My First Conversation with GOD

Its been more than a year since you even gave me a single moment of joy. You kept throwing obstacles at me and I like a fool, tried hard to overcome everything thinking that someday all this will stop. You sent me away from my parents, friends, sister and my love. I still accepted it and went away to Chennai. It was just 4 months and you made me feel like it was a lifetime sentence I was serving for absolutely no fault of mine. When I thought that was it, you take away my project for which I had toiled day in and day out. I thought, this too shall pass and was trying to move on. Just when I was there, you take away from me the person whom I'd loved the most in the world. That was enough to kill me. I prayed my lungs out to you to not take him away from me but you did, leaving me in the lurch. Not once did you realise what would I do without him. Not once did you think of me, or him. Here we are, unhappy and struggling to cope up with life while you're sitting back and watching us die every single moment.

Not a single moment of joy in 13 months. I've had enough. Everytime I tried to put an end to all this, you gave me the strength to move on. But why is it that I don't find the strength anymore? I've been piled upon by miseries and I don't see a way out. You kept on taking away every moment of joy from me and all I could do was sit and watch. I see that person all hurt and bruised in front of me, yet you don't do anything nor let us have a new life together. How long have you planned this misery for me? Haven't I been through enough. Now, I'm getting tired of all this. I've seen and handled more than enough for my 23 years. Not anymore please. I don't know when I may succumb to all this.

Every single thing in my life is torn apart. Not a single thing in life is in place. Whatever I did was with good intentions only. I did everything I could to get him back, but you dint let it be portrayed that way. Just when I had started to put back the broken pieces of my heart together, you give me such a jolt that leaves me shattered. Why? Why do I have to go through this? What have I done? Are you watching me struggle or are you just oblivious to what ever is happening to me. If you have decided that this is all I'm gonna get in life then please give me the strength to handle this. I've been waiting for the day, when you will bless me with some joy, but now I don't even see the dawn of it. I don't want to be extremely happy, but please don't keep me unhappy. I am literally on the verge of losing my sanity. I cant handle this emotional turmoil anymore. Don't I deserve to be happy? Haven't I been through enough? Haven't I been hurt enough? Or have you just forgotten to mention the happiness chapter in my life? It just has an index but no chapter. Is this what my life is supposed to be?

15 months ago, I was a very happy person. I was extremely content with what all I had. Please grant me my good old days back. I've been through loads of crap. Not anymore, Just save me from this shit. I cant go on like this anymore. Just one more thing. Billions of people in the world. Why me? Why God why? Why only me?

2 comments:

  1. Took some time for this comment as i wanted to think objectively when clear headed

    1)God doesnt cause breakups...people do...so they need to take responsibilty for that..
    whaddya say?

    2)maybe this helps..

    Arthur Ashe, the legendary Wimbledon player, was dying of Cancer.
    From world over, he received letters from his fans, one of which conveyed "Why does God have to select you for such a bad disease?"
    To this Arthur Ashe replied "The world over 5 crore children start playing tennis, 50 lakh learn to play tennis, 5 lakh learn professional tennis, 50,000 come to the circuit, 5000 reach, 50 reach the grand slam Wimbledon, 4 to the semifinals, 2 to the finals.
    When I was holding a cup, I never asked God "Why me?" And today in pain, I should not be asking GOD "Why me?"

    now I know we never held any Cups,except the drinking ones(me at least)...but it helps ...

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  2. Hey Aru, great one.. Yeah people cause breakups, they are to be blamed. But just for momentary relief its always nice to know that we can just put the blame in someone just for a while.. Like you know the conversation we had about taking people for granted.. When we know its our fault we have noone else to blame rather than god, who doesnt bother to justify it...

    Yeah Arthur Ashe is absolutely right. I'm a pretty jovial person, n this blog was written out of pure frustration. Again, just recall our talk on bottled up frustrations n u'll know wat i mean :-)

    Being loved by many, i dont ask why me. But not being loved by one makes me ask.. This is purely natural and I'm sure everyone has done it once atleast.. (in my defense)

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