So I'm back from another short trip to the hospital. Yeah yeah this low BP, low platelet count and the high work stress seems to be taking a toll on me. Seriously, life isn't what it used too be anymore. Nor is nostalgia, nor is love. Here I go again.
Lying down in the white room of the hospital with nothing to do was punishment personified. If you knew me personally you would know how difficult it is for me to keep my mouth shut or my hands free even for a minute. With red and white tubes coming into my poor lil hands and mom yanking me to keep my mouth shut and sleep, I lay there like an oxymoron exercising the one organ I could, while being immobile. The brain, what else?
I lay there thinking about my friend. I miss him badly, but my lioness ego would not let me show that. He'll be back soon I know but until he's back he's gonna occupy quite some space in my already cluttered brain. My friend was right, I do get addicted to people very soon. But somehow that's not how I feel. Call me a selfish bitch here, but he is not what I seem to miss. I miss the times I spent with him. The fun, the magic we shared that took me momentarily away from my fucked up troublesome life. The beautiful painting he painted for me whenever I cried black and white. Oh what the hell, I might as well as admit that I miss him. Why do I ever let myself get attached to people? After all that I've been through I never seem to learn. But again if you don't take chances you'll never know what is out there for you right?
I find nothing great about him. He has half the women's population drooling over him, but I can't seem to comprehend what is it about him. The only thing that turns me on is the fact that he breaks the rules. Every single rule in the book has been broken by him, except the ones I've set. He's mean, annoying and a lot like me. That's what scares me and makes me want to stay away from him. I've always had a fascination for the meanies. Maybe cos I am one, but the good natured sweetheart has never been my cup of tea. I had a boyfriend who always had me craving for him. He respected me, but the fact that he never worshipped all my whims and fancies turned me on. He doesn't want to talk or have anything to do with me now, and I find it hot and makes me want him more. Yeah, maybe the hospital air did not suit me. Or maybe its the no alcohol, no smoke ritual I've been following since the past 3 days. Naah, its none of it. Its just me.
There is something about this breed of men. Bad boys as I call it. Nowadays if I meet a guy who doesn't smoke or drink I tend to judge him as being a bore. An always smiling, lick ass kind of guy is what maybe what most women want but is a big no no for me. I like the rugged stubble look and I choose to stay away from clean shaven chicknas. A guy should be like a guy. Should have his ego in place and should let me have mine. They can come together but should never overlap. There is no fun in waiting for life to happen, he should know what he wants from life. He should not be a pushover and should have a mind and a life of his own. If 90% of the world tend to believe that men are the stronger sex, they might as well as behave like that right?