it. I had to react to every person, situation and every spoken word. It was almost a compulsion and never a positive one. I was perpetually angry and discontent. This was the default miasma at home and that's the only thing I've seen growing up. Naturally it is what was imbibed in me too. It took me a while to realize how wrong this was. Honestly, majority of the learning on my way to sensibility and maturity involved unlearning. I had to shed pretty much everything I knew about life, the way to behave and almost everything about myself. Today, while I understand why I was the way I was decades ago, I cannot relate to that person. Doesn't mean that I have forgotten her. I'm someone who never forgets where they came from, but I'm not someone who hitchhikes there. I walked out of this dysfunctional setting with my head high, knowing I was wrong in so many ways but determined to correct them. It wasn't an easy journey but it clearly was a worthy one.

It’s fascinating how often we forget that our reactions are entirely within our control. Life has a way of throwing unexpected situations our way; sometimes it’s a license rejection, sometimes it’s a tax cut in the middle of holiday planning. But the real game-changer isn’t the event itself; it’s how we respond to it. Reactions, while instinctive, are something we can train ourselves to manage. The next time someone cuts you off in traffic, a relative makes a derogatory comment or an email makes your blood boil, just remember: your peace lies in your reaction. We live in a world that encourages reactions, snap judgments, emotional outbursts, and knee-jerk responses. We are constantly conditioned to "react" to everything, as though it's a reflex we can’t control. When we take a step back and consciously choose how we respond, the impact is profound. Instead of letting life dictate our mood, we take the reins. That feeling of control? It’s the first step toward genuine peace. You don't have to be in control of the situation, you can control the way you react to it. This is what has made me better with aerophobia. The ability to stay calm, centered, and composed no matter what life throws at you is a superpower. And guess what? You have it inside you already. You just need to cultivate it.

Let’s talk about the science. When we react impulsively, our bodies release stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline, triggering the "fight-or-flight" response. This upsets our mood and dampens our outlook. This is fine in emergencies, but what about the day-to-day? Constantly reacting with anger, frustration, or anxiety leads to long-term damage: chronic stress, lowered immunity, and even cognitive impairments. By choosing to control our reactions, we’re not just preserving our emotional well-being, we’re also protecting our physical health. It’s like putting on armor, but instead of bulletproof vests, we’re fortifying our bodies and minds against the chaos. Psychologically, the way we react plays a huge role in shaping our mental landscape. The more we react negatively, the more we reinforce a habit of distress within ourselves and the people around us. The brain is a powerful machine, and when we regularly respond to situations with anger or fear, it rewires itself to expect those emotions. On the flip side, practicing calmness, empathy, and mindfulness can reprogram the brain, making it easier to stay centered even in stressful moments. So, while it may seem like an instant response, the effect of consistently choosing peace over chaos can transform your entire outlook on life.

This brings us to the philosophy of Stoicism, which has always fascinated me. Stoics teach that we cannot control external events, only how we react to them. Think about it: the next time someone tries to provoke you, there is a general domestic annoyance or a mishap threatens your plans, you can choose to see it as an opportunity to practice patience, resilience, and self-control. The Stoics believed that peace comes from accepting that life will unfold as it will, and the only thing within our power is how we react. It’s like taking a step back from the emotional rollercoaster and watching it all unfold with an almost detached sense of clarity. Life becomes less about surviving the chaos and more about mastering how we navigate through it. I know it is easier said than done, but when you starting looking at life this way, there is no turning back and you get better at it day after day. Just start!

For me, learning to manage my reactions has been nothing short of life-changing. I don’t have to get swept away by every little irritant; I can choose how I react. I don’t have to give someone the satisfaction of getting under my skin. Each one of us have that nerve that no one should touch. Then again, there are people who solely look for that nerve and go all Gangnam style over it. They are expecting a reaction out of you. You need to steal that pleasure from them. Trust me, this alone is worth it. No reaction is the most powerful reaction, at times. 

When life throws curveballs, instead of panicking, I take a deep breath, process my feelings, and decide the best course of action; calmly. That’s when I feel at peace. And while it doesn’t mean I’m immune to stress or frustration, it does mean that I have the power to choose how those emotions manifest and how I can make myself feel. And that, my friend, is one of the most liberating choices you’ll ever make.